Book SummaryThe Order of Things, by Sarah Gormley

1-Page Summary1-Page Book Summary of The Order of Things

Personal development and familial bonds

The section explores the complex relationship with her mother and other family dynamics that influenced her individual growth.

The complex and evolving bond between the author and her mother.

The narrative centers on the deep connection between Sarah Gormley and her mother, Susan. The bond is characterized by profound affection and a robust relationship, yet it also introduces challenges and complications, especially in terms of expressing and affirming emotions.

The writer reflects on the approach to parenting and emotional challenges, and how these factors influenced her bond with her mother.

Gormley perceives the approach her mother took to raising children as practical, with an emphasis on attaining outward accomplishments. Her mother emphasized the significance of educational success and keeping a slim physique, attributes that were highly valued by their family and society at large. Gormley acknowledges the love and good intentions of her maternal figure, but she grapples with the idea that such warmth was dependent on her achievements, which ingrained in her a deep desire to be appreciated unconditionally rather than feeling compelled to earn such regard. Gormley gains a more profound understanding of the emotional challenges her mother faced due to depression, illuminating the origins of her emotional constraints and her tendency to seek comfort in sleep. This realization allowed Gormley to perceive her mother as an affectionate yet imperfect person who faced personal emotional difficulties and perhaps found it challenging to offer the unwavering emotional support Gormley desired.

A particular instance that demonstrates this concept is the emphasis on academic ratings. Gormley describes her father's irritation and exasperation as he attempted to assist her sister with her mathematics assignments. This occurrence prompted the understanding that achieving academically might serve as a method to secure her parents' approval and circumvent disagreements. Sarah Gormley's drive to live up to her parents' standards by achieving success was also evident in her obsession with her standardized test scores, which she secretly retrieved from the highest drawer of her dresser, finding comfort in the solid proof of her exceptional intelligence. The narrative demonstrates how deeply the desire for others' acknowledgment was ingrained in her since childhood, shaping her later actions that sought validation through accomplishments.

The author's journey of self-development involves learning to cherish her mother as a flawed but loving individual.

During her therapy meetings, Gormley began to perceive her mother as a complex person with personal emotional struggles, instead of merely an idolized character. During a family retreat at the Greenbrier, their relationship encounters a significant turning point when Gormley's mother notices her daughter's anguish and offers a sincere apology, expressing, "My apologies for your pain, sweetheart." This act of empathetic recognition, while seemingly small, marks a significant shift in their dynamic toward more open emotional expression and acceptance. Gormley reconciles with the limitations of her mother, freeing herself from the burden of unrealized hopes and allowing her to appreciate her mother's genuine nature. Sarah Gormley's approach contributes to the development of her distinct identity, apart from her mother's, which in turn strengthens and positively reinforces their family...

The Order of Things Summary Mental health and self-discovery

The book delves into Sarah Gormley's personal battles with mental health, emphasizing her considerable challenges with self-criticism. The author explores her journey toward self-discovery and healing through therapy.

The writer's continuous battle against feelings of uncertainty and reduced self-worth.

Gormley openly discusses her lifelong struggle with a critical inner voice that has plagued her from her early years. Her persistent self-doubt was a barrier to experiencing genuine happiness or recognizing her own worth, despite her external accomplishments.

The writer's fixation on success and seeking approval from others as a way to deal with challenges.

Sarah Gormley's quest for scholarly honors, professional achievements, and a slim figure stemmed from her battle with self-image and the subsequent desire for validation from her peers. The author recounts her battle with anorexia during her teenage years, meticulously counting calories and following rigid regimens to control her weight and assert dominance over her physical and individual being. The quest for achievement, initially seeming advantageous, masked a deeper struggle with self-acceptance and the idea...

The Order of Things Summary Shifts in life and the evolution of romantic bonds

Sarah Gormley explores her experiences with transient and unsatisfying romantic relationships in this segment of the story, setting the stage for the deeply transformative connection she establishes with Camillus.

The writer's history of fleeting and unfulfilling romantic encounters

Gormley openly acknowledges her history of unsatisfying and short-lived romantic relationships, sharing anecdotes that highlight her struggles with recognizing and maintaining healthy connections. Her behavior indicates profound fears regarding closeness and vulnerability, which originate from the conviction that love must be merited instead of being considered a natural right.

The writer's failure to establish and sustain wholesome relationships of a romantic nature.

Gormley recounts her interactions with men who frequently maintained an emotional detachment, displayed disdain towards her, or proved to be entirely unsuitable as partners. These encounters demonstrate a pattern of drawing in partners who reflect her own poor self-perception, which David refers to as a similarity to the way Velcro fastens together. Gormley found it challenging to recognize cautionary signals and to assert...

The Order of Things Summary Identity, self-image, and emotional maturity

The section delves into the challenges Gormley faced concerning her appearance, societal expectations of attractiveness, and her continuous path to emotional growth and finding herself.

The author grapples with societal standards of beauty alongside her personal struggles with self-image.

Gormley shares her battles with self-perception, recalling periods in her youth when she was perceived by others as deficient in aesthetic appeal. Her self-perception was deeply marred by these events, leading to a persistent battle against self-contempt and an aspiration to conform to societal norms of attractiveness.

From a young age, she was considered not to be physically attractive.

Gormley narrates a pair of pivotal moments that influenced her perception of her own beauty. A casual comment from a young neighbor suggested that Gormley had the right body type for modeling, though she lacked the conventional attractiveness her friend had. This event, while seemingly insignificant, planted the seed of doubt about her physical attractiveness, setting the stage for future insecurities.

The second occurrence proved to be significantly more distressing. In her eighth-grade year,...