Book SummaryThe Desire Map, by Danielle LaPorte

1-Page Summary1-Page Book Summary of The Desire Map

If you struggle to achieve your goals, or still feel unhappy after achieving them, it might be because those were never the right goals for you. In The Desire Map, Danielle LaPorte says people pursue the wrong goals because they think too much about what they want to do when they should instead be focusing on how they want to feel. She explains that by using desire as a guide, you can set goals that will bring you genuine happiness and fulfillment.

LaPorte is an entrepreneur, self-help expert, and leadership consultant who has dedicated her life to helping people understand and harness their emotions. Her insights on emotions and goal-setting come...

The Desire Map Summary Desire Pushes You Toward Happiness and Growth

LaPorte begins by saying that desire is a powerful force that drives you toward personal discovery, growth, and achievement. This is because it pushes you to figure out how to get what will make you happy.

For example, if you desire the security of a well-paying job, you’ll be driven to work hard and master a lucrative skill set. Alternatively, if you desire the joy of being in a relationship with a certain person, you’ll naturally try to learn about that person’s interests and work to connect with them.

(Shortform note: Neurochemistry can help explain why desire is such a powerful and important motivator. In The Molecule of More, Lieberman and Long explain that desire is sustained by a chemical called [restricted term]. Your brain releases [restricted term] when you make progress toward goals that are important to you. That [restricted term] release creates intense feelings of pleasure, which motivates you to keep working toward your goals in order to recapture that [restricted term]...

The Desire Map Summary Using Deep-Seated Desires to Set Goals

We’ve discussed what desire is, and why it’s important to listen to your feelings when making decisions. Now we’ll discuss how you can use desire and your other feelings to set long-term goals that are in line with who you are and what you really want out of life.

LaPorte says that most people approach goal-setting with the wrong perspective: They specify things they want to do, believing that achieving those goals will make them feel certain ways. For example, someone might set the goal of becoming a millionaire because they expect wealth to make them feel safe and secure. The problem with this approach is that, even if the person is correct about wealth giving them the desired feeling of safety, they’re likely to be unhappy throughout the long process of building that wealth.

Therefore, LaPorte argues that *you should set goals regarding how you want to feel*, not specific things you want to...

The Desire Map Summary Step 1: Connect With Your Feelings

LaPorte says that you should set goals that reflect who you are and fulfill your deep-seated desires, but you may find that you don’t really know who you are and what you want. Therefore, the first step in this process is to conduct a thorough examination of yourself.

LaPorte offers a series of questions that help get you into a reflective mindset and connect with your deepest feelings and desires. She encourages you to answer each question with a sentence or two. A few of these questions include:

• What are your values? Think about which personal qualities are most important to you and which qualities you can’t stand in yourself or others. Alternatively, consider which core beliefs (religious or secular) guide your day-to-day actions.
• What brings you joy? For example, this might be a loved one or a pet, a certain activity that you really enjoy, or a material possession that’s very important to you.
• What do you naturally excel at? Think about where your natural talents and interests lie.
• Why do you push through difficult situations? Note that the question is not how, but why—think about what keeps you going when you’re frustrated, tired, or...

The Desire Map Summary Step 2: Think About How You Want to Feel

After asking yourself a few questions to get into a self-reflective mindset, the next step is to determine how you want to feel. In other words, what emotions do you most desire to experience?

LaPorte suggests choosing three to five words that reflect how you’d like to feel every day, in all aspects of your life: your work life, your home life, your local community, and so on. To do this, start by brainstorming desired feelings in each life area. Next, look for words or themes your lists for each area have in common. Finally, distill your desired feelings down to an essential few that you want to experience every day, no matter what you’re doing.

(Shortform note: In contrast to LaPorte, self-help author Mark Manson says in [The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fck](https://shortform.com/app/book/the-subtle-art-of-not-giving-a-f-ck/) *that focusing too much on your feelings inevitably leads to [failure and...

The Desire Map Summary Step 3: Pursue Your Desired Feelings

Once you’ve identified three to five feelings as your overall goals, the final step is to pursue those feelings. Consider what actions, possessions, experiences, or achievements would cause you to feel the ways you want to feel. LaPorte advises you to come up with a well-rounded strategy that involves yearly, monthly, weekly, and daily actions.

First of all, set three or four major intentions for the year. These are long-term objectives that will help you to build the life you want and feel how you want to feel. For instance, if you want to feel confident, one of your goals for the year might be to lose 30 pounds. In this hypothetical, perhaps you’ve determined that losing weight will make you more attractive, which in turn will make you feel more confident.

(Shortform note: When setting your major intentions for the year, don’t be afraid to go big. In The 10X Rule, entrepreneur and business coach Grant Cardone suggests figuring out what a “reasonable” goal would be, then multiplying that goal by ten. Cardone reasons that setting...

Shortform Exercise: Start Mapping Your Feelings

Now that you’re familiar with LaPorte’s ideas about desires, feelings, and how they can guide your actions, think about your views on emotion. Also, consider how you want to feel and how you can create that feeling for yourself.

Before reading this guide to The Desire Map, how did you view your emotions? For instance, perhaps you believed that feelings were unreliable and should be suppressed in favor of pure rational thought. Or, at the opposite extreme, perhaps you overvalued every fleeting desire and good feeling, instead of focusing on the emotions that remain stable over time like LaPorte suggests.