Book SummaryStop Self-Sabotage, by Judy Ho

1-Page Summary1-Page Book Summary of Stop Self-Sabotage

Have you ever wondered why you undermine your own success, despite having clear goals and the ability to achieve them? In Stop Self-Sabotage, Judy Ho discusses why intelligent, motivated people often end up derailing their own progress and how to overcome that tendency. She provides strategies to help you identify your unique self-sabotaging tendencies, understand those habits’ psychological origins, and break your self-defeating habits.

Ho holds a PhD in clinical psychology from the California School of Professional Psychology, and is a board-certified clinical neuropsychologist, forensic psychologist, and health service psychologist. She’s also an...

Stop Self-Sabotage Summary Why We Self-Sabotage

Ho says that overcoming your tendency to self-sabotage starts with understanding why you do it in the first place. She emphasizes that self-sabotage isn’t a personal failure, but a common human experience rooted in ancient survival mechanisms. Once you understand those mechanisms, you can start consciously working to disrupt and change your self-defeating thought patterns.

Self-Sabotage Comes From Competing Motivations

Ho explains that people have evolved with two fundamental motivations: to get rewards (things you want) and to avoid danger. These competing drives helped our ancient ancestors to survive by seeking out necessities like food and shelter, and avoiding deadly danger like predators. However, in the modern world, they can cause you to work against your long-term goals.

This happens because the tension between seeking rewards and avoiding threats creates what psychologists call the approach-avoidance conflict, meaning that something seems desirable and undesirable at the same time. People generally experience this conflict as an initial feeling of excitement and intense motivation, then their enthusiasm wanes as they realize that what they’re trying to do...

Stop Self-Sabotage Summary How We Self-Sabotage

We just discussed why self-sabotaging behavior is hardwired into us by evolution. However, Ho says that self-sabotage is not an inevitable process. Instead, it’s a predictable sequence of psychological events, leading to self-defeating behaviors that become habitual over time.

In this section we’ll describe how this psychological sequence goes from a stimulus (something happening to you or around you) to your response (what you do because of that event). We’ll then discuss how people learn self-sabotaging behaviors in the first place, and why they engage in such behaviors. Finally, we’ll explain how those behaviors eventually turn into bad habits.

How We Respond to Events

Ho explains how the psychological sequence that determines how you’ll respond to an event follows a concrete and predictable pattern. Understanding that pattern will help you recognize it before it pushes you into self-sabotaging behaviors.

The psychological sequence begins when you experience something—anything from a major life-changing event to something as mundane as looking at the clock. That stimulus triggers you to have certain thoughts, which generate corresponding emotions and...

Stop Self-Sabotage Summary Overcoming Self-Sabotage

So far we’ve discussed the psychological roots of self-sabotage, and how it manifests in maladaptive behaviors that eventually turn into bad habits. In this final section we’ll explain Ho’s methods for breaking free of your self-sabotaging behaviors and building the kind of life you want.

We’ll start by exploring how you can regain control of your thoughts and feelings—and therefore of your actions. We’ll explain why focusing on your deeply held personal values can help you stay in control and resist the impulse to self-sabotage. Finally, we’ll discuss how you can replace your bad habits with better ones, and why it’s necessary to replace those habits rather than just resisting them.

Regaining Control of Your Thoughts

Ho emphasizes that your thoughts aren’t objective truths. Instead, they’re mental constructs built around your past experiences and influenced by your personality and (to some extent) by genetics. Recognizing thoughts as subjective mental events rather than immutable facts is crucial to breaking out of self-sabotage patterns. Ho offers several methods to help you recognize and transform self-destructive thought patterns.

One method is to rationally...

Shortform Exercise: Stop Sabotaging Yourself

Now that you’re familiar with Ho’s ideas about how and why you sabotage your goals, as well as ways to overcome that tendency, think about how you could start creating the life you want.

What’s one goal you’ve had for a long time, but haven’t achieved?