Book SummaryOn Our Best Behavior, by Elise Loehnen

1-Page Summary1-Page Book Summary of On Our Best Behavior

The analysis delves into the use of the Seven Deadly Sins as a means to culturally shape and govern the behavior of women.

Elise Loehnen argues that contemporary society remains shaped by the impact of the Seven Deadly Sins, irrespective of individual faith convictions. Elise Loehnen explores the enduring social pressures that drive women to strive for a specific standard of exemplary behavior. This virtue, dictated by patriarchal forces, serves as a limitation on the daily life experiences of women. Women are ensnared by societal standards and pressures, which force them to perpetually endeavor and hide their true selves in all facets of existence. Elise Loehnen advocates for women to set aside conventional expectations and instead rely on their inner guidance and ethical direction to uncover their true identities. Women have the power to begin the process of breaking down the harmful social conditioning that has historically limited them to a condition of smallness and fear, thereby claiming their inherent right to a life free of limitations.

Society frequently imposes on women the expectation to sustain uninterrupted productivity without allowing for rest periods.

Loehnen explores the widespread cultural assumption that women should sustain a relentless pace of activity and productivity, which spans from their careers to their home responsibilities. Women's contributions go beyond their work roles, frequently including the lion's share of household maintenance and childcare responsibilities, which are often undervalued. Elise Loehnen posits that women often tie their sense of self-value to a relentless dedication to their careers, a perspective that she has embraced to her own detriment. Her preoccupation with proving her value by her achievements has made her lose sight of life's most fundamental elements. In her pursuit of stability through regular income and diligent effort, Loehnen acknowledges that her unwavering commitment to her profession acts as a shield, protecting her from facing the more profound, disquieting feelings that linger just outside her conscious recognition. Loehnen underscores the significance of women permitting themselves the tranquility found in simply existing, free from the relentless compulsion to remain active.

The undue emphasis on the significance of women's roles in home and family settings.

Elise Loehnen explores the considerable yet frequently overlooked and undervalued responsibility of caregiving that women shoulder, consuming their energy and time. Elise Loehnen reflects on her early life, acknowledging her mother's unwavering commitment to the often-overlooked tasks necessary to keep their household in harmony, while her father viewed his contribution to the family as primarily confined to his working hours. She explains that her household mirrors the model of her upbringing, despite having a nanny. The author emphasizes her continuous efforts to demonstrate her value through outstanding performance in every aspect, even though she earns more than her significant other.

Context

• Historically, caregiving roles have been predominantly assigned to women due to traditional gender norms, which often dictate that women are naturally more nurturing and suited for domestic responsibilities.
• The concept of the "second shift" describes how women often work a full day at their jobs and then come home to perform the majority of household and caregiving tasks.
• When one partner views their role as limited to financial provision, it can create an imbalance in family dynamics, often placing a disproportionate burden on the other partner to manage household and caregiving tasks.
• Patterns from one's family of origin can unconsciously influence how individuals structure their own households, perpetuating similar dynamics.
• Balancing career and family life can be challenging, especially for women who may feel the need to overcompensate in both areas to meet societal standards.

Women are expected to balance their careers with their household responsibilities.

Elise Loehnen cites "Overwhelmed" by Brigid Schulte to explain the economic transformation in the 1970s that necessitated the move from single to dual-income households for most families. The need to support their families compelled women to join the workforce. The author also discusses the transformation to dual-earner households, observing that this change hasn't resulted in an equitable distribution of household responsibilities as one might have anticipated. The bulk of the responsibility still rests with women. Despite her spouse's readiness to participate in childcare and household chores, Loehnen still finds herself chiefly in charge of organizing and overseeing these activities. The author recognizes that her tendency to overcommit not only strains the relationship with her partner but also impedes his ability to become proficient in managing domestic tasks and organizing the kids' post-school activities.

Context

• The concept of the "mental load" refers to the invisible labor involved in managing a household, such as planning, organizing, and remembering tasks. This often falls disproportionately on women, adding to their stress and workload.
• The oil crisis and economic recessions during the 1970s increased the financial pressure on families, making dual incomes more of a necessity than a choice.
• Increased access to higher education for women led to greater career opportunities, as more women obtained the qualifications needed for professional roles.
• Women may experience internalized pressure to maintain a perfect home, driven by societal standards and personal expectations, which can lead to taking on more household tasks.
• Lack of supportive policies, such as affordable childcare and parental leave, can exacerbate the burden on women to manage both work and home life.
• Children may also internalize these gendered...

On Our Best Behavior Summary The natural inclinations, intuitive insights, and relationships with their physical selves that women possess have consistently been undervalued and labeled as abnormal.

The book posits that women find themselves confined by their inherent biological characteristics, struggling with the pursuit of elusive perfection while also grappling with the fear of embracing their natural human instincts.

Society frequently instills the notion that women should prioritize the welfare and joy of others above their own.

Societal norms and expectations frequently shape women's behavior starting in their early years. The commonly accepted portrayal of a "good" woman often characterizes her as prioritizing the desires and needs of others, particularly men, over her own aspirations and necessities. In turn, Loehnen reminds us that the societal pressure to be “good” inhibits women from being their full selves. This behavior is detrimental to all parties as it erodes the confidence of women and their trust in their own capabilities. Our society will advance in terms of equity and robustness when opportunities are given to women to uniquely express themselves and offer their unique skills.

Practical Tips

• You can start a personal joy journal to actively recognize and prioritize your own happiness. Each day, write down three things that brought you...

On Our Best Behavior Summary The creation of patriarchal systems, deeply rooted in history and religious traditions, has significantly shaped the emotional, psychological, and economic realities faced by women.

Loehnen argues that grasping the core principles and operational structures of patriarchy is essential for liberating oneself from its limitations. The author suggests that our society's pervasive patriarchal structure, seemingly ubiquitous, actually emerged after the rise of monotheistic religions venerating a sole fatherly deity, and this shift, focusing on transgressions and redemption, shaped a moral guide to direct behavior.

Throughout history, narratives have frequently belittled femininity and cast it in a negative light within societal and religious frameworks.

Loehnen explores how the introduction of agriculture catalyzed a societal shift from egalitarian nomadic lifestyles to established farming societies, which over time developed into more stratified and conflict-ridden structures. This historical account depicted women as subordinate and also as deficient in moral character.

Other Perspectives

• In various cultures and religions, femininity has been revered and associated with powerful goddesses or figures, suggesting that the view of femininity is not universally negative.
• It is an oversimplification to attribute societal shifts solely to the...

On Our Best Behavior Summary To evolve both personally and collectively, it's essential that we break free from the confining patriarchal systems and harmonize with our natural instincts, along with our authentic inner knowledge and understanding.

Loehnen argues that our natural instincts provide a more genuine route, even though we are taught to heed external directives. The author suggests that by freeing ourselves from a moral framework obsessed with purity, virtue, and flawlessness, and by harmonizing the natural urges and instincts that define our human nature, we can uncover a broader and more fulfilling existence.

To dismantle entrenched norms of patriarchy, one must fully dedicate themselves to self-reflection and thoughtful consideration.

Loehnen recommends delving into the origins of these ingrained habits to understand their underlying causes. How do they currently affect us? Loehnen inspires us to courageously and wholeheartedly commit to a path of introspection that cultivates a space for our complete self-acceptance. She advocates for genuine engagement and a receptive attitude, focusing on comprehending our flaws and the intrinsic chaos that accompanies human life instead of passing judgment. Mistakes should be viewed not as inherently negative occurrences, but as valuable opportunities that contribute to personal development and the uncovering of solutions.

Context

• Patriarchal systems have...