Book SummaryModels, by Mark Manson

1-Page Summary1-Page Book Summary of Models

In the modern world, how can a heterosexual man successfully attract women? In Models, self-help guru Mark Manson’s first book, Manson argues that the key lies in “non-neediness,” or inner confidence: Women desire a man whose sense of self-worth depends on how he judges himself rather than how others judge him.

Known for books like [The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fck](https://shortform.com/app/book/the-subtle-art-of-not-giving-a-f-ck)*, Manson initially gained the attention of other men due to his success in seducing women using traditional pick-up techniques. These men started to ask Manson for advice just as Manson was realizing that these techniques, while useful, weren’t necessarily healthy. Dissatisfied with these techniques and wishing to understand more about why women liked him,...

Models Summary Understanding Inner Confidence

According to Manson, women desire men who embody “non-neediness,” or inner confidence—in other words, a man whose sense of self-worth depends on how he judges himself, rather than how others judge him.

Manson emphasizes that inner confidence doesn’t mean that you totally disregard others’ judgments. Rather, it means that you care more about your own opinion than that of others. When dating, this manifests in a willingness to adjust your behavior as much as the woman does—but no more. You’re focused on how you feel about a woman, so you’re not willing to change your behavior excessively to accommodate her. In contrast, an unconfident man bends over backward for the woman he desires because he needs her approval in order to feel good about himself.

Another Reason You Shouldn't Adjust Your Behavior

In The Unplugged Alpha, Richard Cooper also warns against adjusting your behavior too much to match a woman’s desires—but for different reasons. Like Manson, Cooper contends that women desire men who express confidence. However, [Cooper specifies that women intensely desire “alpha”...

Models Summary How Inner Confidence Helps You With Women

Now that you’ve learned what inner confidence is and why women like it, how can it help you attract women?

First, Manson explains that inner confidence attracts women because it signals that you are “high-status,” or high-value, which women find attractive. Women evolved to desire high-value men because the higher the man’s value, the better he could provide for his offspring.

Back when the factors we use today to gauge a man’s value—like money—didn’t exist, women gauged a man’s value based on his confidence. In hierarchical tribal society, low-value men had to care about what (higher-value) others thought of them to ensure their survival. Conversely, high-value men were able to disregard most others’ opinions. Therefore, in the modern day, if you’re unconcerned with others’ opinions, a woman perceives you as high-value; if you’re concerned with their opinions, she perceives you as low-value.

What Evolutionary Psychologists Say About What Women Want

Among evolutionary psychologists, the idea that women evolved to desire higher-value men because they could provide better for their offspring is known as the “[evolved preferences...

Models Summary How to Develop Confidence: Live Authentically

So how do you actually become confident? Manson argues that you must grow comfortable with vulnerability, which he defines as the ability to courageously live according to your own truth. When you’re comfortable with vulnerability, you’re willing to express yourself despite the risk that others may not approve. In this way, you demonstrate that you care more about your own judgment than you do about others’ and thus embody confidence.

To develop vulnerability, Manson explains that you must force yourself into situations that make you vulnerable. You can do this by living “honestly,” or authentically: When you’re living by your own truth, you’re automatically vulnerable because you’re presenting your authentic self to the world despite any potential negative consequences. In other words, you only develop the ability to live according to your own truth by actually living according to your own truth.

**How Manson’s Ideas Relate...

Models Summary Key #1: Develop a Satisfying Life

According to Manson, the first key to living authentically is to develop a baseline life that satisfies you. This means that you know what you desire out of life and are actively working toward making those desires a reality.

Manson explains that developing such a life is critical for two main reasons. First, it demonstrates confidence because your life is a reflection of your desires instead of others’. For example, instead of living in a town you hate because your parents want you close by, you live in a town you love.

(Shortform note: In The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, Branden suggests that taking responsibility is an essential element of self-esteem—and his definition of taking responsibility is similar to what Manson defines as a baseline life that satisfies you. Branden argues that when you take responsibility, you understand that you’re in control of pursuing and manifesting your desires, and you’re actively working toward them. Branden adds that [unless you take responsibility and don’t let...

Models Summary Key #2: Overcome Your Worries

The second key to living authentically, according to Manson, is to overcome your worries about pursuing women and then actively pursue them. When you don’t pursue a woman because you’re worried she’ll reject you, you embody non-confidence: You’re prioritizing her potential judgment of you instead of acting on your own truth (your desire to approach her). In contrast, by actively pursuing a woman, you embody confidence: You’re acting on your own truth—even if you’re afraid that she’ll reject you.

(Shortform note: In [The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fck](https://shortform.com/app/book/the-subtle-art-of-not-giving-a-f-ck/)*, Manson adds that overcoming your fear of rejection is helpful not just when pursuing a woman but also once you’ve entered into a committed relationship with one. Manson asserts that in a healthy relationship, both partners prioritize being honest with each other; in other words, they both act on their own truths and embody confidence, and they’re comfortable with both saying and hearing “no.” While this rejection can result in hurt feelings, this...

Models Summary Key #3: Express Yourself Well

According to Manson, the third key to living authentically is to “communicate honestly,” or to express yourself well. Manson suggests that this is a two-part process. First, you must be authentically vulnerable. Second, you must convey that vulnerability effectively.

Why does authentic vulnerability matter? As we learned earlier, women gauge your value based on your confidence. Manson explains that, to judge your confidence, women decide whether you’re expressing vulnerability—which they do by reading your “intentions,” or objective. If your objective matches your behavior, she’ll trust you when you convey your attraction to her and so will be willing to explore it. But if your objective doesn’t match your behavior, she’ll notice this mismatch and grow distrustful of you—so when you convey your attraction to her, she’ll feel unsafe and want to leave. Therefore, if you try to communicate vulnerability—but your true objective is to sleep with her—you’ll turn her off.

(Shortform note: Studies support Manson’s contention that women are innately able to read your objective and determine whether you’re being authentically vulnerable. Studies suggest that [women are better at...

Shortform Exercise: Start Living Authentically

Now that you’ve learned how to develop inner confidence by living authentically, you must start living authentically. In this exercise, you’ll decide where and how to start.

Manson suggests that there are three keys to living authentically and thus attracting women: Develop a satisfying life, overcome your worries regarding women, and express yourself appropriately. Describe how you’re doing in each of these areas. For example, you might be happy with your current life and regularly pursue women but struggle to sustain a long conversation.