Book SummaryLoud, by Drew Afualo

1-Page Summary1-Page Book Summary of Loud

The author's personal journey involves challenging societal norms for gender roles, overcoming prejudices against her gender, and reshaping what it means to be a woman.

In this section, the book explores Afualo's challenge to conventional expectations placed upon women, narrating her struggle with deep-seated biases towards her gender and her ultimate embrace of her authentic self. The author highlights how, from an early age, societal norms shape our beliefs and behaviors, often leading to a situation where the pursuit of male approval becomes the predominant concern among women and individuals who identify as feminine. She shares her own experiences of conforming to these expectations and the negative consequences that resulted.

From a young age, societal norms profoundly influenced the author, instilling in her the conviction that gaining men's approval was of utmost significance.

Afualo emphasizes how societal norms, starting from the distribution of playthings and clothing based on gender in childhood, become more pronounced in adolescence, centering on strict standards of attractiveness and the significance of relationships between men and women. She argues that prevailing cultural standards and messages in the media frequently lead people of marginalized genders to unconsciously link their self-worth to the affirmation they get from men.

During her teenage years, the writer conformed to traditional feminine roles and subdued aspects of her personality to enhance her appeal to the opposite sex.

Afualo reflects on a period in her youth when her actions were solely driven by a quest for acknowledgment and acceptance from her male schoolmates. She masked her true intellect, suppressed her authentic interests, and modified her behavior, all in an attempt to mold herself into a persona she believed would be more attractive to the opposite sex. She recalls the societal expectations that compelled her to downplay her importance and lessen her presence in order to be considered worthy of male interest. During this time, she struggled with self-doubt and a relentless pursuit of approval from her peers, causing her to abandon her true self and neglect her own goals.

Afualo altered her attire to appear more appealing, sacrificing her personal style and ease for the sake of attracting male attention. She also recounts how she subdued her enthusiasm for football, concerned that it might cast her as "too masculine," which could diminish her appeal. This conformity to traditional feminine roles led to feelings of disconnect from her authentic self and a persistent sense of inadequacy.

Practical Tips

• Reflect on your daily routines and identify any actions that may be influenced by traditional gender roles. For example, if you find yourself always doing the household chores while other family members don't, consider discussing a more equitable distribution of tasks.
• Seek feedback from close friends or family members about changes they've observed in your behavior when you're around potential romantic interests. Ask them to be honest about times they've noticed you suppressing your personality. Use this feedback to understand how others perceive the changes you make and consider if these adjustments are beneficial or detrimental to your relationships.
• Create a "True Self" profile on a social media platform you don't usually use, where you only share posts and content that reflect your genuine interests and intellect. This can be a safe space to express yourself without the fear of judgment from your usual social circle. You might find that engaging with a new community that shares your authentic interests can be liberating and affirming.
• Practice assertiveness in daily interactions by stating your needs and opinions clearly without altering them for others. Start with low-stakes situations, like choosing a restaurant with friends, to build up your confidence in expressing your true preferences and opinions.
• Challenge your self-perception by writing a daily affirmation that highlights your achievements and qualities without reference to others' approval. Start by identifying your strengths and accomplishments, then craft a statement that affirms your value independently of societal expectations. For example, if you're proud of a project you completed, your affirmation could be, "I am a skilled and creative problem-solver who successfully completed a challenging project."
• Create a "No Approval Needed" challenge for a week where you make small decisions without asking for anyone's opinion. This could be as simple as choosing what to wear or what to eat without seeking input from peers. The goal is to strengthen your confidence in your own choices and reduce the reliance on others' approval.
• Use a style app to mix and match clothing items virtually before purchasing or wearing them, to find combinations that enhance your personal appeal.
• Reflect on your wardrobe choices by keeping a style diary for a month, noting how each outfit makes you feel and the reactions you receive. This can help you identify patterns in your clothing selections that may be influenced by the desire to attract attention versus personal comfort and style preference. For example, if you notice you're consistently uncomfortable in certain outfits but wear them when expecting to meet someone of interest, it might indicate a sacrifice of personal style for attention.
• Challenge gender stereotypes by volunteering to coach or assist in a local youth sports team, emphasizing the joy of the game rather than gender norms. This not only allows you to engage with your interest in football but also sets a positive example for the younger generation to pursue their passions freely.
• Create a "Role-Play Reversal" game with friends where each person acts out a role traditionally associated with another gender. This...

Loud Summary The author's insights into relationships, marriage, and the challenges of parenting, along with approaches for tackling misogyny.

This section of the narrative explores Afualo's distinctive viewpoints on relationships, marriage, and the responsibilities associated with motherhood. It explores her confrontation with traditional ideas of love, commitment, and family, promoting a more candid and just method of engaging in partnerships. Afualo explores the societal pressures women face concerning matrimony and childbearing, championing their autonomy to chart a personal path aligned with their unique goals.

The author examined her own beliefs about romantic partnerships, confronting the common social norm that one should marry and produce children.

Afualo emphasizes the significance of a relationship built on reciprocal esteem and common principles, wherein both partners acknowledge and support one another's individual goals and dreams. She argues that the fear of being alone often pressures people into settling for relationships that don't meet their true worth, due to the pervasive belief that one must marry and start a family. Afualo underscores the significance of prioritizing personal happiness and fulfillment in one's life, even if it means undertaking that journey alone, without the company of a...

Loud Summary The author's viewpoint highlights the importance of accepting one's physique, nurturing a favorable view of oneself, and cultivating self-assurance along with a feeling of self-worth.

This section explores Afualo's encouragement of embracing one's physique, nurturing self-acceptance, and developing a robust confidence. She advocates for a perspective that prioritizes the body's practical and functional qualities rather than traditional aesthetics.

The writer has adopted an attitude that prioritizes the functional abilities and capacities of her body over its aesthetic worth.

Afualo encourages the adoption of body neutrality as a means to confront the harmful societal expectations that prescribe specific ideals of attractiveness. She underscores the importance of valuing our bodies for their capabilities instead of their external perception by others. This encompasses appreciating robustness, sports prowess, and toughness, as well as welcoming a variety of body forms and dimensions. Afualo inspires readers to redirect their attention from pursuing an unreachable standard of physical perfection to valuing their bodies for the remarkable capabilities they provide.

The author recognizes the harmful impact of societal beauty standards and the ways in which they are used to undermine women's self-worth.

Afualo challenges the limited perspective on...

Loud Summary The importance of cultivating a community that elevates women and individuals who embrace femininity.

The book delves into the impact that a nurturing community and robust social ties have on an individual's growth and their journey towards feeling empowered. Afualo delves into the importance of unity among women, emphasizing how it serves as a powerful shield against the feelings of solitude and uncertainty that patriarchal systems frequently impose on women and femmes.

Her family ties, especially with her mother and sibling, played a pivotal role in shaping her life principles and outlook.

Afualo credits her path of personal growth and finding herself to the strong foundation laid by her relatives. Her family has always been a bedrock of steadfast encouragement, a haven for candidness, and the impetus for embracing her authentic self, all stemming from the profound connections she has nurtured with them. Afualo underscores the pivotal role that family plays as our initial teachers in navigating life's challenges, emphasizing how unwavering love and acceptance are essential in building self-assurance.

The author's mother personified the tenacity needed to stand up for oneself and for the welfare of others, igniting the author's fervor for social change.

Afualo...