In Likeable Badass, Alison Fragale argues that women can achieve their goals by projecting both warmth and assertiveness. She explains that women often face a double bind: If they’re assertive, they’re seen as unlikeable, but if they’re warm, they’re seen as incompetent. To overcome this, Fragale suggests that women should aim to be likeable badasses—people who are both warm and assertive. By doing so, women can gain the respect and admiration of others, which can help them achieve their...
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Fragale defines likeable badasses as individuals who are assertive and also warm. Assertive people are capable, confident, and able to accomplish tasks, while warm people are kind, pleasant, and can have harmonious relationships. We all aim to be seen as likeable badasses because we want to be perceived as both capable and caring. We confer status on people who embody these traits.
(Shortform note: Fragale’s book was published in 2024, but the idea that we want to be seen as both assertive and warm has been around for a while. In 2002, psychologists Susan Fiske, Amy Cuddy, and Peter Glick published a paper on the “stereotype content model,” which posits that we judge people based on two dimensions: warmth and competence.)
Next, we’ll discuss the foundations of status and power and how women can navigate the double bind of being seen as competent and likeable.
According to Fragale, power requires status. Status involves the esteem and appreciation you receive from others, while power is the authority to make decisions and control resources. People only give power to those they hold in...
Fragale argues that increasing your standing is essential for accomplishing your goals. It’s unlike a non-promotable task because it benefits you by helping you achieve your desires and create the life you envision. Building your status doesn’t require much additional time—it’s about making small adjustments to your current activities. Or, it's about getting rid of what doesn't work so you can be more recognized for your achievements in a shorter period.
(Shortform note: These small tweaks and eliminations can help you reach your goals because they gradually change the unwritten expectations people use to determine whose ideas, needs, and projects to prioritize. Over time, this means a larger share of attention, help, and opportunity is funneled toward you. This increased support and visibility can help you achieve your goals more efficiently, as you’ll have more resources and allies to help you along the way.)
To elevate your status, notice your self-talk and identify any limiting beliefs that emerge. Aim to swap them for a mindset that's both likable and confident. Consider someone you're familiar with who embodies the...
Likeable Badass
This is the best summary of How to Win Friends and Influence People I've ever read. The way you explained the ideas and connected them to other books was amazing.
Explore the challenges women face in balancing competence and likability in professional settings.
Why might women face a double bind between being seen as competent and likable?