Book SummaryIt's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken, by Greg Behrendt and Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt

1-Page Summary1-Page Book Summary of It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken

Accepting the end of a romantic partnership and cutting off all contact with the ex-partner.

Behrendt and Ruotola-Behrendt emphasize the importance of recognizing a relationship's conclusion as a vital step in the healing process and strongly discourage any form of contact with an ex-partner. Seeking to keep a platonic relationship, dwelling on previous conflicts, or aiming for reconciliation will only prolong your distress and hinder the recovery of your emotional state. Acknowledging the relationship's conclusion as definitive is crucial, and one should focus on moving forward with their life.

Acknowledging the irrevocable conclusion of the partnership and coming to terms with the permanence of the split.

Keeping away and avoiding contact with an ex-partner is essential, as it merely prolongs the period of distress.

The authors are adamant that a clean break, without calls, texts, or attempts at reconciliation, is essential for healing. They argue that keeping any kind of contact, even under the guise of friendship, emotionally ties you to your ex-partner and obstructs your journey towards recovery and emotional detachment. The authors firmly advise against trying to keep a platonic relationship, especially during the initial phase. Lingering feelings, unresolved issues, and the inherent intimacy of friendship can easily reignite old wounds and prolong your suffering.

Behrendt likens the situation to a fired employee who stubbornly returns to their old workplace every day. Would you knowingly subject yourself to such emotional distress, regardless of how deeply you care about your profession? Seeing your former partner move forward as you struggle with the consequences can greatly hinder your journey to recovery. Ruotola-Behrendt agrees, highlighting that longing for an ex, searching for explanations for the relationship's end, and a tendency to dwell on the joyful moments may ensnare one in a troubling limbo of indecision. Experiencing these emotions is a normal part of the process, regardless of whether it was you who initiated the breakup. Holding on to what's left of an unsuccessful relationship will not restore it to its former state.

Context

• Cultural norms and social expectations can influence how individuals process breakups, with some cultures emphasizing emotional expression and others encouraging emotional restraint.

Other Perspectives

• Avoiding contact entirely may not be practical or necessary for those who share mutual social circles, work environments, or co-parenting responsibilities.
• In some cultures, maintaining a connection with an ex-partner is seen as a sign of respect and maturity, and a complete severance could be viewed negatively within those social contexts.
• Platonic relationships with an ex can demonstrate mature emotional processing and the ability...

It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken Summary Avoiding unhealthy coping mechanisms and maintaining a healthy routine and productive activities

The authors advise steering clear of detrimental actions during the emotional recovery period following a breakup. Instead, they advocate for establishing a healthy routine that incorporates physical activity, social engagement, and productive tasks. Succumbing to temporary pleasures might offer immediate solace, yet ultimately, they may hinder your journey towards enduring recovery. The key is to proactively engage in activities that promote personal growth and emotional well-being.

Steer clear of detrimental habits like overindulging in food, drinking too much, or engaging in activities that might inflict self-injury, which are often resorted to in an attempt to numb emotional distress.

Acknowledging that these short-term solutions will merely postpone the recovery process, thereby complicating it as time goes on.

The authors acknowledge that people frequently try to mitigate the pain of heartbreak by indulging in too much alcohol, consuming excessive amounts of food, or engaging in other detrimental behaviors. They understand the allure of seeking instant gratification and the appeal of briefly distancing oneself from personal emotions. However, they underscore...

It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken Summary Recognizing the shortcomings of previous relationships while emphasizing the importance of self-care and self-love as the cornerstone for future connections.

The authors emphasize the importance of acknowledging the flaws in the past relationship, letting go of any romanticized views of your ex, and focusing on cultivating self-love and confidence to truly move on from the end of a romantic relationship. This necessitates facing the relationship's flaws instead of glorifying its past. By embracing both the positive and negative aspects, you pave the way for a more satisfying and wholesome future.

It's crucial to take an unbiased look at the shortcomings within the partnership and the less appealing traits of the ex-partner, rather than romanticizing the past.

It is crucial to face the tendency to remember solely the positive moments within the relationship while overlooking the valid reasons for its conclusion.

Behrendt describes this tendency as the practice of re-envisioning former romantic connections. During periods of emotional distress, individuals tend to reminisce about the happy times, yet overlook the substantial issues that led to the relationship's dissolution. The authors suggest a deep introspection of past romantic relationships, recognizing both the difficulties encountered and the shortcomings associated...