Book SummaryHow We Show Up, by Mia Birdsong

1-Page Summary1-Page Book Summary of How We Show Up

If you want to connect more deeply with others, or wish you had a more supportive community, you’re not alone. Because of cultural expectations around what it means to be a successful, worthy individual, many Americans feel like they must navigate the highs and lows of life by themselves. However, in How We Show Up (2020), family activist Mia Birdsong argues that deeper connection is possible. By looking to the community-building practices of marginalized groups as models, we can take care of each other, feel less lonely, and expand our definition of family.

Birdsong is an activist, researcher, author, and public speaker. Grounded in a Black feminist lens, she focuses on advocating for...

How We Show Up Summary How the American Dream Limits Us

According to Birdsong, the American Dream that people are taught to strive for doesn’t actually exist. This is especially true for groups who’ve consistently faced marginalization in American society, including Black people, queer people, unmarried people, and those of a lower socioeconomic status. However, the false promises of the American Dream aren’t exclusive to these groups. It leaves even the people who benefit from it the most—primarily those who are white, male, and heterosexual—feeling isolated and empty, which we’ll explore in more detail later. The pursuit of the American Dream’s ideals also hinders the development of community support that every person needs.

Further Contextualizing the American Dream

The term “American Dream” as it’s known today can be traced back to James Truslow Adams’ 1931 book The Epic of America. He describes it as a vision of a society that recognizes the worth and qualities of every person, regardless of the kind of life they’re born into or their social position. Additionally, according to Truslow, the American Dream represents the ideal that every...

How We Show Up Summary Creating a Community-Oriented Society

Now that we’ve examined how the ideals of the American Dream in its current form are limiting and harmful, let’s explore Birdsong’s alternative: a community-oriented society where people support rather than compete with each other.

(Shortform note: In The Art of Community, Charles Vogl defines community as a formal or informal collective of people who care about each other and support each other’s growth. By fostering relationships between members, communities create a sense of belonging (the feeling that others welcome and value you). Communities also support members’ growth by sharpening their skills and helping them become the best versions of themselves.)

Birdsong envisions this community-oriented society by exploring real-life examples of people who have built networks of support, particularly in marginalized communities. She states that marginalized groups have had no choice but to look beyond blood ties and institutions to meet their emotional and material needs. This is because historically and still today, they’ve often been...

Shortform Exercise: Reflect on Ways to Expand Your Support Network

Birdsong describes many ways that having a supportive community changes people’s lives. In this exercise, reflect on some ways you can expand your circle and connect more deeply with your loved ones.

Who do you consider to be part of your main support network? (For example, maybe you have a tight-knit group of friends, or you get a lot of support from extended family.)