Book SummaryHow to Become a People Magnet, by Marc Reklau

1-Page Summary1-Page Book Summary of How to Become a People Magnet

Personal charisma and likeability are important for many different areas of life, from career success to navigating family and relationships. And at times, it can feel like you’re either born with it or without it—but this isn’t true. In reality, charisma is a skill like any other. In How to Become a People Magnet, motivational speaker and life coach Marc Reklau explains how you can improve...

How to Become a People Magnet Summary Part 1: Making a Good First Impression

The first essential part of any social interaction is making a good first impression—charming people so they want to get to know you better. Reklau explains that first impressions are all about making the other person feel good to ensure they enjoy talking to you. If you make someone feel good, they’ll have an incentive to get to know you.

Reklau suggests you make people feel good by focusing on them and staying optimistic and upbeat.

(Shortform note: Communications expert Leil Lowndes (How to Talk to Anyone) writes that first impressions are about making people feel good in a more specific way: Making them feel liked. He argues that the desire to feel liked governs all social interactions. This suggests that you shouldn’t focus entirely on making the other person feel good in general—you also have to show that you feel positively toward them.)

Focusing on Others

During a first impression, Reklau explains, you should **center the conversation around whoever you’re...

How to Become a People Magnet Summary Part 2: Getting Along With Others

Social success is about more than just making good first impressions, however. It also requires you to get along with the people around you. If you charm everyone initially but don’t put time and effort into maintaining your existing relationships, people won’t want to be around you for long.

(Shortform note: Some experts note that if you take time to build relationships with the people around you, you can even overcome a bad first impression. When your transition from meeting someone to building a relationship isn’t quite smooth, you may have to apologize for your social faux pas or try to “reset” the way you act around them to something more natural. However, it’s not impossible to get along with people you failed to charm the first time around.)

Reklau offers two main strategies for getting along with others: Show appreciation and respect and avoid conflict.

Strategy #1: Show Appreciation and Respect

An important part of getting along with others is consistently showing that you appreciate and respect them. This makes people feel good about themselves, which they’ll...

How to Become a People Magnet Summary Part 3: Persuading People

The last social skill Reklau discusses is the art of persuasion. Because people are self-interested, persuasion means making them want what you want. Reklau offers three methods for doing so: leading people to your idea, appealing to authority, and focusing on yeses. Let’s look at each of the strategies in more detail.

(Shortform note: Before you start trying to persuade someone, rhetoric professor Jay Heinrichs (Thank You For Arguing) suggests you take time to consider what your goal is. Determining your goal will help guide you toward using certain methods. If you’re trying to persuade someone to feel a certain way, for example, you’ll want to use emotional appeals. In addition, clarifying your goal will help you focus on convincing the other person to see things your way instead of on trying to beat them—as the latter is more likely to lead to unproductive conflict.)

Method #1: Lead People to Your Idea

Reklau suggests that people don’t like feeling forced or pressured into doing something. So...

Shortform Exercise: Improve Your Social Skills

Apply Reklau’s advice to your relationships.

Consider an upcoming social event. Who will be there that you want to meet or get to know better? What are some of their interests you can talk to them about? If you don’t know them, try to do a little research beforehand through social media or asking mutual friends.