Book SummaryGravitas, by Lisa Sun

1-Page Summary1-Page Book Summary of Gravitas

Redefining Confidence and Identifying Your Style

Sun argues that we need to redefine confidence beyond society's narrow, often patriarchal construct, and instead embrace a broader, more inclusive perspective on confidence that recognizes individual differences. This inclusive view is grounded in a vocabulary of eight "superpowers" (strengths naturally present to varying degrees in every individual) which empower women to understand and articulate their unique value and to "own their moment" with self-assurance. Sun refers to this broad way of defining self-assurance as "gravitas." Sun challenges women to embrace a mindset of bravery, empathy, and unity to activate and leverage these "superpowers" to navigate their lives, both personally and professionally.

Broaden Society's Narrow Concept of Confidence

Sun asserts that confidence has traditionally been defined in a one-dimensional, reductive way, often focusing on traits typically associated with men, such as assertiveness, gregariousness, and the need to be the most vocal, which can be limiting for many women. This narrow definition ignores the numerous alternative expressions of confidence that women exhibit, particularly those more feminine strengths such as nurturing, cooperation, collaboration, and communication that are valuable professionally and have historically been undervalued or unrecognized.

Confidence Manifests Differently for Individuals

Sun, using examples from her experiences at McKinsey & Company and later, with her own clothing line "Gravitas," argues that confidence manifests differently for individuals and that there's no "one size fits all" approach to being confident. One size does not fit all when it comes to fashion, and that philosophy extends to her work on confidence; this underpins her approach. For example, the author was told by her boss during her first year at McKinsey that she "lacked gravitas" because she spoke gently and didn't project the same commanding leadership approach typical of men in powerful roles. This feedback stemmed from a singular view of confidence, and the takeaway was not about changing Sun's personality, but rather that she needed to identify, acknowledge, and celebrate her unique strengths versus trying to conform to someone else's ideal.

Sun goes on to share how Janet Yellen, the first woman to head the U.S. Federal Reserve, also faced criticism for being "soft-spoken" even though she was likely the most qualified candidate to take on the role. This narrow view of leadership and confidence ignored the highly valuable skills of Yellen and many other women, such as high achievement, quiet command, and relationship-orientation. Sun contends that this prejudice isn't limited to professional environments and cites research showing a preference for male characters, for example, in the media aimed at kids.

Context

• Introverts and extroverts may display confidence in distinct ways. Introverts might show confidence through thoughtful listening and deep thinking, while extroverts might express it through verbal communication and social engagement.
• Confidence might manifest differently in professional settings compared to personal ones, where the stakes and expectations can vary significantly.
• Fashion is a form of non-verbal communication, conveying messages about identity and mood. Confidence can also be communicated non-verbally through body language, posture, and eye contact, which can be as impactful as verbal expressions.
• Gravitas is often associated with seriousness, dignity, and the ability to command respect. It is traditionally linked to leadership qualities that emphasize authority and presence.
• Embracing a growth mindset encourages individuals to see their strengths as dynamic and improvable, rather than fixed traits. This perspective fosters continuous personal development.
• In many cultures, there is an expectation for leaders to be loud and commanding. This can disadvantage individuals who lead with a quieter style, regardless of their effectiveness.
• Ignoring the valuable skills of women in leadership can have economic consequences, as diverse leadership teams are linked to better financial performance and decision-making.
• Prejudices can limit access to opportunities in various areas such as education, sports, and extracurricular activities, where certain groups may be discouraged or excluded based on stereotypes.
• Historically, many stories and fairy tales have centered around male protagonists, reflecting societal norms and gender roles that favored men as heroes and leaders.

Identify Your Personal Strengths and Communication Style - Innate Abilities and Superpowers

Sun believes that confidence has multiple dimensions, rooted in acknowledging, celebrating, and deploying a broader spectrum of strengths which she calls "superpowers.” These "superpowers" are naturally within all of us and are expressed to varying degrees. Sun has codified these strengths into eight categories: Leadership, Performance, Achievement, Altruism, Knowing, Creating, Having Faith, and Being Self-Sufficient. Each person's unique combination of superpowers—those traits where she's strongest—form her "Confidence Language," the mode she's most fluent and comfortable in. Sun argues that our quest for confidence shouldn't be based on emulation or performing a version of ourselves that is not authentic, but rather that we should strive for self-awareness in recognizing and believing in these strengths that have powered us in the past as the foundation of our future success.

Context

• The concept encourages a shift from traditional views of success, which often emphasize external validation, to a more introspective approach that values self-awareness and personal authenticity.
• This is the ability to rely on oneself and be independent. It involves resourcefulness, self-reliance, and the capacity to manage one's own needs and...

Gravitas Summary Forces Undermining Women's Confidence & Developing Confidence "Superpowers"

As Sun explains, although we are born naturally self-confident, those inherent superpowers can become diminished by powerful social forces that impact our sense of self. To claim confidence, she encourages women to understand and navigate six confidence-undermining forces to embrace a mindset focused on development, fueled by self-belief.

Six Forces That Erode the Self-Confidence of Women

These social forces may be encountered at varying life stages and across different environments. Being aware we're subject to them is critical in taking control of our narrative, embracing our capabilities, and navigating challenges with resilience and grace.

Deficit Mindset: Emphasizing Flaws Over Potential

Sun emphasizes that women are socialized to be overly self-critical and to focus on weaknesses versus celebrating strengths or potential. As an example, she describes a common scenario in which a woman entering a changing room will undress and criticize her entire body, leaving her feeling less than and setting herself up for disappointment before she has even tried anything on. Sun shares that this deficit mindset may result in a vicious cycle, further amplified by social...

Gravitas Summary Practicing Self-Assurance for Personal Growth

Sun urges women to actively deploy and build on their strengths by aligning their lives with their confidence language and to continue evolving beyond their natural talents by developing new superpowers to master challenging situations or to create new opportunities.

Align Your Life With Your Confidence-Boosting Strategies

Sun believes that our superpowers are not static; they can evolve as we gain experience and pursue opportunities, and we can intentionally leverage them more effectively.

Identify Areas Where Your Strengths and Passions Intersect

Sun encourages readers to consider how their current activities—personal or professional—align with the strengths in their confidence language: are there areas of high overlap, where their strong suits are being realized? If it does, is there a connection between that overlap and enjoying or succeeding in the activity? And conversely, what areas bring dissatisfaction or an unsettling sense of stagnation? Sun argues that these areas of unfulfillment or frustration may indicate that a different direction may be needed, or that we should embrace the challenge to build new strengths for the situations which we want to...

Gravitas Summary Supportive Relationships and Communities to Transform Society

Sun urges women to leverage the Confidence Language framework not just for introspection but also to enhance their understanding of and relationships with others. The author believes that as we gain more insight into others' talents, we can build the trust and connection vital for thriving relationships, families, and communities.

Use Assertive Speech to Foster Trust and Bonding

While most of us are taught to analyze the world around us (facts, figures, systems, ideas), Sun argues that we need to more deeply understand ourselves as a foundation for comprehending others. The goal is for us to make room for trust and authentic connection.

Foster Empathy and Value Others' Strengths in Relationships

Sun describes how we can use the Confidence Language vocabulary to understand the motivations behind other people's behavior. For instance, a friend who has "Performing" as their superpower might crave external validation and be more energized and engaged when they're the focal point; conversely, a colleague who spikes on "Knowing" might strive for order and process in their collaborations and be unnerved when events feel unpredictable. Once we understand those inherent...