Book SummaryFriends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing, by Matthew Perry

1-Page Summary1-Page Book Summary of Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing

In Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing, Matthew Perry (best known as Chandler from Friends) takes readers through his life from childhood to the present day, letting them into his darkest moments of loneliness, health scares, and the big terrible thing he has faced and overcome: addiction. He shares his story with the hope of helping others who are also struggling with substance abuse. He wants to let them know they are not alone in their challenges, and that, if he could get sober, they can,...

Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing Summary Childhood

Perry suggests that his childhood experiences set the stage for his future struggles. As a child, he often felt lonely and like he had to work hard to get his parents’, particularly his mother’s, attention. These feelings would stay with him into adulthood, leading him to turn to substance abuse, fame, and casual relationships to feel less alone.

However, Perry doesn’t blame his parents for his addiction. While he did in the past, he now believes that addiction is a disease and that he has a natural predisposition to it. Still, he believes that that predisposition was worsened by the events of his childhood. This section will recount Perry’s earliest experience with drugs and how his family life influenced an unhealthy approach to substance use, fame, and relationships.

(Shortform note: Perry’s nuanced understanding of addiction is in line with current definitions of it. Addiction is considered a chronic disease or disorder that features a compulsion to seek substances or behaviors despite their negative effects. Its causes are complex and [include genetics, brain patterns, and a...

Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing Summary Teenage Years and Early Twenties

While his childhood was the beginning of Perry’s anxieties regarding love and attention, his teenage years and early adulthood were when his unhealthy coping mechanisms started. This section will explore how, in an effort to heal his inner conflicts, he developed substance abuse issues and a fixation on being the center of attention.

(Shortform note: Perry’s unhealthy coping mechanisms began in adolescence, a time when people are especially prone to developing risky behaviors because the brain is still developing and is seeking out new and thrilling sensations. Unfortunately, the habits developed in adolescence often continue beyond the teenage years, which is why it’s important to instill healthy habits in teens. Parents can help teens develop healthy coping mechanisms by teaching them to problem solve, seek help, and develop meaning and purpose for their lives.)

Perry’s Inner Conflicts

Perry felt uncomfortable with himself and with others, and drinking and seeking attention made him feel better. He turned to unhealthy coping...

Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing Summary The _Friends_ Years

In 1994, Perry’s life would change forever when he got cast as Chandler in Friends. But being famous didn’t fix his inner turmoil, and his addiction and struggles with love only got worse. This section will discuss Perry’s highest point in his career and the struggles with his health and relationships during that time.

Perry’s Big Break

At 24, Perry was broke and losing hope of making it in Hollywood. When he realized he was out of money, he took the first job he could find: LAX 2194, a TV show about baggage handlers in the LA airport in the year 2194. It was a poorly received show, and it almost kept him from landing Friends.

(Shortform note: Perry wasn’t the only Friend to almost miss out on the show because of a previous engagement. Jennifer Aniston was in a show for a different network and couldn’t be on two shows at the same time. She got cast as Rachel with the hope that the first show would fail. An executive at NBC, which produced Friends, claims he scheduled popular romantic movies at the same time that Aniston’s first show played on the other network in [an effort to kill the competing...

Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing Summary Life After _Friends_

After Friends, Perry tried to grow beyond Chandler, the role he had become synonymous with. He focused on dramatic work and even received award nominations for a movie he starred in, The Ron Clark Story. However, none of the TV shows he worked on after Friends were successful.

(Shortform note: Perry’s decision to branch out into dramatic work was a way for him to break out of his typecasting rut, a pitfall of fame that affects many successful actors.)

With no real purpose to keep him sober, Perry’s unhealthy patterns of behavior worsened. In this section, we’ll explore how he continued to abuse substances even after a couple of near-death experiences, and how he pushed away any woman who got close to him.

Relapse, Rehab, Recover, Repeat

After Friends ended, Perry’s addiction accelerated. In 2013 he went into rehab for the third time. During that stay, he found that helping the other residents have fun made him feel useful. However, his counselor questioned why he was having fun at rehab and pointed out that he...

Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing Summary Matthew Today

At 52, Perry has managed to beat some of his unhealthy patterns. This section will discuss his ongoing recovery from addiction and his current outlook on life and the future.

Beating Addiction One Day at a Time

At the time of writing his memoir, after multiple health crises and 14 surgeries, Perry is sober. He claims he quit alcohol and opiates because he got to a point where he needed too many drinks or pills to feel anything. The fear of living with a colostomy bag forever and the fear of dying before learning how to love also helped him quit. Today, he’s on [restricted term], which helps him avoid taking other opiates but makes him depressed.

Medication to Treat Opioid Use

In the same way that addiction has complex causes, being in recovery may require a complex array of supporting mechanisms. Perry’s recovery is supported by his personal commitments (not having a colostomy bag forever and learning to love), his acknowledgment of the limitations of substances in making him feel better, and the use of maintenance medication.

The medication he’s on—[restricted term]—is [a combination of an opioid ([restricted term]) and an opioid antagonist used to...

Shortform Exercise: Reflect on Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing

Perry’s memoir gives a peek behind the curtain of addiction. Take some time now to think about what you’ve read and how it might change your views on Perry and addiction.

How familiar were you with Perry before reading this guide?