Book SummaryFifty First Dates After Fifty, by Carolyn Lee Arnold

1-Page Summary1-Page Book Summary of Fifty First Dates After Fifty

Author's Search for Love After Long-Term Relationship Ends

This section focuses on Carolyn Lee Arnold's decision to move on from a lengthy partnership and actively seek a new, more fulfilling relationship. Arnold chronicles her feelings of discontent in her partnership with Peter and her determination to find a new partner using a unique strategy of going on 50 first dates.

Author's Decision to End Discontented Relationship

This part of the text dives into the reasons behind Arnold's decision to end her relationship with Peter, despite the love they shared. While Peter provided peace and support, their different life goals and long-distance arrangement left Arnold wishing for a more present and invested partner.

The Author's Partnership and Split With Peter

Arnold deeply cherished her seven-year partnership with Peter, her longest. Peter, a retired "Buddhist beach boy" residing in Hawaii, provided Arnold with a sense of calm and emotional support. Arnold describes their connection as a "nourishing blend of support, pleasure, and independence," where their monthly visits and nightly phone calls fostered intimacy while allowing Arnold to maintain her busy lifestyle in the Bay Area. However, as their relationship progressed, Arnold grew increasingly restless. Arnold yearned for a more permanent partner who lived nearby. Peter, on the other hand, expressed a desire to travel the world, live abroad in Bali, and avoid commitment.

Recognizing their diverging needs, Peter and Arnold mutually agreed to part ways as he embarked on an extended trip to Europe and India. Prior to his departure, they held a "farewell ritual" to acknowledge their transition and offer mutual support in pursuing their individual paths. Despite the ceremony, Arnold admits she struggled to fully release her emotional attachment to Peter, writing melancholy music about their separation and battling feelings of loss.

Practical Tips

• Develop a "Shared Dreams and Goals" vision board with your partner, including both individual aspirations and common objectives. This visual representation can serve as a constant reminder and motivation for nurturing and investing in the relationship, fostering a sense of shared purpose.
• Initiate a 'Support Swap' with a friend or family member where you agree to be each other's emotional support through regular check-ins, either in person or via a communication platform. This mutual exchange can create a reliable support system similar to the one Arnold had with Peter. You could, for example, schedule a weekly video call with your 'Support Swap' partner to share challenges and offer each other encouragement and a listening ear.
• Implement a "3-2-1" weekly check-in with your significant other or a close friend, where you share three things you appreciated about their support, two enjoyable experiences you had together, and one instance where you valued each other's independence. This structured approach encourages open communication and ensures that all aspects of a nourishing connection are regularly acknowledged and celebrated.
• Start a rotating storytelling email chain with a group of friends or relatives. Each person takes turns writing a short update or story about their life and then passes it on to the next person. This creates a continuous narrative of everyone's lives and maintains intimacy through shared stories, while allowing each person to contribute at their own pace.
• Create a "relationship roadmap" with your partner to set mutual goals and expectations. Sit down together and discuss what each of you wants from the relationship, both in the short term and long term. This could include planning regular date nights, personal time, or discussing life goals. Having a clear understanding of where you're both heading can alleviate feelings of restlessness by providing a sense of direction and purpose.
• Try using hyper-local social media platforms or apps that focus on connecting people within a specific geographic area. Platforms like Nextdoor or local Facebook groups can help you engage with neighbors and potentially meet someone interested in a more permanent...

Fifty First Dates After Fifty Summary Exploring Sensuality, Sexuality, and Intimacy in Romantic Relationships

This section of the book chronicles Arnold's dating experiences, highlighting her comfort with intimacy and her active pursuit of sexual encounters. She explores her comfort with vulnerability, demonstrating a willingness to engage with male partners on both emotional and physical levels and navigate scenarios involving non-monogamy.

Author's Openness to Intimacy in Her Relationships

Arnold embraces intimacy on both emotional and physical levels during her journey of dating, demonstrating a comfort with sexuality and vulnerability that challenges conventional dating norms.

Ease With Sexuality and Desire to Explore

Arnold unapologetically relishes intimacy as a form of connection and actively seeks men who share her appreciation for physical intimacy. Her experiences as a 1970s lesbian feminist helped her develop strong self-confidence and separate sex from any perceived need for a financially supportive man, enabling her to engage in sexual discovery with an exuberance untainted by shame or fear. She seeks out events like sensual parties, Tantra workshops, and clothing-optional settings to meet men who view sex as a healthy and fulfilling aspect of life.

Beyond...

Fifty First Dates After Fifty Summary Lessons From Fifty Initial Dates

This section of the book focuses on the key lessons Arnold learns about herself and her ideal partner criteria through her diverse dating experiences. Arnold reflects on her discernment in identifying potential long-term partners, as well as her resilience in navigating disappointments and setbacks.

Men the Author Dates: Compatible To Incompatible

Throughout this book, Arnold dates men ranging from spiritually aware workshop participants to conventional businessmen, showcasing the wide range of male personalities within her dating scope. Arnold provides insightful analyses of these encounters, highlighting both compatibility and incompatibility with partners from diverse backgrounds and ways of life.

Author's Discernment In Identifying Potential Long-Term Partners

Arnold's approach to dating allows her to refine her criteria for a long-term partner. She learns to differentiate between the allure of superficial attraction and the qualities that indicate genuine compatibility. For example, although she's initially drawn to partners such as Ben and Homer for their sexual compatibility and passionate energy, she recognizes the limitations of these relationships in...

Fifty First Dates After Fifty Summary Author's Dating Journey: Greek Vacation and Finding a Fulfilling Relationship

This section of the book chronicles Arnold’s transformative adventure in the Greek archipelago and highlights how her bond with Jay developed, eventually leading to her choosing him as her partner.

Transformative Greek Experience and Its Impact on Perspective

Arnold embarks on a solo journey to Greece, intending to continue her dating project there by exploring connections with men she encounters. However, she discovers that the trip serves a deeper purpose—helping her release her attachment to Peter and gain clarity about her ideal partner.

Feeling "Blessed" and Affirmed by Jay During Greece Trip

Arnold invites Jay, a man she had begun dating before the trip, to spend two weeks with her in Greece. Their shared experiences in Greece, particularly a visit to the ancient Minoan palace at Knossos, where they imagine themselves receiving blessings from the King and Queen, deepen their connection. This shared fantasy resonates profoundly, instilling in them both a sense that their connection is destined by a larger force.

Context

• Traveling together can often accelerate the development of a relationship by placing individuals in new and challenging...