Book SummaryCollaborating with the Enemy, by Adam Kahane

1-Page Summary1-Page Book Summary of Collaborating with the Enemy

As our social world becomes increasingly volatile, uncertain, complex, and ambiguous, the ability to collaborate across deep divides has become an essential skill, but conventional approaches to collaboration often fail precisely when we need them most. Whether in corporate teams navigating conflicting priorities, communities addressing contentious social issues, or international groups working on complex global challenges, we frequently find ourselves needing to work with those we might consider adversaries.

Collaborating with the Enemy (2017) tackles a fundamental challenge we all face: how to work effectively with people we don’t agree with, like, or trust. Adam Kahane, drawing on his 30+ years as a global conflict mediator, presents an unconventional approach called “stretch collaboration” that lets you...

Collaborating with the Enemy Summary What Is Stretch Collaboration?

As our world becomes increasingly interconnected through globalization, technology, and social media, we encounter more people with different values, interests, and perspectives. These connections span our workplaces, communities, and political environments, and they create situations in which we must collaborate with people we don’t agree with, like, or trust. For these challenging situations, Kahane introduces “stretch collaboration” as an alternative to traditional approaches.

He explains that traditional collaboration typically assumes three things: that we must focus on harmony and suppress conflict within the team; that we must agree on a detailed plan before taking action; and that we can change what others are doing if we try hard enough. While these assumptions might work in simple situations with like-minded people, Kahane explains that they fail in complex, contentious environments for three reasons.

First, traditional collaboration methods demand an unrealistic level of harmony when stakeholders have fundamentally different interests and worldviews. Attempting to suppress these differences creates an artificial sense of unity that inevitably fractures....

Collaborating with the Enemy Summary How to Use Stretch Collaboration

Now that we’ve explained what stretch collaboration is and why traditional approaches often fail, let’s explore how to put Kahane’s principles into practice. Adopting a stretch collaboration approach requires three fundamental shifts in how we work with others, especially those we see as adversaries. Let’s examine each of these principles in depth.

Principle #1: Acknowledge Both Differences and Connections

First, Kahane explains that effective collaboration requires both embracing conflicts and nurturing relationships. He contends that all human interactions are shaped by two fundamental drives: the drive for power and the drive for love. The drive for power motivates us to seek self-realization and opportunities to assert our individual interests. We express this when advocating for our perspective, pushing for our needs to be met, and maintaining our independence. On the other hand, the drive for love motivates us to seek connection and unity with others. This emerges when we listen, find common ground, and prioritize collective well-being.

Kahane contends that most of us overemphasize one drive at the expense of the other, with negative effects on our ability...

Shortform Exercise: Identify Your Collaboration Style

Kahane explains that effective collaboration requires balancing both conflict (power) and connection (love). This exercise helps you identify your default collaboration style and how you might stretch beyond it.

When you’re in a difficult collaborative situation, which are you more likely to do: suppress your views to maintain harmony, assert your position strongly (even if it creates tension), or alternate between asserting and connecting depending on what’s needed in the moment?