Book SummaryChoose Her Every Day (Or Leave Her), by Bryan Withrow Reeves

1-Page Summary1-Page Book Summary of Choose Her Every Day (Or Leave Her)

Developing Emotional Intelligence and Connection Among Males

This section focuses on the critical need for men to connect with their feelings, challenging the traditional masculine conditioning that inhibits emotional expression and ultimately strains relationships. Reeves emphasizes the significant impact of emotional intelligence and vulnerability on fostering genuine intimacy.

The Importance of Males Connecting to Emotions and Feelings

Reeves emphasizes the importance of men linking to their inner experiences and emotions, and sees this as critical for creating healthy, fulfilling relationships. He argues that the traditional masculine norms that discourage emotional expression contribute to challenges in men's personal and intimate lives.

Men Conditioned to Suppress Emotions, Straining Relationships

Reeves argues that boys are often raised with harmful messages that teach them to reject and suppress their feelings. Phrases such as "Don't behave girly!" "Stop behaving weakly!" and "Stop crying!" condition men to view expressing emotions as weakness and to favor stoicism. This conditioning can lead to emotional detachment and a struggle connecting with close companions. Consequently, men might emotionally disengage, prioritize logic over feelings, or turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms as a means of escaping discomfort. This creates distance and undermines intimacy in connections.

Reeves shares his personal struggles with the military's focus on logic over feelings. He describes how many years of only focusing on intellect and masculinity left him emotionally disconnected, unable to fully experience joy, sadness, or even laughter. This emotional detachment impacted his relationships, making it difficult for him to offer genuine connection to the females in his life.

Practical Tips

• Implement a "feelings check-in" during family dinners or gatherings with friends. Encourage each person to share one thing they felt strongly about that day and discuss it openly. This normalizes talking about emotions and shows that it's a shared human experience, not a weakness.
• Volunteer to mentor young boys in after-school programs, focusing on emotional intelligence and healthy expression of feelings. By providing a role model who encourages emotional openness, you can directly impact the next generation's perception of masculinity and emotional expression. This could involve activities like art, writing, or open discussions that center around understanding and expressing emotions constructively.
• Engage in role-reversal exercises with a partner where you each take turns expressing the other's typical emotional responses to situations. This playful yet insightful activity can help you see how your stoic reactions might appear to others and explore the benefits of a more emotionally expressive approach. For instance, if you usually respond to stress with silence, acting out a more expressive response can give you a new perspective on emotional communication.
• Engage in a new activity or hobby that is traditionally seen as communal and emotionally expressive, such as joining a book club, cooking class, or dance workshop. Participating in these activities can provide a natural setting for forming connections and having open conversations that go beyond surface-level interactions.
• Create a feelings journal to track emotional responses and identify patterns. By regularly writing down your feelings, especially during times of stress or discomfort, you can begin to recognize when you might be disengaging emotionally or defaulting to logic over emotions. This self-awareness can help you address these tendencies directly and develop healthier coping mechanisms.
• Implement a "no screens" rule during meals to ensure undivided attention and presence with your partner. By removing distractions such as phones, tablets, and televisions during meal times, you encourage more meaningful conversations and emotional engagement. This can be a time to share daily experiences, laugh together, and enjoy each other's company, which can strengthen intimacy.
• Create a "feeling wheel" for your workspace or home to help identify and articulate emotions. This can be a simple wheel with various emotion words branching out from the center. When faced with a decision or reflecting on your day, use the wheel to pinpoint exactly what you're feeling. This practice encourages you to acknowledge and consider emotions as part of your daily routine.
• Practice active listening during conversations with a partner or friend. Focus on really hearing what the other person is saying without planning your response. Reflect back what you've heard to show understanding and ask questions that deepen the connection. This can help you engage more genuinely in relationships.

Emotional Connection and Vulnerability Are Key to Intimacy

Reeves emphasizes that intimate relationships require both people to be emotionally present, and sees this as...

Choose Her Every Day (Or Leave Her) Summary Navigating Gendered Feelings in Partnerships

This section focuses on understanding the differing communication styles and needs of individuals who display "masculine" energies versus "feminine" energies. Reeves emphasizes the importance of honoring and supporting each person's unique emotional expression, encouraging couples to bridge their differing perspectives.

Recognizing Communication Styles and Preferences in Masculine vs. Feminine Traits

Reeves argues that understanding the fundamental differences in communication in masculine versus feminine energies can help diffuse conflict and foster greater intimacy. Being unaware of these dynamics, he believes, can lead to a "Relationship Death Gap," where couples repeatedly clash over misinterpretations and unmet needs.

Masculine Individuals Prioritize Logic, Problem-Solving, and Independence

Reeves observes that individuals who predominantly display masculine traits, regardless of their gender, tend to prioritize logic, problem-solving, and independence. They often focus on finding solutions and might dismiss feelings as insignificant or distracting. Their communication emphasizes autonomy and directness, valuing clear boundaries and personal space.

This...

Choose Her Every Day (Or Leave Her) Summary From Physical to Spiritual Intimacy: Development of Healthy Relationships

This section explores the evolution of healthy relationships, emphasizing that genuine closeness goes far beyond mere physical attraction and sexual compatibility. Reeves argues that a satisfying relationship requires a deepening of connection on emotional, spiritual, and purposeful levels.

Sex Alone Insufficient for a Lasting Relationship

Reeves argues that a fulfilling relationship isn't possible when it's built solely on sexual chemistry. While physical attraction is important, neglecting other areas of connection can lead to dissatisfaction and resentment. He highlights the significance of compatibility, communication, and shared purpose beyond the physical realm for a flourishing partnership.

Compatibility, Communication, and Shared Purpose Beyond Physical Chemistry

Reeves suggests that a rewarding partnership requires compatibility beyond sexual chemistry. This encompasses shared values, lifestyles, and aspirations. While being physically attracted can create initial sparks, a lack of compatibility in these fundamental areas can lead to persistent conflict and ultimately strain the relationship.

He emphasizes that open communication is crucial for navigating...