Book SummaryBraving the Wilderness, by Brené Brown

1-Page Summary1-Page Book Summary of Braving the Wilderness

The desire to feel accepted by others is one of the most powerful human motivators—it dictates how we speak and act to feel like we belong to a group. But according to researcher Brené Brown, striving for social acceptance instead of being true to ourselves breeds isolation and division by fueling the fear that we’re one misstep away from exclusion.

True belonging, she says, is the ability to express ourselves honestly. While it sounds counterintuitive, true belonging doesn’t mean finding people who accept you—rather, it means embracing the idea that being true to yourself supersedes what anyone else thinks.

Brown’s research focuses on courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy. She explores these topics in public speaking events, podcasts, training programs, and her New York Times best sellers...

Braving the Wilderness Summary What Is True Belonging?

Brown says that true belonging is feeling secure in communicating and living out your values despite what others may think. In contrast, fitting in means conforming with other people’s expectations. For example, if your family is talking about politics at the dinner table, and you disagree with everyone else, you might embody true belonging by challenging their opinions or explaining why you believe differently, even if it’s uncomfortable. Fitting in might look like nodding along with what others are saying to avoid a potential conflict.

Clarifying the Term True Belonging

Brown’s concept of true belonging is difficult to define succinctly because she uses the book as a whole to fully illustrate this nuanced concept and what it looks like. Nonetheless, examining similar terms can help us better understand the phrase. True belonging is akin to what many refer to as living authentically: acting in alignment with your values and personality. However, true belonging also encompasses the result of living authentically—the feeling of being at peace because...

Braving the Wilderness Summary Ways We Try (and Fail) to Belong

Brown explains that we tend to strive for belonging by trying to fit in. However, by trying to fit in, we find ourselves more isolated and afraid to express ourselves authentically. In other words, it takes us farther from true belonging. Here’s how this process unfolds:

In our attempt to feel socially connected (and therefore feel like we belong), we group ourselves by ideology, race, politics, and more. We try to bolster our connection to these groups, but our strategies for doing so—like using dehumanizing language toward outsiders—fuel divisiveness, causing us to forget the humanity of anyone who’s not “one of us.” According to Brown, this lack of a shared sense of humanity, a lack of compassion, and the fear of becoming an outsider are the primary reasons people struggle to achieve true belonging.

The Upside of Tribalism

Although Brown suggests that the tendency to group ourselves inhibits authenticity and connection, others focus on the positive results of this behavior. For example, in The Righteous Mind, Jonathan Haidt [highlights the moral good that can result from our groupish...

Braving the Wilderness Summary How Can You Achieve True Belonging?

Now that we’ve covered some of the harmful ways we strive to connect and belong, we’ll explain Brown’s advice for finding true belonging. Her strategies include the following: 1) resolve conflicts with curiosity and healthy boundaries, 2) question false dichotomies (like the “us versus them” mindset), 3) remember what unites us as humans by being present with others through euphoric and painful moments, and 4) build trust in both yourself and others. We’ll cover each of these strategies in more detail next.

Strategy 1: Resolve Conflicts With Curiosity and Healthy Boundaries

Recall that Brown says part of true belonging means speaking up with your honest opinion, even when it could create conflict. This means you must be prepared to resolve conflicts by approaching them with curiosity rather than defensiveness or hostility. If everyone could try to understand other people’s perspectives and talk through conflicts with kindness, Brown says, people would feel more comfortable being their true selves because they wouldn’t be afraid of a negative reaction.

In other words, having a safe space to disagree facilitates true belonging. Even a more neutral stance, like...

Shortform Exercise: Strive for True Belonging

Brown explains some of the ways people try to fit in that exacerbate feelings of isolation and divisiveness. She also describes her advice for avoiding these pitfalls and achieving true belonging. In this exercise, we’ll examine some of the ways you might be inadvertently trying to fit in to an unhealthy extent and how you might foster true belonging instead.

Think of a time when you found yourself censoring your opinion or the opinions of others. Describe the scenario and why you felt like you had to self-monitor or limit other people’s self-expression. For example, were you afraid that the people around you might react negatively, or did you feel like someone else’s different opinion was threatening to you?