Book SummaryBe Angry, but Don't Blow It, by Lisa Bevere

1-Page Summary1-Page Book Summary of Be Angry, but Don't Blow It

Managing Anger Constructively

Anger: A Legitimate Emotion, Harmful or Constructive

This section explores the author's main argument that anger is an inherent human emotion given by God, but it can be harnessed for constructive purposes or allowed to spiral into destructive rage. Bevere asserts that we have the choice to master our anger or be mastered by it, and she outlines strategies for opting for managing anger constructively.

Anger: Ready to Protect Our Passions

Bevere clarifies that anger is not inherently wrong but serves as a state of physical and emotional readiness to defend those things we are passionate about. She explains that "anger is a heightened physical and emotional state of preparedness to defend something about which we are passionate, and we are passionate when something is important to us." Anger becomes problematic when it escalates into extreme outbursts, which are destructive forms of anger that can severely damage relationships and ourselves.

To demonstrate this, Bevere provides personal examples of her own struggles with anger, detailing a time when, as a young woman, she threw a soda in the face of someone who taunted her about her artificial eye. In that moment, she felt completely justified in her outburst due to the intense pain triggered by the remark. Years later, she no longer feels as angry about the issue, reflecting that her passions have shifted and what once felt like a life-or-death violation no longer triggers the same response. Through this example, Bevere emphasizes that our feelings of anger are often fueled by what we deem important or a violation of our values, and these passions can change through time and experience.

Practical Tips

• Implement a "three-breath" rule before responding in tense situations: take three deep breaths, focusing on the sensation of breathing in and out, to give yourself a moment to calm down and think before reacting. This simple pause can prevent immediate, anger-fueled responses and give you time to choose a more measured approach. For example, if someone cuts in line in front of you, instead of lashing out, take your three breaths to assess whether the situation warrants confrontation or if it's better to let it go.
• Practice value-based communication by expressing your feelings in terms of value violations rather than personal attacks. For example, if a friend is consistently late, instead of expressing anger, explain that punctuality is a value you hold dear because it signifies respect for each other's time.
• Create a "Passion Exploration Journal" to track your evolving interests. Start by dedicating a notebook or digital document to record new activities you try, your feelings about them, and any emerging interests. For example, if you've always enjoyed cooking, take a class in a new cuisine and note your reactions. Over time, review your journal to identify patterns or shifts in your passions.

Channel Anger Toward Avoiding Wrongdoing and Creating Positive Outcomes

Bevere emphasizes that managing anger constructively involves acknowledging its presence and choosing appropriate ways to express it to prevent sinning. Ephesians 4:26, "Be angry, and do not sin" (NKJV), doesn't simply give permission for anger but commands us to direct it in a way that prevents harm. Drawing from Psalm 30:5, "His wrath is fleeting, but his grace endures forever" (NIV), Bevere highlights the temporary nature of godly anger, stressing that it's meant to be brief, leading to resolution rather than festering into long-term resentment.

The key, according to Bevere, is learning to distinguish between the individual and the offense, recognizing that anger should target the wrongdoing and not the person who committed it. This principle is analogous to the way God responds to Israel's sin: He temporarily turns away in displeasure but ultimately remains committed to reconciliation. Additionally, Bevere argues that delaying resolution is detrimental, enabling anger to solidify into bitterness. Citing Ephesians 4:26, she reminds us, "Do not end the day angry" (NIV), emphasizing the importance...

Be Angry, but Don't Blow It Summary Spiritual and Psychological Solutions to the Causes of Anger

This section explores the underlying causes of anger, exposing the spiritual and psychological origins of this complex emotion. Bevere challenges readers to identify the triggers, thoughts, and patterns driving their anger, emphasizing that lasting change requires an inward transformation involving repentance, confession, and reliance on divine guidance.

Anger Arises From Perceived Threat, Violation, or Injustice

Bevere posits that anger, at its core, is a response to a perceived threat, violation, or injustice. When our personal boundaries or values have been crossed, anger serves as an alarm system, signaling the need for defense or change. For example, Bevere describes how, as a toddler, she would throw destructive tantrums when she felt thwarted or misunderstood. Even at a young age, she exhibited a strong sense of justice and reacted passionately when she felt violated.

Bevere further underscores the importance of addressing the "why" behind feeling angry. Referring to the story of Genesis 4, she notes that God questioned Cain, asking, "What has made you upset? Why is your face downcast?" (Gen. 4:6 NIV). Had Cain honestly confronted his jealousy and resentment, the...

Be Angry, but Don't Blow It Summary Impact of Anger on Relationships and Healing

This section explores how uncontrolled anger damages relationships and provides a roadmap for restoration. Bevere underscores that humility, confession, and being dedicated to changing behaviors are crucial for lasting healing. She encourages readers to seek God's guidance in navigating conflict and to adopt divine principles for lasting peace and reconciliation.

Uncontrolled Anger Damages Relationships Through Distrust, Hostility, and Poor Communication

Bevere outlines how unmanaged anger leads to an environment of distrust, hostility, and impaired communication, eroding the foundation of healthy relationships. Referencing Proverbs 21:19, she quotes, "Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife" (NIV), highlighting how destructive anger can make a home feel less welcoming than a desolate desert.

She explains that habitual anger creates a cycle of anxiety and reactivity, hindering authentic connection and productive conflict resolution. When we consistently respond with anger, others learn to walk on eggshells, anticipating outbursts and fearing its destructive consequences.

Harsh Words and Anger Cause Long-Lasting Pain

Bevere emphasizes the...