Book SummaryAltogether You, by Jenna Riemersma

1-Page Summary1-Page Book Summary of Altogether You

Understanding the diverse internal forces that shape the trajectory of our lives, such as the elements often referred to as the sidelined aspects, the overseers, and the crisis responders.

The concept of Internal Family Systems suggests that an individual is made up of several unique subpersonalities.

Jenna Riemersma introduces a therapeutic method that delves into the complex elements of our individual identities, commonly referred to as the model of the psyche composed of multiple sub-personalities. She argues that our sense of self is made up of different individual parts, each with its own set of feelings and cognitive processes. Our sense of identity is shaped by a combination of factors that together forge our complete sense of who we are. In her book, Riemersma underscores a perspective that aligns with the biblical portrayal of human intricacy, referencing the internal conflict that Paul the Apostle articulates in a specific section of the Bible, known as Romans 7:15.

Each person carries within them a sacred essence, enhanced by a variety of unique traits that contribute to their individual identity.

Riemersma clarifies that every person harbors an essential self that she compares to the sacred image present in Christian doctrines, an idea that is deeply embedded in the tenets of IFS. Jenna Riemersma maintains the belief that traits like kindness, understanding, compassion, and serenity are reflective of the divine image that was imparted to us at the dawn of creation, as depicted in the opening chapter of the Book of Genesis. Our sense of self is made up of various aspects that revolve around our intrinsic Imago Dei. Our consciousness can fluidly transition between these facets when they remain unburdened by distress.

The author depicts a trait unburdened by referencing her son's passion for cars. His joyfulness is a natural part of who he is, filling his life with energy and an intense eagerness to discover new things. She likens this characteristic to the internal mechanisms that take drastic measures to protect our sensitive inner selves from harm. Understanding why we might exhibit contradictory behaviors and feelings is facilitated by recognizing that our internal makeup includes a core self surrounded by a variety of aspects.

Practical Tips

• Engage in a weekly 'essence exploration' where you try a new activity alone that you've always been curious about but never attempted. This could be anything from a solo hike to attending a pottery class. The key is to do it alone so you can listen to your inner voice without outside influence. Notice which activities make you feel most alive and consider how they might reflect your sacred essence.
• Start a "trait diary" where you record instances when your unique traits influenced an outcome or decision each day. At the end of the day, jot down at least one situation where a particular trait played a role. For instance, if you're naturally curious, you might note how that led you to research a new topic that helped solve a problem at work. Over time, this diary will serve as a concrete record of how your traits shape your interactions and achievements.
• Create a "Serenity Space" in your home, a dedicated area where you can practice calming activities such as meditation, deep breathing, or reading inspirational literature. Use this space to cultivate a sense of peace and tranquility that you can carry with you throughout the day. By doing so, you're more likely to respond to stressful situations with a calm demeanor, reflecting serenity in your daily life.
• Create a visual self-concept map by drawing a large circle with your name in the center and surrounding it with smaller circles for different aspects of your identity like hobbies, career, relationships, and beliefs. This visual representation can help you see the multifaceted nature of your self-concept and identify areas you might want to develop further. For example, if you notice your 'hobbies' circle is sparse, consider trying new activities to enrich that part of your identity.
• Experiment with "consciousness cue cards" to facilitate smoother transitions throughout your day. Write down simple, calming phrases or instructions on index cards, such as "Breathe deeply and release tension" or "Focus on the present moment." Keep these cards in places where you often experience stress or where you need to shift your focus, like your work desk, your car, or your kitchen. When you encounter a challenging transition, use the cue card to remind yourself to approach the change with a sense of ease and without distress.
• Start a joy journal where you write down three things that brought you joy each day. This practice encourages you to actively look for joy in your daily life, reinforcing the idea that joyfulness is an innate part of being human. For example, you might note the warmth of the sun on your face, a good laugh with a friend, or the satisfaction of completing a task.
• Develop a habit of reflective journaling to explore and understand your internal protective mechanisms. Set aside time each day to write about situations where you felt your inner self was under threat and how you reacted. This practice can help you become more aware of your protective behaviors and consider if they are serving you well or if there are healthier coping strategies you could adopt.
• Develop a 'role-play routine' where you embody different aspects of your personality in safe, everyday situations. For example, if you're typically reserved, try engaging with a stranger in a role where your 'outgoing aspect' leads the interaction. This can help you become more comfortable with the different parts of yourself and understand how they can be expressed in a balanced way.

Certain components, often referred to as exiles, carry the heavy load of previous traumatic experiences, which present themselves as distress and damaging convictions.

In the...

Altogether You Summary Fostering an attitude of compassion and caring for the parts of ourselves that have been hurt.

The author suggests that the path to healing begins by addressing our suffering inner selves with compassion and curiosity. Our distress often originates from the actions of our well-intentioned guardians who have lost their way, arising from the parts of ourselves that are hurt and typically remain out of our awareness. Riemersma promotes a therapeutic approach that emphasizes facing our unease, recognizing and validating the stories of our internal outcasts, and confirming their truths. We must acknowledge their suffering and offer them compassion, just as Jesus offered compassion to those who were hurting and outcast during his life.

Recognizing and validating the importance of the aspects within us that we have neglected or pushed away is essential.

Riemersma notes that society frequently downplays the importance of adversity, encouraging individuals to withstand it and move forward. Our upbringing often conditions us to believe that expressing negative feelings is inappropriate, which results in suppressing these emotions and, as a result, weakens our bond with our own emotional well-being. Riemersma suggests that by ignoring our suffering, we worsen our wounds, thus...

Altogether You Summary Cultivating deeper connections with our own selves, the divine, and the individuals who are part of our lives.

The author emphasizes the significance of acknowledging and engaging with the different facets of our inner selves to transform deeply the way we relate to ourselves, foster our spiritual bonds, and shape our relationships with those around us. Our ability to precisely comprehend our emotions and to perceive the subtle feelings of others with empathy allows us to forge bonds that are genuine, warm, and founded on mutual esteem.

Fostering an understanding of the various elements that constitute our inner self.

Jenna Riemersma emphasizes the strength we gain by recognizing our internal complexities, which paves the way for us to cultivate a bond with our own being characterized by comprehension, kindness, and goodwill. This transformation arises from the realization that every aspect of ourselves, including those exhibiting challenging actions, is fundamentally aimed at assisting us. Grasping our worth allows us to let go of self-judgment and a sense of not being enough, which in turn disrupts detrimental habits and lays down a robust groundwork for genuine self-care.

Understanding that every aspect of our existence is motivated by good intentions, even if their...