Book Summary8 Rules of Love, by Jay Shetty

1-Page Summary1-Page Book Summary of 8 Rules of Love

Love isn’t easy. It requires constant attention and dedication to grow and thrive into a long-lasting, successful relationship. In 8 Rules of Love (2023), Jay Shetty explains how to navigate this process, drawing from his experience as a Hindu monk. He provides perspectives on love from ancient Hindu scriptures, then explains how to apply them to your life and your relationship. Above all, he describes love as a journey of self-discovery, self-improvement, and mutual support.

Shetty spent three years living as a monk in India and the UK before becoming a motivational speaker and entrepreneur. He’s also a relationship advisor for dating app Match, the author of Think Like a Monk, and the host of On Purpose, a podcast exploring personal growth. (Shortform note: Some journalists and mental health experts have criticized...

8 Rules of Love Summary Part 1: How to Be Single

Shetty’s first two rules derive from the Brahmacharya ashram, which focuses on self-discovery, growth, and abstaining from love. He describes how, during this part of his training to become a Hindu monk, he had to spend a great deal of time alone, meditating in silence. This helped him become more comfortable with solitude and better able to sit with his thoughts for longer periods. As a result, he learned a lot about himself—his identity, values, and desires. With time, he learned to appreciate his own presence, establishing a foundation of self-love.

Based on this experience, Shetty argues that you must love yourself before you can find a long-lasting, loving relationship. So, he says, you must learn how to be single. In this section, we’ll cover his two rules for doing so, why they’re important, and how to follow them.

The Importance of Singlehood in Hinduism and Beyond

Brahmacharya is the first Hindu ashram, covering life from birth to age 24. In this ashram, young Hindus prepare for adult responsibilities by studying scriptures and other subjects, like astrology and martial arts....

8 Rules of Love Summary Part 2: How to Be Responsible in Love

After you get comfortable with being single, Shetty says you can carry the lessons you’ve learned into a new relationship. To do this, you’ll have to open up and share your love with a partner—in other words, you’ll have to learn to be responsible in love. To that end, his next three rules help you establish a relationship based on mutual respect and growth. They derive from the second ashram, Grhastha, which focuses on loving others for who they are while maintaining self-love.

(Shortform note: According to Hinduism, Grhastha is the second stage of life, covering ages 24 to 48. It’s what the first stage, Brahmacharya, prepares you for: an active family and social life. In this stage, you’re expected to marry, raise children, pursue a career, and contribute to society. Your focus shifts from personal learning and discipline to fulfilling duties—known as dharma, a concept we’ll revisit later—through relationships, work, and community involvement. Grhastha emphasizes responsibility, love, and service, aligning with Shetty’s view that love in this stage is about mutual growth and shared purpose.)

Rule 3: Recognize...

8 Rules of Love Summary Part 3: How to Navigate Challenges

Any relationship will progress to a point where you experience conflict. How you handle conflict determines whether your relationship succeeds—if you resolve the problem, your relationship will strengthen and your love will deepen. If you can’t, you’ll likely break up. In this section, we’ll discuss Shetty’s rules for each of these scenarios. He explains that these rules are inspired by Hinduism’s third ashram, Vanaprastha, which stresses reflection and healing.

(Shortform note: In Hindu tradition, Vanaprastha is the third stage of life, spanning ages 48 to 72. In this stage, you focus on introspection, spiritual practice, and mentoring the next generation—this prepares you for the next ashram, the end of your life. Shetty adapts this idea to relationships, suggesting that when conflict arises, it’s a chance to pause and reflect rather than reacting impulsively. But he allows that sometimes you have to withdraw from a relationship by breaking up with your partner; similarly, Vanaprastha requires you to let go of the responsibilities you took on in the second ashram, Grhastha—your active family and social life.)

Rule 6:...

8 Rules of Love Summary Part 4: How to Foster Universal Love

Shetty argues that romantic love is only one piece of the puzzle. Hinduism’s fourth ashram, Sannyasa, focuses on universal love. According to this belief, everyone is interdependent and deserving of love—so you have a moral responsibility to give love freely and selflessly, not just to your partner, but to your family, community, and the world. Let’s explore how to do this.

(Shortform note: In Hinduism, Sannyasa is the final stage of life, encompassing ages 72 to 96. In this stage, you prepare your soul for the next cycle of reincarnation—rebirth—by devoting yourself to spiritual liberation. You renounce worldly attachments, including material wealth, ambition, and even personal relationships, so you can focus entirely on unity with the divine. This kind of unity is characterized by prem—divine love that’s unconditional and entirely selfless.)

Rule 8: Love Universally

Shetty’s eighth rule is to love universally. He explains that this starts with people you already know and like—your partner, family, friends, coworkers, and so on. But universal love also requires loving...

Shortform Exercise: Reflect on Your Ideal Relationship

Use Shetty’s rules of love to clarify what you want from your current or future relationship.

Think of a past relationship—romantic or otherwise—that affected you deeply. What worked well? What didn’t? What did you learn about how you give and receive love?

Shortform Exercise: Practice Self-Love

Shetty says that before you can find romantic success, you must learn to love yourself. Use this exercise to reflect on how you can cultivate self-love.

Think about a time when you enjoyed being alone. For example, maybe you took a walk by yourself or wrote a short story. What about that moment made you feel at peace or happy with yourself?