In this episode of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck Podcast, hosts Mark Manson and Will Birnie examine social comparison and its deep roots in human psychology. They discuss how our brains evolved to constantly evaluate social standing, exploring the biological reward and pain pathways that activate when we compare ourselves to others.
The hosts analyze different philosophical approaches to managing social comparison, from Confucian acceptance of social hierarchies to Buddhist non-attachment. They also examine how social media has transformed social comparison in the modern era, creating what psychologists call a "leaderboard society." The episode covers practical strategies for making social comparison work productively, including how to learn from others' success rather than letting it trigger negative emotions.

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In this episode, Manson and Birnie explore how social comparison shapes human behavior and psychology. They explain that social comparison is an innate tendency that evolved to help humans navigate hierarchies and secure resources for survival.
According to Leon Festinger's social comparison theory, our brains possess an involuntary "social radar" that constantly evaluates our social standing. This comparison process activates both reward and pain pathways in the brain - when we outperform others, reward circuits light up, while being outperformed triggers social pain circuits.
The hosts discuss various philosophical perspectives on managing social comparison. In Confucianism, social hierarchies are viewed as natural and moral, emphasizing the importance of fulfilling one's role rather than individual advancement. In contrast, Buddhism sees social comparison as an illusory attachment that causes suffering and promotes non-attachment and compassion for others' success.
Manson explains that Aristotle distinguished between destructive envy (phonos) and constructive emulation (xelos), while the Stoics advocated comparing oneself to personal virtues rather than seeking external validation.
Social media has intensified social comparison by making it constant and global. Birnie points out that platforms like YouTube and TikTok have created what psychologists call a "leaderboard society," where likes, followers, and shares serve as constant status signals.
Manson notes that while social media feeds have become more personalized, focusing on specific interests rather than global celebrities, this can actually intensify peer comparison. The curated nature of these environments, they argue, distorts reality and leads to unrealistic comparisons.
Manson emphasizes that understanding our goals enables productive comparisons with motivating role models. Rather than letting comparisons trigger negative emotions like envy and inadequacy, he suggests viewing others' success as learning opportunities. The hosts recommend celebrating personal progress over external benchmarks and surrounding oneself with positive influences while avoiding toxic comparisons.
1-Page Summary
Manson and Birnie discuss the psychological and evolutionary mechanisms behind the ubiquitous social comparison, emphasizing its role in survival and hierarchical negotiation.
Social comparison is an innate behavior deeply rooted in human evolutionary history. It has served as a means of assessing hierarchies and securing resources crucial for survival. The ubiquity of social comparison is heightened by its relativity, often causing motivating or tormenting experiences.
Leon Festinger developed social comparison theory, which describes this phenomenon. Chronic feelings of inferiority, or being "one down," are tied to stress disorders, stress hormones, inflammation, and an elevated risk of depression and anxiety. Mason explains that in primates, status obsession is linked to food, mates, and protection access.
He further argues that if someone can gather more resources, it is natural for them to be protected first, indicating a survival-based reason for social comparison. It is crucial for survival that individuals accurately assess their abilities compared to others in order to avoid social conflicts and maintain harmony.
Social comparison processes are very unconscious and involuntary, suggesting that they are fundamental to our psychological makeup. Birnie notes a significant amount of brain power is dedicated to understanding status in social groups, with our brains evolving to manage these situations. This is proposed by the social brain hypothesis, which suggests that parts of the brain are specially adapted to make comparisons about hierarchy and resource allocation. Additionally, there's an automatic, unconscious mechanism within humans that continuously evaluates our social standing and abilities, akin to a "social radar."
Social comparison can simultaneously activate pain and reward pathways within the brain. Recognizing someone's attainable success, like Barack Obama, can increase self-efficacy. However, comparisons can have a painful sting, tormenting us when we feel inadequate. Over obsession on group status can lead to internal torment. Yet, downward comparisons, where we perceive ourselves as doing better than others, naturally activate reward circuits, while upward comparisons, where others outperform us, activate social pain circuits.
Drew Birnie suggests that these two comparison types activate completely different ...
The Evolutionary and Psychological Foundations of Social Comparison
As Drew Birnie and Mark Manson delve into the various philosophical tenets addressing social comparison, they revel in how these ideologies can transform our approach to societal status and personal growth.
Manson explains that Confucianism accepts the existence of social hierarchies, seeing them as a natural and moral order. People are encouraged to respect their given roles in the structure, which contribute to overall social harmony. In Confucian thought, the focus is on diligently performing one’s societal role, regardless of its perceived value, rather than on individual comparison. This emphasis on fulfilling one's duties is akin to the Great Chain of Being—an ancient Western concept that also posits a fixed divine order in society. Manson notes that under Confucianism, social comparison is more about improving relationships and maintaining social harmony than about individual advancement.
Contrasting with Confucianism, Buddhism views social comparison as a form of attachment that leads to unhappiness. Buddhists teach non-attachment and endorse mudita, or sympathetic joy, advocating happiness for others' successes to counteract envy. Manson relates the Dalai Lama's teachings on transitory emotions, reflecting the Buddhist stance that comparisons are meaningful only if we make them so. In Buddhism, then, social comparison offers a chance for greater compassion and joy for others rather than a means for self-advancement.
Aristotle is cited by Manson to have distinguished between envy (phonos) and em ...
Philosophical and Practical Approaches To Managing Social Comparison
Mark Manson and Drew Birnie explore how digital and social media fundamentally alter the nature of social comparison, with profound effects on self-perception and social structures.
Manson and Birnie discuss the omnipresence of social comparison in the digital age. Birnie points out that social comparison is now a constant and global phenomenon, bolstered by the audiovisual impact of platforms such as YouTube and TikTok. This globalized scale of comparison certainly overwhelms the brain’s capacity to process them healthily. Additionally, the permanence of content pushes a "leaderboard culture" where life's ups and downs become scorecards for public ridicule.
Mark Manson feels that current social media feeds are less about global comparison to celebrities and more focused on personal interests, which can lead to intensified peer comparison. Platforms have evolved to constantly project highly curated content that aligns with a user's immediate interests and activities. Birnie highlights the blurring of Dunbar's circles with digital technologies, which maintains comparison as a permanent fixture in our environments, while Manson's shift towards interest-focused content implies that although breadth in comparison might lessen, depth and intensity could increase.
Surprisingly, despite the advent of platforms promoting content discovery like the "For You" feed, which suggests content from unknown users, Manson feels that the curated nature of these feeds still prompts significant peer comparison, particularly among younger audiences who use these platforms as a socializing tool.
Psychologists have started to refer to our current era as a "leaderboard society," aptly capturing the competitive nature of social media that is laden with likes, followers, shares, endorsements, etc. This instant calibration of hierarchies contrasts sharply with the slower process historically experienced within real-life small communities.
"Leaderboard Culture" has been coined to describe the competitive hierarchy prevalent in social media, where likes and followers serve as status signals, fueling insecurity among users. This perpetual display of status reinforces and amplifies feelings of inadequacy and jealousy. Social media platforms not only mimic scorecards but are accused of aggravating feelings of moral outrage or indignation.
The concept of "leaderboard culture" specifically manifests in the proliferation of content that forces users to compare themselves unforgivingly against highly curated depictions of others' lives, often leading to unrealistic comparisons. This culture has become potentially damaging, particularly to young people’s developing sense of identity and self-worth.
The personalized content curation nature of platforms today limits exposure to irrelevant content but may exacerbate peer comparisons by channeling a narrow band of content based on individual interests. Manson's experience with his social media algorithms becoming focused on specific interests suggests that tailored feeds significantly intensify the experience of peer comparison, as they're laden with comparisons with individuals excelling in domains that the user cares about.
Birnie discusses the act of consciously curating social media feeds to manage the onslaught of comparisons. This act of cur ...
Digital and Social Media's Impact on Social Comparison
In discussing social comparison, Mark Manson points out that while comparisons to others are inevitable, they can be leveraged for self-improvement when approached with self-awareness and the right mindset.
Understanding why we compare ourselves to others and what we hope to gain from it is crucial for using social comparison productively.
Manson emphasizes the importance of understanding your goals, as it enables productive comparisons with motivating role models. By looking up to individuals like Barack Obama or Oprah Winfrey, we can focus on personal achievement and what is truly valuable to us.
Comparisons can trigger negative emotions like envy and inadequacy, but they also reveal our deeply-held values. By examining these reactions, as discussed by Drew Birnie, we can uncover the motivations behind our comparisons. Mark Manson's examination of the self-evaluation maintenance model sheds light on how comparisons affect our self-view, especially when we compare ourselves to others in areas we value highly.
Choosing the right company can help avoid toxic comparisons and support a positive self-image.
Manson suggests that emulation is a positive form of comparison where we can view others' successes as role models an ...
Leveraging Social Comparison Productively
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