How To Finally Let Yourself Be Happy

Analysts Mark Manson, Birnie, and others engage in a discussion about the age-old quest for happiness, examining the varying perspectives of ancient philosophers like Aristotle, Epicurus, and tenets from Eastern philosophies such as Buddhism.

Aristotle vs. Epicurus: Distinct Views on Happiness

Aristotle and Epicurus presented different approaches to happiness; Aristotle focused on a virtuous life while Epicurus concentrated on the minimization of pain.

Eudaimonic vs. Hedonic Happiness: Aristotle's View

Aristotle outlined two forms of happiness: eudaimonic and hedonic. Mark Manson points out that Aristotle advocated for eudaimonic happiness, which is not strictly about pleasure, but derives from a sense of fulfillment found in living a life of virtue. By reflecting on one’s actions as valuable, one can achieve lasting satisfaction. Aristotle's virtues like justice and temperance can provide a meaningful life and are considered moving targets that change with one’s life context. Manson further explains that this leads to eudaimonia, a state of contentment through the balance and pursuit of virtuous actions like supporting friends or standing up for beliefs.

Epicureanism: Happiness From Pain Removal, Not Pleasure Pursuit

Epicurus, often misconceived as purely hedonistic, actually had a nuanced philosophy that distanced itself from the pursuit of pleasure as commonly understood. Manson clarifies that Epicureanism is not about seeking pleasure but about removing pain and unhappiness. Epicurus distinguished between kinetic pleasures (temporary) and catastematic pleasures (long-lasting) like friendship and knowledge. Happiness, he posited, is a natural state achieved through ataraxia, which is attained by alleviating suffering and removing obstacles to contentment.

Eastern Philosophies Stress Non-attachment and Acceptance For Contentment

Eastern philosophies, particularly Buddhism, offer a viewpoint on happiness that centers around the concept of non-attachment.

Desires and Cravings Cause Suffering; Happiness Lies In Letting Go Of Attachments

Buddhism suggests that attachments to desires and cravings are the root of suffering, and happiness comes from letting go. For example, the idea that in Buddhism “life is suffering” refers to "dukkha," which means being out of balance and harmony. Eastern cultures view h ...

Mark Manson and Drew Birnie delve into the complexity of happiness, discussing its several aspects and the often misunderstood nature of achieving a fulfilling life.

Happiness Has Three Components: Affect, Life Satisfaction, and Meaning/Purpose

Happiness is detailed as having three main components: affect, which is one's moment-to-moment feelings and day-to-day emotional states; life satisfaction, a broader reflection of one’s life as a whole; and meaning or purpose, which encompasses one's existential significance and role in the universe. While affect tends to be most volatile to daily changes and hedonic adaptation, meaning is typically identified as the most stable contributor to happiness.

Happiness Aspects Respond Differently To External Factors and Life Events

Each component of happiness reacts differently to life events and external factors; affect changes quickly, life satisfaction follows the accomplishment of life goals, and meaning/motive is less susceptible to external changes. Manson notes that meaning has a significant impact on mental health and that it can make other fluctuations in happiness feel more manageable.

Happiness Components May Misalign: Positive Emotions Without Life Satisfaction

Birnie discusses a misconception in the understanding of happiness where positive emotions, or affect, are often mistakenly believed to lead to life satisfaction and that life satisfaction inherently includes meaning. However, the reverse is true: it starts with meaning, which leads to life satisfaction, and then affects.

Embrace the Complexities and Paradoxes of Human Experience Over Constant Positivity

There's a suggestion that each stage of life accentuates different aspects of happiness, with youth being more affect-driven due to the novelty of experiences, while maturity brings a shift towards seeking life satisfaction and meaning. Manson discusses the importance of trading short-term happiness for long-term meaning and life satisfaction, describing life's journey as a stable form of happiness or eudaimonia.

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Understanding the complex array of factors that influence happiness can help individuals enhance their sense of well-being and fulfillment.

Genetics Account For 50% of Variance in Happiness

Genetic Differences in Neurotransmitters, Stress, and Circadian Rhythms Affect Happiness

Mark Manson and Drew Birnie discuss how genetics can determine one's happiness to a significant extent, likening it to being naturally talented in various skills like music or math. Genetics influence aspects such as optimism, recovery from setbacks, and stress sensitivity. Studies involving separated identical twins showcase that genetics may account for around half of an individual's propensity for happiness. Birnie mentions genetic factors like serotonin or [restricted term] receptors, stress hormone processing, and circadian rhythms.

"Set Point" of Happiness Limits but Doesn't Define Fulfillment Potential

Despite one's genetic "set point" of happiness, actions, habits, and behaviors can shift this baseline. Sonja Lubomirsky posits that this set point determines where individuals generally rate their happiness, but it doesn't fully preclude someone's potential to find fulfillment.

Income, Relationships, and Environment Account For 10% of Happiness

Research shows that the impact of circumstances like income, environment, and physical traits on happiness is often overestimated, with our brains attributing more significance to these factors than warranted. Financial aspects may contribute to heightened happiness up to a point, but increases in wealth beyond a middle-class income demonstrate diminishing returns. Fame and physical attractiveness have also been shown to have a minimal impact on happiness. However, Manson notes that increasing from monthly to weekly sexual activity can have a more substantial effect on happiness than significant increases in income.

Intentional Activities Account For 35-40% of Happiness Variance

Lifestyle choices and intentional activities significantly contribute to happiness, accounting for a substantial portion of variability in happiness levels. Manson and Birnie highlight that the overall quality of social interactions, rather than the quantity, matters more when it comes to the influence of relationships on happiness.

Key Contributors to Happiness: Relationships, Exercise, Sleep, Diet

High-Quality Friendships Predict Happiness

Manson stresses that ...

Understanding happiness often comes with misconceptions, and exploring these can lead to a more balanced and realistic approach to mental health.

Happiness Isn't Constant Joy; Accepting Negative Emotions Aids Mental Health

Mark Manson and Drew Birnie discuss misconceptions surrounding happiness, emphasizing that happiness does not equate to constant joy. Manson suggests that striving for a happiness marked by euphoria is naive and unrealistic, and in fact, acknowledging a range of emotions, including negative ones, is essential for mental well-being.

Accepting the Complexity of Emotions

The conversation includes the points that in some cultures, such as East Asian, contradictory thoughts are held simultaneously, and there is an acceptance of both pleasure and pain in experiences. They mention a Russian adage that views unreasoned happiness with skepticism and promotes a balanced emotional perspective. The Buddhist philosophy is also mentioned, which regards the pursuit of happiness as an attachment that risks becoming unhealthy.

Valuing Emotional Diversity

Birnie asserts that experiencing a wide range of emotions better supports mental health than only positive emotions. Manson adds that life's meaning often comes from overcoming challenges, and that experiencing unhappiness is part of how people grow. They discuss how the pursuit of constant happiness is a modern concept and contrast it with ancient traditions that prioritized living a good and moral life.

Substance Use and Temporary Pleasure

The hosts touch upon how substances like alcohol and drugs cause short-lived pleasure by surging [restricted term] and serotonin levels, but they caution this "borrowing happiness from tomorrow" can lead to greater troubles later on.

Happiness Can't Be Controlled or Willed Into Existence

The discussion asserts that happiness is not something people can simply decide to have. They argue that happiness isn't a direct pursuit but a byproduct of engaging in meaningful activities. Manson questions the belief spread by self-help technology that happiness can be summoned at will and instead advocates for acceptance and responding appropriately to emotions and situations.

The Futility of Control

Birnie stresses that happiness does not stem from controlling or mastering emotions but from accepting them. Manson and Birnie caution against overemphasizing happiness and engaging in enriching activities as a more effective method for nurturing wellness.

The Belief That "I'll Be Happy When X Happens" Is Often an Illusion

Manson uses John Stuart Mill's existential crisis to explain the misconception that happiness comes from achieving goals or acquiring things. He points out that our brains tend to overvalue superficial changes and undervalue meaningful ones, such as volunteering over buying a boat. He argues that material or circumstantial gains usually lead to temporary happiness, and there's a tendency to overestimate the long-term impact of changes. They also mention Dan Gi ...