Most Replayed Moment: Why You Need A Prenup And How To Avoid Divorce!

Marriage Operates Under a Prenup: Government or Individual

James Sexton explains that every person who marries has a prenup—either written by the government or by the couple themselves. He believes couples, not politicians, are the best qualified to create the rules of their own marriages. Sexton notes politicians achieve their positions by popularity contests, aim to offend as few people as possible, and their policies frequently change, making it illogical to accept a government-imposed rule set for something as meaningful as marriage. He frames the discussion by asking if it makes sense to let politicians decide how a marriage operates, or if it is better for the couple to decide together. By presenting prenups as a choice between government rules and couple-created agreements, Sexton shifts the conversation from confrontation to collaboration. Creating a prenup together allows couples to live in accordance with their shared values and refer to their agreement when issues occur. He emphasizes that prenups should prompt meaningful, forward-thinking conversations rather than focus on predicting divorce.

Prenup Talks Offer Relationship Benefits Beyond Legal Protection

Sexton views simply talking about prenups as a healthy exercise for couples. Numerous people have told him that his public discussions inspired them to have meaningful conversations about prenups and their future relationships. He describes these as valuable and rewarding talks. Sexton admits that discussing prenups is often awkward and uncomfortable, but making it through these challenging conversations provides a sense of accomplishment and pride—"we did that thing," he says, highlighting the relationship’s resilience. These difficult moments foster skills in conflict resolution and communication, helping couples build confidence in navigating tough topics together. Sexton believes that the hard thing to do and the right thing to do are usually the same, and that facing these topics shows a couple can handle uncomfortable issues and come out stronger.

Institutions Resist Prenup Normalization Despite High Divorce Rates

Despite high rates of divorce, societal institutions and the wedding industry often resist normalizing prenup discussions. Sexton describes reaching out to multiple large and small wedding expos to rent a table as a divorce and family law attorney, intending to focus purely on prenup information without negative messaging about marriage. He offered to provide all materials for approval and reassure organizers, but every expo refused, even though booth fees ran into thousands of dollars. He explains that organizers rejected him because even discussing prenups shatters the idealized vision that wedding expos promote. Sexton observes that wedding expos are filled with vendors from the multi-billion dollar "wedding industrial complex," all invested in romance and fantasy ra ...

Divorce among high-net-worth individuals is rarely straightforward, as James Sexton and Steven Bartlett reveal in their conversation. Issues of child support, alimony, asset division, and the complexities of hidden wealth make these cases particularly intricate.

Child Support Is a Percentage of Income Based On Number of Children

Child support calculations in New York are strictly percentage-based, determined by the number of children: 17% of gross income for one child, 25% for two, 29% for three, and 31% for four children, less FICA deductions for Social Security and Medicare (7.65%).

Judges have considerable discretion, especially in cases involving celebrities or high-net-worth individuals. While there are theoretical caps on parental income, courts can exceed standard percentages to maintain the marital lifestyle or meet the specific security and educational needs of the children. For example, in celebrity divorces, expenses such as private tuition or security details are legitimate considerations. In one notable instance, child support reached $65,000 per month to cover private schooling, security, and the high-profile lifestyle of the child.

Child support is revisited every three years if either party's income shifts by 30% or more. Increases in income can trigger requests for higher support, keeping payments aligned with current financial circumstances and lifestyle needs.

Spousal Support Maintains Lifestyle and Rehabilitates Earning Capacity Post-Divorce

Alimony, or spousal support, is designed both to maintain the marital standard of living and to help the lower-earning spouse regain earning capacity. Sexton observes that high-earning women may owe alimony to lower-earning men—a fact that frequently provokes surprise and resistance. Some women refuse to pay alimony on the basis of gender; conversely, some men decline support, even when entitled, due to societal perceptions about masculinity and self-sufficiency.

Alimony is especially relevant where one spouse sacrificed earning potential for the marriage. For example, if a physician moves internationally for her spouse and loses her license in the process, she may receive alimony until she can recover her earning power.

Asset Division in Divorce Depends On Acquisition Timing Relative to Marriage

Asset division hinges on when the assets were acquired relative to marriage. Marital assets—accumulated during the marriage—are divided equally, while separate property retains individual ownership. Spouses who were present during a partner’s financial "growth phase" have stronger claims than those marrying after the bulk of wealth was established.

This is evident in high-profile music industry divorces and tech fortune splits: Adele’s and Kelly Clarkson’s ex-spouses benefited substantially because they were married during peak earning periods. In the case of Jeff Bezos, the largest settlement was awarded because his ex-wife was involved from Amazon’s inception. If a spouse enters after wealth has been established, their claims diminish, often due to premarital agreements.

Wealthy Individuals Often Seem Richer Than They Are Due to Leverage and Debt

Sexton notes that public perceptions of celebrities’ wealth are often misleading. Many high-profile individuals appear affluent due to luxury cars, mansions, and constant cash flow. However, these assets are frequently leased, homes are mortgaged, and lifestyles are leveraged to the hilt. In divorce proceedings, it often becomes apparent that these individuals owe more than they own, as entourages may siphon funds and variable income is overextended.

When a spouse investigates, seemingly substantial assets may turn out to be financed or leased—meaning little real wealth is actually available for division. Bank statements often reveal a much starker picture than the public persona suggests.

Uhnwis Use Complex Legal and Financial Structures Complicating Divorce Asset Division

Ultra high-net-worth individuals (UHNWIs) employ complex financial structures—including trusts, corporate entities, and intergenera ...

Divorce attorney James Sexton identifies infidelity and money as the two primary reasons for divorce, emphasizing that financial distress is a major catalyst for marital breakdown.

Financial Stress and Income Loss Trigger Divorces

Income Loss Leads To Strained Relationships and Divorce

Sexton explains that losing money—whether through poor business decisions, failed investments, or gambling—can put tremendous strain on a marriage. Unanticipated financial hardship often leads to heightened conflict and, eventually, divorce.

Day Trading and Cryptocurrency Speculation Led To a Surge of Divorces After Significant Family Asset Losses

Sexton describes a period when many clients attempted day trading, often borrowing against retirement accounts and taking outsized risks. When these ventures failed, families faced devastating asset losses, which were often followed by divorce.

Crypto Divorces Arise When Spouses Hide Assets, Making Asset Discovery and Division Difficult for Divorce Lawyers and Judges Unfamiliar With Cryptocurrency

The rise of cryptocurrency has introduced a new layer of complexity to divorce cases. Sexton notes that people sometimes use crypto to hide assets during divorce. Early in the crypto era, most divorce lawyers and judges had little understanding of blockchain technology. Explaining the differences between Ethereum and Bitcoin, or discussing the relevance of hard wallets, was especially difficult with older judges who struggled to comprehend these concepts.

Divorce Lawyers Must Understand Diverse Financial Instruments and Income Structures to Represent Clients Effectively

Identifying Hidden Assets In Divorce: Understanding Professional Income and Concealment

Sexton explains that representing clients with complex income structures, such as surgeons or hedge fund partners, requires learning the specific ways these professionals earn and can potentially hide money. For example, he had to familiarize himself with surgeons’ payment systems and typical expenses, as ...

Foundation of Relationship Longevity: Identity and Partnership

Maintain Your Core Identity in Relationships

James Sexton emphasizes the importance of maintaining individuality within a relationship, saying, "The you, the me, and the we. Because those are three different things. Like you be you, because you're who she fell in love with. And don't let you go too far from shore." He stresses that each partner should stay true to themselves, not letting the pressures of the relationship alter their core identity. This authenticity is crucial because it preserves the original attraction and respect developed at the beginning of the partnership.

Give Partners Space and Time to Maintain Individual Identity as People Change

Sexton also points out the importance of allowing partners to change and evolve: "Let her be her. Like make sure that she takes time to be her..." Recognizing and respecting that each partner might change over time is necessary. Rather than resisting these changes, couples should observe and discuss them, ensuring that each individual has the space to grow while maintaining the foundational connection that brought them together.

Shared Partnership Needs Intentional Care, Like Watering a Plant, to Maintain the Connection and Value That United the Couple

Sexton compares partnership care to watering a plant, saying, "Pay attention to the we. Make sure we're watering the plant." He underscores that the partnership has inherent value—"there's a reason why you found the we"—and this shared "we" requires intentional nurture and attention to sustain connection and prevent drift. Both partners must continually recognize and tend to what unites them, ensuring they don't lose sight of their shared purpose amid life's changes.

Healthy Relationships Need Communication About Changes and Concerns, Especially With Uncomfortable Topics

Regularly Ask if "We're Okay" or if "Everything's Good," Even When Awkward

Sexton highlights the necessity of open communication about changes and concerns, particularly around uncomfortable subjects. He advises partners to ask, "Are we okay? Is everything good?" even when these questions feel awkward or difficult. Leaning into such conversations—because “the hard thing to do and the right thing to do are usually the same thing”—is vital in addressing issues before resentment builds.

Attention to Shifts in Partner Behavior or Values Allows Couples to Proactively Address Changes Rather Than Let Silent Resentment Build

By noticing and discussing when things change, couples can proactively assess and cope with shifts in values, behaviors, or circumstances. Sexton counsels, "If things change too much, I'm not saying resist it, but note it, pay attention." This kind of attention prevents silent resentments, ensuring partners move through change together.

"Difficult Conversations Are Often the Right Ones For Couples"

He further underscores that difficult discussions are often the necessary and beneficial ones in a relationship; facing these moments promotes growth, understanding, and enduring intimacy.

Satisfaction Arises From Resolving Conflict Without Resentment, Not From Perfection

Measure Relationship Health by Problem-Solving Ability and Mu ...