Laverne Cox on her childhood, 'Walden' and her new memoir 'Transcendent'
In this episode of NPR's Book of the Day, actress Laverne Cox discusses her new memoir "Transcendent," sharing her experiences with childhood trauma, maternal abuse, and the orphanage stay that left lasting scars. Cox explains how transcendentalist philosophy, particularly Thoreau's "Walden," provided a framework for her journey of resilience and her determination to rise above the circumstances of her birth, race, and economic background.
Cox also reflects on her late-career breakthrough at age 40 with "Orange Is the New Black," describing how she had to first establish her sense of self-worth independent of external achievement. The conversation covers her role as a trans advocate, her responsibility to challenge dehumanizing narratives, and her healing journey of separating her true identity from the harmful messages internalized throughout her life. Cox shares a message of affirmation for her younger self and for trans individuals seeking to occupy their rightful space in the world.
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1-Page Summary
Childhood Trauma and Maternal Abuse
Laverne Cox recounts how her mother used threats of eviction to control her and her twin brother. In third grade, this became reality when their mother dropped them at their biological father's house with a stranger, leading to a month-long stay in an orphanage. During her time at fine arts school in Alabama, Cox lived with the fear that coming out wasn't an option, as she still needed somewhere to stay during breaks. When reflecting on the orphanage experience, Cox notes the disparity in memory: she and her brother clearly remember spending a month there, while her mother recalls only a week.
With time and healing, Cox develops deep compassion for her mother, recognizing that her cruel behaviors stem from unprocessed trauma. Despite these unresolved wounds, Cox expresses appreciation for her mother's resilience and accomplishments.
Resilience and Transcendentalism
Cox exemplifies overcoming adversity through inner strength and a philosophy of transcendence. As a child, she endured severe bullying for expressing femininity but made a conscious decision never to retaliate, adopting an "I will rise above" mentality. When she read "Walden" as a high school freshman, transcendentalism resonated deeply, providing the guiding principle she had always longed to follow.
Cox shares her desire to transcend her circumstances—being assigned male at birth, being Black, and growing up poor in the South. Through art, aspiration, and transcendentalist philosophy, she strives to move beyond the constraints of body, background, and societal expectations. Transcendentalism provides Cox with the language and philosophical legitimacy for her journey, making transcendence both a personal conviction and a life's mission.
Late-Career Breakthrough at Age 40
After 19 years in New York without a breakout moment, Cox turned 40 still burdened by debt and behind on rent. She decided to let go of her acting aspirations when a friend offered her GRE study materials, prompting her to consider graduate school instead. Just months after her fortieth birthday, Cox unexpectedly received the audition for "Orange Is the New Black."
Cox reflects that she lacked the security and confidence for a sustainable breakthrough in her twenties. In her forties, however, she found herself learning that her worth was inherent—not tied to external achievement, but grounded in her identity as "a child of God." This deeper sense of self-worth prepared her for success when the opportunity arrived.
Role as Trans Advocate
Cox recognizes the unique responsibility that comes with her visibility as a breakout trans actress. She states, "That is really my job to continuously invite people to see trans people as human beings in a world that deeply dehumanizes us." Cox sees her role extending beyond traditional acting, taking on the crucial task of challenging dehumanizing narratives by insisting on the full humanity and dignity of trans individuals.
Cox finds inspiration in the resilience and strength of Black women, viewing their example as a powerful model for trans people. She encourages trans individuals to embrace their own transcendent identity and occupy their "anointed" space in the world, demonstrating that they are worthy of visibility, voice, and the fullness of their humanity.
Healing Journey
Cox describes her healing journey as a process of confronting and releasing deep-seated pain originating from systemic oppression, family dysfunction, and societal cruelty. She had to fight the demons internalized from institutional systems, her mother, teachers, and peers—demons that became self-directed criticism. The process of healing required Cox to separate her true identity from the harmful narratives imposed upon her by others.
Rather than framing her accomplishments as purely personal achievements, Cox attributes her self-worth to being beloved by God. She expresses deep gratitude for her survival and self-actualization, describing it as nothing short of miraculous and noting, "I sometimes feel like it's a miracle."
Cox delivers a powerful message to her younger self, affirming that every impulse and longing was "good and right." She reassures her younger self that "You will be the person that you know you are. You will become the woman of your dreams and fantasies. And you will exist in that anointed, transcendent space that you long to." With this promise, Cox underscores her faith in the fulfillment of one's deepest dreams and the inherent lovability of every individual.
1-Page Summary
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Counterarguments
- While Cox attributes her mother's cruelty to unprocessed trauma, this perspective may risk minimizing the real harm caused by such actions and could be seen as excusing abusive behavior rather than holding individuals accountable.
- The reliance on transcendentalism and personal transcendence as a solution to systemic oppression may overlook the importance of collective action and structural change in addressing societal injustices.
- Emphasizing individual resilience and self-worth as the primary means of overcoming adversity might inadvertently place the burden of healing and success on marginalized individuals, rather than acknowledging the need for broader societal support and reform.
- The narrative of late-career breakthrough could unintentionally perpetuate the idea that perseverance always leads to success, which may not reflect the reality for many people facing similar barriers.
- Attributing self-worth to being "a child of God" may not resonate with individuals who do not share religious beliefs, and could be seen as excluding secular or non-theistic perspectives on self-worth and identity.
Actionables
- you can create a personal timeline that maps out moments when you felt misunderstood or limited by others, then write a brief note next to each event about what you needed at that time and how you might offer yourself compassion now, helping you recognize and validate your own experiences and growth.
- a practical way to nurture self-worth beyond external achievements is to set aside five minutes each morning to list three qualities or values you appreciate about yourself that have nothing to do with accomplishments, reinforcing a sense of inherent worthiness.
- you can experiment with reframing negative self-talk by writing down a recurring self-critical thought, then composing a supportive response to it as if you were encouraging a close friend, gradually training yourself to separate your identity from harmful narratives.
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Childhood Trauma, Family Dysfunction, Maternal Abuse, and Abandonment
Cox's Mother Used Love Conditions and Abandonment Threats to Control Her
Laverne Cox recounts how her mother frequently used threats of eviction as a form of control, telling her children that if they didn't "act right," she would put them out. This warning became a reality when, in third grade, Cox and her twin brother experienced a traumatic incident. Their mother dropped them off at their biological father's house—a man Cox refers to as the "sperm donor" because he was not present as a father figure. At this home, they encountered a woman they didn't know. The following day, this woman took Cox and her brother to the police station, which led to them spending a month in an orphanage.
During her time at the fine arts school in Alabama, Cox lived with the knowledge that coming out to her mother wasn't an option, as she still needed a place to stay during summers and breaks. This persistent uncertainty about her home situation further contributed to the trauma of her childhood. When reflecting on the orphanage episode, Cox and her brother both clearly remember spending a month there, while her mother recalls their stay as only a week, downplaying the duration and impact of the abandonment.
Understanding Her Mother's ...
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Childhood Trauma, Family Dysfunction, Maternal Abuse, and Abandonment
Additional Materials
Counterarguments
- While Cox and her brother recall spending a month in the orphanage, memory discrepancies are common in traumatic situations, and the mother's recollection of a shorter stay may not necessarily be an intentional downplaying but rather a different perception of events.
- The mother's use of threats and strictness could be interpreted as misguided attempts at discipline or coping mechanisms shaped by her own upbringing and circumstances, rather than solely acts of cruelty or control.
- The narrative focuses on Cox's perspective; the mother's intentions, feelings, and context are not fully explored, which may provide a more nuanced understanding of her actions.
- Recognizing generational trauma is important, but it does not automatically excuse or ...
Actionables
- you can write a letter to a parent or caregiver (even if you never send it) where you describe your memories of difficult events and how they made you feel, then add a section where you imagine what fears or pain might have influenced their actions, helping you process both your own experience and theirs.
- a practical way to reframe painful family memories is to create a timeline that includes both your perspective and what you imagine your parent or caregiver might have been experiencing at the same time, using different colors or symbols for each viewpoint to visualize generational patterns and emotional con ...
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Resilience and Transcendentalism: Overcoming Adversity Through Inner Strength
Laverne Cox exemplifies the power of resilience and transcendentalism in overcoming life's adversities through inner strength and aspiration.
Cox's Lifelong Commitment: Rising Above Mistreatment, Not Retaliating
Bullied For Femininity, Cox Stayed True to Herself
As a child, Cox endures severe bullying, beatings, and ridicule for expressing femininity, such as acting and talking like a girl. Despite this mistreatment, she makes a conscious decision never to retaliate or sink to her bullies' level. She remains true to herself and adopts an "I will rise above" mentality.
Philosophy of Transcendence Guided Transformative Perception
Cox credits this philosophy of transcendence as foundational to her outlook. When she reads "Walden" as a freshman in high school, transcendentalism resonates deeply. She recognizes in its ethos the guiding principle she has always longed to follow: to rise above and not be limited by the cruelty or narrow perceptions of others.
Cox's Transcendence: Overcoming Sex, Race, and Socioeconomic Limitations
Cox Aimed to Transcend Being Assigned Male at Birth, Black, and Growing Up Poor In the South
Cox shares her desire to transcend her circumstances—being assigned male at birth, being Black, and growing up poor in the South. These intersecting identities bring unique challenges and societal limitations, but Cox is determined not to be defined or confined by them.
Transcending Limitations and Boundaries Through Art and Aspiration
Through art, aspiration, and a ph ...
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Resilience and Transcendentalism: Overcoming Adversity Through Inner Strength
Additional Materials
Counterarguments
- While transcendentalism and inner strength can be powerful tools for personal growth, not everyone has access to the same resources or support systems that enabled Cox’s journey, and structural change may require more than individual resilience.
- Emphasizing transcendence and rising above adversity may unintentionally downplay the importance of collective action, community support, or systemic reform in addressing the root causes of discrimination and inequality.
- The narrative of overcoming adversity through personal resilience can sometimes place undue responsibility on marginalized individuals to adapt or transcend, rather than on society to change oppressive conditions.
- Not all individuals who experience similar adversities are able to achieve self-actualization or transce ...
Actionables
- You can create a daily “rise above” journal where you write down moments when you feel judged, limited, or misunderstood, and then brainstorm one way to respond with dignity or self-affirmation instead of reacting negatively; for example, if someone makes a dismissive comment, jot down a positive truth about yourself or a goal you’re working toward that reflects your values.
- A practical way to reinforce transcendence is to set a weekly “boundary-breaking” challenge for yourself, where you intentionally do one small thing that defies a stereotype or expectation others have of you—such as wearing an outfit you love but usually avoid, sharing an opinion you typically keep quiet about, or trying an activity you’ve felt wasn’ ...
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Late-Career Breakthrough: Readiness For Success (Orange Is the New Black at 40)
Cox's Role in Orange Is the New Black Came At 40 After Abandoning Acting For Grad School
Cox Reaches Acceptance In Acting Career After Years of Struggle
Laverne Cox describes how, after 19 years in New York without a breakout moment in her acting career, she turned 40 still burdened by student loan debt and behind on rent. Facing years without life-changing success, Cox decided to let go of her acting aspirations.
Friend's GRE Materials Inspired Cox to Apply To Graduate Programs, Marking Her Shift From Entertainment To New Life Goals
A friend offered her GRE study materials at a discount after being accepted to Columbia, prompting her to consider graduate school. Cox began studying for the GRE and filling out grad school applications, shifting her focus away from the entertainment industry and toward new life goals.
Oitnb Audition Emerged Months After Cox's Fortieth Birthday, an Unexpected Opportunity Rather Than Active Career Pursuit
Just months after her fortieth birthday on May 29th, Cox received the audition for "Orange Is the New Black" in late August or early September. The opportunity came unexpectedly while she was preparing for a new chapter, rather than as the result of an active pursuit of acting roles.
Cox's Forty-Year-Old Success Came After Gaining Maturity and Self-Worth to Navigate Stardom
Cox Lacked the Confidence for a Sustainable Breakthrough Moment
Cox reflects that she was not secure in herself during her twenties, lacking the maturity and self-confidence need ...
Here’s what you’ll find in our full summary
Late-Career Breakthrough: Readiness For Success (Orange Is the New Black at 40)
Additional Materials
Counterarguments
- While Cox attributes her readiness for success to personal growth and self-worth, many actors achieve breakthroughs at younger ages without similar narratives of self-discovery, suggesting that timing and opportunity can be more influential than personal readiness.
- The narrative implies that letting go of aspirations led to success, but it could also be argued that Cox’s years of persistence and accumulated experience were the primary factors in her eventual breakthrough.
- The story frames the OITNB audition as entirely unexpected, but it is common in the entertainment industry for opportunities to arise unpredictably, regardless of an individual’s current focus or intentions.
- The emphasis on self-worth and identity as prerequisites for success may not a ...
Actionables
- you can create a personal timeline that highlights moments when you changed direction or let go of a long-term goal, then write a short reflection on what new opportunities or perspectives emerged as a result, helping you recognize the value in pivoting rather than seeing it as failure.
- a practical way to reinforce self-worth is to set a daily reminder to write down one thing that makes you valuable or unique, independent of your achievements or productivity, so you gradually shift your focus from external validation to internal affirmation.
- you can experiment with ...
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Role as Trans Advocate: Visible and Humanizing Responsibility
Cox Acknowledges Her Role as a Prominent Trans Actress Involves Challenging Dehumanizing Narratives and Portraying Trans People as Full Human Beings
Laverne Cox recognizes the unique responsibility that comes with her visibility as a breakout trans actress on a major platform. She states, "That is really my job to continuously invite people to see trans people as human beings in a world that deeply dehumanizes us." Cox sees her role extending beyond traditional acting, taking on the crucial task of challenging dehumanizing narratives by insisting on the full humanity and dignity of trans individuals. The prominence of her platform brings with it an expectation to lead and advocate for the trans community, and she embraces this calling by centering the experiences of trans people and amplifying their worth and complexity.
Cox Draws Empowerment From Black Women's Strength to Claim Space For Trans People's "Anointed" Power
Cox finds inspiration and empowerment in the resilience, strength, and grace of Black women, viewing their example as a powerful model for trans people. She expresses, "There’s something wonderful about Black women. And I think there’s something wonderful about trans p ...
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Role as Trans Advocate: Visible and Humanizing Responsibility
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Counterarguments
- Some may argue that the responsibility to challenge dehumanizing narratives should not fall solely on individual actors or public figures, but rather be a collective societal effort.
- Others might contend that focusing on identity-based advocacy in the arts could risk overshadowing artistic merit or the universality of human experience in storytelling.
- There is a perspective that drawing direct parallels between the experiences of Black women and trans people, while empowering for some, may overlook the distinct challe ...
Actionables
- you can intentionally use everyday conversations to highlight the individuality and dignity of trans people by sharing positive stories or facts that counter stereotypes whenever you hear misinformation or dehumanizing language
- For example, if someone makes a generalization about trans people, you might respond with a brief story about a trans person’s achievements or mention a recent positive development in trans rights, helping shift the narrative in real time.
- a practical way to amplify trans experiences is to regularly recommend books, films, or art created by trans individuals to friends, family, or on social media, making sure to include a personal note about what you found meaningful
- For instance, after reading a novel by a trans author, you could post a short reflection about how it expanded your understanding, encouraging others to engage with trans perspectives.
- you can draw inspiration from the resilience of ...
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Healing Journey: Processing Trauma and Finding Self-Worth
Laverne Cox describes her healing journey as a process of confronting, understanding, and releasing deep-seated pain originating from systemic oppression, family dysfunction, and the cruelty of society. She openly shares her struggle with the psychological demons created by institutional systems, painful family dynamics, and harsh treatment from peers. These external forces became internalized, turning into self-directed criticism and self-doubt. Cox explains that true healing required her to separate her authentic self from the traumatic messages she absorbed about her worth, allowing her to reclaim her sense of self.
Cox's Healing Involved Confronting and Releasing Demons From Systemic Oppression, Family Dysfunction, and Societal Cruelty
Cox Battled External Psychological Demons From Institutional Systems, Family, and Peers, Internalizing Them As Self-Directed Criticism
Cox acknowledges she had to fight the demons inside herself—demons internalized from the systems and structures around her, as well as from her mother, teachers, and other children. This battle involved sifting through the negative, self-critical voices that came from external sources and were rooted in experiences of systemic and personal trauma.
Healing Required Separating Her Authentic Self From Traumatic Messages About Her Worth
The process of healing, for Cox, necessitated a separation of her true identity from the harmful narratives and doubts imposed upon her by others. She embarked on an intentional journey to rediscover her genuine worth, independent of the trauma-infused messages she received about herself.
Cox Sees Her Survival and Self-Actualization As Spiritual Grace and Blessing, Not Personal Achievement
Cox Grateful For Becoming Her Authentic Self, a Miracle After Overcoming Obstacles
Cox expresses deep gratitude and feels blessed to have become who she is, describing her survival and self-actualization as nothing short of miraculous. She notes, “I sometimes feel like it's a miracle,” acknowledging the enormous obstacles she’s overcome.
Her Worth Comes From Being God's Beloved Child, Not External Validation or Career Success
Rather than framing her accomplishments as purely personal achievements or the result of career success, Cox attributes her self-worth to being beloved by God. She regards her life as a test ...
Here’s what you’ll find in our full summary
Healing Journey: Processing Trauma and Finding Self-Worth
Additional Materials
Counterarguments
- While Cox attributes her healing and self-worth to spiritual grace and being God's beloved child, others may find meaning and healing through secular frameworks, personal agency, or community support rather than spiritual or religious beliefs.
- The emphasis on inherent lovability and destined fulfillment of dreams may not resonate with everyone, as some people may believe that self-worth and fulfillment are developed through effort, growth, and overcoming challenges, rather than being innate or guaranteed.
- Viewing survival and self-actualization primarily as spiritual blessings could be seen as minimizing the role of personal agency, resilience, and practical support systems in the healing process.
- The narrative centers on individual healing and self-actualization, which may overlook ...
Actionables
- You can write a daily note to your younger self, listing one impulse, dream, or longing you remember from childhood and describing how you can honor or celebrate it today, even in a small way, to reinforce the idea that your early desires were good and worthy.
- A practical way to separate your authentic self from negative internalized messages is to keep a running list of critical or self-doubting thoughts as they arise, then rewrite each one in a notebook as if you were speaking to a beloved friend, transforming the message into encouragement or affirmation.
- You can create a gratitu ...
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1-Page Summary- Childhood Trauma, Family Dysfunction, Maternal Abuse, and Abandonment
- Resilience and Transcendentalism: Overcoming Adversity Through Inner Strength
- Late-Career Breakthrough: Readiness For Success (Orange Is the New Black at 40)
- Role as Trans Advocate: Visible and Humanizing Responsibility
- Healing Journey: Processing Trauma and Finding Self-Worth
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