Two new books ask: What would you do if you encountered alien life?

Steven Rowley and Ayesha Rascoe discuss the complexities and enduring decisions at the heart of long-term relationships and marriage, focusing on themes of commitment, the challenges of complacency, and the universality of marriage equality.

Marriage: A Continuous Commitment Choice

Marriage, according to Rowley, is not defined solely by the vows made at the altar, but by a series of daily choices to recommit. He emphasizes that in any long-term relationship, couples must wake each morning and consciously decide to stay, making “a fresh set of vows every day.” Rascoe echoes this sentiment, observing that love is an active, ongoing decision reaffirmed repeatedly over time.

Metaphor of Bright Light: Viewing Long-Term Partners With Fresh Eyes, Not As "Comfortable Old Sweaters"

Rowley uses the metaphor of aliens and the bright, otherworldly light in his story to explore long-term love. He contrasts the initial brilliance of new love—the way partners look at each other while first falling in love—with the settled comfort that can develop over decades, describing it as “a comfortable old sweater.” The metaphorical bright light represents the need to occasionally see one’s partner with fresh eyes and not take their presence for granted, rekindling the sense of wonder that accompanied the relationship’s early days.

Relationships Stagnate When Couples Avoid Tensions and Remain Complacent

Rascoe observes that Jesse and Norman, the novel’s protagonists, both recognize tensions in their marriage but avoid confronting them, fearing that doing so might threaten the union itself. This avoidance is common; couples sometimes remain complacent and refrain from difficult conversations to preserve the relationship’s stability, but at the risk of stagnation.

Rowley dramatizes this through Norman’s decision to leave Jesse in a dramatic fashion—not by quietly departing, but by vanishing in a beam of otherworldly light. After thirty years together, the couple finds itself stuck, forcing them to face questions about their future. The image of Norman disappearing “spreading his arms like Christ” after decades of shared life, la ...

Neil deGrasse Tyson and Scott Simon discuss how human imagination about extraterrestrial life is shaped by ego and a deeply anthropocentric worldview, leading to illogical assumptions about alien appearance and behavior.

Humans Envision Aliens as Bipedal Beings With Heads, Eyes, Noses, and Mouths

Hollywood and popular culture frequently depict aliens as humanoid, with bodies featuring a head, two eyes, a nose, mouth, ears, neck, shoulders, arms, legs, and a torso. Tyson highlights this pattern as a manifestation of ego, pointing out that people assume humanity forms the model standard for intelligent life—even though any beings evolving on entirely different planets would have developed along separate biological lines with no DNA in common with humans, and may not share any similarity at all. Tyson remarks that only occasionally do films offer aliens with highly inventive or truly alien anatomies, revealing a limited imagination rooted in human self-importance.

Hollywood Films Assume Aliens Evolve to Match the Human Form

Hollywood perpetuates this notion by often presenting aliens that closely resemble humans, reinforcing the mistaken belief that alien evolution would naturally produce humanlike features.

Alien Appearance Assumptions Are Illogical

Tyson argues this is illogical since evolutionary pressures on other worlds, with completely different environments and genetic material, would almost certainly yield creatures unrecognizable by human standards.

Humans Overestimate Their Importance To Aliens, Assuming They're Worthy of Study or Abduction

Tyson directly addresses the egotism underlying the common trope that humans would be the chief objects of alien curiosity, deserving of abduction or study. He observes that if aliens valued superlative qualities—such as intelligence, flight, or regenerative powers—they would likely be more interested in many Earth animals than in humans. For instance, if intelligence is prized, whales, with their large brains, would be prime candidates. If flight is valued, condors would attract attention. If regeneration is admired, newts or crustaceans would be worthier of study. Tyson underscores that our lack of such superlative abilities belies the assumption that humans should top an alien's priority list. This overestimation, he says, comes from emotional centricity and unchecked ego.

Alien Interests: Whales For Brains, Condors For Flight, Newts For Regeneration

Aliens might focus on whales for intelligence, condors for flight, or newts for their regenerative abilities, making humans comparatively unremarkable unless aliens have a specific reason for interest.

Human Ego In Assuming We're the Prime Object of Alien Curiosity, Lacking Superlative Qualities

Tyson stresses that it is only human ego that imagines us as the main object of alien fascination, despite our lack of truly extraordinary qualities compared to other Earth species.

Humans Assume Aliens Would Adopt Human Customs Like Handshaking, Though It's Not Universal

Tyson cautio ...

Steven Rowley emphasizes that communication is fundamental to healthy relationships. In the story, both Jesse and Norman are aware of underlying issues in their relationship, but they choose to avoid confrontation. This avoidance of open dialogue allows minor grievances and unresolved conflicts to linger, making it harder to resolve them over time.

Open Dialogue Is Key to Healthy Relationships and Preventing Grievances

Jesse and Norman Recognize Issues but Avoid Confrontation

Jesse and Norman understand that problems exist between them, but neither is willing to initiate an honest conversation.

Alien Abduction Forces Characters to Address Avoided Issues, Showing That Avoidance Delays Necessary Conversations

It is only through the extreme circumstance of an alien abduction that the characters are compelled to confront the issues they had sidestepped. This situation illustrates that avoiding difficult conversations merely delays the inevitable, forcing necessary but postponed reckonings at inopportune or heightened moments.

Novel Uses Humor, Particularly Absurdist Humor, to Help the Protagonist Cope With Trauma and Confusion

Jesse, a Humor Professor, Navigates His Husband's Alien Abduction Using Humor As a Tool

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When considering how humans might communicate with extraterrestrial life, Neil deGrasse Tyson emphasizes the importance of science and math as the foundation for any meaningful interaction. He also offers insight into how aliens might interpret human society and questions the logic and motivation behind potential visits to Earth.

Math and Science: Universal Languages Bridging Human-Extraterrestrial Gaps

Tyson advocates for using scientific and mathematical concepts to communicate with aliens, citing examples such as the Pythagorean theorem, prime numbers, and the periodic table of elements. He argues that these concepts represent the universal languages of the cosmos, allowing humans to demonstrate a level of understanding worthy of recognition by an advanced extraterrestrial species. Although extraterrestrials may not use the same symbols as humans, Tyson notes that the underlying organizations—such as groupings and patterns in the periodic table—are universally recognizable as frameworks describing the laws of the universe.

Aliens Visiting Earth Would Likely Prefer Influential Cultural Figures Over Political Leaders

Tyson challenges the notion that aliens would seek out national political leaders if they arrived on Earth. Instead, he speculates that Earth's constant stream of radio signals could lead extraterrestrials to perceive celebrities like Taylor Swift or Oprah Winfrey as humanity’s leaders or most significant cultural figures. If aliens monitored our broadcasts, these pop culture icons—portrayed as objects of adulation and focus—might appear central to Earth's civilization. This possibility highlights a potential for misunderstanding: aliens could misinterpret our society’s hierarchy and values based on the incomplete or entertainment-focused information embedded in radio and television transmissions.

Aliens ...

Steven Rowley’s novel uses metaphor and absurdist humor to probe deep existential questions, drawing inspiration directly from personal experience and authentic emotional exchanges.

Alien Abduction as a Metaphor For Questioning Life's Fulfillment

The central premise of the novel arises from a heated debate Rowley had with his husband. They found themselves repeatedly circling the hypothetical: if a UFO suddenly appeared in their backyard, offering urgent passage to the unknown, would you instinctively go, or would you stay? Rowley’s husband was adamantly in the camp of leaving, eager for discovery, while Rowley was left wrestling with the implication—wasn’t the life they’d built together enough to make someone stay? This scenario becomes a metaphor for questioning life's fulfillment and confronting the perennial tension between the lure of the unknown and the comforts or commitments of the present.

Inspired by Debates With Partner On Choosing Between Current Life and the Unknown

Personal Relationship Details Ground the Novel in Authentic Emotional Experiences

Rowley acknowledges weaving real-life details from his marriage into the fabric of the novel. While he reassures readers that the narrative isn’t a direct portrait of his own relationship, he believes that including genuine details—those that can’t simply be invented—adds authenticity and emotional depth to the story, making the exploration of existential choices feel more vivid and lived-in.

Norman's Choice to Board an Alien Spacecraft Mirrors Real-Life Relationship Decisions to Stay, Leave, or Recommit After Stagnation

In the story, the protagonist Norman isn’t forcibly abducted by alien ...