Sarvat Hasin's new novel is about a magnetic friendship between 'Strange Girls'
In this episode of NPR's Book of the Day, author Sarvat Hasin explores the concept of "strange girls" through her novel's main characters, Ava and Alia. The discussion examines how young women who feel disconnected from traditional femininity may label themselves as "strange," and delves into the complexities of an intense friendship that exists somewhere between platonic and romantic connection.
The conversation also addresses broader themes about female friendships, particularly how these relationships evolve and sometimes dissolve after university years. Hasin examines the challenges of maintaining adult friendships amidst career and family obligations, and discusses how the lack of clear social scripts for addressing conflict in close friendships can lead to their deterioration. The episode focuses on the early 2010s as a formative period for how young women understood and expressed intimate friendships.
This is a preview of the Shortform summary of the Mar 23, 2026 episode of the NPR's Book of the Day
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1-Page Summary
The Concept of "Strange Girls" and Their Self-Perception
Sarvat Hasin explores the phenomenon of "strange girls" through the characters of Ava and Alia, two aspiring writers who view themselves as disconnected from conventional femininity. These young women deliberately classify themselves as "strange" to distance themselves from traditional feminine norms, creating a dichotomy between "strange" and "not strange" women. While this division has historically created rifts among women, Hasin notes that cultural attitudes are shifting toward more nuanced forms of self-expression.
The Dynamics and Evolution of the Ava-alia Friendship
The relationship between Ava and Alia exists in an intense space between friendship and romance, defying easy categorization. Their connection remains stagnant over time, neither evolving nor dissipating, which raises questions about its sustainability. As they mature, their power dynamic shifts: Alia initially admires Ava's confidence and talent, but this dynamic transforms when Ava becomes her mother's caretaker, affecting her creativity and availability.
Challenges Of Maintaining Adult Female Friendships
Hasin discusses how female friendships become particularly vulnerable after university, as life decisions about careers, relationships, and families can either strengthen bonds or cause drift. She notes that modern life often fails to prioritize friendships, making them susceptible to natural changes that accompany adulthood. The absence of a clear "script" for friendship dissolution, especially for deeply intimate connections like Ava and Alia's, further complicates these relationships.
Friendship: Unspoken Expectations and Language Barriers
The undefined nature of Ava and Alia's friendship, coupled with poor communication, ultimately leads to its deterioration. Their relationship lacks clear boundaries and guidelines for addressing conflicts, creating room for mismatched expectations. Set in the early 2010s, their story reflects a formative period for young women's understanding and expression of intimate friendships, highlighting the challenges of articulating and maintaining such complex relationships.
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Actionables
- You can create a "Friendship Evolution Journal" to track the changes in your close relationships over time. Start by jotting down the current state of your friendships, noting aspects like communication patterns, shared interests, and emotional closeness. Regularly update the journal with any significant changes or feelings you notice. This practice will help you become more aware of the dynamics in your friendships and may guide you in making conscious efforts to nurture or redefine them as needed.
- Develop a "Friendship Charter" with your close friends to establish clear expectations and boundaries. Sit down together and discuss what each of you values in the friendship, how you prefer to handle conflicts, and what boundaries are important to maintain. Write these down as a set of guidelines or a charter that you all agree to uphold. This can serve as a reference point for maintaining healthy relationships and can be revisited and revised as your lives and friendships evolve.
- Organize a monthly "Expression Session" with your friends where everyone gets a chance to share their thoughts and feelings without judgment. This can be a safe space to discuss topics that are often left unspoken, such as changes in the friendship, personal challenges, or evolving identities. By giving voice to these subjects, you can work together to strengthen your bond and ensure that no one feels disconnected or misunderstood as you navigate the complexities of modern friendships.
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The Concept of "Strange Girls" and Their Self-Perception
Sarvat Hasin explores the notion of "strange girls," individuals who see themselves as misaligned with conventional femininity, drawing on the stories of Ava and Alia from her narrative.
"Strange Girls" Highlights Ava and Alia's Disconnection From Femininity Norms
Ava and Alia, Aspiring Writers, View Themselves As "Strange" and Apart From Traditional Womanhood
Hasin discusses protagonists Ava and Alia, aspiring writers who declare themselves as "strange girls." They feel estranged from the traditional models of womanhood that surrounded them during their upbringing. Unable to identify with available life models, they perceive themselves as strange and alienated.
Self-Proclaimed "Strangeness" Reflects Desire to Defy Norms
At eighteen, Ava and Alia choose to define themselves as "strange girls," marking a deliberate effort to distance themselves from others and display their pretentiousness as young artificeurs. They sort women into two groups: "strange" or "not strange." The protagonists feel a lack of role models who embody the life they aspire to, which deepens their belief in their own nonconformity.
"Strange" vs. "Not Strange" Dichotomy Pits Women Against Each Other
Ava and Alia: "Cool Alternative" vs. "Traditional Feminine" Choices
Hasin reflects on the cultural tendency to classify wo ...
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The Concept of "Strange Girls" and Their Self-Perception
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Counterarguments
- The concept of "strange girls" may inadvertently reinforce a binary by creating a new label that still categorizes women.
- The self-identification as "strange" could be seen as a form of self-exoticization that may not address the underlying issues of societal expectations.
- The dichotomy of "strange" vs. "not strange" oversimplifies the complexity of individual identities and experiences.
- The narrative might overlook the experiences of those who do not fit neatly into the categories of "strange" or "not strange," such as non-binary or gender-nonconforming individuals.
- The idea that the cultural environment is shifting toward more nuanced self-expression may not be universally experienced; some individuals or groups may still face rigid expectations of femininity.
- The focus on aspiring writers as protagonists may not be representative of all women who feel disconnected from traditional femininity, potentially limiting the scope of the discussion.
- The notion that categorizing women as either "cool alternative" or traditionally feminine is a historical tendency might not accou ...
Actionables
- You can start a personal journal to explore and document your unique experiences with femininity, noting moments when you feel aligned or misaligned with traditional expectations. This practice encourages self-reflection and helps you understand your identity beyond societal labels. For example, write about a day when you felt particularly "strange" or "not strange," and analyze what influenced those feelings.
- Create a visual mood board that represents the spectrum of your femininity, using images, quotes, and items that resonate with your sense of self. This can be a physical board in your room or a digital one on platforms like Pinterest. Include representations that challenge the "strange" versus "not strange" dichotomy, such as pictures of women in diverse roles and contexts, to visually affirm the multifaceted nature of your identity.
- Engage in conversations with friends or ...
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The Dynamics and Evolution of the Ava-alia Friendship
The friendship between Ava and Alia presents a rich tapestry of emotions and complexities, evolving from youthful admiration to the nuanced interdependencies of adulthood.
Ava and Alia's Friendship Is Intense and Hard to Define
The relationship between Ava and Alia is one of intensity. It blurs the lines between friendship and romance, existing in a realm that is challenging to categorize. The nature of their connection is intense and often hard to name.
Relationship Exists Between Friendship and Romance
This intensity does not wane even as the relationship remains stagnant in its progression; it does not evolve into something categorically different over time. The lack of transformation brings up questions regarding the sustainability and health of such an intense bond, and whether it risks slipping into toxicity due to its undefined nature.
Entwined Lives and Strong Bonds Complicate Stagnant Relationships
Ava and Alia’s lives are entwined, and their strong bonds further complexify their relationship’s static state. This stagnancy creates a tension between their deep connection and the absence of forward momentum or evolution within their relationship dynamics.
Power and Admiration Shift Between Ava and Alia in Adulthood
As Ava and Alia grow into adulthood, their dynamic shifts, shedding light on facets of power and changing roles as they navigate their lives.
Alia Admires Ava's Confidence, Talent, and Social Skills
During their school years, Alia looks up to Ava, drawn to her confidence, talent, and social prowess. Ava's attributes captu ...
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The Dynamics and Evolution of the Ava-alia Friendship
Additional Materials
Counterarguments
- The intensity of Ava and Alia's friendship does not necessarily imply a lack of evolution; intense relationships can still grow and change in less visible or unconventional ways.
- A stagnant relationship is not inherently negative; stability can be comforting and may represent a mature understanding and acceptance of each other's roles.
- The undefined nature of their bond could be seen as a form of freedom from societal labels, allowing for a more authentic connection that doesn't need to fit into predefined categories.
- Entwined lives and strong bonds could be a source of support and resilience rather than a complication, providing a solid foundation for navigating life's challenges.
- The tension between deep connection and lack of forward momentum might be a natural phase in long-term relationships, which can include periods of equilibrium as well as change.
- The shift in power dynamics as Ava and Alia enter adulthood could be a healthy transition that reflects personal growth and the natural evolution of relationships over time.
- Alia's admiration for Ava during their school years could have been based on more than just Ava's confidence, talent, and social skills, such as shared values or emotional support.
- Ava's careta ...
Actionables
- Reflect on your friendships by journaling to identify patterns that may indicate stagnation or imbalance. Write down your feelings about each significant friendship, noting areas where you feel the relationship is not progressing or where you might be overly dependent on the other person. This can help you recognize if you're in a similar situation to Ava and Alia and consider ways to foster growth or rebalance the dynamic.
- Initiate a 'role reversal' day with a close friend to gain new perspectives on your relationship dynamics. For example, if one of you is usually the decision-maker, switch roles for a day. This can shed light on how each person's roles and responsibilities shape the friendship and can help you both understand and appreciate the other's contributions more deeply.
- Create a 'friendship evolution plan' with a friend, where you both set goals for per ...
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Challenges Of Maintaining Adult Female Friendships
Sarvat Hasin provides insight into the complexities of maintaining female friendships into adulthood, highlighting the impacts of life's transitions.
Friendships Become Tenuous After Leaving University
Adult friendships often become particularly vulnerable after university, a time when significant decisions about careers, relationships, and families are made.
Career, Relationship, and Family Decisions Impact Friendships
Hasin discusses the notion that the decisions made post-university can either bring friends closer together or push them further apart, depending on the alignment of their life choices. The intimacy within a friendship can be maintained through shared experiences like remaining single, entering relationships, deciding to have children, or pursuing similar career paths. However, divergences in these aspects can cause friends to drift apart.
Prioritizing Friendships Amid Life Changes
The difficult reality, as Hasin reflects, is that life is often structured in a way that does not prioritize friendships. As a result, these relationships are susceptible to the natural changes and choices that accompany adulthood. This de-prioritization adds to the challenges of maintaining close friendships during this phase of life.
No Clear "Script" for Ava and Alia's Friendship Dissolution Contributes To Their Struggle
An additional complication in the realm of adult female friendships is the ...
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Challenges Of Maintaining Adult Female Friendships
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Clarifications
- A "script" for friendship dissolution refers to socially recognized guidelines or rituals that help people understand how to end or transition a friendship. Its absence means there is no clear, accepted way to manage the emotional and practical aspects of a friendship ending. This lack of structure can cause confusion, hurt feelings, and difficulty in moving on. Without a script, individuals must navigate these challenges alone, increasing emotional strain.
- Life transitions such as starting a career, entering romantic relationships, or having children change daily routines and priorities. These shifts reduce the time and emotional energy available for friendships. They also create different life experiences, making it harder to relate or find common ground. Consequently, friendships may weaken or require more effort to maintain.
- In friendships, "intimacy" refers to a deep sense of closeness and trust where individuals share personal thoughts and feelings. It creates emotional support and a strong bond beyond casual interaction. High intimacy can increase vulnerability, making misunderstandings more impactful. Maintaining boundaries is important to balance closeness and personal space.
- After university, individuals often move to different cities for jobs or relationships, reducing regular contact. Adult responsibilities like work and family limit time available for friendships. Social circles also change as people meet new colleagues and partners. These factors create distance and reduce shared experiences, making friendships more vulnerable.
- Societal expectations often emphasize romantic relationships and family over friendships in adulthood. There is no widely accepted "rulebook" for how to maintain or end adult friendships. Friendships are seen as voluntary and flexible, unlike formal family or work roles. This lack of clear norms can make managing changes in friendships confusing and emotionally difficult.
- The emotional challenges in ending close friendships stem from feelings of loss similar to grief. People may experience confusion, guilt, or betrayal due to blurred boundaries and shared history. The lack of societal guidance on how to end friendships in ...
Counterarguments
- While significant life decisions can impact friendships, it's not a given that they will always weaken them; some friendships may adapt and grow stronger despite different life paths.
- The idea that shared experiences are necessary for maintaining intimacy in friendships can be challenged by the notion that diversity in experiences can also enrich friendships and provide new perspectives.
- The assertion that life structures often do not prioritize friendships could be countered by pointing out that many individuals do prioritize their friendships and find ways to integrate them into their lives despite other commitments.
- The lack of a societal "script" for the dissolution of friendships might be seen as an opportunity for individuals to navigate these changes in a way that is authentic and personal to them, rather than being constrained by societal expectations.
- Intense friendships without clear boundaries are not inherently problematic; some may argue that the fluidity of boundaries can a ...
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Friendship: Unspoken Expectations and Language Barriers
Friendships can often be challenging to navigate due to unspoken expectations and language barriers, as depicted in the strained relationship between Ava and Alia.
Ava and Alia's Friendship Struggled Due to Poor Communication
Undefined Relationship and Obligations
The undefined nature of Alia and Ava's friendship added complexity to their relationship, creating room for mismatched expectations. Without a clear set of rules or guidelines to help them address issues, they found it challenging to resolve conflicts, which ultimately led to their friendship falling apart.
Ambiguity Led To Mismatched Expectations and a Faltering Friendship
Because their friendship lacked a solid foundation and clear communication, Alia and Ava's once strong connection began to weaken. The ambiguity of their relationship and its associated duties meant they often found themselves at odds with one another, with no apparent resolution in sight.
University Years Shape Comfort With Sexuality and Intimacy
Cultural Context Hindered ...
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Friendship: Unspoken Expectations and Language Barriers
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Counterarguments
- While unspoken expectations can complicate friendships, they can also allow for flexibility and adaptability in relationships, enabling friends to navigate changes in their lives without rigid constraints.
- Language barriers, though challenging, can sometimes strengthen friendships by encouraging friends to find creative ways to communicate and deepen their understanding of each other.
- Poor communication is not the only reason friendships struggle; other factors such as changing interests, life transitions, and external pressures can also play significant roles.
- Undefined relationship boundaries can sometimes be beneficial, allowing friendships to evolve organically without the pressure of meeting specific expectations.
- Conflict resolution in friendships does not always require clear rules or guidelines; empathy, active listening, and mutual respect can also be effective tools for resolving disagreements.
- Ambiguity in friendships does not necessarily lead to mismatched expectations; some individuals may prefer and thrive in less structured relationships.
- The early 2010s cultural context is just one of many factors that influence comfort with sexuality and ...
Actionables
- Create a "Friendship Charter" with close friends to outline mutual expectations and communication preferences, ensuring everyone is on the same page. Start by inviting a friend to a casual meeting where you both discuss what you value in the friendship, how you prefer to handle disagreements, and what boundaries are important to each of you. Write down these points in a shared document that can be revisited and updated as your friendship evolves.
- Use a "Communication Style Assessment" tool with friends to identify and bridge language and communication gaps. Find or create a simple quiz that helps each person identify their communication style, such as whether they are more direct or indirect, prefer face-to-face conversations over texting, or how they express and interpret emotions. Share the results with each other to better understand and accommodate each other's styles.
- Organize a "Cultural Context Book C ...
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