Podcasts > NPR's Book of the Day > A woman takes over her dead sister’s dating profile in 'Dandelion is Dead'

A woman takes over her dead sister’s dating profile in 'Dandelion is Dead'

By NPR (podcasts@npr.org)

NPR's Book of the Day features author Rosie Storey discussing her novel about a woman who, after losing her sister Dandelion, begins impersonating her on a dating app. The story explores grief and identity through the main character Poppy, who struggles with self-worth while living in her confident sister's shadow, and Jake, a divorced father on his own journey of self-discovery.

Drawing from her personal experiences with both dating apps and the loss of a close friend, Storey crafts characters who reflect the complexity of human behavior. The author's approach avoids clear moral distinctions between heroes and villains, instead focusing on how people navigate loss, deception, and the search for authentic connection in modern relationships.

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A woman takes over her dead sister’s dating profile in 'Dandelion is Dead'

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A woman takes over her dead sister’s dating profile in 'Dandelion is Dead'

1-Page Summary

Novel's Exploration of Grief, Authenticity, and Human Complexity

The novel follows Poppy, a woman dealing with the loss of her sister Dandelion. After discovering her late sister's phone, Poppy begins impersonating her on a dating app, responding to messages from a man named Jake. Through this act of deception, the novel examines themes of grief, authenticity, and human behavior.

Author's Online Dating Experiences

Author Rosie Storey draws from her extensive personal experience with dating apps, both for research and personal reasons, to create authentic psychological dynamics between her characters. This firsthand knowledge particularly influences the intricate relationship between Poppy and Jake.

Main Characters

The novel centers on Poppy, who struggles with identity and self-worth while living in the shadow of her confident sister Dandelion. Jake, a divorced father, parallels Poppy's journey as he navigates his own path of self-discovery while dealing with societal pressures and unresolved grief.

Narrative Choices and Intentions

Storey intentionally creates morally complex characters without clear heroes or villains. She explains that this choice reflects her belief in life's inherent messiness, allowing for a more authentic portrayal of human behavior and inviting readers to empathize with characters as they navigate life's complexities.

Author's Experience With Grief

Storey's portrayal of grief and sibling bonds is deeply influenced by her personal experience of losing a close friend. This loss shapes how she depicts the contrast between Dandelion's vibrant personality and Poppy's struggle with identity after her sister's death, capturing how a luminous presence can become an overwhelming absence.

1-Page Summary

Additional Materials

Clarifications

  • Impersonating someone on a dating app involves adopting their identity to interact with others, which can create complex emotional conflicts. It blurs the line between truth and deception, often leading to feelings of guilt, confusion, and vulnerability. This act can serve as a coping mechanism for grief, allowing the impersonator to maintain a connection with the deceased. It also raises questions about authenticity and self-identity in relationships formed under false pretenses.
  • Online dating often involves curated self-presentation, where individuals highlight desirable traits while concealing flaws. This can create tension between authentic identity and the persona shown to others. Psychological dynamics include managing expectations, vulnerability, and trust in a digital context. These factors shape how characters connect, misunderstand, and evolve emotionally.
  • Morally complex characters have both positive and negative traits, making them more realistic and relatable. The absence of clear heroes or villains reflects real life, where people often act with mixed motives and face difficult choices. This complexity encourages readers to think critically and empathize rather than judge quickly. It also deepens the story by showing that good and bad qualities can coexist within the same person.
  • Grief can disrupt a person's sense of self by removing a key relationship that helped define their identity. In sibling relationships, one sibling's death may leave the survivor feeling overshadowed or lost without the other's presence. This loss can lower self-worth as the survivor struggles to fill the emotional and social roles once shared. The survivor may also question their own value and place in the family and world.
  • "A luminous presence" refers to someone who was vibrant, inspiring, and deeply impactful in life. When that person dies, their absence feels intense and all-consuming, hence "overwhelming absence." This contrast highlights how the memory of their brightness makes their loss feel even more profound. It captures the emotional weight of missing someone who once brought light into others' lives.
  • Divorced parents often face judgment about their parenting abilities and relationship choices. They may experience pressure to maintain a stable environment for their children despite personal challenges. Society can impose expectations to quickly "move on" or conform to traditional family roles. These pressures can complicate their emotional healing and self-identity.
  • The author’s personal experience with grief provides emotional depth and realism to the story. It helps portray the complex feelings of loss, confusion, and identity struggle after losing a loved one. This lived experience allows the author to depict grief as a multifaceted process rather than a simple or linear emotion. It also informs the nuanced relationship between the siblings and the impact of absence on the surviving character.
  • The author's personal online dating experiences provide realistic insights into the emotional complexities and social dynamics of digital relationships. This background helps create believable interactions and psychological depth between characters. It also informs the novel's exploration of identity and vulnerability in modern dating. Thus, the author's experience enriches the story's authenticity and thematic resonance.

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A woman takes over her dead sister’s dating profile in 'Dandelion is Dead'

Novel's Exploration of Grief, Authenticity, and Human Complexity

The novel centralizes around Poppy, who is enveloped in grief following the loss of her older sister Dandelion. Poppy’s actions and motivations weave a narrative exploring profound themes of grief, authenticity, and the complexities of human behavior.

Premise: Poppy, Grieving Her Sister Dandelion, Impersonates Her On a Dating App

Premise Explores Grief, Authenticity, and Behavior Complexities Through Poppy's Deceptive Actions' Motivations and Consequences

In a pivotal act of the novel, Poppy discovers her late sister Dandelion's phone and embarks on an exploration of her dating app. Entangled in her grieving process, Poppy replies to a message from a man named Jake, using Dandelion’s persona. This act of im ...

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Novel's Exploration of Grief, Authenticity, and Human Complexity

Additional Materials

Clarifications

  • The name "Dandelion" often symbolizes resilience and hope, as the flower can thrive in harsh conditions and spreads seeds widely. It may represent the sister's enduring spirit or the persistence of memory despite loss. The name's uniqueness can also highlight her distinct personality or the impact she had on Poppy. This symbolism deepens the novel's themes of grief and connection.
  • Catfishing is when someone creates a fake identity online to deceive others, often for emotional or personal gain. Impersonating someone on a dating app is problematic because it breaches trust and can cause emotional harm to the person being impersonated and those interacting with the fake profile. It can lead to misunderstandings, broken relationships, and legal issues. This behavior complicates genuine connections and raises ethical concerns about honesty and consent.
  • Poppy’s impersonation stems from her struggle to cope with loss and maintain a connection to her sister. It reflects a desire to understand Dandelion’s life and preserve her memory. This act also reveals Poppy’s search for identity amid grief and her difficulty facing reality. Such behavior can be a psychological response to trauma, seeking comfort in familiar bonds.
  • Jake is a man who had previously contacted Dandelion on the dating app. Poppy's response to Jake is significant because it represents her attempt to maintain a connection to her deceased sister. This interaction complicates Poppy's grieving process by blurring the lines between reality and impersonation. It also introduces emotional and ethical challenges as Poppy navigates this deceptive relationship.
  • In this context, "authenticity" refers to being true to one's genuine feelings and identity during grief. It highlights the struggle to express real emotions rather than hiding behind facades or false personas. Poppy’s impersonation challenges her ability to confront and accept her true grief. Th ...

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A woman takes over her dead sister’s dating profile in 'Dandelion is Dead'

Author's Online Dating Experiences and Their Influence on the Story

Rosie Storey has utilized her personal journeys through the world of dating apps, partly for research purposes and partly in a quest for love, to create a more authentic and psychologically rich dynamic between characters in her novel.

Rosie Storey Uses Her Extensive Dating App Experiences for Personal and Research Purposes

The Author's Firsthand Knowledge of Online Dating Psychology Informs Poppy and Jake's Dynamic

Storey shares that over the years, she has been on all the dating apps. This blend of both professional curiosity for research and personal longing for love has given St ...

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Author's Online Dating Experiences and Their Influence on the Story

Additional Materials

Actionables

  • You can journal your dating app experiences to gain insights into your own dating patterns and preferences. Start by writing down your thoughts and feelings before and after each date, as well as your interactions on the apps. This can help you understand what you're looking for in a relationship and identify any recurring themes in your dating life.
  • Create a character profile for a fictional story based on your online dating encounters. Imagine a character navigating the dating world, using your experiences as a foundation for their journey. This exercise can serve as a creative outlet and may provide a new perspective on your own dating experiences.
  • Develop a personal "dating app playbook" by noting down strategies that have led t ...

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A woman takes over her dead sister’s dating profile in 'Dandelion is Dead'

Main Characters: Development, Portrayal, Protagonist, Jake

The narrative intricately weaves into the lives of its main characters, particularly exploring themes of identity, authenticity, and self-discovery.

Poppy Struggles With Identity and Self-Worth in Her Confident Sister Dandelion's Shadow

The book delves deep into Poppy's internal battles, underscoring her struggle to find authenticity. Poppy's story is one of self-acceptance as she grapples with her identity and self-worth while living in the shadow of her confident sister, Dandelion.

Jake: Divorced Father on a Journey of Self-Discovery, Grappling With Societal Pressures and Unresolved Grief

Parallel to Poppy's story is that of Jake, the protagonist who is a di ...

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Main Characters: Development, Portrayal, Protagonist, Jake

Additional Materials

Actionables

  • You can explore your own identity by creating a personal vision board that includes images, quotes, and items that resonate with who you are or aspire to be. This visual representation can serve as a daily reminder and inspiration for your personal growth journey. For example, if you value creativity, you might include pictures of artwork or symbols that represent innovation.
  • Start a journaling practice where you write letters to yourself from the perspective of someone who admires you, like a friend or family member. This can help you see your worth and strengths through the eyes of others, which can be particularly empowering if you tend to be self-critical. Imagine what a supportive friend would say about your achievements and character, and write it down.
  • Engage in role-p ...

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A woman takes over her dead sister’s dating profile in 'Dandelion is Dead'

Narrative Choices and Intentions in Ambiguous Morality Stories

Rosie Storey writes about imperfect characters making morally complex choices, embodying her belief in the inherent messiness of life. Her narrative choice reflects a world without defined “good” or “bad” individuals, and the characters she creates operate within this realm of ambiguity.

By Avoiding Clear-Cut Heroes and Villains, the Author Offers an Authentic Portrayal of Human Behavior, Inviting Empathy and Support for all Characters Navigating Life's Complexities

Storey discusses her decision to write a book void of clear-cut good guys and bad guys, alluding to the complexity of life and the imperfections inherent in every person. She intentionally crafts characters that are riddled with flaws and exhibit behaviors that fall into a moral gray area rather than a strict dichotomy of right and wrong.

Rosie Storey's approach to character portrayal in her novel matches her view that life is intrinsically disordered, ...

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Narrative Choices and Intentions in Ambiguous Morality Stories

Additional Materials

Counterarguments

  • While Rosie Storey's approach to character development may offer a nuanced view of human behavior, some readers might find stories with more defined moral boundaries to be more satisfying or instructive.
  • The lack of clear heroes and villains could potentially lead to narratives that are less compelling for readers who seek clear moral guidance or resolution in their reading experiences.
  • The portrayal of life as intrinsically disordered may not resonate with individuals who believe in a more structured or deterministic worldview.
  • Some critics might argue that the absence of clear moral judgments in literature could inadvertently normalize or excuse harmful behaviors.
  • By focusing on moral ambiguity, there is a risk that the narrative may fail to adequately challenge or critique societal injustices that require a more definitive moral stance.
  • The intention to evoke empathy for all characters might not always be successful, as some readers may struggle to empathize with characters whose actions they find deeply problematic or offensive.
  • The idea th ...

Actionables

  • Start a journal where you explore your own moral complexities by writing about daily decisions that aren't black and white. This practice can help you recognize the nuances in your choices and understand that morality often exists in a spectrum. For example, you might write about a time you told a white lie to spare someone's feelings, reflecting on the moral implications of honesty versus kindness.
  • Engage in role-reversal exercises with a friend where you debate real-life scenarios from opposing viewpoints. This can broaden your perspective and foster empathy for different stances. For instance, one of you could argue for the justification of a character's actions in a recent news story, while the other argues against it, then switch sides.
  • Create a book club focused on novels with morally ambigu ...

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A woman takes over her dead sister’s dating profile in 'Dandelion is Dead'

Author's Experience With Grief Impacting Protagonist's Grief For Sister

Rosie Storey's personal journey through loss and mourning deeply influences her portrayal of grief and sibling bond in her narrative.

Rosie Storey's Loss of a Close Friend Influenced how She Depicts Poppy's Grief and Bond With Her Late Sister, Dandelion

Two Halves: Dandelion's Vibrance vs. Poppy's Struggle After Her Sister's Death

Rosie Storey channels her experience of losing a close friend—who was vibrant, wonderful, and tragically young—into the character of Poppy's late sister, Dandelion, in her literary work. Dandelion, full of vibrance and confidence, contrasts starkly with Poppy, who after her sister' ...

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Author's Experience With Grief Impacting Protagonist's Grief For Sister

Additional Materials

Actionables

  • You can explore your own experiences with loss by writing a fictional short story where characters navigate grief differently. This exercise allows you to process your feelings and understand the multifaceted nature of mourning. For example, create two characters with opposing reactions to the same loss, mirroring the contrast between Dandelion and Poppy, to delve into your personal reflections on identity and memory.
  • Start a memory journal dedicated to someone you've lost, focusing on the positive impact they had on your life. This can help you celebrate their life rather than only feeling the void of their absence. Write about moments that showcase their vibrancy and how those memories continue to shape your life, similar to how Dandelion's spirit influenced Poppy.
  • Engage in a creative project, like a photo collage or a playlist, t ...

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