On NPR's Book of the Day, Hester Kaplan examines her complex relationship with her father through his biography of Mark Twain. After her father's death, Kaplan—who had previously avoided reading his work—turned to his writing about Twain to better understand the man who struggled with emotional closeness throughout their relationship.
The episode explores how Kaplan's father maintained physical presence in his children's lives through activities like cooking and play, while remaining emotionally distant, retreating to his study during moments of strong feeling. Through her investigation of his work, Kaplan discovers connections between her father's approach to writing about Twain and his own personal challenges, including the impact of losing both parents at age 13.

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Hester Kaplan explores the complexities of her relationship with her enigmatic father, particularly focusing on their emotional distance and her attempts to understand him after his death. Throughout their relationship, Kaplan notes that even simple eye contact was a struggle, though she experienced an unexpected connection during the stillness of his cremation.
Despite her father being an acclaimed writer, Kaplan deliberately avoided reading his work during his lifetime, unable to separate the writer from his creations. After his death, she turned to his biography of Mark Twain, carefully examining it for insights into her father's inner life. While cautious about over-interpretation, Kaplan discovers that her father's artistic choices in writing about Twain seemed to reflect his own private struggles.
Kaplan describes her father as a paradoxical figure - though he engaged with his children through cooking and play (unusual for men of his era), he often retreated to his study, especially during emotional moments. She attributes much of his emotional distance to the profound grief of losing both parents by age 13. Through writing about their relationship, Kaplan finds some relief from the burden of their shared grief, reflecting on her father's belief that biography serves as a remedy to solitude.
1-Page Summary
Hester Kaplan delves into the complexities of her relationship with her private and enigmatic father and how his passing led to a profound reflection on their connection.
Kaplan's recount of her relationship with her father is one marked by distance and an unspoken yearning for connection.
In considering her father’s private nature, Kaplan specifically mentions the struggle they had with making eye contact throughout her life, symbolizing the emotional distance between them. However, the moment of stillness they shared at her father’s cremation brought a feeling of closeness that had eluded them before. Kaplan recounts how the absence of eye contact during his life was supplanted by a profound form of connection experienced in the stillness of his passing.
Seeking to comprehend the man behind the paternal figure, Kaplan finds herself confronting the enigma that was her father's separate identities.
It was only after her father's deat ...
Hester Kaplan's Personal Journey to Understand Her Father
Hester Kaplan reflects on her relationship with her father's legacy and uses his Mark Twain biography as a means to understand him more deeply.
Kaplan had never delved into her father's famous works during his lifetime. It wasn't until after he passed away that she felt the pressing need to explore his writing to connect with and grasp his identity—a connection she yearned for posthumously.
Throughout her father's life, Kaplan resisted reading his work. She couldn't separate the writer from his creations, which made her hesitant to delve into the worlds he had penned. This hesitancy outlived him, but his passing became the catalyst for her to finally bridge the gap she felt existed between them.
Kaplan turned to her father's biography of Mark Twain in search of something beyond historical narration—extracting personal reflections and connections that she felt could mirror her father’s own life an ...
Hester's Use of Mark Twain Biography To Access Father's Inner Life
Kaplan paints a picture of her father as an enigmatic figure, both close and distant, revealing the intricacies of their relationship and her longing for a deeper connection.
Kaplan's father, starkly private in his emotional world yet empathetic in his literary pursuits, embodies a paradox. While he offered glimpses of engagement, such as cooking and playing with the children—which Kaplan points out was not typical of men during that era—he often retreated to the sanctuary of his study, particularly during emotional times.
The emotional disconnectedness displayed by Kaplan's father can be seen as reflective of the generational expectations of his time. The era demanded a certain stoicism and restraint from men in their role as fathers, leading to a pattern of emotional unavailability that Kaplan observes. She shares how her father, despite being physically present, would become emotionally inaccessible, a trait that resonates with many as a common experience of their fathers during that period.
Kaplan's insight into her father’s emotional distance is profound. She identifies a pervasive grief stemming from the loss of his parents by the age of 13, having been raised after ...
Father-Daughter Complexity, Emotional Distance, Hester's Longing For Connection
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