'Fire in Every Direction' is a personal work by Palestinian scholar Tareq Baconi

Bakoni's reflective journey through a childhood friendship, the process of coming out, and the subsequent reconciliation of his queer identity with his Palestinian-Arab heritage.

Bakoni's Childhood Bond With Secretly Loved Neighbor Ramsey

Bakoni and Ramsey's Friendship, Including Their Letter Exchanges, Ended Painfully

In his youth, Bakoni was inseparable from his closest friend and first love, Ramsey. They began their friendship around the age of 11, and it blossomed over six or seven years. The boys grew up as neighbors and became pen pals, writing letters that chronicled their deep bond. This friendship ended painfully when Bakoni left for university, a departure that severed their connection and propelled Bakoni to write his book to reclaim his narrative and address misunderstandings that tarnished their parted ways.

Bakoni's Struggle to Express Love For Ramsey Due to Societal Pressure

Bakoni wrestled with his feelings for Ramsey, confined by fear and societal pressures. He wore a metaphorical mask to conceal his true emotions, maintaining the pretense that everything was as society expected. Eventually, Bakoni summoned the courage to share his feelings with Ramsey, an act symbolized by the removal of his mask.

Bakoni's Decision to Come Out To His Parents

Bakoni's Mother Helps Him Come Out To His Initially Unaccepting Father

The arduous task of coming out to his parents was met with mixed reactions. Tareq Baconi, notably struggling with his father's initial rejection, found an ally in his mother. She intervened during Baconi's second attempt to come out—after his father had previously brushed this revelation aside as a phase—by helping to soften the difficult conversation with sedatives in his father's coffee.

Father Accepts Bakoni's Sexuality, Demonstrating Honesty and Openness

Over time, Baconi's father underwent a profound shift. Leila Fadel highlights Bakoni's late realization: his father not only accepts his sexuality but has grown to embrace his husband, frequently inviting him back to Beirut. Baconi reflects on the transformation of their relationship from one shrouded in secrecy to one ...

Tareq Baconi lays out an intimate narrative, exploring the theme of 'a'ib' (shame) in Arab culture and its impact on both his life as a queer individual and his mother's experience as a political activist.

Shame's Oppressiveness and Resilience in Arab Culture

Shame's Impact on Bakoni's Queer Journey and His Mother's Political Activism

Baconi describes 'a'ib' as a pervasive and limiting force that has deeply affected his journey growing up queer, as well as his mother's feminist and political activism. It's a social construct that Baconi finds frustrating, as it aims to confine individuals and minimize their presence rather than allowing them to fully embrace their complex humanity.

Bakoni On why Shame Shrinks Us Instead Of Embracing Our Humanity

Bakoni elaborates on his struggles with shame, criticizing the way it diminishes a person's sense of self. He emphasizes the destructiveness of shame, suggesting that it shrinks individuals and impedes the acceptance of one's full humanity.

Shame's Intergenerational Impact on Bakoni and His Mother

Bakoni's Initial Confusion About His Mother's Anger, Later Understanding It Was Due to Shame

Initially, Bakoni could not grasp the root causes of his mother's pervasive anger. With time, however, he came to understand that her bitterness stemmed from the very shame that suppressed him. This ...

Tareq Baconi reflects on the profound impact displacement has on individuals and families, exploring his own family’s history and his personal quest for a sense of belonging.

Bakoni's Grandmother's 1948 Displacement From Palestine and Family Uprooting

The story of Bakoni’s search for home is rooted in his grandmother’s experience of being displaced from Palestine in 1948. This family uprooting provides a historical context for Bakoni’s personal narrative.

Bakoni's Quest For Belonging: Restricted From Grandmother's Home in Haifa

Bakoni yearns for a connection to his ancestral home, one that has been restricted due to his grandmother’s displacement from Haifa. This longing drives his quest for belonging.

Bakoni's Evolving Concept of Home

Through his journey, Bakoni discovers that his understanding of home extends far beyond physical locations.

Bakoni Realizes Home Is the Community and Chosen Family He Built

Bakoni has come to realize that home revolves around the chosen family and community that shares his values and politics. This realization allows him to feel a ...

Bakoni intimately details a powerful personal evolution, interweaving his academic pursuits with a journey of self-discovery that unfolds in London, away from his native Jordan.

Bakoni's Political Awakening and Self-Discovery Journey in London

Bakoni's Arab Identity Rejection, Western Assimilation, and Recognition of Western Racism and Colonialism Complexities

After leaving Jordan, Bakoni found himself wanting to reject his Arab identity and detach from the community that ostracized him. He attempted to assimilate into Western society, aiming to pass as a liberal in a place like London that seemed to accept his sexuality without prejudice. However, he soon encountered the complex challenges posed by Western racism and colonialism, adding layers to his struggle for acceptance and belonging.

Distinction Between Bakoni's Academic Writing and Emotional Memoir

Bakoni's Academic Work on Hamas: Concealment and Distraction From Personal Narrative

Bakoni's reputation was initially tethered to his academic writing on Hamas and Palestinian politics. However, he sees this scholarly work as a form of concealment. He admits to using his decade-long dedication to his first book as a distraction, a tactic to postpone facing the memoir he was frightened to confront.

Bakoni's Memoir: Embracing His Hesitant Identity Journey

Contrasting sharply with his academic writing, Bakoni's memoir, "Fire in Every Direction," presents a candid and vulnerable narrative. It explores his upbringing as a gay boy in Jordan, his battle with concealed sexuality, the shame intertwined with this struggle, and his eventual coming out. This memoir embraces the hesitation and complexity of his multifaceted identity, which is marked by both political awaken ...