Honor Jones' 'Sleep' explores how our childhoods influence who we are as parents

All the alarming statistics about child abuse and neglect—millions of cases reported each year, killing nearly five children each day—don’t begin to illustrate how victims experience abuse. In A Child Called 'It', author Dave Pelzer provides a rare and grisly glimpse into his experience of severe physical and psychological abuse at his mother’s hands.

In one of the worst child abuse cases reported in California’s history at the time, Pelzer was starved, burned on the stove, regularly locked in the bathroom with a noxious mixture of ammonia and Clorox, and forbidden from speaking to or looking at any of his family members. Through it all, Pelzer maintained an indomitable will to survive that’s a testament to the strength of the human spirit even under the bleakest circumstances.

Can mental health treatments ever be harmful for children? In Bad Therapy, journalist Abigail Shrier argues yes, stating that we’re too quick to medicalize normal childhood struggles in today’s society. She says that while some children genuinely need professional treatment, using therapy and medication when it isn’t necessary prevents young people from developing the skills they need for adulthood. Shrier suggests that instead of rushing to therapy, parents should seek expert intervention less often and give their kids more independence and opportunities to develop resilience.

In this guide, we’ll lay out Shrier’s argument for why mental health treatments aren’t helping young people. We’ll then discuss how well-intentioned interventions by parents, schools, and mental health professionals can damage youth mental health. Lastly, we’ll compare Shrier’s recommendations for raising resilient children with those of psychologists and mental health experts.

There are countless books telling parents how to give their children the best possible upbringing, but psychotherapist Amy Morin realized that there were few—if any—warning parents about what not to do. That’s why she wrote 13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don’t Do, describing 13 common mistakes and how to avoid them. Morin also gives detailed explanations about why those mistakes can derail even the best parents and suggestions about what to do instead.

Our guide will compile Morin’s 13 “don’ts” into four categories: managing expectations and consequences, letting children experience hardship, maintaining the home’s hierarchy, and remembering what’s most important. Our commentary will draw connections to self-help books like Atomic Habits to help you effectively implement Morin’s ideas. We’ll also link to scientific articles that support some of Morin’s principles and explain why they work. Finally, we’ll suggest alternate approaches for especially difficult parenting challenges.