Transform Pain & Trauma Into Creative Expression | David Choe

David Choe shares a deeply personal and turbulent history, marked by familial dysfunction, feelings of rejection from his communities, and a journey of finding his identity and self-worth.

Choe Grew Up In a Conflicting, Dysfunctional Family

Choe's family environment was one of conflict and emotional highs and lows, making his upbringing unsettling and challenging.

Choe's Parents Praised Him As the "Greatest Artist," yet Shamed and Abandoned Him

His mother, who transformed from a welfare recipient into a brutal businesswoman, instilled in Choe the belief that he was the greatest artist from a young age. She likened him to a biblical figure and insisted no one was better than him, leading Choe to internalize high self-expectations. His father's opinion was more reserved, as he only thought Choe was okay.

Despite being brainwashed into believing he was the best artist, Choe's parents expressed disappointment and shame regarding his engagement with graffiti, lamenting that this was not why they came to the United States. When Choe came home with his hands covered in black paint, they responded with disapproval, calling him a disgrace to their race.

Choe Felt Misunderstood and Rejected In Both His Asian and Artistic Communities

Choe experienced a profound sense of not belonging and rejection both at home and in his wider community. He was bullied, felt abandoned, and faced abuse, leading to self-harm and deep-seated self-hatred during his teenage years. His explorations in art, particularly graffiti, left him feeling academicall ...

Throughout his career, artist David Choe has grappled with a litany of addictions and the subsequent feelings of shame and emotional pain that accompany such struggles. Across various interviews, Choe provides insight into his turbulent relationship with compulsive behaviors and the ongoing internal turmoil that fuels them.

Choe Developed Addictions To Gambling, Work, and Substances to Escape Turmoil

Choe speaks candidly about the breadth of his addictive tendencies, which have spanned across gambling, pornography, food, sex, and work. He describes each addiction as embodying the risk-taking essence of a gambling addiction, going so far as to equate actions like drinking and driving to gambling with one's life. His addictions served as a method of escape from confronting the genuine aspects of his personality and the stresses of life.

Choe's Addictions Fueled Self-Destruction, Shame, and Emotional Pain ### Choe's Addiction Worsened By Dwelling In Shame and Self-Loathing

Choe candidly discusses how his addictive behaviors, which included immersing himself in work to the extent of physical illness, created a cycle of self-destruction and shame. He talks about how his engagement in various compulsions would move from one to another in a game of "whack-a-mole." Describing emotions as addictive, he notes the shame of his past and acknowledges chasing that shame, which he likens to a high. He reveals how his actions, such as gambling massive sums of money comparable to his Facebook shares and exposing himself to toxic fumes, are symptomatic of deeper emotional turmoil and an overarching pattern of self-harm.

Choe acknowledges his cycle through various addictions, disclosing how workaholism and addictive behaviors reached their peak simultaneously, to the point of suffering a heart attack at the young age of 35 due to his lifestyle. Despite this life-threatening event, Choe's acknowledgment of returning to his addictive behaviors, such as gambling, points to a profound entanglement with self-destructive patterns.

His narrative portrays a man in the throws of addiction, underscoring the complexity of engaging in behaviors that go against one’s value system, indulging in internal dialo ...

David Choe's journey as an artist is marked by his unwavering commitment to creativity, despite facing constant scrutiny and the battles between his personal sense of worth and external validation.

Art and Creativity Validated Choe's Worth as an Artist

Choe's Pursuits in Graffiti, Illustration, and Comics Reflected His Desire to Defy Expectations and Rebel Against Norms

David Choe's career is an eclectic mix of graffiti, illustration, and comics, reflecting his desire to break away from societal norms and expectations. While graffiti, viewed as vandalism by some, illustrated his “I don't care” attitude toward societal expectations about vandalism. Choe respected this form of self-expression for its physical demands and the courage required to present one's art to the public for immediate judgment. His time working at Comics Top Hits right after high school in Beverly Hills, although he wasn't a "comic book guy," and his eventual recognition by Marvel Comics to draw a unique version of the X-Men underscore his determination to succeed on his artistic merits.

Choe's art wasn’t just about technique or skill; it involved “ripping [his] heart out and showing it to you,” a process he equates with the vulnerability of feeling “naked” when creating large graffiti pieces. Despite being canceled for not following rules or facing constant rejection, his persistence in submitting his artwork and writing for publication echoed his desire to defy norms and affirmed his sense of self-worth as an artist.

Choe's Success in Projects Heightened His Struggles With Shame and Self-Doubt

Despite series of achievements, Choe often felt disregarded, as illustrated by his experiences of not being paid fairly or having his art altered, which stoked feelings of disrespect. The oscillation between pride in his work and frustration with how others valued it highlighted his internal struggles. Even smaller affirmations, like praise for graphically detailed illustrations, held weight against the background of his complex relationship with approval.

Choe’s work has always been i ...

David Choe's relationships with various mentors, peers, and influential figures like Sean Parker, Anthony Bourdain, and Pee Wee Herman have been instrumental in shaping his life and artistic journey, marked by periods of validation, connection, and at times, despair.

Choe's Bonds With Sean Parker, Anthony Bourdain, and Pee Wee Herman Shaped His Life and Art Journey

Choe's bond with Sean Parker began when Parker expressed an interest in Choe's art. This relationship was pivotal during a challenging time in Choe's life, having just been released from prison. Parker commissioned art for his company, Plaxo, and Facebook, underscoring mutual appreciation for rebellion and nonconformity.

Choe regards Pee Wee Herman as a pivotal figure from his early life and recalls personal interactions and moments of validation from Herman. Choe treasures his personal interactions with Herman, which impacted his sense of belonging and self-worth.

Anthony Bourdain, another significant figure in Choe's life, offered him a book deal and discussed possibilities for a CNN show. Bourdain's endorsement provided Choe with a sense of validation and kinship, further linking his identity and work.

Validation and Kinship in Relationships Affected Choe's Behaviors

Choe felt like a disgrace to his family before meeting Parker but found gratitude and friendship through their interactions. He keeps treasured messages from heroes like Parker, Howard Stern, and Pee Wee Herman, which reinforced his sense of validation from influential figures. Such interactions have been a mix of both guidance and validation for Choe, influencing his outlook, career, and artistic expression.

The moments of validation Choe has experienced, such as Peter Thiel appreciating his presence and Sean Parker's project at Facebook's office, resonate deeply with Choe, showing how these relationships shape his sense of identity and creative output.

Choe's Interactions Showcased His Oscillation Between Triumph and Despair, and His Deep Desire For Connection and Belonging

Choe's interactions also reveal his oscillation between extreme emotions. For example, his attempts to get his art into galleries on La Brea Street and his mixed feelings about his wo ...

After Hitting Lows, Choe Is Dedicated To Recovery, Self-Discovery, and a Balanced, Purposeful Life

David Choe speaks openly about his journey from enduring lows to pursuing a balanced and purposeful life. Choe, having hitchhiked and witnessed life without money, now approaches each day with gratitude, signifying a revised outlook. He addresses a heart attack at 35 as a pivotal health scare that paralleled his struggles with addiction and workaholism. The event and his experiences appear to propel him towards recovery and self-awareness.

Choe Uses Therapy, 12-step Programs, and Creativity For Self-Awareness and Emotional Regulation

Rather than explicitly stating his tools for recovery, Choe's dialogue hints at practices such as therapy and 12-step programs. His commitment to critical thinking, self-expression, and attendance at various 12-step meetings demonstrates his active effort in seeking wellbeing. Furthermore, Choe's engagement with therapy, groups, and work with at-risk youth using art, suggests he utilizes creativity in his recovery process.

In discussing brain mapping and combating negative self-talk, Choe acknowledges the value of cognitive strategies and positive affirmations to maintain self-worth—a testament to his emotional regulation efforts. He emphasizes self-awareness through reflections on past behaviors and hints at therapeutic practices like "playing the tape out" to foresee negative outcomes of addictive actions.

Despite Choe's past brushes with rebellion, he now contemplates his purpose and legacy, considering the impact of his choices not only on his life but on the larger community.

Choe Aims to Inspire and Support Others While Focusing On His Growth and Wellbeing

While Choe has faced criticism regarding his decision not to publicize his youth group work, his choice to focus on personal impact over broader recognition suggests a new dedication to self-care ...