In this Hidden Brain episode, neuroscientist Emily Falk and host Shankar Vedantam examine why people often react defensively to feedback and suggestions for improvement. They explore how our brains naturally associate "me" with "good," creating an inherent resistance to criticism, even when we believe in the concept of self-improvement.
The discussion covers practical strategies for reducing defensive reactions, including the technique of imagining giving advice to a friend rather than focusing on oneself. Falk and Vedantam also delve into how defensiveness relates to core identity, explaining why people are more resistant to feedback about fundamental traits than peripheral ones. The episode presents research on how storytelling and connecting with personal values can help individuals become more receptive to feedback.
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When faced with feedback or suggestions for improvement, people often respond with defensiveness rather than embracing the opportunity for growth. Emily Falk explains that this occurs because our brains naturally equate "me" with "good," making feedback feel like a threat to our self-image. This creates a paradox: while we believe in self-improvement, we resist changes suggested by others.
Experts Emily Falk and Shankar Vedantam offer several effective approaches to decrease defensiveness. One key strategy is reducing self-salience - for instance, imagining giving advice to a friend rather than focusing on ourselves. Falk points out that this approach has shown success in real-world applications, such as reducing college students' alcohol consumption.
Another powerful strategy involves affirming core values before receiving feedback. Falk shares that she practices mini-affirmation exercises, like looking at photos of her children, before feedback meetings. These exercises remind us that a single criticism doesn't define our entire being.
Vedantam explains that defensiveness isn't just about protecting specific actions - it's about defending our core identity. Falk's research shows that people are particularly defensive about feedback that challenges traits central to their identity, while being more open to changing views on less fundamental characteristics.
Falk emphasizes that connecting with one's sense of purpose can make individuals more receptive to feedback. She also highlights the effectiveness of storytelling in reducing defensiveness, noting that when people engage with stories, they process information differently and show less resistance to change. This occurs because stories activate brain systems associated with understanding others' thoughts and feelings, creating a more analytical mindset compared to direct criticism.
1-Page Summary
Understanding the psychological mechanisms behind defensiveness can illuminate why we often resist feedback instead of using it as a tool for growth.
When suggestions for improvement are offered, people frequently exhibit defensiveness, making attempts to preserve their self-image and the status quo rather than embracing change.
Falk articulates that observing aspects that could be improved in others can be perceived as a threat to our self-image, leading to defensiveness. When people process feedback about poor choices or behaviors, it tends to be experienced as an affront to their identity due to the brain's conflation of the self with goodness. Thus, receiving feedback is often equated with a challenge to one's notion of being good.
The automatic response to feedback is generally anger, denial, or justification instead of openness to consider the validity of the criticism. For example, when Emily's grandmother wished for more quality time together, Emily's immediate reaction was defensiveness, not because of the factual time spent together but because it posed a question on her identity as a good granddaughter. The inherent need to believe ...
Psychology of Defensiveness and why We Resist Feedback
Experts like Emily Falk and Shankar Vedantam suggest various strategies for reducing defensiveness, which can help us receive feedback productively and improve our receptiveness to change.
It is suggested that by reducing the prominence of the self, we can become less defensive and more open to feedback.
Emily Falk emphasizes that we can control our response to feedback. She suggests that approaching our own behavior from the psychological distance of giving advice to a friend can make us more open to change, as evidenced by a study where such an approach reduced college students' alcohol consumption.
Meditation can also play a role in letting go of a bounded notion of self, influencing the brain's self-relevant systems and potentially leading to reduced defensiveness among long-term practitioners.
Reflecting on one's core values can lessen the impact of criticism and reduce defensiveness.
Falk points out that reminding ourselves of our values and what truly matters can make us less defensive when faced with criticism. Values affirmation exercises include reflecting on aspects of life that bring meaning or purpose, such as family, spirituality, or creativity. This practice helps people understand that a single mistake does not define their entire being.
For instance, when sedentary individuals first performed a values affirmation exercise, they were more responsive to health coaching, indicating they were more open to change. Before feedback meetings, Falk engages in mini affirmation exercises, like looking at photos of her children or reflecting on gratitude, which make her more receptive to feedback.
Falk also notes the link between purposeful behavior and receptiveness to constructive feedback. She mentions the natural fluctuations in individuals' sense of purpose and how behaviors beneficial for the body can lead to a more purposeful feeling.
Vedantam and Falk discuss how expanding our self-conce ...
Strategies For Reducing Defensiveness
Emily Falk and Shankar Vedantam explore the complex relationship between our core identity, self-concept, and the defensiveness demonstrated when we receive personal feedback.
Vedantam describes how defensiveness isn't simply about defending specific actions; it's about defending an attack on one's overall sense of self. This defensiveness emerges whenever feedback targets an aspect of our identity that is significant to us.
Emily shares her initial response of defensiveness to her grandmother's critique, which felt like an affront to her self-image as a considerate and engaged family member. Falk discusses research that shows people are especially defensive about feedback that challenges traits they consider central to their identity, such as kindness or generosity. They are more open to changing their views on traits not seen as fundamental, like being articulate. For instance, when Brett commented on Emily's phone use, it struck a nerve because it questioned her identity as a responsible boss and scientist, roles that she holds valuable and are reasons she uses her phone frequently.
Without giving specifics, Falk relates that recognizing and adhering to one’s purpose can inspire greater openness to feedback and an improved capacity to handle criticism constructively.
Falk speaks about reconnecting with one's fundamental motivations before receiving feedback. Acknowledging shared objectives, such as broadening the reach of research, can help individuals recognize and embrace comments that might initially seem negative. This process can involve daily fluctuations in how purposeful one feels, influenced by reflecting on values and partaking in meaningful activities. Individuals more connected to their sense of purpose are also more likely to pursue and continue behaviors beneficial to their overall health and wellbeing.
The power of storytelling emerges as a formidable tool to displace defensiveness and allow for a different kind of information processing that’s less tied to an individual's core self-identity.
Self, Identity, and Purpose in Defensive Reactions
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