The Trauma Script

This article explores the intricate and often unpredictable nature of coping with grief and trauma through personal accounts.

Participants Discussed Personal Encounters With Loss and Adversity

The experiences shared demonstrate the varied responses individuals have to profound loss and physical trauma.

George Bonanno on His Relationship With His Father and Its Aftermath

George Bonanno's father, despite his hard work, battled depression and severe health issues, including heart attacks and diabetes. Bonanno recounts leaving home at 17 with haunting final words from his father: "Don't come crawling back." Years later, at 23 and living in Colorado, Bonanno received the call of his father's passing. Unsure of how to feel, having never encountered such loss, Bonanno entered a state of peaceful silence instead of the anticipated tears and sorrow. He returned to work almost immediately, which worried his colleagues, who believed he wasn't allowing himself time to grieve. Nonetheless, Bonanno found his own way to cope and consulted his deceased father during imaginary conversations in his building’s elevator, addressing current challenges like parenthood and money matters.

Concern Arises as Julia Responds Unexpectedly To Father's Death

Julia, a college student, was thrown into a state of shock and intense distress when she was informed about her own father's death following a tragic car accident. Despite the initial upheaval, Julia soon redirected her focus to her studies and social circle, avoiding discussions about her loss. This behavior raised alarms for her mother, who worried Julia was in denial and not properly grieving. Acting on this concern, her mother suggested grief counseling. Julia complied, attending sessions that were covered by insurance, yet she only did so to appease her mother and her mother remained disturbed by her daughter’s seemingly swif ...

Researchers, including George Bonanno, have been exploring the various patterns of human response to challenging life events and trauma.

Researchers Find Common Paths In Coping With Major Setbacks

The study of responses to adversity like mass tragedies or personal loss has led to the identification of several common patterns which people follow in coping with these setbacks.

"Chronic Grief" Involves Prolonged Distress and Dysfunction

Bonanno defines "chronic grief" as a state in which an individual experiences symptoms of grief for an extended period — months or even years — and struggles to function normally. This form of grief, affecting about one in ten people, can impede abilities to think, concentrate, and maintain closeness with others.

"Recovery" Begins With Difficulty, Gradually Returns to Baseline

Another recognized pattern is "recovery," where individuals start with high levels of distress and symptoms, which then gradually diminish over one to two years until they return to their pre-adversity state of functioning.

"Delayed Onset" Pattern Shows Gradual Symptom Worsening Over Time

The "delayed onset" pattern signifies a trajectory where individuals seem to function adequately initially but then slowly experience worsening symptoms, eventually reaching a threshold of noticeable suffering. Contrary to popular belief, the onset is not sudden; this pattern involves a gradual decline.

Common Pattern: "Resilience," Temporary Distress Before Returning To Healthy Functioning

Unexpected Mildness in Reactions Surprises Individuals and Loved Ones

"Resilience" is identified as the most common pattern and involves only temporary distress before returning to a state of healthy functioning. Research now suggests that this pattern is not rare as previously thought and does not indicate denial; most people exhibit resilience by managing to return to their normal lives after a period of upheaval. Bonanno's personal experience of relief and peace following his father's death exemplifies such resilience — a reaction that was not as fragile as others might have expected. Similarly, instances of less inte ...

George Bonanno, alongside host Shankar Vedantam, discusses the disparity between research on grief and trauma and the prevailing cultural narratives that often pathologize common human experiences.

Grief Stages Theory Lacks Research Support

George Bonanno explains that the theory of grief stages, formulated by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, lacks empirical support. Originally meant to describe the process of one's own death acceptance, the stages have been inaccurately appropriated by others to fit loss bereavement models. Bonanno's research contradicts this staged theory, highlighting that people cope with grief in varied and idiosyncratic ways. He notes that insisting on a specific sequence of stages may harm individuals who do not conform to this pattern, as society often incorrectly views deviations from the theory as unhealthy coping.

Staged Model Sees Grief Deviations as Unhealthy Coping

Bonanno asserts that the cultural expectation to exhibit grief in a certain manner can lead some people to believe that if they do not adhere to the stages, they are not properly honoring their loved ones or are subject to unhealthy coping. These societal pressures may stem from media and societal expectations which link trauma and grief to lasting mental health issues.

Media and Societal Expectations Link Trauma and Grief To Lasting Mental Health Issues

According to Shankar Vedantam, societal expectations have evolved to a point where exposure to certain adverse experiences, such as traumatic fairy tales, is seen to potentially cause lasting mental harm. Bonanno argues that the growing prevalence of diagnoses for grief and trauma may be attributed to books and media emphasizing the severity of these conditions. Moreover, therapists may overgeneralize the frequency of trauma because their clinical practice is not reflective of the general population.

Trigger Warnings Assume Fragility, but Evidence Shows Most People Are Resilient

Bonanno and Vedantam discuss trigger warnings, which are used widely in educational and media settings based on the assumption that people harbor unresolved traumas. However, Bonanno suggests this is an inaccurate belief, and research on trigger warnings has demonstrated that they may be unhelpful or exacerbate anxiety, further fostering the misconception that intense emotional responses equate to psychopathology.

Pathologizing Normal Adversity Responses Misunderstands Resilience

The swift recovery observed in many individuals after tragedies like 9/11 contradicts the idea that intense emotional reactions are signs of psychopathology. Patricia Resick's statement, "Strong emotions do not equal psychopathology," supports the notion that it is normal to experience strong reactions to trauma without it indicating a men ...