A Different Take on Screen Time - Revisit

Becky Kennedy and Ash Brandin encourage parents to shift the conversation about children’s screen time away from shame and moral judgments and toward sustainable, neutral, and compassionate decision-making.

Parental Shame and Fear Hinder Sustainable Screen Time Decisions

Kennedy observes that many parents feel immense shame and embarrassment about their children's screen time, often worrying that allowing screens means they are bad parents. This shame paralyzes parents, making proactive and thoughtful decisions difficult, as fear and embarrassment cause them to act reactively rather than intentionally.

Brandin agrees, noting that parents often equate the amount of time their children spend on screens with their own value or competence as parents. The prevailing moral lens of "good" versus "bad" parenting creates a false dichotomy: if their kids are on screens, parents feel they're failing, regardless of practical family needs. Shame and fear distort the way families approach screen use, and parents may find themselves focused only on reducing screen time to avoid the stigma, rather than making decisions that truly work for their family.

Both Kennedy and Brandin advocate for neutrality when considering screen time. By viewing screens as a tool—neither inherently good nor bad—parents are freed to make intentional decisions, comparing screen use to any other daily activity. This neutral perspective makes it easier to evaluate screens as one aspect of children's lives instead of a reflection of parental morality, thus empowering parents to confidently set boundaries and make choices appropriate for their circumstances.

Screens Ease Family Functions and Relieve Parental Burdens Without Judgment

The conversation reframes screen time as a practical support, especially given the overwhelming demands on today’s parents. Kennedy and Brandin point out that screens often fill critical gaps created by time and resource constraints, acting as a much-needed tool to help families function. Parents are frequently stretched thin, managing work and caregiving without enough external support, making it perfectly reasonable for screens to help ease burdens.

Brandin underscores that for many, especially single parents or those working demanding schedules, screens are not just a convenience but a necessity. Instead of focusing on what screen time might be replacing, parents are encouraged to ask what need screens are meeting for the family as a whole, without the overlay of fear or judgment.

Kennedy highlights the importance of making decisions based on what works for the family rather than comparing with others or striving to meet an abstract standard of "good" parenting. Removing judgment allows parents to make choices they will feel satisfied with at the end of the day. Brandin adds that thinking neutrally about screens—much like thinking about food choices without moral weight—removes emotional burdens and allows families to set consistent boundaries with less internal conflict.

Parents' Views on Productivity, Rest, and Leisure Influence Children's Screen Time Limits

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Parents Should Set Firm Boundaries Based On Family Needs Without Involving Children in Decisions Requiring Adult Authority

Becky Kennedy emphasizes that many parents unintentionally invite their children into decisions that require adult authority, especially when implementing rule changes like screen time adjustments. She describes how parents often frame boundaries as questions—“Don’t you think it’s a good idea not to have screens in the morning?”—which can be confusing and dysregulating for children. Kennedy likens this to a pilot asking passengers if they should make an emergency landing, highlighting that some decisions are not the child's domain. Instead, parents should take time to identify non-negotiable boundaries based on family needs—such as requiring everyone to be out the door by 7:45 a.m., thus making screens in the morning non-negotiable—and communicate those clearly.

Firm, parent-set boundaries grant children security in the same way that clear game rules enable agency without inviting them to take part in decisions they’re not prepared for. Ash Brandin notes that while children can be given input on negotiable issues, such as deciding when to do screen time after school, parents must clearly distinguish these from non-negotiable aspects like no screen time during morning routines.

Video Game Design: Clear Rules and Internal Freedom Foster Engagement and Autonomy For Children

Ash Brandin draws a parallel between effective boundaries at home and the design of video games. In games like Pac-Man or Mario, players quickly learn the consistent, non-arbitrary rules: brick blocks react a certain way, question mark blocks provide rewards, and the boundaries of the game world remain unchanged. This predictability allows children to engage, test, and learn safely, fostering a sense of autonomy within fixed limits.

Video games enforce rules neutrally and predictably. Players can try different strategies or behaviors—for example, repeatedly jumping at a block—but the game never shames or emotionally reacts to these attempts. This neutrality offers freedom and autonomy within boundaries, mirroring how consistent but neutral enforcement of house rules can help children feel both secure and empowered.

Brandin points out that this model—freedom inside clear, consistently enforced rules—helps children test and internalize boundaries at home. Like in games, when boundaries are reliably enforced, children quickly recognize what is possible and feel safe enough to exercise their agency within those limits.

Children's Tantrums When Boundaries Are Enforced Are Normal, Not Proof the Boundary Is Wrong

Kennedy addresses a common concern: when parents enforce boundaries, especially around screens, children often have strong emotional reactions, including tantrums. This is not proof that the boundary is wrong or poorly set. Instead, these reactions signa ...

Prioritize Family Wellbeing and Sustainability Over Solely Optimizing Child Outcomes In Screen Time Decisions

Ash Brandin emphasizes that parents often become overly focused on how screen time impacts children without considering its role in supporting family life and distributing caregiving responsibilities. In reality, screen time frequently serves as a tool to alleviate the burden for adults, particularly for single parents or those handling challenging schedules without support. For many, there are simply not enough resources or alternative caregivers available, and screens fill that necessary gap by providing parents the time to manage other needs such as preparing meals safely.

Brandin and Becky Kennedy argue that it is important to shift perspective from asking "What is screen time doing to my child?" to "What is screen time allowing me to do for my family?" Sustainable screen use considers actual parental capacity and resources, as well as the demands of family schedules, instead of aspiring to rigid, idealized standards that can cause unnecessary stress or burnout. The core question becomes whether the current approach to screen time enables the family to get its needs met in a way that remains manageable for everyone.

Effective screen time decisions rely on practicality—choosing an approach that truly works for both children and parents, and that doesn't make parental management feel overwhelming. This may mean accepting that sometimes, using a screen is necessary and valuable for maintaining the wellbeing and functioning of the household.

Evaluate if Screen Time Works For Your Family

A 30-minute Show Causes a 25-minute Meltdown: The Strategy Isn't Working

Brandin gives a concrete example: if a 30-minute episode of Paw Patrol allows a parent to make dinner, but consistently results in a 25-minute meltdown when it ends, the strategy is not working overall because the effort outweighs the benefit. Instead of immediately blaming oneself for allowing screen time, Brandin suggests treating the outcome as data and re-examining the strategy.

Screen Time Friction: Identify Needed Adjustments

When screen time prompts conflict or dysregulation, it's an indication that changes may be needed. The core need—such as occupying a child safely while making dinner—often cannot be altered, especially if there is no additional caregiver or alternative activity available. Instead, families might adjust by changing the specific content the child watches, incorporating activities like a trip to the park before screen time to help regula ...

Ash Brandin and Becky Kennedy discuss the challenges and strategies for supporting children's digital literacy and their ability to tolerate frustration and delayed gratification. They emphasize that screens provide unique experiences, often offering immediate and consistent feedback unavailable in the real world, which can influence children's expectations and emotional responses.

Opportunities For Children to Build Emotional Regulation Through Challenging Activities Without Immediate Feedback

Screens are highly effective at delivering dense, immediate, and consistent feedback, setting an expectation for constant and predictable rewards. As Brandin states, digital experiences such as stacking virtual blocks or using coloring apps offer immediate responses and visual satisfaction, unlike tangible activities where results come through effort, variation, and unpredictability. Kennedy observes that children accustomed to these instant rewards may develop a lower tolerance for play or activities that require prolonged effort—like learning to read—which demand persistence without frequent feedback.

Both Brandin and Kennedy emphasize the necessity for children to have opportunities beyond screens where they can build emotional regulation. These moments foster skills for working hard, attempting difficult tasks, negotiating, managing frustrations, and persevering through discomfort or failure before experiencing gratification. Kennedy notes that parents must sometimes endure their children's whining or tantrums while helping them work through these challenges. Such experiences are crucial for emotional development, teaching children to stick with complex problems even when immediate rewards are absent.

Screens Should Supplement a Balanced Diet of Cognitive and Emotional Experiences

Brandin and Kennedy agree that screens should not be viewed as inherently good or bad. Instead, they should comprise one part of a varied mix of cognitive and emotional experiences. Direct substitutes for screens rarely offer the same immediate satisfaction— Brands likens substituting screens to an addict choosing yoga over a substance, recognizing that the alternative won’t initially feel as rewarding. Therefore, rather than seeking replacements that deliver similar [restricted term] hits, parents should ensure children experience a variety of activities, understanding that some will require more patience and effort.

Brandin shares personal experiences of helping children switch from digital coloring apps to traditional coloring, acknowledging how the former's instant gratification can be deeply appealing. Some days, parents have the capacity and time to sit with their child through discomfort and frustration, building resilience and emotional skills. Other days, digital experiences are the better fit. Embracing neutrality about screen use allows parents to make thoughtful, situational decisions without spiraling into fear or catastrophizing about long-term impact.

Kennedy reiterates that every family ...