When Your Kid Says “I’m Boredddd!”
In this episode of Good Inside with Dr. Becky, Dr. Kennedy and guest Lizzie Asa discuss why parents shouldn't view childhood boredom as a problem to solve. The conversation explores how boredom creates opportunities for children to develop independence, creativity, and problem-solving skills through self-directed play.
The experts share practical approaches for parents who want to support their children's independent play, including how to set up engaging play spaces and respond when children claim they're bored. They explain why parents should resist the urge to constantly entertain their children, and how stepping back from directing play helps children develop self-reliance and resilience that benefit them into adulthood.
This is a preview of the Shortform summary of the Jan 13, 2026 episode of the Good Inside with Dr. Becky
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1-Page Summary
Reframing the Parental Perspective On Boredom
Lizzie Asa and Becky Kennedy discuss how boredom in children should be viewed as a positive sign of healthy development rather than a problem that parents need to solve. They explain that boredom creates opportunities for children to explore their interests, understand themselves better, and develop independence.
The Importance of Independent Play For Child Development
According to Assa, independent play is crucial for developing problem-solving skills, creativity, and resilience in children. When children play independently, they learn to make decisions, take risks, and advocate for themselves—skills that prove invaluable in adulthood. Kennedy adds that this autonomy helps children believe in their ideas and understand that mistakes are part of learning.
Both experts emphasize that parents should resist the urge to constantly intervene in their children's play. Instead of being the primary source of entertainment, parents should support their children's independence by allowing them to handle their own problems and develop self-reliance.
Practical Strategies For Supporting Independent Play
Assa recommends creating "play pockets" throughout the home—spaces stocked with materials that reflect children's interests and encourage self-directed exploration. When children express boredom, she suggests helping them recall past play activities they enjoyed rather than immediately providing solutions.
Kennedy emphasizes that parents should expect some pushback when changing routines to encourage independent play. Both experts recommend showing interest in children's play without probing, which signals recognition of the child's ideas while maintaining their autonomy. This approach helps foster agency, problem-solving skills, and builds confidence and resilience in children.
1-Page Summary
Additional Materials
Counterarguments
- While boredom can lead to self-discovery and independence, excessive boredom might also indicate a lack of stimulation or resources, which could hinder a child's development.
- Some children may require more guidance and structured activities to thrive, and independent play might not suit every child's needs or personality.
- Overemphasis on independence could potentially overlook the importance of social play and the development of social skills through interaction with peers.
- Parents' intervention in play can sometimes be beneficial, providing teachable moments and opportunities for bonding and learning.
- Not all parents have the resources or living conditions to create "play pockets" or provide a variety of materials for self-directed exploration.
- In some cases, recalling past play activities may not address the root cause of a child's boredom and could lead to repetitive play that doesn't challenge or engage them.
- Expecting resistance when changing routines might not account for children who adapt well to change and could lead parents to anticipate problems where none may exist.
- Showing interest without probing could be misinterpreted by some children as disinterest, potentially affecting their confidence in sharing their ideas and activities with parents.
Actionables
- You can design a "boredom brainstorming board" where your children can pin ideas for activities they come up with during their free time. This encourages them to think ahead and rely on their creativity when they feel bored, rather than turning to you for entertainment. For example, they might pin "build a fort with cushions" or "create a comic book," which they can refer to whenever they need inspiration.
- Create a "challenge jar" filled with slips of paper that have open-ended activities or prompts that require your child to use their imagination and problem-solving skills. These could range from "invent a new game with three items from your room" to "draw a map of a fantasy world." When your child feels bored, they can pull out a challenge and work on it independently.
- Implement a weekly "invention hour" where your child has the freedom to create anything they want with a set of random materials you provide. This could include recyclables, art supplies, or old gadgets. The goal is to let them explore their interests and problem-solving abilities without any input or guidance from you, fostering their independence and creativity.
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Reframing the Parental Perspective On Boredom
Lizzie Asa and Becky Kennedy offer a fresh perspective on how boredom is not only natural for children but is also a sign of healthy development and good parenting.
Boredom in Children: A Sign of Healthy Development
Boredom Is an Opportunity for Independent Play and Exploration, Not a Parental Problem to Solve
Lizzie Asa views boredom as a positive aspect of childhood that parents should embrace rather than fix. She believes that leaving space for boredom allows children to understand themselves better, explore what interests them, and handle their own challenges. Asa supports her children's independent play by ensuring that their basic needs are met and that there are ample materials and spaces for them to use for entertainment in her home. Becky Kennedy echoes this sentiment, explaining that when children are not constantly stimulated externally, they can figure out something inside themselves in terms of creativity, ideas, and independence.
Boredom Reveals Insights Into Children's Interests, Personalities, and Decision-Making Skills
Asa emphasizes that boredom is where kids can have time and space to understand who they are and feel comfortable being with themselves. She states that a child's expression of boredom is a positive sign, indicating that parents are doing something right by reserving time for the child to experience boredom and engage in play.
Embracing Child's Boredom Prevents Parental Burnout
Boredom Is Beneficial; Parents Can Support Independent Play and Exploration Instead of Eliminating It
Kennedy suggests that parents understand that boredom is safe and a good thing. By not trying to solve boredom and recognizing it as beneficial, parents can avoid feeling like they're not doing enough and prevent burnout. Kennedy emphasizes the importance of including downtime in children's schedules and supports the notion that parents sh ...
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Reframing the Parental Perspective On Boredom
Additional Materials
Clarifications
- Boredom encourages children to develop self-regulation and problem-solving skills by prompting them to find their own ways to engage. It fosters creativity by giving the mind space to wander and generate new ideas without external input. Experiencing boredom helps children build resilience and tolerance for discomfort, which are important for emotional growth. Avoiding boredom can lead to over-reliance on external stimulation, hindering independent thinking and exploration.
- Boredom removes external distractions, prompting children to use their imagination to create activities. It encourages problem-solving as they decide how to entertain themselves without guidance. This process strengthens their ability to make choices and develop personal interests. Over time, these experiences build creativity and independent thinking skills.
- Parents can support boredom by providing a safe, resource-rich environment where children can choose activities independently. They can set routines that include unstructured time, signaling that boredom is expected and okay. Parents should resist the urge to immediately intervene or entertain, trusting their child’s ability to self-direct play. This approach balances attentiveness with allowing space, preventing feelings of neglect.
- Boredom creates a quiet mental space where children are not distracted by external stimuli, allowing them to reflect inwardly. This reflection helps them recognize their preferences, emotions, and thought patterns, which are key components of self-understanding. When children face boredom, they often invent activities or ideas, fostering creativity and decision-making skills that shape their personality. Over time, these experiences build a stronger sense of identity and independence.
- When parents constantly entertain their children, they expend significant mental and emotional energy, increasing stress and fatigue. Allowing children to experience boredom reduces the pressure on parents to provide nonstop stimulation, conserving their energy. Psychologically, this shift helps parents feel less responsible for their child's every moment, lowering anxiety and preventing burnout. It also fosters parental confidence by reframing boredom as a positive developmental tool rather than a problem to fix.
- “Reframing boredom” means changing how parents think about and respond to their child's boredom. Instead of seeing it as a problem needing immediate fixing, parents view boredom as a natural and beneficial experience. This shift reduces parental anxiety and the urge to constantly entertain, promoting patience and trust in the child's ability to self-direct. It encourages parents to support independent play rather than intervene prematurely.
- Constant stimulation can overwhelm a ...
Counterarguments
- While boredom can foster independence and creativity, excessive boredom might lead to negative feelings or behaviors, such as frustration or acting out, suggesting a balance is necessary.
- Some children may require more guidance or structured activities to engage effectively in independent play, especially if they have developmental differences or social interaction challenges.
- The assumption that all children will naturally find ways to entertain themselves when bored may not hold true for every child, and some may need more support to develop this skill.
- The idea that boredom is always a sign of good parenting might overlook the complexities of individual family dynamics, socioeconomic factors, and cultural differences that influence parenting practices and children's experiences.
- Not all parents have the resources or living situations that allow for the provision of ample materials and spaces for independent play, which could make embracing boredom more challenging.
- In some educational philosophies or cultural contexts, structured learning and activities are valued over unstructured play, and these perspectives might challenge the notion that bore ...
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The Importance of Independent Play For Child Development
Lizzie Assa and Becky Kennedy discuss the critical role of independent play in the maturation and development of children into self-sufficient and resilient adults.
Independent Play Cultivates Problem-Solving, Creativity, and Resilience in Children For Adulthood
Independent Play Helps Children Learn Decision-Making, Risk-Taking, and Resilience, Boosting Development and Confidence
Lizzie Assa points out that when children play independently, they initiate activities without prompts, solve problems on their own, and advocate for themselves, such as when they forget an item. This facet of independent problem-solving exemplifies how children develop resilience and autonomy, later proving invaluable in adulthood.
Assa also suggests that giving children space to become bored and engage in independent play allows them to develop crucial life skills, such as decision-making and problem-solving. The resilience needed for these decisions is thought to be built during solitary play, like when children are absorbed in games on the living room floor.
Unstructured Play Fosters Autonomy and Self-Entertainment, Valuable for Complex Life Challenges
Autonomy is fundamental in independent play, where children create their worlds and make decisions within their games—this fosters a belief in their ideas and an understanding that mistakes are part of learning. Assa considers independent play a crucial time when kids build skills, take risks, deal with struggles, and develop initiative.
For instance, college students who struggle with small decisions may be those who didn't experience enough independent play during childhood. Various stories and examples suggest that a strong sense of resilience, autonomy, and the ability to self-entertain fosters children's ability to tackle complex challenges later in life.
Supporting Independent Play Requires Parents to Resist Constant Intervention
A Crucial Mindset Shift For Parents Used To Being the Primary Source of Their Children's Entertainment
Parents often feel pressured to be the source of their children's entertainment, which can lead to burnout. Becky Kennedy and Lizzie Assa debate the idea of providing scaffolding for children’s play without doing the work for them. Assa speaks about the importance of parents backing off and not being the entertainer all the time, which encourages self-reliance and confidence in children.
Parents sho ...
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The Importance of Independent Play For Child Development
Additional Materials
Clarifications
- Scaffolding in children's play means providing just enough support or guidance to help a child learn or solve a problem without doing it for them. It involves observing, offering hints, or asking questions that encourage thinking, rather than giving direct answers or taking control. This approach helps children build skills and confidence by gradually increasing their independence. Unlike direct intervention, scaffolding respects the child's autonomy and promotes active problem-solving.
- Boredom prompts children to seek new activities, sparking creativity and imagination. It encourages self-reflection and problem-solving as they decide how to entertain themselves. Experiencing boredom helps develop patience and emotional regulation. This process builds independence and resilience by teaching children to manage discomfort without immediate external help.
- Independent play builds resilience by allowing children to face and overcome small challenges without immediate help, teaching them to recover from setbacks. It fosters autonomy by encouraging children to make their own choices and solve problems independently, strengthening their confidence in their abilities. Through trial and error during play, children learn that mistakes are part of learning, which reduces fear of failure. This process helps children develop emotional regulation and persistence, key components of resilience and self-reliance.
- Unstructured play is play without specific rules, goals, or adult direction, allowing children to explore freely. It contrasts with structured play, which is guided by adults or has set objectives, like organized sports or educational games. Unstructured play encourages creativity, imagination, and decision-making because children create their own scenarios and solve problems independently. This freedom helps develop autonomy and flexible thinking, essential for adapting to new situations in life.
- Children who lack independent play miss opportunities to practice making choices without guidance. This limits their experience in evaluating risks and consequences on their own. As adults, they may struggle with confidence in decision-making due to insufficient practice in autonomy. Independent play builds neural pathways that support problem-solving and self-regulation skills essential for adult decisions.
- Parents acting as "mirrors" means they reflect back their children's thoughts and decisions without taking control. This approach helps children see their choices are valid and encourages self-trust. It involves observing and acknowledging rather than directing or fixing problems. This method supports children in developing confidence and independent thinking.
- Independent play aligns with Jean Piaget’s theory of cognitive development, emphasizing active learning through exploration. It also reflects Vygotsky’s concept of the "zone of proximal development," where children learn by solving problems slightly beyond their current ability. Erik Erikson’s stages of psychosocial development highlight autonomy versus shame, showing how independent play fosters self-confidence. Additionally, play supports executive function skills, crucial for planning, de ...
Counterarguments
- While independent play is valuable, it is not the only method to foster problem-solving and resilience; structured play and guided activities can also contribute to these skills.
- Some children may require more guidance and support due to different developmental needs or learning styles, and a one-size-fits-all approach to independent play may not be beneficial for every child.
- The assumption that a lack of independent play leads to decision-making difficulties in adulthood may not account for other factors that influence adult behavior and capabilities.
- The role of cultural differences in parenting and play is not addressed; what is considered beneficial in one culture may not be viewed the same way in another.
- The text may oversimplify the relationship between independent play and later life challenges, as resilience and problem-solving are complex traits influenced by a multitude of experiences.
- The idea that parents should refrain from intervening might not always be practical or safe, depending on the child's age and the situation.
- The emphasis on independent play might undervalue the importance of social play and the development of social skills through interactio ...
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Practical Strategies For Supporting Independent Play
Lizzie Assa and Becky Kennedy offer valuable advice to parents on how to support children's independent play through thoughtful organization and guidance rather than direct problem-solving.
Set Up "Play Pockets" With Materials for Open-Ended Exploration That Reflect Children's Interests
Play Spaces Should Encourage Self-Directed, Flexible Play Without Heavy Parental Curation
Lizzie Assa emphasizes the importance of play environments where children can engage in self-directed, flexible play. She discusses the idea of removing barriers to play by making materials like art supplies accessible without heavy parental curation. Assa suggests anticipating that children may only engage with new activities briefly as they learn and advises setting up such play areas next to the parent, allowing for co-regulation. Assa also mentions creating so-called "play pockets" in the home: spaces stocked with toys and materials to foster independent play, encouraging children to engage and explore based on their interests, such as keeping toy trucks and books about trucks available for a child interested in trucks.
Gaining Insights Into Child Development Through Play Observation
Observing children during independent play can provide valuable insights into their personalities, interests, and the issues they grapple with. Assa advises parents to take note of what their children frequently talk about and integrate these interests, such as favorite characters or themes, into play materials to give children a "path and a way in" to engage with less structured options.
Boredom in Children: Parents Should Acknowledge and Guide, Not Solve
Helping a Child Recall Past Play Activities
Lizzie Assa points out that when children express boredom, parents should help them recall what they enjoyed in the past, such as building a structure or playing with toys. Assa also encourages parents to invite the child to talk about what they did in past play activities, reinforcing their ability to think and act i ...
Here’s what you’ll find in our full summary
Practical Strategies For Supporting Independent Play
Additional Materials
Counterarguments
- While self-directed play is important, some children may require more structure and guidance to feel secure and engaged, especially those with developmental differences or anxiety.
- Not all play spaces can be set up next to a parent due to space constraints or the parent's need to attend to other tasks, which may limit the opportunity for co-regulation.
- The concept of "play pockets" might not be feasible in smaller living spaces or for families with limited resources to dedicate to multiple play areas.
- Parents may struggle to accurately interpret their child's play without additional guidance or may inadvertently project their own biases onto their observations.
- Some children may not easily recall past enjoyable activities or may need more direct suggestions to overcome boredom, especially younger children or those with certain cognitive differences.
- The approach of guiding children to solve their own boredom may not always be appropriate, such as in situations where a child's safety or well-being could be compromised by their chosen activity.
- Expecting pushback when changing rout ...
Actionables
- You can create a "boredom ideas jar" where your child contributes slips of paper with their favorite play activities; when they're bored, they can draw an idea from the jar to inspire independent play. This method gives children a sense of ownership over their play choices and encourages them to engage with past positive experiences.
- Develop a "play menu" with your child, listing different play activities and categorizing them by type, such as creative, physical, or imaginative play. This visual tool can help children independently choose their play activity and mix different types of play, promoting a balanced play diet.
- Introduce a "play ambassador" rol ...
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