Raising Kids in a World of Smartphones & AI
In this episode of Good Inside, Dr. Becky Kennedy and Jean Twenge explore how parents can navigate the challenges of raising children in an increasingly digital world. The discussion covers practical strategies for managing children's technology use, including the establishment of device-free zones, guidelines for overnight phone storage, and recommendations about when children should receive their first smartphones.
The experts also examine how technology affects children's mental health and development. They discuss the impact of AI companion apps on social skills, the connection between late-night device use and sleep quality, and ways to build real-world independence in children. The conversation balances concerns about digital risks with actionable steps parents can take to protect their children's well-being while fostering their growth and autonomy.
This is a preview of the Shortform summary of the Nov 18, 2025 episode of the Good Inside with Dr. Becky
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1-Page Summary
Regulating Children's Technology Use
In this episode, experts discuss strategies for managing children's technology use and setting healthy boundaries for their well-being.
Setting Device Boundaries for Better Sleep and Mental Health
Jean Twenge emphasizes a crucial rule: no devices in bedrooms overnight. According to Becky Kennedy, even a powered-off phone can impair sleep by stimulating thoughts about potential device activity. Kennedy explains that poor sleep quality can blur the distinction between exhaustion and low mood, making it difficult to assess children's mental health accurately.
Creating Phone-Free Zones for Family Connection
Kennedy advocates for establishing phone-free zones within the home to foster family connections. Twenge highlights the importance of device-free family dinners and game nights, noting these activities enhance family relationships and reduce sibling conflicts. For situations where parents need to use phones during these times, Twenge suggests clearly explaining why to maintain transparency and the rule's spirit.
Managing Device Access and Parental Controls
Twenge recommends delaying smartphone access until driving age, suggesting "kid phones" with basic texting capabilities as alternatives. These devices offer more reliable parental controls and are less likely to be circumvented by tech-savvy children.
Protecting Mental Health in the Digital Age
Experts raise concerns about AI "companion" apps and excessive technology use. Kennedy warns that AI chatbots can create false intimacy through programmed responses, potentially hindering children's ability to develop real-world social skills. Twenge adds that these applications may give children unrealistic expectations about relationships.
Research shows that late-night smartphone and social media use significantly impacts sleep quality and mental health. Kennedy notes that many children use phones between midnight and 5 a.m. on school nights, contributing to sleep disruption and increased risk of anxiety and depression.
Building Real-World Independence
Kennedy emphasizes the importance of children learning through manageable challenges, while Twenge advocates for allowing children to perform tasks independently, such as walking to school or making purchases. Both experts agree that mastering small tasks helps build confidence for larger challenges.
Kennedy addresses parental anxiety by suggesting a gradual approach to allowing independence, starting with activities that cause minimal discomfort. Twenge reminds parents that today's world is likely safer than when they were children, encouraging calculated risk-taking to build resilient adults.
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Counterarguments
- While prohibiting devices in bedrooms overnight may improve sleep quality, some argue that teaching responsible device use and self-regulation can be more effective in the long term than outright bans.
- The idea that even a powered-off phone can disrupt sleep might be overstated for some individuals who may not be as psychologically affected by the presence of a device.
- Establishing phone-free zones is beneficial, but some argue that integrating technology use with family activities can also promote digital literacy and shared experiences.
- Delaying smartphone access until driving age might not account for the varying maturity levels of children and their individual needs for communication, especially in emergencies.
- Basic "kid phones" may offer better parental control, but they could also limit children's exposure to technology, potentially hindering their ability to navigate a tech-centric world.
- While AI companion apps can create false intimacy, they can also provide positive interactions and support for children who lack social connections, especially in therapeutic contexts.
- The assertion that today's world is safer may not consider the nuanced and varied experiences of different communities, where safety levels can significantly differ from the general trend.
- Encouraging calculated risk-taking to build resilience is important, but it must be balanced with adequate supervision and guidance to ensure children's safety.
- The gradual introduction of independence is a sound approach, but some argue that too gradual an approach might not adequately prepare children for the realities of the world and could potentially hinder their development of coping mechanisms.
Actionables
- Create a "sleep sanctuary" kit for your child's room that includes comforting items like a favorite book, a sleep-friendly toy, and a nightlight, but excludes all electronic devices. This encourages a calming bedtime routine and reinforces the idea that the bedroom is for sleep, not screen time.
- Develop a family "tech library" where all devices are "checked out" during designated times and "returned" during family activities or bedtime. This system can help manage device usage and ensure that family members are present during shared activities without the distraction of screens.
- Introduce a "real-world adventure" day once a month where the whole family participates in an outdoor activity, such as a nature scavenger hunt or a visit to a local landmark, without any digital devices. This can help children experience independence and build real-world social skills in a safe and controlled environment.
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Regulating and Setting Boundaries Around Children's Technology Use
Parents grapple with the challenging question of how to manage their children's technology use. Strategies for setting healthy boundaries, including creating device-free spaces and implementing parental controls, are essential for the mental health and well-being of youth.
"No Devices in Bedroom" Critical for Children's Sleep and Mental Health
Jean Twenge insists on a firm rule: no devices in the bedroom overnight, a practice that parents can enforce immediately, regardless of past habits. Phones can disrupt sleep, which is crucial for both physical and mental health—even when they're off. Becky Kennedy explains that a phone in the bedroom stimulates the brain with thoughts of potential device activity, impairing sleep.
Nighttime Device Use Disrupts Sleep, Risking Mental Health in Youth
Kennedy highlights that poor sleep over multiple nights can blur the line between exhaustion and low mood. To assess a child's mental health accurately, sleep quality must be considered, which is not feasible with a phone in the bedroom.
Removing Devices From the Bedroom Prevents Sleep Distractions
Kennedy likens the temptation of social media to having an irresistible treat like an ice cream sundae placed next to your bed. When the devices are close by, children in lighter sleep cycles may be tempted to wake up and check their phones. Kennedy emphasizes that while removing devices may seem punitive, it is a protective measure for children's sleep and well-being.
Implementing "Phone-Free Zones" Promotes Family Connection and Presence
Becky Kennedy suggests implementing phone-free zones within the household, highlighting the importance of fostering family connection and presence during designated times or activities.
Device-Free Mealtimes and Activities Encourage Family Interaction
Twenge notes the significance of having occasions when the family puts away devices to interact face-to-face. She cites family dinners or game nights as prime opportunities to avoid "FUBBing" (phone snubbing) and to enhance family relationships, behavior, cooperation, and reduce arguments between children.
Jean Twenge advocates for maintaining engaging conversations without resorting to looking up answers on a device, claiming this practice can strengthen familial connections.
Parent Briefly Using a Device During Phone-Free Zone Models Transparency and Maintains Rule's Spirit
Kennedy addresses instances where a parent may need to use their phone during a phone-free family dinner for work or other compelli ...
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Regulating and Setting Boundaries Around Children's Technology Use
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Counterarguments
- While device-free zones can promote family connection, they may also lead to feelings of isolation or missing out, especially for teenagers who use social media to keep up with their peers.
- Enforcing a "no devices in the bedroom" rule might not be practical for families where children use technology for homework or relaxation before sleep.
- Some argue that teaching children self-regulation with technology is more effective than imposing strict rules, as it prepares them for responsible use in adulthood.
- The idea of delaying smartphone access until a child can drive may not consider the individual maturity levels of children or the varying needs for communication and safety in different contexts.
- Kid phones, while limiting exposure to certain applications, might not fully prepare children for the digital literacy required in modern society.
- Narrating actions when breaking a phone-free zone rule could still undermine the rule's authority if done frequently, as children may perceive the rules as flexible.
- The assumption that tech-savvy kids will bypass parental controls may underestimate the effectiveness of open communication and mutual agreements on technology use.
- The emphasis on face-to-face interaction overlooks ...
Actionables
- Develop a family "tech token" system where children earn tokens for device time by engaging in non-screen activities, such as reading or outdoor play, which they can then exchange for a set amount of screen time. This encourages a balance between technology use and other healthy activities, making screen time a reward rather than a given.
- Organize a weekly "tech-tidy" event where the whole family gathers all devices and places them in a designated tech box for an evening, using this time to engage in a group activity like board games or a craft project. This not only enforces device-free time but also turns it into a positive family bonding experience.
- Create a ...
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Protecting Children's Mental Health In the Digital Age
In an era where technology is an integral part of daily life, experts like Twenge and Kennedy raise concerns about how AI "companion" apps and excessive technology use can affect children's mental health and development.
Limiting Children's Exposure to Ai "Companion" Apps Prevents Unrealistic Relationship Expectations
Twenge and Kennedy discuss the potential impact of AI platforms and apps designed to serve as companions, including AI girlfriends or boyfriends, on children's understanding of relationships.
Ai Chatbots Create False Intimacy Through Programmed Affirmations
These companion apps, which involve "sexy chat," may give children unrealistic impressions about romantic relationships. Twenge notes that such applications can provide a false sense of connection through interactions that lack the depth and complexity of human emotion.
Ai Overreliance May Hinder Children's Real-World Social Skills
Kennedy worries that a reliance on AI-driven relationships could stunt the younger generation's capacity for actual human relationships, as AI creates the illusion of intimacy without real interaction's vulnerability or discomfort. Twenge suggests that a child’s primary "romantic relationship" with a chatbot is not beneficial for their development in grasping the dynamics of real romantic relationships and may hinder the development of their social skills.
Kennedy adds that the ease of AI interactions could lead to a sense of entitlement or aggressive behavior in real-life situations, where real intimacy does not come so easily, thus negatively affecting one's ability to form authentic relationships.
Excessive Technology Use Harms Children's Sleep, Mental Health, and Well-Being
Excessive technology use, especially late at night, poses risks to children's sleep quality and overall mental health.
Research Shows Late-Night Smartphone and Social Media Use Affects Children's and Teens' Sleep Quality
Kennedy highlights that most kids are using their phones between midnight and 5 a.m. on school nights, suggesting a significant problem with sleep quality. The presence of devices in the bedroom can lead to interrupted sleep, making it difficult for children to return t ...
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Protecting Children's Mental Health In the Digital Age
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Clarifications
- AI "companion" apps are software programs designed to simulate conversations and interactions with users, often using natural language processing. They create personalized experiences by responding to user inputs with pre-programmed or learned replies, mimicking human-like communication. These apps can include chatbots that offer emotional support, friendship, or romantic interaction, but lack genuine feelings or consciousness. Their purpose is to provide companionship or entertainment, not real human connection.
- "Sexy chat" refers to conversations with AI chatbots that include flirtatious or sexually suggestive language. These interactions simulate romantic or intimate exchanges but are generated by programmed responses, not genuine emotions. Such chats can create misleading impressions of real relationships for children. This may affect their understanding of appropriate social and emotional boundaries.
- AI chatbots use algorithms to generate responses that are designed to be positive and supportive, often repeating affirmations like compliments or expressions of care. These responses are pre-programmed and lack genuine emotions or understanding, so the connection feels one-sided. Users may interpret this as real emotional support, but it does not involve true empathy or mutual interaction. This creates an illusion of intimacy without the complexities and vulnerabilities of real human relationships.
- AI-driven relationships can limit children's opportunities to practice real social interactions, which are essential for developing empathy and communication skills. These interactions often lack the unpredictability and emotional depth found in human relationships, reducing learning experiences related to conflict resolution and emotional regulation. Overreliance on AI companions may cause children to expect easy, conflict-free connections, making real relationships feel more challenging and frustrating. This can hinder their ability to build meaningful, resilient social bonds in the real world.
- AI interactions often provide instant, effortless positive feedback, which can lead children to expect similar ease in real relationships. This mismatch may cause frustration when real social interactions require patience, compromise, and emotional effort. Over time, this can foster a sense of entitlement, where children feel they deserve immediate gratification. Additionally, unmet expectations in real life might trigger aggressive or defensive behaviors as coping mechanisms.
- Late-night technology use exposes the brain to blue light, which suppresses melatonin production, a hormone that regulates sleep. This delay in melatonin release shifts the body's internal clock, making it harder to fall asleep. Additionally, engaging content can increase alertness and mental stimulation, preventing relaxation. Notifications and screen interactions can cause awakenings, fragmenting sleep cycles and reducing overall sleep quality.
- Disrupted sleep affects brain areas that regulate mood and stress, increasing vulnerability to depression and anxiety. Poor sleep impairs emotional regulation, making it harder to cope with daily challenges. Chronic sleep problems can alter neurotransmitter ...
Counterarguments
- AI "companion" apps can also provide a safe space for children to explore social interactions, especially for those with social anxiety or difficulties, potentially improving their confidence in real-world interactions.
- AI platforms could be designed with educational purposes in mind, teaching children about healthy relationship dynamics in a controlled and safe environment.
- AI chatbots might offer consistent positive reinforcement that can be beneficial to children's self-esteem when such affirmations are not readily available from their human counterparts.
- Overreliance on technology is not solely an AI issue but a broader societal challenge that includes various digital media; focusing on AI alone may overlook other significant factors.
- Some research suggests that technology can enhance social skills if used in moderation, such as through collaborative online games that require teamwork and communication.
- Not all technology use at night is harmful; some apps promote relaxation and sleep, and e-readers can encourage reading before bed without the harmful blue light of smartphones.
- The relationship between smartphone use and mental health issues is complex and may involve other underlying factors such as pre-existing mental health conditions or socio-economic status.
- Paren ...
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Fostering Children's Real-World Independence and Resilience
Instilling children with the life skills they need to thrive as independent and resilient adults is a multifaceted challenge that involves careful consideration by parents to balance guidance and freedom.
Building Life Skills Through Real-World Freedom Opportunities
Empowering Children Through Age-appropriate Responsibilities and Decisions
Quality parenting often means making decisions that benefit a child's long-term development, even if they are not immediately gratifying. Becky Kennedy emphasizes the importance of children learning through struggle and overcoming manageable challenges. Jean Twenge concurs, discussing the importance of children doing tasks on their own, such as walking to school or making a purchase in a store. These kinds of tasks help build the life skills vital for adult resilience.
Mastering Small Tasks Helps Children Develop Resilience for Larger Challenges
Kennedy shares an example of her eight-year-old making a breakfast burrito for the family, highlighting the importance of age-appropriate responsibilities. Similarly, Twenge mentions tasks like doing laundry or cooking a meal. Both agree on the immense value of children conquering tasks they thought were beyond them. Kennedy also notes that nothing has given her children more confidence than completing tasks like walking to the local store, which in turn builds their sense of agency and confidence for taking on larger challenges in the real world.
Parental Anxiety Can Hinder Essential Childhood Experiences
Fear of Rare Events May Cause Parents to Overprotect and Limit Children's Independence
Twenge addresses parental anxiety with an example of a parent fearing kidnapping and therefore hesitating to let a child navigate a grocery store aisle alone. This fear often leads to overprotectiveness and limits children's growth. Kennedy suggests parents start with activities that cause little discomfort, and as confidence grows, gradually increase the challenge. By doing this, parents avoid the pitfall of a '10 out of 10 panic' and instead take incremental steps.
Calculated Risk-Taking Builds ...
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Counterarguments
- While age-appropriate responsibilities are important, there is a risk of assigning tasks that may be too challenging or stressful for some children, leading to negative experiences rather than fostering resilience.
- The assumption that completing small tasks will build confidence for larger challenges may not hold true for all children, as individual experiences and personalities can greatly influence outcomes.
- The idea that parental anxiety is always a hindrance to a child's independence may overlook valid concerns for a child's safety in certain environments or situations.
- The recommendation to start with low-discomfort activities and gradually increase challenges may not be the best approach for all children, as some may benefit from a more immersive experience.
- The notion that avoiding all risks is not viable may be challenged by the argument that some parents or cultures prioritize safety over independence, which can also lead to successful adult outcomes.
- The assertion that the current environment is generally safer than in previous generations may not take into account the nuances of different localities or the rise of new threats, such as cyberbullying or online predators.
- The emphasis on setting technology boundaries may not fully consider the educational and social benefits that technology can ...
Actionables
- You can create a "challenge ladder" for your child, starting with simple tasks and progressing to more complex ones, to gradually build their independence. Begin with tasks like organizing their toys, then move on to making their bed, and eventually handling a small grocery shopping list. This method helps them learn to manage progressively more challenging situations, fostering resilience.
- Develop a "decision jar" where your child can draw out scenarios that require decision-making, such as choosing a weekend activity or picking out clothes for the day. This encourages them to make choices independently and experience the consequences in a controlled environment, which can boost their problem-solving skills and self-confidence.
- Initiate a "tech ...
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