Let’s Talk About Sex
In this episode of Good Inside with Dr. Becky, Dr. Kennedy addresses the common challenge parents face when discussing sex with their children. She explains that physical reactions like a racing heart or the urge to avoid these conversations are normal responses to unfamiliarity, and offers guidance on using anatomically correct terms and creating an environment where children feel safe asking questions.
Dr. Kennedy challenges misconceptions about sex education, noting that open dialogue does not increase children's interest in sex but rather provides them with accurate information and guidance. She shares practical strategies for age-appropriate discussions, including how to address children's questions directly and factually, while covering topics like consent, healthy relationships, and reproduction in ways that align with children's developmental stages.
This is a preview of the Shortform summary of the Oct 28, 2025 episode of the Good Inside with Dr. Becky
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1-Page Summary
Overcoming Parental Discomfort Discussing Sex With Children
Becky Kennedy explores how parents can create open dialogues about sex with their children, starting with understanding their own discomfort. She explains that physical reactions like a racing heart or urge to avoid these conversations are normal responses to unfamiliarity, not signs that the topic is taboo or that children's questions are inappropriate.
Building a Foundation for Communication
Kennedy advocates for using anatomically correct terms from an early age and creating a safe space where children feel comfortable asking questions. She emphasizes the importance of scaffolding conversations, meaning that discussions should evolve naturally with children's growing curiosity and understanding, rather than following strict age-based guidelines.
Addressing Common Parental Concerns
Kennedy challenges the misconception that talking about sex increases children's interest in it. She notes that children naturally develop curiosity about sex, with many being exposed to sexual content around age 12, often accidentally. Rather than increasing interest, she explains that open dialogue actually provides accurate guidance and reduces the likelihood of risky exploration or obsession due to taboo.
Age-appropriate Discussion Strategies
Using her own experience of explaining a condom to her son, Kennedy demonstrates how to address children's questions calmly and factually. She recommends providing clear, direct answers without unnecessary detail, and tailoring discussions to the child's developmental stage and interests. As children mature, Kennedy suggests expanding conversations to include topics like consent, healthy relationships, and reproduction, always maintaining an empathetic and honest environment for discussion.
1-Page Summary
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Counterarguments
- While using anatomically correct terms is generally recommended, some argue that it might inadvertently lead to embarrassing or awkward situations for children among peers who may not use or understand these terms.
- The idea that talking about sex does not increase children's interest in it may not account for individual differences in children's curiosity and behavior; some children might indeed become more interested or focused on the topic once it is discussed.
- Scaffolding conversations to evolve with a child's curiosity could potentially lead to information being shared too early or too late, depending on the child's individual development, which may not align with the parent's perception of their curiosity or understanding.
- The assertion that open dialogue reduces the likelihood of risky exploration might not consider other factors that contribute to such behavior, such as peer pressure or media influence, which can be powerful regardless of parental communication.
- Providing clear, direct answers without unnecessary detail might sometimes leave out important context that could help a child understand the nuances of sex, relationships, and consent.
- Tailoring discussions to a child's developmental stage and interests assumes that parents are adept at accurately assessing these, which may not always be the case, potentially leading to miscommunication or confusion.
- Expanding conversations to include topics like consent, healthy relationships, and reproduction as children mature assumes a linear development of understanding, which might not reflect the complex and non-linear way in which some children process information.
- The emphasis on maintaining an empathetic and honest environment, while important, may not fully address the need for setting appropriate boundaries that some parents might feel are necessary in discussions about sex.
Actionables
- You can practice discussing sex-related topics with a trusted friend or partner to build comfort. By role-playing conversations you might have with your child, you can work through your initial discomfort and reactions in a low-stakes environment. For example, take turns asking each other typical questions a child might ask and respond as you would to your child, then discuss the feelings and challenges that arise.
- Create a "question box" in your home where your children can drop in any questions they have about sex or their bodies. This allows them to ask questions anonymously if they're too embarrassed to do so face-to-face. Periodically, you can go through the box and prepare to address the questions during a designated "talk time," ensuring you're providing tailored, age-appropriate information.
- Develop a personalized "growing up" book or binder that evolves with your child's developmental stages. Start with basic information and add new sections as they grow, covering topics like consent, healthy relationships, and reproduction. This can be a collaborative project where your child contributes questions or topics they're curious about, and you both research and discuss the information to include together.
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Overcoming Parental Discomfort Discussing Sex With Children
Becky Kennedy examines the challenges and opportunities in guiding children through conversations about sex, suggesting that parents can create a safe and open dialogue by confronting their own discomforts.
Parental Discomfort Arises From Not Discussing Sex Earlier, Not From the Child's Question
Kennedy encourages parents to recognize their physical reactions to their children’s questions about sex—such as a racing heart or an urge to run away—as normal responses to uncharted conversations rather than signs of taboo or impropriety. This awareness can be the first step toward honest dialogue.
Recognizing a Racing Heart and Urge to Avoid As Normal, Not Taboo or Wrong
She points out that if the parent has not had open discussions about sex within their own family history, it's typical to feel intense emotions when the topic is brought up by a child. Kennedy reassures that these feelings are a natural reaction to unfamiliarity, not an indication that the child's question is wrong.
Addressing Sexual Insecurities and Biases: The First Step to Honest Child Dialogues
Kennedy advises examining and healing one's inner-child insecurities non-judgmentally as a means of discussing sex differently and more openly with a child.
Building a Foundation for Open Communication About Sex At any Age
Kennedy underlines the value of using anatomically correct terms like penis, vagina, and vulva, even with young children, to lay the groundwork for open communication.
Anatomy Terms, No Topic Off-limits
By having honest communication and using precise language, Kennedy notes that children like her five-year-old son can be well-informed and feel more comfortable asking their parents questions rather than seeking potentially harmful information on the internet.
Creating a Safe Space For Children to Ask Questions
Kennedy emphasizes the creation of an atmosphere where children know they can approach their parents with any qu ...
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Overcoming Parental Discomfort Discussing Sex With Children
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Counterarguments
- While recognizing physical reactions as normal is important, some may argue that it's also crucial to address the root causes of discomfort to ensure it doesn't inadvertently convey negative attitudes towards sex.
- The idea that discomfort arises from not discussing sex earlier may be an oversimplification, as discomfort can also stem from cultural, religious, or personal values that are deeply ingrained and not solely due to timing.
- Addressing sexual insecurities and biases is important, but some may point out that parents also need practical tools and language to navigate these conversations effectively, which may not be covered by introspection alone.
- Using anatomically correct terms is generally recommended, but some may argue that the timing and context of introducing these terms should be sensitive to a child's developmental stage and readiness.
- The assertion that no topic should be off-limits might be challenged by those who believe that discussions about sex should be age-appropriate and that some topics might be too complex or mature for children at certain ages.
- Creating a safe space for questions is important, but some may argue that parents should also be proactive in initiating conversations and providing information, rather than waiting for children to ask questions.
- Scaffolding conversations is a valuable approach, but some may argue tha ...
Actionables
- You can start a "Question Jar" at home where your child can anonymously drop questions they might be too shy to ask aloud. This normalizes the act of inquiring about sensitive topics and ensures that you address their curiosities directly. For example, place a decorated jar in a common area with slips of paper and pens nearby, encouraging your child to write down anything they wonder about, no matter the subject.
- Develop a family "curiosity library" with books and resources appropriate for different ages that cover a variety of topics, including sexuality. This way, children have access to accurate information and can explore their questions at their own pace. You might include illustrated books for younger children, age-appropriate novels, and factual guides for older kids, all curated to foster understanding and open dialogue.
- Introduce a "No Shame Game" where you and your child take turns as ...
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Addressing Concerns That Discussing Sex Increases a Child's Interest
Becky Kennedy addresses the common misconception that discussing sex with children increases their interest in it, emphasizing the importance of open dialogue for accurate guidance and reducing risky behaviors.
Recognizing That Curiosity About Sex Is a Natural Part of Child Development, Not Something to Fear or Suppress
Kennedy mentions that children are naturally curious about sex, often getting exposed to sexual images or porn around the average age of 12, sometimes accidentally. This curiosity should not be feared or suppressed as it's a natural part of child development.
Lack of Communication Leads To Risky Exploration; Open Dialogue Ensures Accurate Guidance
Kennedy warns against the dangers of not communicating openly about sex. Without parental guidance, children might turn to the internet to satisfy their curiosity, putting them at risk of encountering disturbing or inaccurate information. She distinguishes between sexual and sensual, explaining that behaviors such as children touching themselves are often sensual rather than sexual, particularly for younger children like six-year-olds.
Taboo Nature of Sex Can Lead To Obsession or Rebellion in Children
Discussing sex openly with children doesn't i ...
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Addressing Concerns That Discussing Sex Increases a Child's Interest
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Clarifications
- The distinction between sexual and sensual behaviors in children is based on the intent and context of the behavior. Sexual behaviors are typically more explicit and related to sexual arousal, while sensual behaviors are more about exploring sensations without a sexual intent. Understanding this difference helps in interpreting children's actions and providing appropriate guidance and support. It's important to approach these behaviors with sensitivity and age-appropriate explanations to foster healthy development and communication.
- Discussing sex openly with children helps demystify the topic, making it a normal part of conversation rather than something secretive or taboo. This normalization reduces the curiosity or obsession children may develop due to the forbidden nature of the subject. Open dialogue provides accurate information and guidance, leading to healthier attitudes and behaviors as children grow. This approach fosters a safe space for children to ask questions and receive reliable information, decreasing the allure of seeking potentially harmful information elsewhere.
- Lack of open communication about sex with children can lead them to seek information from unreliable sources like the internet, exposing them to inaccurate or harmful content. This can result in confusion, misconceptions, and risky behaviors as they navigate their understanding of sexuality without proper guidance. Open dialogue helps provide accurate information, dispel myths, and establish a healthy foundation for children to make informed decisions about their sexual health and relationships. It also fosters trust between parents and children, creating a supportive environment for discussing sensitive topics and seeking guidance when needed.
- Normalizing sex discussio ...
Counterarguments
- While discussing sex with children may not inherently increase their interest, it could potentially lead to earlier or more frequent questioning and exploration, depending on how the information is presented and the child's individual personality and maturity level.
- Some believe that curiosity about sex, while natural, should be guided with caution, emphasizing age-appropriate discussions to ensure that children are not overwhelmed or confused by information they are not ready to process.
- There is a perspective that suggests open dialogue, while important, should be balanced with an understanding of a child's cognitive and emotional development, tailoring conversations to their ability to understand and contextualize sexual information.
- The assertion that taboo nature of sex can lead to obsession or rebellion might not account for cultural, religious, or individual family values that also play a significant role in a child's perception and behavior regarding sex.
- Norma ...
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Age-appropriate Strategies For Discussing Sex, Anatomy, and Reproduction
Becky Kennedy's example of responding to her son's question about a found condom illustrates the importance of addressing children's questions in a calm, factual manner, without judgment or shaming.
Respond Calmly and Factually To Children's Direct Questions, Avoiding Judgment or Shaming
Offering Clear Answers To the Child's Question Without Unnecessary Detail
Kennedy emphasizes responding to children's questions in a composed manner. It's crucial to offer precise answers to the child's questions and abstain from overloading them with unnecessary details. This strategy is essential when first navigating these sensitive topics. When her son found a condom and asked what it was, she explained its relation to baby-making in clear, age-appropriate language, without providing more detail than necessary.
Kennedy also underscores the importance of taking a moment to gather resources and compose an appropriate response if needed, focusing on giving a thoughtful answer rather than panicking or shutting down the conversation. For example, in a scenario where a young boy is concerned about an erection, Kennedy supports parents telling him it's normal, providing a straightforward, factual response that avoids judgment or shaming.
Kennedy explains that understanding the subject can quench a child's curiosity, preventing misinformed behavior. It's advised that when addressing children's interests regarding sex, anatomy, or reproduction, parents should engage only when the child seems genuinely intrigued.
Introducing Topics Based On Children's Interests and Development Stage
Consent, Healthy Relationships, Pleasure, and the Mechanics of Reproduction
Kennedy advocates for conversations about sex to be tailored to the child's developmental stage and interests. She discusses constructing a platform for later conversations about broader as ...
Here’s what you’ll find in our full summary
Age-appropriate Strategies For Discussing Sex, Anatomy, and Reproduction
Additional Materials
Counterarguments
- While offering clear answers without unnecessary detail is generally a good approach, some experts might argue that withholding information can sometimes lead to increased curiosity and potential misinformation from other sources.
- In certain cases, taking a moment to gather resources might not be feasible, and it could be argued that it's better to have a more spontaneous conversation that feels natural rather than overly prepared and potentially less genuine.
- Engaging only when children seem genuinely intrigued might miss opportunities to introduce important topics proactively that children might not know to ask about but are important for their understanding and safety.
- Tailoring conversations strictly to a child's developmental stage might not account for the unique maturity levels and individual differences among children; some might be ready for more complex discussions earlier than others.
- The idea of constructing a platform for later conversations could lead to delayed discussions, which might not align with the child's exposure to these topics through media or peers.
- Guiding discussions based solely on a child's curiosity could potentially overlook the need to provide them ...
Actionables
- You can create a "question jar" where your child can anonymously drop questions they might be too shy to ask aloud, ensuring they know their curiosity is valued and will be addressed respectfully. This approach allows children to express their curiosity without the pressure of a face-to-face conversation, and it gives you time to prepare a thoughtful and age-appropriate response.
- Develop a personalized storybook that includes age-appropriate information about sex, anatomy, and reproduction, using characters or themes your child is interested in. This can make the topic more relatable and less intimidating for the child, and it provides a structured way to introduce complex topics in a manner that aligns with their developmental stage.
- Start a tradition of "curiosity walks" wher ...
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