In this episode of Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan, Heather examines how to break out of ruts through shifts in mindset and self-perception. She addresses the impact of negative self-talk, explaining how the labels we assign ourselves shape both our own beliefs and how others treat us. Heather advocates for using compassionate language instead of harsh self-criticism, offering practical techniques for interrupting cycles of negative thinking.
Heather also explores how to reframe setbacks as opportunities for growth rather than endings. Drawing from her own experiences with job loss and divorce, she discusses navigating the "messy middle" of uncertainty and taking imperfect action rather than waiting for ideal conditions. The episode emphasizes building confidence by reflecting on past challenges you've overcome and trusting your intuition over external validation. You'll come away with practical strategies for shifting your mindset and moving forward despite uncertainty.

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Heather Monahan explores how the language we use about ourselves shapes how others see us and how we navigate growth and setbacks, emphasizing compassion over criticism.
Heather recounts a friend who repeatedly calls herself "dumb" despite her success. She explains that verbalizing negative labels like this teaches others to accept them as truth, reinforcing negative self-perception over time. The words we use to describe ourselves, both privately and publicly, matter—calling oneself "dumb" teaches others to treat us accordingly.
Heather challenges harsh self-criticism, explaining that what appears as being "dumb" is often just a temporary return to old patterns. She advises giving yourself grace and acknowledging progress rather than self-punishment. Heather notes that her therapist reinforced that beating oneself up never produces improvement—it only makes you feel worse. Using her own example of ordering the wrong gifts for her son, she demonstrates expressing grace toward herself and accepting that perfection isn't required.
To interrupt negative self-talk, Heather shares a technique from her therapist: look at a photo of yourself as a small child and ask if you would berate that innocent version of yourself. This visual disrupts the cycle and inspires gentler language. She encourages speaking to oneself with the same encouragement and compassion you would give someone you deeply care for.
Heather shares that being fired initially felt like the end of her career. As a single mom, she panicked for about 24 hours, but after reaching out to her network, a post about her firing went viral. This led to the Elvis Duran show and inspired her to write "Confidence Creator," which topped Amazon's business books for women. The experience launched multiple opportunities: becoming a top 50 keynote speaker, giving her first TEDx talk, taking a board seat, starting a consulting business, and launching a podcast that hit number 25 on the US Apple chart. Similarly, her divorce seemed like an ending but became a transition to new growth. Monahan shows that challenges often look like endings in the moment but lead to undreamed-of opportunities.
Monahan describes the "messy middle"—the uncertain stage between an ending and a new beginning. At her corporate career peak, she could predict outcomes with ease, but the routine became predictable. In contrast, venturing into new pursuits as a novice brought uncertainty but also made life more exhilarating. The messy middle, while uncomfortable, became a source of excitement and purpose. She encourages embracing this phase, noting that the greatest gifts emerge from the unknown—not from the safety of routine.
Holding onto mediocrity blocks space for greater opportunities. Monahan explains that releasing what no longer served her—an unsatisfying job or stale marriage—was key to stepping into the unknown. She warns that people fail to get what they want because they refuse to let go of what isn't working. Only by letting go can you make room for something greater.
Reflection on previous "endings" builds confidence during uncertainty. Monahan looks back at her divorce, getting fired, and the pandemic's collapse of her speaking business—each catastrophic at the time but leading to better paths. She encourages writing down these pivotal moments to recognize what came from them, then using that as a foundation to move forward with faith that better opportunities await.
Heather urges taking action even when conditions are imperfect, emphasizing that waiting for the perfect moment ensures goals remain unrealized.
Heather notes that you'll never feel fully ready, but not letting this stop you is what moves you forward. Accepting that mistakes will happen is vital to growing. She emphasizes: "Done is gonna be better than perfect." Taking messy action—instead of waiting for flawless plans—opens the door to discovering what's possible.
Heather illustrates the power of "yet" by recounting her early sales career at Gallo Winery, where at 21 she claimed she would be the number one salesperson despite being a rookie. She highlights how being new allows for growth. This mindset applied to writing her first book—she wasn't sure she could call herself an author but reminded herself she just hadn't learned how yet. She stresses, "You don't have to have all the expertise in the world... You can be the one that says, I haven't figured it out yet, but I have faith that I will."
Heather's willingness to act before feeling ready has driven breakthroughs in her career. She points to "messy action"—launching before knowing every step and iterating based on feedback—as the secret to moving forward. She notes, "I keep showing up. I keep asking for help. I keep doing the research... trying to find out what is that missing piece." Consistently working beats endless planning.
Despite ranking Top 25 in business podcasts, bestselling books, and being named a Top 50 keynote speaker, Heather shares that she still feels like she hasn't "made it." She describes the internal experience as filled with uncertainty and constant learning, even when external observers see clear success. She notes, "Yes, I know on the outside looking in, people will often say, your podcast is top 25... but living it on the inside, I still haven't made it yet."
Building faith in future possibilities means drawing strength from challenges you've overcome. Heather encourages reflecting on personal history and trusting your instincts as the cornerstone of navigating uncertainty.
Looking back at times of adversity provides confidence for current struggles. Writing down moments when you faced challenges and came through stronger can serve as a foundation to step forward with renewed faith.
Heather reflects on her divorce, getting fired, and losing her speaking business during the pandemic. By acknowledging she had faced and overcome similar situations before, she found courage to step forward. Remembering how "that movie played out" in the past allows anyone to trust they can navigate present and future unknowns.
Achievements contribute to faith in your abilities. Each accomplishment—starting a sales career, writing a book, launching a podcast, or landing a board seat—is tangible proof of your capacity to learn and flourish in new environments. These wins build faith to continue progressing through uncertainty.
Heather emphasizes the importance of tuning out external opinion and listening to your own intuition. She advises taking pressure off yourself to live up to others' expectations and instead trusting your own voice. Heather discovered her true path only when she stopped asking others for directions and began following her internal compass, allowing her to realize her purpose and navigate with more assurance.
1-Page Summary
Self-talk profoundly shapes how others perceive and treat us, as well as how we navigate our own growth and setbacks. Heather Monahan shares practical advice and anecdotes on the impact of language we use about ourselves, emphasizing compassion and self-encouragement over criticism.
Heather recounts a conversation where a friend, despite her success, repeatedly calls herself "dumb" when asking for advice. Heather immediately interrupts, affirming that her friend is not dumb and highlighting that this repeated negative self-labeling is both unfounded and damaging. She explains that the more a person verbalizes demeaning labels like “dumb,” the more likely it is that others will begin to accept those labels as truth. Over time, what starts as a passing comment becomes a belief internalized not just by oneself, but also by those around us. Heather emphasizes the importance of noticing the words we use to describe ourselves, both privately and publicly, because consistently calling oneself “dumb” or otherwise inept can teach others to treat us accordingly and reinforce our own negative self-perception.
Heather challenges the impulse to respond to unhelpful or regressive behaviors with harsh self-criticism. She explains that what her friend described as being “dumb” was actually a temporary return to old patterns—not a lack of intellect, but a momentary regression in behavior. She celebrates recognizing such moments as an act of self-awareness, maturity, and growth. Instead of self-punishment, Heather advises giving yourself grace and acknowledging the progress made from one’s past to the present. If you notice yourself demonstrating a behavior you thought you had outgrown, she suggests recognizing it as a sign of evolution and an opportunity for further change, not a reason for shame. She recalls her own experience, reinforced by her therapist, that beating oneself up never produces improvement—in fact, it only makes one feel worse. Heather shares an example of ordering the wrong gifts for her son, reminding herself and her son that perfection ...
Self-Talk and Positive Self-Perception
Heather Monahan shares that being fired from her job initially felt like the end of her career and stability. As a single mom with financial obligations, she panicked and felt it was all over. For about 24 hours, she was overwhelmed by fear and uncertainty, but after reaching out to her network, a single post about her firing went viral. It led her to the Elvis Duran show and sparked the realization she was ready to write a book. That became "Confidence Creator," which quickly topped Amazon’s business books for women and landed on Forbes’ top business books for women list. This experience launched a series of new doors: she became a top 50 keynote speaker in 2022, gave her first TEDx talk, took a board seat, started her consulting business, and launched a business podcast that hit number 25 on the US Apple podcast chart. All these previously unknown opportunities would have remained hidden had she not been pushed out of her established path.
She draws the same lesson from her divorce, which at the time seemed like an ending fraught with fear of never finding love or happiness again. Instead, these events became transitions ushering in new chapters. Challenges like job loss and divorce often look like endings in the moment, but with distance, Monahan shows they lead to growth, fulfillment, and opportunities undreamed of.
Monahan describes the importance of the "messy middle"—the uncertain, uncomfortable stage between an ending and a new beginning. At her corporate career peak, she could predict trends and outcomes with ease, aided by experience, support staff, and a strong network. Although this brought security and steady achievement, the routine was predictable and excitement faded. In contrast, venturing into new pursuits as a novice brought uncertainty but also made life more exhilarating. Because she couldn’t predict what would happen as she once could, incredible surprises occurred often. The messy middle, while uncomfortable, became a source of excitement, joy, and purpose. Monahan encourages embracing this phase, observing that the greatest gifts and discoveries tend to emerge from the unknown—not from the safety of routine outcomes at the top.
She urges others to see themselves not as reaching their story’s end but as turning the page into their own midst. Progress lies in accepting that “we’re just not there yet,” and that presently being in the middle is an opportunity, not a failure. The unpredictability can be daunting, but it is also where possibility lives.
Holding onto mediocrity or comfort blocks the space and energy needed for greater opportunities. Monahan recounts that releasing what no longer served her—an unsatisfying job or a stale marriage—was key to s ...
Reframing Setbacks As Redirections
Heather Monahan urges taking action even when things are uncertain and conditions are less than perfect. She emphasizes that waiting for all answers or the perfect moment only ensures goals remain unrealized.
You'll never feel fully ready or face perfect market conditions, but not letting this stop you is what moves you forward. Heather notes that it's common to hold out for everything to align just right, but perfectionism hinders progress. Accepting that mistakes will happen is a vital part of growing and getting things done. She echoes the mindset: "Done is gonna be better than perfect." Taking messy action—instead of waiting for flawless plans—opens the door to finding out what’s possible.
Heather illustrates the power of "yet" by recounting her early sales career. At just 21, in a room of mostly older, more experienced men at the Gallo Winery, she was one of two women. Despite being a rookie, she claimed she would be the number one salesperson—not because she had experience, but because she believed she could outwork everyone and approach problems differently. She highlights how being new allows for growth: "I didn't know yet what I didn't know, but stepping into that messy unknown," allowed her to quickly find success.
This mindset applies to any field. Heather describes writing her first book, "Confidence Creator," as a complete novice. She wasn’t sure if she could even call herself an author, but reminded herself she just hadn’t learned how—yet. The belief in her ability to figure things out as she went, and recognizing that expertise comes with doing, enabled her to persist.
She stresses, "You don't have to have all the expertise in the world... You can be the one that says, I haven't figured it out yet, but I have faith that I will, because I figured out all of these other things too." Whether starting a podcast, public speaking, writing, or entrepreneurship, the process feels uncomfortable and uncertain, but using "yet" keeps the door open for learning and mastery.
Heather’s willingness to act before feeling ready has driven breakthroughs in her podcast, books, and speaking career. She points to "messy action"—launching before knowing every step, embracing not having all the answers, and iterating based on feedback—as the secret to moving forward.
She notes, "I keep showing up. I keep asking for help. I keep doing the research... trying to find out what is that missing piece that I haven't discovered yet that's gonna completely explode my business." Consistently working, seeking assistance, researching, and iterating beats endless planning. "Done beats perfect," she insists, advising everyone to keep going so they can see where messy action leads.
Heather reinforces, "We're gonna keep turning those pages. We're gonna keep taking the messy acti ...
Taking Messy Action Despite Uncertainty
Building faith in future possibilities often means drawing strength from the challenges you’ve overcome and the achievements you’ve already made. Heather Monahan encourages reflecting on personal history and trusting your own instincts as the cornerstone of navigating uncertainty and pursuing new goals.
Looking back at times of adversity can provide the confidence needed to move through current struggles. Writing down moments when you faced challenges and came through stronger can serve as a foundation to step forward with renewed faith, no matter your present circumstances. This practice helps build momentum that propels you into the future, especially when things feel uncertain.
Heather reflects on personal examples—going through a divorce, getting fired, and losing her thriving speaking business overnight during the pandemic. In each case, she recognized that the sense of uncertainty was familiar. By acknowledging that she had faced and overcome similar situations before, she found the courage to step forward into the unknown with confidence. Remembering how “that movie played out” in the past allows anyone to trust that they can navigate present and future unknowns.
Achievements big and small contribute to faith in your abilities. Whether starting a sales career, writing a book, launching a podcast, or landing a board seat, each accomplishment is tangible proof of your capacity to learn and flourish in new environments. While some business partnerships and proposals didn’t work out, Heather notes that her first two books, her podcast, and her board seat became significant successes. These wins build faith to continue progressing through uncertainty.
Overcoming each challenge by moving forward with faith, rather than retreating in fear, strengthens the ability to keep ...
Leveraging Past Experiences to Build Faith
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