Podcasts > Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan > Confidence Classic: The “Yes, And” Mindset To Unlock Better Decision Making, Leadership and Relationships with Wendy Smith and Marianne Lewis

Confidence Classic: The “Yes, And” Mindset To Unlock Better Decision Making, Leadership and Relationships with Wendy Smith and Marianne Lewis

By Heather Monahan

In this episode of Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan, Wendy Smith and Marianne Lewis explore how "Both-And" thinking can transform our approach to complex challenges. Rather than viewing competing demands as either-or choices, they discuss how recognizing the interdependence of opposing forces can lead to more creative solutions. From navigating work-life balance to addressing contentious societal issues, the guests share examples of how this mindset creates opportunities for innovation and understanding.

Through personal experiences and case studies, Smith and Lewis demonstrate how this approach applies at individual, organizational, and societal levels. They examine the relationship between confidence and vulnerability, explain how reframing questions can move us beyond binary thinking, and show how embracing uncertainty can foster personal growth. The discussion offers practical insights for anyone looking to make better decisions and build stronger relationships in their personal and professional lives.

Confidence Classic: The “Yes, And” Mindset To Unlock Better Decision Making, Leadership and Relationships with Wendy Smith and Marianne Lewis

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Confidence Classic: The “Yes, And” Mindset To Unlock Better Decision Making, Leadership and Relationships with Wendy Smith and Marianne Lewis

1-Page Summary

Nature and Importance of Paradoxes and "Both-And" Thinking

Wendy Smith introduces her book about embracing creative tensions to solve complex challenges. She explains that while people often view competing demands in their lives as either-or choices, these opposing forces are actually interdependent. By recognizing this interdependence, Smith suggests we can find innovative solutions through "Both-And" thinking.

This approach proves particularly valuable in addressing contentious issues. For example, a pastor successfully applied "Both-And" thinking to the Roe v. Wade controversy, ensuring all congregants felt heard and understood regardless of their stance.

Specific Examples and Applications of "Both-And" Thinking

Smith shares her personal experience of balancing motherhood and career, discovering that success in one role reinforced success in the other. Meanwhile, Marianne Lewis discusses the importance of balancing immediate performance with long-term development in careers and organizations.

Lewis also explores Brené Brown's ideas about the relationship between confidence and vulnerability. She explains that embracing discomfort and vulnerability can actually build lasting confidence and courage, demonstrating how seemingly opposing forces can work together for personal growth.

Shifting From "Either-Or" To "Both-And" Thinking

Lewis and Smith emphasize the importance of reframing questions to move away from binary thinking. This involves exploring the complexities of opposing perspectives to foster new insights and creative solutions. They suggest that turning "either-or" dilemmas into synergistic opportunities requires embracing discomfort and uncertainty, which ultimately leads to learning and growth.

"Both-And" Thinking At Individual, Organizational, and Societal Levels

The approach proves valuable across various contexts. At a personal level, Smith demonstrates how reframing either-or questions helps integrate different aspects of one's identity. In leadership contexts, this thinking style enables balanced decision-making between short-term and long-term priorities.

When addressing societal challenges, "Both-And" thinking helps transcend polarized debates. Lewis promotes using this approach to foster more nuanced understanding, encouraging conversations that humanize opposing views to build empathy and connection. The earlier example of the pastor addressing the Roe v. Wade controversy illustrates how this thinking can foster collaboration and understanding within diverse groups.

1-Page Summary

Additional Materials

Counterarguments

  • While "Both-And" thinking promotes integration and synergy, it may not always be applicable in situations where a clear decision or stance is necessary for action or policy-making.
  • The concept of interdependence might oversimplify complex issues where certain values or principles should not be compromised, and a firm either-or decision is ethically or morally required.
  • In some cases, attempting to balance every opposing force could lead to indecision or a middle-ground approach that satisfies no one and fails to address the root of the problem.
  • "Both-And" thinking might inadvertently perpetuate the status quo by avoiding the necessary conflict that brings about significant change.
  • The approach assumes that all parties are willing to engage in good faith and that all perspectives have equal validity, which may not always be the case, especially in situations involving misinformation or harmful ideologies.
  • There is a risk that "Both-And" thinking could be used to justify inaction or lack of commitment to critical issues under the guise of seeking balance.
  • The effectiveness of "Both-And" thinking in fostering empathy and connection may be limited in highly polarized environments where deep-seated biases and emotions overshadow rational discourse.
  • In leadership and organizational contexts, the balance between short-term and long-term priorities might not always be feasible due to external pressures, such as market demands or shareholder expectations, which often prioritize immediate results.
  • The application of "Both-And" thinking in societal debates may not always lead to collaboration and understanding, as some issues are fundamentally about power dynamics and require more than just dialogue to resolve.
  • The success stories and applications of "Both-And" thinking presented may suffer from survivorship bias, highlighting only those instances where the approach worked and not accounting for situations where it may have failed.

Actionables

  • You can enhance decision-making by creating a "Both-And" journal where you document daily decisions that seem binary and brainstorm ways to turn them into synergistic solutions. For instance, if you're torn between spending time on a work project or with family, write down how dedicating focused time to family can rejuvenate your creativity for work, and vice versa.
  • Develop a habit of asking "What if both are possible?" when faced with two seemingly conflicting choices. Apply this question to routine scenarios, like choosing between healthy eating and enjoying comfort food. Consider preparing a meal that combines elements of both, such as a pizza with a cauliflower crust and fresh vegetable toppings.
  • Initiate a conversation club with friends or colleagues where each meeting focuses on a contentious topic, and the goal is to find common ground or integrated solutions rather than winning an argument. For example, when discussing environmental conservation versus economic growth, explore how green technologies could be an investment in both ecology and the economy.

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Confidence Classic: The “Yes, And” Mindset To Unlock Better Decision Making, Leadership and Relationships with Wendy Smith and Marianne Lewis

Nature and Importance of Paradoxes and "Both-And" Thinking

In discussing the nature and importance of paradoxes and "Both-And" thinking, Wendy Smith introduces the book "Both and Thinking Embracing Creative Tensions to Solve Your Toughest Problems," which serves as a guide for handling complex challenges by embracing opposing forces.

Paradoxes and "Both-And" Thinking Stem From Competing Demands and Contradictions in Our Lives

Recognizing Paradoxes As Synergistic Opposites for Creative Solutions

Smith explains that people often view the competing demands in their lives, such as balancing work and personal life or addressing different aspects of their careers, as choices where they must select one over the other. However, she and her co-author suggest that these forces, which appear to be in opposition, are actually interdependent. They both contradict and complement each other, allowing for a "Both-And" approach to thinking. This approach can lead to innovative and creative solutions by recognizing the synergy between apparent opposites.

"Both-And" Thinking Embraces Creative Tensions in Complex Challenges

Balancing Opposing Forces for Holistic Problem-Solving

The book emphasizes how "Both-And" thinking empowers people to effectively engage with challenges in their personal lives or to assist others, especially leaders, in navigating complex situations within their organizations. It argues that by embracing creative tensions, one can approach problem-solving in a holi ...

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Nature and Importance of Paradoxes and "Both-And" Thinking

Additional Materials

Clarifications

  • Paradoxes as "synergistic opposites" means two conflicting ideas can work together to create a stronger, more effective outcome. Instead of canceling each other out, these opposites enhance each other's value through their interaction. This synergy allows for solutions that neither side could achieve alone. It challenges the usual either/or mindset by promoting both/and integration.
  • "Both-And" thinking means accepting and integrating two opposing ideas instead of choosing one. It helps people see complex problems more fully by valuing different perspectives simultaneously. Practically, it encourages flexible solutions that balance conflicting needs or values. This mindset is useful in leadership, relationships, and decision-making where simple either/or choices fall short.
  • "Creative tensions" refer to the productive energy that arises when opposing ideas or forces interact. Instead of resolving conflicts by choosing one side, these tensions encourage exploring how both sides can coexist and complement each other. This dynamic can spark innovation and deeper understanding by leveraging differences rather than eliminating them. It is a mindset that values complexity and ambiguity as sources of growth.
  • Opposing forces are contradictory because they represent different or conflicting needs, values, or perspectives. They are complementary because each side provides something the other lacks, creating a balance that enhances overall understanding or effectiveness. This interdependence means neither force can fully function or be understood without the other. Embracing both allows for richer, more nuanced solutions than choosing one side alone.
  • The Roe v. Wade reversal refers to the U.S. Supreme Court decision that overturned the 1973 ruling legalizing abortion nationwide. This decision sparked intense and polarized public debate, dividing opinions deeply. The example shows how "Both-And" thinking helps leaders acknowledge and respect opposing views simultaneously. It promotes dialogue and unity rather than division in highly contentious issues.
  • Embracing opposing forces means accepting that two conflicting ideas or needs can coexist and both have value. Instead of forcing a choice, this mindset looks for ways to integrate or balance these forces. This approach helps uncover new possibilities that neither side alone could achieve. It shifts focus from "either/or" to "both/and," fostering creativity and flexibility.
  • Holistic problem-solving considers all aspects and perspectives of a problem simultaneously, rather than isolating parts or choosing one side. Traditiona ...

Counterarguments

  • "Both-And" thinking might not always be practical in situations where resources are limited and trade-offs are necessary.
  • Embracing paradoxes could lead to indecision or paralysis by analysis if not managed properly.
  • Some decisions inherently require a clear choice, and attempting to integrate opposites might dilute the effectiveness of the decision-making process.
  • The concept of synergistic opposites may not apply to all types of problems, particularly those that are highly specialized or technical.
  • "Both-And" thinking could be misinterpreted as a lack of commitment to a particular stance, which might be problematic in leadership roles where decisiveness is valued.
  • In some cases, attempting to accommodate all perspectives might lead to solutions that are suboptimal for all parties involved.
  • The approach may not be universally applicable across different cultures, w ...

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Confidence Classic: The “Yes, And” Mindset To Unlock Better Decision Making, Leadership and Relationships with Wendy Smith and Marianne Lewis

Specific Examples and Applications of "Both-And" Thinking

Experts Wendy Smith and Marianne Lewis discuss how employing "both-and" thinking in various aspects of life can lead to greater fulfillment and success. This approach allows individuals to embrace dualities and paradoxes instead of choosing between conflicting identities or goals.

"Both-And" Thinking: Work-Life Balance as Reinforcing Identities, Not Conflicting

Embracing and Integrating Work and Family Roles For Fulfillment

Wendy Smith provides a personal example of how "both-and" thinking enhanced her life. As a new mom trying to navigate work, she faced tensions regarding time management and her identity. However, Smith found that actively engaging with her work and achieving success allowed her to be more present and confident at home. This, in turn, made her more effective in her work role. By embracing and integrating her work and family roles, Smith experienced reinforcement and fulfillment across both areas of her life.

"Both-And" Thinking Balances Short-Term Performance and Long-Term Development in Careers and Organizations

Balancing Present Execution and Future Learning

Marianne Lewis talks about the importance of balancing immediate goals and performance with the development and planning for the next steps in one's career or organizational growth. She argues that focusing on current goals and performance should inform future planning, and vice versa. By considering both present execution and future learning, one ensures that today's activities contribute towards opening up new opportunities down the line.

Using "Both-And" Thinking to Blend Confidence and Vulnerability Builds Lasting Self-Assurance

Embracing Discomfort Builds Confidence and Courage

Lewis also discusses the ideas of Brené Brown, pa ...

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Specific Examples and Applications of "Both-And" Thinking

Additional Materials

Clarifications

  • "Both-and" thinking embraces multiple perspectives or solutions simultaneously, rather than forcing a choice between two opposing options. It recognizes that complex situations often require integrating seemingly contradictory elements to create synergy. This contrasts with "either-or" thinking, which limits understanding by framing issues as mutually exclusive. "Both-and" thinking fosters flexibility, creativity, and holistic problem-solving.
  • Balancing work and family roles often involves managing competing demands on time and energy. Individuals may feel guilt or stress when work responsibilities interfere with family time, or vice versa. There can be pressure to perform well in both areas, leading to feelings of inadequacy if one role seems neglected. Effective balance requires setting boundaries and integrating roles to reduce conflict and enhance fulfillment.
  • Success at work can boost self-esteem and reduce stress, making it easier to be emotionally available and patient at home. Feeling competent professionally often increases overall confidence, which positively affects interactions with family. This positive cycle helps individuals feel more balanced and fulfilled in both roles. Thus, achievements in one area can strengthen presence and confidence in the other.
  • Short-term performance refers to achieving immediate goals and meeting current expectations, such as completing projects or hitting sales targets. Long-term development involves building skills, knowledge, and strategies that ensure sustained growth and success over time. Organizations balance these by delivering results now while investing in future capabilities. This balance helps avoid burnout and keeps the organization adaptable to change.
  • Present execution provides real-time feedback and results that reveal what strategies work and what challenges exist, guiding adjustments in future plans. Future planning sets goals and anticipates changes, which shape priorities and resource allocation in current actions. This creates a continuous loop where doing informs planning, and planning directs doing. Together, they ensure adaptability and sustained progress.
  • Confidence and vulnerability are paradoxical because showing vulnerability—acknowledging uncertainty or fear—can actually strengthen trust and connection with others. This openness allows people to be authentic, which builds deeper self-confidence rooted in self-acceptance. Avoiding vulnerability often leads to superficial confidence that can crumble under pressure. Embracing vulnerability fosters resilience by encouraging growth through challenges.
  • Brené Brown is a research professor known for studying vulnerability, courage, and shame. She argues tha ...

Counterarguments

  • "Both-and" thinking may not always be feasible in situations where resources are limited, and trade-offs are necessary for survival or efficiency.
  • Integrating work and family roles can sometimes lead to burnout if not managed properly, as the boundaries between work and personal life may become blurred.
  • The assumption that success in one area (like work) will automatically enhance another (like family life) may not hold true for everyone, as individuals have different coping mechanisms and life circumstances.
  • Balancing short-term performance with long-term development assumes that individuals or organizations have the luxury to plan long-term, which might not be the case in volatile or fast-changing industries.
  • The idea that present execution should inform future planning may not account for disruptive events or innovations that render current knowledge and strategies obsolete.
  • Embracing vulnerability as a path to confidence might not resonate with cultural values that prioritize strength ...

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Confidence Classic: The “Yes, And” Mindset To Unlock Better Decision Making, Leadership and Relationships with Wendy Smith and Marianne Lewis

Shifting From "Either-Or" To "Both-And" Thinking

The discussion emphasizes the value and process of transitioning from a binary "Either-Or" mindset to a more integrative "Both-And" thought process.

Reframing Questions: Shifting From "Either-Or" To "Both-And" Thinking

Marianne Lewis and Wendy Smith underscore the importance of changing the types of questions we ask ourselves and others. Instead of settling into binary thinking that segregates, they advocate for a more integrative approach that considers opposites together.

Integrating and Reconciling Opposing Forces In Challenges

Lewis highlights the importance of compassion, respect, and reflective questioning to work through defensiveness and promote listening. This involves reframing polarizing issues to consider different perspectives simultaneously.

Exploring a Paradox's Sides Is Key to Creativity

Diving into the complexities and valid points of opposite perspectives fosters new insights and creative solutions. This method allows us to understand the underlying fears and strengths on each side of a paradox, leading to synergistic combinations and progress.

Recognizing Each Perspective's Validity and Nuances Fosters New Insights and Synergies

Smith suggests turning "either-or" dilemmas into synergistic opportunities by including both sides of a challenge. For instance, considering how vulnerability can enable confidence or how acceptance can encourage personal growth, rather than choosing one over the other.

Embracing Discomfort and Uncertainty in Paradoxical Tensions Key To "Both-And" Thinking

The journey towards "Both-And" thinking involves embracing discomfort and uncertainty ...

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Shifting From "Either-Or" To "Both-And" Thinking

Additional Materials

Counterarguments

  • "Both-And" thinking may not always be applicable or practical in situations where mutually exclusive choices must be made or where resources are limited.
  • The complexity of "Both-And" thinking can lead to analysis paralysis, where decision-making is stalled due to the overemphasis on integrating all perspectives.
  • In some contexts, such as legal decisions or ethical dilemmas, a clear "Either-Or" stance may be necessary to uphold justice or moral principles.
  • The process of integrating opposing forces can be time-consuming and may not be suitable for situations requiring swift action.
  • "Both-And" thinking might inadvertently lead to middle-ground fallacies, where the compromise between two extremes is assumed to be the best solution without proper evaluation.
  • There is a risk that "Both-And" thinking could dilute strong positions and lead to less effective solutions that do not adequately address the core issues at hand.
  • In certain competitive environments, such as business or sports, a "Both-And" approach may not align with the zero-sum nature of winning and losing.
  • Embracing discomfort and uncertainty, as suggested by "Both- ...

Actionables

  • Start a "Both-And" journal where you document daily situations where you applied integrative thinking. Write down instances where you caught yourself in an "Either-Or" mindset and how you reframed the situation to consider both sides. This practice will help you become more aware of your thought patterns and encourage a habit of looking for the "Both-And" in everyday life.
  • Create a "Perspective Map" for complex issues you encounter, where you visually plot out different viewpoints on a topic. On a piece of paper, draw a circle in the middle with the issue at hand, and around it, create branches for each perspective, including your own. Under each branch, note down the fears, strengths, and valid points of that viewpoint. This exercise will help you see the full spectrum of a challenge and naturally guide you towards integrative solutions. ...

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Confidence Classic: The “Yes, And” Mindset To Unlock Better Decision Making, Leadership and Relationships with Wendy Smith and Marianne Lewis

"Both-And" Thinking At Individual, Organizational, and Societal Levels

"Both-And" thinking is increasingly recognized as a means to handle complexities and dilemmas across various aspects of life, as Smith and other commentators have outlined.

"Both-And" Thinking Guides Personal and Professional Dilemmas With Clarity and Harmony

Cultivating an Integrated and Fulfilling Self Through Role and Identity Interdependence

Smith highlights that reframing either-or questions into both-and questions facilitates the appreciation of synergies and interwoven aspects of dilemmas, streamlining personal and professional decision-making. Embracing both-and thinking allowed Wendy Smith to find harmony in her work and family roles, acknowledging their mutual reinforcement and interdependence. This approach fosters personal growth and fulfillment by integrating different aspects of one’s identity.

By applying "both-and" thinking to challenging situations, such as the Roe v. Wade debate, a congregation found a sense of integration and fulfillment despite diverse personal views. Smith stresses the tension between growth and self-acceptance, pointing out that authentic change is built upon valuing ourselves as we currently are.

"Both-And" Thinking Fosters Agile, Innovative, Resilient Leadership

Balancing Creative Tensions Between Short- and Long-Term Priorities

Smith's discussion about the balance between accepting oneself and seeking growth encapsulates the essence of "both-and" thinking in leadership. A women's leadership initiative showcases this balance by combining new practices with respect for current identities. Heather Monahan illustrates this with a pastor who exhibited leadership by addressing difficult topics, thus demonstrating "both-and" thinking's role in addressing adversary and discomfort. Acknowledging both the immediate state of self and aspirations for future change is how "both-and" thinking balances short-term and long-term goals.

"Both-And" Thinking Aids In Transcending Polarized Debates to Find Common Ground

Recognizing Competing Perspectives for Collaborative Problem-Solving

The power of "both-and" thinking to overcome political polarization was discussed, particularly in relation to contentious issues like abortion. By iden ...

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"Both-And" Thinking At Individual, Organizational, and Societal Levels

Additional Materials

Counterarguments

  • "Both-And" thinking, while valuable, may not always be practical in situations where resources are limited and trade-offs are necessary.
  • In some cases, embracing both-and thinking could lead to indecision or a lack of clear direction, as trying to accommodate all perspectives might dilute the effectiveness of decision-making.
  • The integration of multiple roles and identities can sometimes lead to conflict or stress, rather than harmony, if not managed carefully.
  • There may be situations where personal growth and fulfillment require difficult choices that are more either-or in nature, such as leaving a toxic work environment or ending a harmful relationship.
  • While both-and thinking aims to transcend polarization, it may sometimes oversimplify complex issues that require a firm stance or clear policy direction.
  • In leadership, the balance between short-term and long-term priorities might sometimes necessitate a preference for one over the other, rather than an equal balance.
  • Addressing difficult topics and managing discomfort might sometimes require a more directive or assertive approach than both-and thinking seems to allow.
  • Recognizing competing perspectives is important, but there may be ethical or moral issues where compromise is not appropria ...

Actionables

  • You can enhance decision-making by creating a "Both-And" journal where you document daily decisions and reflect on how you can approach them from a both-and perspective. For example, if you're deciding whether to spend time working or with family, write down how you can structure your day to accommodate quality time for both. This practice encourages you to see the interconnectedness of your choices and fosters a habit of seeking harmony in your roles.
  • Develop empathy and collaborative skills by initiating conversations with friends or colleagues where you explore opposing views on a topic. Start by choosing a subject you have differing opinions on, then each person presents their perspective, followed by a joint brainstorming session on how elements from both sides can be integrated into a shared solution. This activity promotes understanding and the ability to find common ground.
  • Foster personal growth by setting up a "growth and acceptance" balan ...

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