The Bears Go Up In Smoke | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

Bert Kreischer's journey from heavy drinking to dedicated fitness marks a dramatic transformation in both his health and perspective on life. His story centers on physical improvement, the discovery of new sources of motivation, and the powerful sense of community found through the Two Bears 5K event.

Bert's Physical Improvement After Quitting Alcohol and Starting Fitness

Bert details his remarkable recovery after years of unhealthy habits. At one point, his blood pressure reached a critical 170/110 during a hospital stay for a blood clot, causing staff to hide the reading from him due to its severity. Today, Bert proudly tracks his blood pressure daily, sharing photos of readings like 111/72 with his cardiologist—a perfect, healthy score.

A dedicated exercise regimen has also played a major role in reversing Bert’s biological clock. Using his Whoop device, he enthusiastically reports that after his health scare, his biological age had spiked to 60, but regular workouts have allowed him to shed as much as six months of biological age each week, and he now considers himself effectively six years younger.

Bert's training includes a focus on leg workouts and cardio routines. He plans to complete the Bears 5K in under 27 minutes, aiming well below the 30-minute mark, by mixing strength work with running after leg days for better performance.

Bert Finds Motivation and Meaning In Shifting From Substance Use to Fitness

The transition from alcohol and drug use to dedicated gym time has given Bert a healthy outlet for his need for stimulation and intensity. He describes pushing himself to exhaustion in the gym as delivering the same rush and feeling of accomplishment that he once sought from substance use.

This new obsession with health metrics—constantly monitoring blood pressure, biological age, and workout results—serves as a driving force for his long-term sobriety. Instead of feeling deprived by abstinence, Bert focuses on building improvements and setting new fitness goals.

His wife, Leanne, plays an important and supportive role in this transformation. Rather than scolding Bert about his drinking or explicitly telling him to quit, she quietly encourages his health-focused goals, providing gentle accountability rooted in love and care instead of confrontation. Bert appreciates this approach, suggesting that her focus on his overall health has been more meaningful and effective.

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Drug Effects on User Interaction With Authority and Environment

Tom Segura observes that different drugs shape user responses to authority and surroundings in distinct ways. Cocaine users tend to flee law enforcement, actively avoiding confrontation with police. In contrast, individuals under the influence of PCP display a heightened sense of invincibility, moving toward police and sometimes even attempting to disarm officers, reflecting a radically altered risk assessment and threat perception. [restricted term], described by Bert Kreischer as a powerful dissociative, induces an out-of-body, dreamlike experience. It distorts perception of time and space, causing euphoria and calmness, but can also generate dangerous, disconnected behaviors—especially at higher doses leading to the so-called "k-hole," an intense state of detachment from reality.

PCP’s aggression-inducing and disinhibiting properties make it especially hazardous, raising the question, as Segura notes, of why it was never considered as a tool for military use despite its potent effects. Its capacity to provoke risky, confrontational behavior presents obvious dangers that likely outweigh any perceived benefits for use by soldiers.

[restricted term]: A Legal Gray Area With Opioid-Like Euphoric Effects

[restricted term] occupies a unique legal and pharmacological space. According to Segura and corroborated by research cited during their conversation, [restricted term]’s active compounds bind to the same opioid receptors as drugs like [restricted term] and [restricted term]. At higher doses, [restricted term] behaves more like an opioid, causing sedation and a mellowing of mood. At lower doses, however, [restricted term] tends to act as a stimulant—generating subtle euphoria, increased energy, and mental clarity rather than sedation.

[restricted term] has gained popularity not only among people seeking alternatives to alcohol in social contexts but also in specific communities. Bert Kreischer notes its widespread use among sober individuals and in Orthodox Jewish communities, who frequent [restricted term] or kava bars to enjoy its mild effects without violating their abstinence from alcohol or traditional narcotics.

Kreischer himself describes using [restricted term] pre-workout for an energy boost and enhanced motivation, feeling more ready and eager for physical activity. The effect is stimulating, helping users get "ready to fucking, let's get after it."

Woman Jumps From Ten-story Building Amid [restricted term] Treatment Danger

Kreischer recounts the harrowing story of a woman he met during a Flamingo Magazine photoshoot, who experienced a severe dissociative episode while undergoing [restricted term] treatment for depression. In her altered state, she navigated onto the roof of a ten-story building and jumped, suffering catastrophic injuries: both shins fractured and protruding, broken arms, a cracked skull, and a tracheotomy. Miraculously, she survived. She woke up four weeks later in the hospital with no memory of the incident and was told afterward about her attempt.

Thc-induced Manic Episode in Bipolar Disorder

The narrative underscores the unpredictability and potential peril of substances like [restricted term] and THC ...

Stanhope and Walsh Focus on Comedy That Values Creativity and Personal Amusement Over Commercial Success and Audience Approval

Doug Stanhope and Brendan Walsh represent a tradition in comedy that prioritizes originality and personal amusement rather than mass approval or commercial gain. Doug Stanhope’s subversive style is illustrated when he redirected a complaint at a comedy club back toward management, making them the butt of the joke and underscoring his irreverent approach.

Brendan Walsh epitomizes comedy done for the joy of the act rather than profit. Tom Segura recalls Walsh’s penchant for elaborate pranks with no expectation of financial reward or broad recognition. For example, Walsh put up a massive "Whole Foods Coming Soon" sign outside a closing Circuit City in Silver Lake, causing community buzz solely for his own gratification. He repeated this with "Silver Lake Gun Club Coming Soon," including a website with bald eagles and an American flag for authenticity, and a phone number connecting irate locals directly to him. None of these jokes were performed for an audience or filmed for viral fame—they were simply for his amusement.

Brendan Walsh Hired Craigslist Users to Join Zoom Meetings Where He or Others Would Strip to Shock Participants for Humorous Entertainment Without Commercial Intent

During the pandemic, Walsh’s creativity continued as he orchestrated pranks via Zoom. He would find business-related Zoom calls and then pay Craigslist strangers to join and suddenly stand up naked on camera. The prank was crafted and executed only for the personal satisfaction of seeing the live confusion and amusement experienced by no one other than himself and perhaps a few friends.

Comedy Shifts Focus To Views and Profit Over Art

Bert Kreischer reflects on how the comedic landscape has changed. Modern comedians often focus on audience-building and revenue rather than the craft itself. He admits that even when his original intent was laughter for its own sake, he would ultimately consider how to monetize funny observations or share them with a larger audience. He notes that younger comedians now enter the field seeking clicks, views, fame, and fortune instead of the intrinsic rewards of laughter or the exploration of new comedic ideas. Kreischer acknowledges that, while he participated in—and benefited from—these changes, the earlier eras of stand-up prioritized different artistic motivations.

Sean Rouse Embodies a Brilliant yet Underappreciated Comic, Highlighting Stand-Up's Precarious Nature

The conversation recounts the career of Sean Rouse, described by Kreischer as "fucking brilliant," notably for his telemarketing bits targeting call centers in India. Rouse’s unique talent, however, did not guarantee him success or stability in the comedy world. Kreischer shares an anecdote where Rouse m ...

Friendship Means Sacrifice and Prioritizing Friends

Bert Kreischer and Tom Segura openly discuss the meaning of friendship through their actions and reflections during a visit. Despite Bert’s reluctance to travel, he prioritizes Tom’s family needs over his own desire to stay home. Tom acknowledges that Bert’s trip to Austin makes it possible to take his child, Ellis, to jiu-jitsu, showing appreciation for Bert’s effort. Bert emphasizes that true friendship means quietly making sacrifices for others, such as adjusting one’s own schedule—with Bert traveling while Tom gets family time—demonstrating that friendship is based on care rather than expectation. Bert humorously admits that waking up, he wished he wasn’t Tom’s friend just to avoid the flight, yet he is genuinely glad he made the effort, reinforcing that friendship sometimes involves doing things you’d rather not do, simply for someone else’s benefit.

Bert's Isolation Has Led To Neglecting Relationships

Bert candidly admits to a pattern of isolating himself and neglecting friendships, recalling how he’s lost touch with fellow comedians like Doug Stanhope, despite once communicating regularly. He describes sending Doug a friendly message about a creative video, which rekindled memories of their frequent past contact. Bert reflects that this drift is largely his own fault, saying he often stays in his own world and doesn’t reach out, and he expresses regret at letting those connections fade, particularly with people he deeply respects in the industry. This reveals the ongoing struggle between his introverted tendencies and a real desire to maintain meaningful friendships within his community.

During a Shoot, Bert Met a Woman Who Shared Her Mental Health Crisis and Recovery Story

During a recent photo shoot, Bert met a woman who openly shared her story of surviving a major mental health crisis. She recounted being high on [restricted term] while experiencing such severe depression that she jumped from a ten-story building, suffering extensive injuries to her arms and legs. The woman described her physical recovery in graphic detail, at one point joking about not having any facial injuries ...

Age and Generational Identity Shape Entertainment Preferences, Widening Generational Divides

Bert Kreischer and Tom Segura discuss generational divides in entertainment preferences, using Coachella as a prime example. Bert admits he is unfamiliar with artists like Sabrina Carpenter, who performed at Coachella, and struggles to recognize her or any of her music. This unfamiliarity leads Bert to question at what age people "age out" of youth-oriented events like Coachella, suggesting that both the performers, aesthetic, and context no longer align with older demographics. Tom agrees, expressing that he doesn't feel Coachella is for him, highlighting how generational identity deeply shapes which cultural events feel accessible or relevant.

They further note that younger performers and audiences are increasingly engaged with acts and music older generations don't recognize, illustrating how pop culture is segmented by age. Bert contrasts his lack of knowledge about newer acts with a familiarity toward more established celebrities like Justin Bieber and Ed Sheeran, with whom he and his generation "grew up," underscoring the widening generational divide in pop culture awareness.

Michael Jordan's Cigar Influence: Celebrity Impact on Trends and Industries

Bert shares his excitement about cigars, connecting it to Michael Jordan (MJ) and other celebrities' role in reviving the cigar industry. He explains that the cigar industry had waned in popularity until the launch of Cigar Aficionado magazine in 1992, which revitalized the market by featuring celebrities like Michael Jordan, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Bruce Willis as regular cigar smokers.

Bert describes Michael Jordan’s influence in detail, recalling MJ’s interview with Cigar Aficionado where he is pictured smoking pre-embargo Cuban cigars, sometimes multiple at a time, paired with whiskey. This celebrity endorsement, portrayed in glossy magazines, was pivotal in making cigars culturally significant and desirable again. Bert and Tom both acknowledge that these endorsements and media representations were instrumental in revitalizing what was once a declining industry.

Ed Sheeran Exemplifies a Performer Whose Live Concerts Showcase Musical Innovation and Skill

The conversation shifts to Ed Sheeran, with Bert and Tom both expressing familiarity and admiration for his musical talent, regardless of generational divides. Tom describes witnessing Sheeran in concert and being impressed by his use of a looper pedal to build full songs live on stage. Bert highl ...