PDF Summary:The Losses We Keep, by Jami Crist

The Losses We Keep by Jami Crist chronicles the emotional journey of overcoming infertility and pregnancy loss. With raw honesty, Crist explores the profound isolation and grief following multiple miscarriages. She details the courage required to navigate medical interventions, financial burdens, and emotional strain on relationships.

The book reveals how establishing caring support networks, seeking insightful healthcare, and nurturing self-compassion offer paths towards healing. Crist's story highlights the redefinition of motherhood, embracing gratitude in life's unexpected detours.

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• There are alternative paths to parenthood, such as adoption or fostering, which also require time, money, and emotional energy but provide different avenues for those who wish to have children.
• While fertility treatments can be expensive, there are a variety of options and costs can vary widely depending on the type of treatment, location, and whether insurance covers any of the procedures.
• The statement may not fully encapsulate the diversity of experiences, as some individuals or couples might prioritize other life goals over biological parenthood, thus experiencing the emotional burden differently or to a lesser extent.
• Allocating more resources to fertility treatments may raise ethical questions about the prioritization of healthcare funding, especially when considering other underfunded areas of healthcare that affect a larger portion of the population.

The author's persistence in advocating for herself and seeking alternative care

The book section emphasizes the importance of unwavering self-advocacy, especially for women as they make their way through their reproductive journeys, by promoting the consideration of various medical opinions, exploring a range of treatment possibilities, and prioritizing their psychological well-being.

A medical team characterized by empathy and offering supportive care is essential.

Crist's narrative underscores the significance of forming a healthcare team marked by both compassion and proficiency. After her initial doctors dismissed her concerns, she sought out different medical opinions and discovered a team of experts who provided the empathy, support, and customized care crucial for dealing with her fertility challenges. The collective not only acknowledged her psychological needs and considered her concerns but also suggested an all-encompassing plan for therapy that included acupuncture, dietary changes, and modifications to her routine activities. Crist's story emphasizes the significance of physicians who are truly committed to the health of their patients, illustrating that empathy in medical care can be just as crucial as technical proficiency when addressing challenges in reproduction.

Crist underscores the importance of healthcare providers giving careful consideration to and respecting their patients' viewpoints. Her new group's comprehensive explanations and readiness to address her inquiries mitigated much of the apprehension and discomfort she experienced regarding the medical procedures intended to assist with conception. This deepened comprehension and open communication strengthened her feeling of control and influence on her own journey, underscoring the importance of a supportive healthcare group in navigating the complexities associated with reproductive health issues.

Other Perspectives

• In resource-limited settings, the focus may need to be on providing the most essential medical services to the greatest number of people, which might limit the ability to offer extensive supportive care.
• While acknowledging patients' psychological needs is important, physicians must balance empathy with objectivity to ensure that emotional involvement does not cloud their judgment or lead to over-treatment.
• There may be legal and ethical considerations that limit the amount of information a healthcare provider can share with a patient, particularly if it pertains to unconfirmed diagnoses or treatments still under consideration.
• The relationship between open communication and a patient's sense of control can vary greatly depending on individual personality traits, cultural backgrounds, and previous experiences with the healthcare system.
• While empathy is undoubtedly important, it may not be as critical as technical proficiency in emergency or life-threatening situations where immediate medical intervention is paramount.

She develops confidence in her own instincts and physical signals when conventional healthcare proves inadequate.

Crist's journey highlights the significance of relying on her own physical instincts and intuition in instances where the healthcare system is inadequate. She reveals her struggle with letting go of control, often feeling the need to manage every detail related to her journey toward becoming a parent, but through a series of challenging events, she gradually learned to rely on her intuition and prioritize her psychological well-being. The change in her viewpoint included establishing limits, turning down social engagements that were distressing, and opting for self-care routines that supported her physical well-being and lightened her emotional load. Crist's journey underscores the significance of self-representation and the adoption of an all-encompassing perspective regarding reproductive health, which empowers women to attune to their physiological signals, give precedence to their psychological well-being, and strike an equilibrium between medical treatments and personal wellness practices.

Crist's reliance on her intuition extended beyond medical decisions. Her path, initially fraught with reluctance, ultimately led her to wholeheartedly accept the role of being a mother. This narrative underscores the significance of heeding our inner guidance, even when it contradicts established norms or the recommendations of healthcare experts. Crist's journey encourages women to embrace the power of their own inner voice and seek a balance between medical guidance and personal intuition.

Context

• Psychological well-being is crucial for overall health, influencing how individuals cope with stress, illness, and recovery. It involves maintaining a balance of emotional, psychological, and social aspects of life.
• Letting go of control can be difficult due to fear of negative outcomes or a lack of confidence in alternative approaches. It requires trust in oneself and the ability to accept uncertainty.
• Establishing limits often involves setting personal boundaries to protect one's mental and emotional health. This can include saying no to additional responsibilities or requests that may cause stress or overwhelm, allowing individuals to focus on their own needs and well-being.
• Trusting one's intuition can be a valuable tool in health management, guiding individuals to seek care that aligns with their personal values and needs, even if it diverges from conventional advice.
• Studies in psychology suggest that intuition can be a result of subconscious processing, where the brain synthesizes information from past experiences to guide decisions.
• The concept of "inner guidance" often refers to a deep-seated intuition or instinct that many people experience, particularly in significant life decisions. In the context of motherhood, this can involve trusting one's own feelings and instincts about parenting styles, child-rearing practices, and personal readiness for the responsibilities of being a parent.
• Empowering patients involves encouraging them to take an active role in their healthcare decisions. This includes being informed, asking questions, and making choices that reflect their personal beliefs and circumstances.

Exploring the journey of grief, the story uncovers a supportive community and redefines the true nature of motherly love and attention.

In this segment of the narrative, the emphasis was placed on establishing a nurturing network that underscores the empowerment women can derive from shared experiences, and how it can reshape their understanding of motherhood through acts of service, gratitude, and self-compassion.

The author's progressive journey toward vulnerability involves establishing connections with individuals who also endure comparable sorrow.

This part of the story highlights how building relationships and participating in dialogue can have a healing impact, showing that sharing personal experiences can lessen feelings of isolation and offer reciprocal encouragement to women grappling with the challenges of infertility and the grief associated with miscarriage.

She sought solace in online support communities, sharing her story to alleviate the sense of isolation.

Crist's narrative emphasizes the importance of establishing connections with individuals who have also experienced the anguish of losing someone. She found solace and a sense of fellowship in virtual support networks, bonding with fellow women who were likewise dealing with the challenges of infertility and the sorrow that comes with miscarriage. She found comfort and unity in the collective resilience and grief that united these communities, as she exchanged her own narrative with the stories of others. Crist's experience highlights the transformative power of connection, reminding us that sharing our stories can be a form of self-care, allowing us to break the silence surrounding infertility and find solace in knowing that others understand our pain.

Crist's candidness regarding her journey on digital forums encouraged numerous individuals to open up about their personal experiences. Her candid expression of her most intimate emotions created a space that encouraged dialogue and connection, easing the often-isolated challenges associated with fertility issues and recurrent pregnancy loss. Jami Crist's narrative emphasizes the courage needed to share personal stories, which helps create connections and build a supportive community that guides individuals in navigating the complexities of life by leveraging shared experiences.

Practical Tips

• Start a personal 'connection journal' where you document your interactions with others who have experienced loss. Write down what you learned from each conversation, how it made you feel, and any new insights about your own experience with loss. This can help you reflect on the value of these connections and track the progress of your emotional journey.
• Volunteer to moderate or co-moderate an existing online support group. This will deepen your connection to the community and give you a sense of purpose by helping others. You might start by reaching out to the group's administrators to offer your help or suggest new ideas for group activities that can foster engagement.
• Use social media to reach out to individuals who express feelings of isolation. Comment on their posts with words of support or share your own story in a way that relates to theirs. This can be as simple as responding to a tweet with a message that says, "I've been there too, and here's what helped me get through it."
• Start a personal story exchange with a friend where you each share a weekly story that's meaningful to you. This could be done through a simple email, voice message, or even a handwritten letter. By setting a regular cadence, you create a ritual of reflection and sharing that can be a source of comfort and personal insight.
• Start a "Candidness Circle" with friends where each person shares a personal story or experience in a safe, non-judgmental space. This encourages vulnerability and mutual openness, fostering a deeper connection among participants. For example, during a casual get-together, introduce the idea of each person sharing an anecdote from their week that they wouldn't normally talk about, focusing on the feelings it evoked.
• Initiate a "Walk and Talk" group in your neighborhood where participants pair up for walks and share stories from their lives with each other. This activity combines the benefits of physical exercise with the intimacy of personal storytelling, promoting both health and community spirit.
• Engage in a creative project that symbolizes your journey, such as a photo series or a garden where each plant represents a step in your fertility journey. This tangible representation can serve as a therapeutic outlet and a visual narrative of your experiences. For instance, you might take a photograph each time you reach a milestone or plant a new flower after a significant event, creating a living timeline of your path.
• Create a "Diverse Perspectives" book club with friends or colleagues, focusing on reading material from different cultures or viewpoints. After each book, discuss how these perspectives help you see life's complexities in a new light. This practice can broaden your understanding and improve your ability to connect with a wider range of people.

Cultivating a supportive circle comprised of compassionate relatives and companions.

Crist's experience highlights the significance of cultivating a supportive circle comprised of compassionate relatives and companions. She occasionally found it challenging to maintain relationships with other parents, but she also learned the value of accepting support from those who genuinely understood and provided her with the space to grieve. She underscores the importance of reliable people who offer a listening ear, unbiased assistance, and participate with genuine enthusiasm during her joyful moments. Crist's narrative emphasizes the significance of creating a nurturing community that provides steadiness and fellowship during times when life diverges from the anticipated trajectory, highlighting that individuals need not confront these challenges alone.

Crist's experience highlights the importance of setting boundaries in relationships to protect her own emotional well-being. She talks about the challenges she faces when engaging in conversations and activities centered on childbirth and raising children, noting times when she felt compelled to decline social gatherings or extricate herself from situations that stirred up strong emotions. Crist's candor in discussing these decisions inspires women to give precedence to their emotional well-being and to pursue relationships that provide sincere support and comprehension, instead of those that might intensify their sense of sorrow or seclusion.

Practical Tips

• Create a 'Compassion Jar' in your home where family members can drop notes of appreciation or offers to help with specific tasks. Whenever someone feels the need for support, they can pull out a note and ask for that specific help, ensuring that acts of compassion are both offered and utilized effectively.
• Volunteer for a peer support hotline to provide unbiased assistance to others. This will give you real-world experience in offering support without judgment. You'll learn to handle a variety of situations and develop the ability to stay neutral while helping others, which is a key aspect of being seen as reliable.
• Organize a monthly "Neighbor Night" in your living area to encourage regular social gatherings and build relationships.
• Use a color-coding system in your planner to mark activities that are for self-care, work, family, and other categories. This visual aid can help you see at a glance whether you're dedicating enough time to yourself versus other commitments. If you notice too much of one color, it's a sign to reassess and enforce boundaries to protect your emotional well-being.
• Create a "support inventory" to assess and strengthen your social circle by listing the names of people you interact with regularly and noting how each relationship affects your emotional well-being. After a week, review the list and identify which relationships are truly supportive and which may need boundaries or less of your energy. This can help you invest more time in nurturing the positive connections.

Embracing gratitude and joy as a means of solace while traversing the path of mourning.

This section of the narrative explores how women can find resilience and healing by embracing moments of joy and gratitude, even while grappling with the grief associated with infertility or the heartbreak of a miscarriage. The book underscores the significance of nurturing oneself, pursuing joyful endeavors, and discovering purpose even when faced with difficult circumstances.

Establishing small, regular practices to cope with sorrow and sustain steady routines.

Crist's journey underscores the profound impact of embracing happiness and thankfulness even in the face of sorrow. She narrates her deliberate efforts to find instances of joy and establish a sense of normalcy, even during the most challenging periods. This involved finding happiness in simple pleasures like a favorite meal, fostering connections with loved ones, or immersing oneself in the beauty of nature. Crist's story reminds us that even in the midst of profound sadness, we can choose to seek out moments of light and cultivate a sense of gratitude for the good things in our lives.

Crist delves into how running provided her with solace and strength as she grappled with fertility challenges. She describes how the regular practice of running established a stable environment and nurtured a recognition of her physical capabilities, acting as a refuge amid the turbulent emotions stirred by her difficulties in becoming pregnant. Crist's experience highlights the importance of engaging in activities that bring joy, like physical workouts, artistic projects, or valuing moments with loved ones, which are powerful forms of self-care and underscore the potential to find peace and rejuvenation even when facing challenges.

Other Perspectives

• The pressure to feel happy or grateful in the midst of sorrow can sometimes invalidate genuine emotions of sadness, leading to feelings of guilt or inadequacy for not being able to adhere to this ideal.
• There is a risk that in the pursuit of joy and normalcy, individuals might avoid confronting their grief, potentially leading to unresolved emotional issues.
• Relying on simple pleasures could be seen as a form of escapism that doesn't contribute to long-term coping strategies or problem-solving skills.
• Some individuals may not have a strong network of loved ones to connect with, which could make this coping strategy less accessible or effective for them.
• For some, the solitude often associated with natural environments can exacerbate feelings of loneliness or isolation rather than provide comfort.
• This approach assumes that moments of light are readily available or recognizable to those in sorrow, but in some cases, grief can be so overwhelming that finding these moments requires more support or intervention than simply choosing to seek them out.
• There's a risk that constantly seeking out the good and practicing gratitude could lead to avoidance behaviors, where individuals might neglect addressing the root causes of their sorrow or the need for more substantial changes in their lives.
• The benefits of running during fertility challenges might be overstated without considering the potential for over-exercise to lead to fatigue or injury, which could add to the stress rather than alleviate it.
• Environmental factors, such as weather and safety, can affect the regularity and stability of an outdoor running routine.
• There is a risk of developing an overreliance on the physical aspect of self-worth, which could be detrimental if circumstances change, such as through injury or aging, affecting one's ability to run and maintain those physical capabilities.
• Some individuals may not have the financial resources, time, or physical ability to engage in activities that bring them joy, which can make this advice seem inaccessible or unrealistic for them.
• In certain situations, relationships with loved ones can be a source of stress or sorrow themselves, and it might be healthier to establish boundaries or seek support outside of these relationships.
• Some individuals may find that these activities exacerbate their stress or sorrow, especially if they feel pressured to perform or achieve certain results.
• The concept of finding peace might inadvertently pressure individuals to feel positive during hardship, which can invalidate the natural grieving process and the range of emotions that come with it.

Seeking innovative ways to offer assistance and foster support throughout our community.

Crist's experience motivates women to reevaluate the essence of maternal roles and to explore alternative ways of offering support and nurturing to others. She divulged her choice to change professions, drawing on her own challenges to assist other women encountering comparable situations. Her understanding that motherhood encompasses more than just giving birth endowed her path with meaning and purpose. Jami Crist's narratives encourage women to value their life experiences and to express their natural caring qualities, irrespective of the results of their quests for fertility.

Crist's commitment to sharing her story and providing support to other women grappling with infertility and the heartache of miscarriage is a profound act of empathy and solidarity. In crafting this narrative, she has nurtured a compassionate and inclusive environment, illustrating that the true spirit of motherhood transcends biological ties by offering an opportunity for other women to share their experiences. Crist's narrative inspires women to accept their individual routes to parenthood, which may encompass child-rearing, guiding others, or making impactful contributions to their communities in a manner that brings significance and satisfaction.

Other Perspectives

• While Crist's experience may be inspiring, it might not resonate with all women, as each individual's circumstances and perceptions of motherhood are unique.
• The focus on Crist's career change to assist others could inadvertently suggest that those who remain in their original professions are less capable of offering support or contributing positively to the community.
• Encouraging women to express their natural caring qualities could inadvertently reinforce gender stereotypes that women should be nurturing and caring, which may limit the recognition of a broader range of talents and skills women possess.
• The focus on sharing stories as a form of support might overshadow other forms of assistance that could be more practical or urgently needed by women facing infertility and miscarriage, such as medical treatment or financial aid.
• Crist's approach to creating an inclusive environment might not account for cultural, social, or economic differences that significantly impact how support and empathy are received and understood.
• While motherhood can indeed transcend biological ties, it is important to acknowledge that for some individuals and cultures, biological connections are deeply valued and seen as an integral part of the maternal experience.
• Community contributions and guiding others, while valuable, do not necessarily involve the long-term, day-to-day commitment and personal development that typically come with child-rearing.

The narrative explores the intricate relationship between grief and joy, as well as the evolution of personal identity that arises after life-altering occurrences, like overcoming a serious illness and confronting the heartbreak associated with the loss of a pregnancy.

This section of the narrative explores the lasting impact of profound sadness, highlighting how women can integrate both sorrow and joy into their lives, redefine their identities, and find new purpose and meaning in life after experiencing significant illness and the death of a child they were anticipating.

The author explores her battle with cancer, describing how it influences her potential for motherhood and molds her relationships with others.

Jami Crist's narrative explores the complex obstacles related to a health condition that impacts her ability to conceive, and how this influences her potential for motherhood and her relationships with others. She reveals the mental burden of battling a serious illness, in addition to the strain of treatment and the uncertainty of future occurrences. The story woven by Crist emphasizes our innate resilience and the importance of seeking unity during challenging periods, highlighting that we are collectively facing these difficulties.

Confronting her own mortality at a young age due to her battle with cancer, Crist's yearning for kinship grew stronger, driving her to seek a different path in life. Her candid conversation about these aspects of her journey sheds light on the intricate layers of grief, acknowledging the way these occurrences can become entangled with and significantly shape our sense of self.

Exploring the choice to opt for surrogacy and the intricacies that emerge

Jami Crist opted for surrogacy as her route to becoming a mother after considering different options and recognizing her body's limitations. She explores the complex feelings associated with her child being carried by a surrogate, talks about the obligations, both financial and legal, related to this arrangement, and expresses the joy of welcoming a new family member through this distinctive approach. Crist's narrative underscores the determination and strength needed to explore alternative paths to parenthood, underscoring that motherhood is not solely defined by the act of childbirth.

Crist's decision to pursue surrogacy highlights her willingness to embrace a non-traditional path in her quest for motherhood, demonstrating her adaptability and commitment to growing her family. Her story motivates women to explore different paths to advocate for their dreams and to transform the concept of family into one that fosters profound satisfaction and bonding.

Context

• Advanced maternal age can impact fertility and the ability to carry a pregnancy to term, prompting some to consider surrogacy.
• There can be concerns about bonding with the child, as some may worry that not carrying the child might affect their initial connection or attachment.
• This joy is often accompanied by a deep sense of gratitude towards the surrogate, who plays a crucial role in the process, highlighting the collaborative nature of building a family through surrogacy.
• The process involves understanding and managing various legal and ethical issues, such as contracts and the rights of all parties involved, which can be intricate and demanding.
• Historically, women have taken on mothering roles for children who are not their own, such as in cases of wet nursing or communal child-rearing practices.
• The decision to use surrogacy may involve navigating various legal frameworks, as laws regarding surrogacy differ significantly across regions and countries.
• Families formed through non-traditional means often rely on strong support networks, including friends, extended family, and community resources, to navigate unique challenges and celebrate their distinct journeys.

The author's development, fortitude, and self-reinvention following significant loss.

The story crafted by Crist emphasizes the emergence of inner resilience and the profound reassessment of self that can arise after experiencing considerable loss. She recounts her path to reigniting her interests, focusing on her health, and discovering a revitalized mission in life while dealing with the challenges of infertility, enduring the sorrow of losing a pregnancy, and confronting a cancer diagnosis. Crist's narrative encourages women to recognize the significant influence of difficult experiences, which can result in heightened self-awareness and a rejuvenated appreciation for life's treasured moments after overcoming adversity.

The narrative crafted by Crist stands as a powerful tribute to the enduring strength of the human spirit. She has encountered numerous obstacles, wrestled with a significant health concern, and reevaluated her goals and dreams. Through these interactions, she has grown stronger and more understanding, finding joy and meaning as she progresses in her career, fosters relationships, and raises her offspring. The narrative, woven by Jami Crist, underscores our potential to evolve, heal, and redefine ourselves amidst deep grief.

Context

• This involves a deeper understanding of one's emotions, motivations, and desires, often emerging from introspection during challenging times.
• This often involves revisiting hobbies or passions that were previously set aside due to life's demands. It can include activities like painting, writing, or engaging in community service, which provide a sense of fulfillment and personal expression.
• Experiencing significant challenges can heighten mindfulness, encouraging individuals to live more fully in the present and appreciate everyday moments.
• The idea underscores a universal theme in storytelling where characters face trials that test their limits, ultimately leading to personal evolution and a renewed sense of purpose.
• Resilience involves the ability to adapt to difficult situations and bounce back from adversity. It is often strengthened through experience and can lead to a more optimistic outlook on life.
• Going through hardships can enhance a person's ability to empathize with others facing similar challenges, fostering a more compassionate outlook.
• Meaningful relationships are typically built on mutual support, understanding, and shared experiences. These connections can provide emotional strength and companionship, especially during challenging times.

The author's holistic approach to healing and self-care after trauma

The book explores the author's path to healing and self-care, emphasizing the importance of employing a variety of approaches that address the emotional, physical, and spiritual aspects of well-being.

Embracing spiritual and mind-body practices aids in navigating through sorrow and reestablishing equilibrium.

Crist's journey underscores the significance of adopting spiritual and mind-body disciplines to navigate through sorrow and reestablish equilibrium following traumatic events. She recounts that through therapy, meditation, and forming a bond with nature, she succeeded in alleviating her anxiety and restoring a harmonious connection with her body's innate wisdom. The story crafted by Crist underscores the importance of acknowledging that each person's journey towards recovery is unique, and that there is no one-size-fits-all remedy.

Crist's navigation of reproductive health issues and her confrontation with cancer underscore her deep self-awareness and the courage it takes to confront tough circumstances with grace and transparency. These practices highlight the importance of finding meaning and creating connections in ways that go beyond traditional medical methods, allowing us to access our innate strength and capacity to heal.

She found liberation in charting her own course, releasing the need to dominate every outcome.

Crist's journey underscores the significance of releasing the compulsion to dictate every facet of existence and discovering liberation through the creation of a unique trajectory. Through her experiences with infertility, pregnancy loss, and cancer, she learned to surrender to the unpredictability of life and embrace the beauty of unexpected detours. She prioritized her mental health by setting boundaries and indulging in activities that brought her joy, thereby increasing her self-awareness and instilling a sense of complete satisfaction. The narratives spun by Crist inspire women to acknowledge their individual cadences, underscoring that genuine liberation frequently emerges from relinquishing command and heeding the innate wisdom and intuition within them.

Crist's commitment to choosing a trajectory diverging from conventional societal norms and expected life stages underscores the significance of leading a life true to oneself. Her journey serves as a beacon, encouraging women to heed their inner wisdom, place their well-being above accomplishments, and tackle life's obstacles with tenacity and kindness to themselves.

Context

• Holistic healing involves treating the whole person, including their physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual health, rather than just addressing symptoms of a condition. This approach often integrates various therapies and practices to promote overall well-being.
• Different approaches may resonate more with individuals based on their cultural background or personal beliefs, making it important to consider these factors in a healing journey.
• Regular engagement in spiritual and mind-body practices can lead to changes in brain structure and function, improving emotional resilience and cognitive flexibility.
• Therapy provides a structured environment where individuals can explore their thoughts and emotions with a trained professional. It can help identify patterns, develop coping strategies, and process trauma, which can reduce anxiety and promote mental well-being.
• There are numerous therapeutic methods available, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy, art therapy, and mindfulness practices, each catering to different needs and preferences.
• In this context, grace refers to maintaining composure and kindness in the face of adversity. It involves responding to challenges with patience and understanding, rather than reacting with frustration or anger.
• Practices that emphasize the mind-body connection, such as tai chi or qigong, can help individuals become more attuned to their physical and emotional states, promoting self-awareness and healing from within.
• Philosophies such as Stoicism teach the importance of focusing on what can be controlled (personal actions and responses) and accepting what cannot, which can lead to inner peace and freedom.
• Unexpected detours can lead to personal growth by pushing individuals out of their comfort zones, encouraging new experiences, and fostering adaptability and creativity.
• Setting boundaries and choosing activities that bring joy can empower individuals by giving them a sense of control over their lives. This autonomy can enhance self-esteem and promote a positive self-image.
• Various spiritual traditions advocate for surrendering control to a higher power or the universe, suggesting that this can lead to a deeper understanding of one's purpose and place in the world.
• Choosing a path true to oneself involves aligning actions and decisions with personal values and beliefs, which can lead to a more fulfilling and authentic life experience.
• Living authentically can significantly improve mental health by reducing stress and anxiety that often come from trying to meet external expectations or societal norms.