PDF Summary:The Life Brief, by Bonnie Wan

True happiness starts with a deceptively simple question that most of us struggle to answer honestly: What do you really want? In The Life Brief, brand strategist Bonnie Wan uses that question as the foundation for designing a document that outlines your personal goals and strategies—the titular “Life Brief,” modeled after the creative briefs that Wan uses in her professional career.

This guide will take you through Wan’s three steps of creating a Life Brief: Discover what kind of life you want for yourself, write your Life Brief, then put it into practice. Our commentary will provide additional information from the field of neurology to further explain how and why Wan’s principles work. We’ll also compare her ideas with those of other influential self-help books, such as Awaken the Giant Within and The Desire Map. Finally, we’ll suggest some strategies to help you make and follow your unique Life Brief.

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For instance, in the example above, you might think your greatest strength as an instructor is your personality (your people-oriented abilities), but your colleague says it’s actually your talent for understanding and breaking down difficult topics (a cognitive ability). Digging deeper with Rath’s strength assessment, you may discover a combination of both: that your main strengths are analytical (you’re good at figuring out why something’s true) and that you’re a storyteller (you’re good at bringing ideas to life and getting them across to others).

Step 2: Write Your Life Brief

The first step of Wan’s system had you generate many pages of messy writing, identify your limiting beliefs, and gather new perspectives from the people who know you best. Next, you must filter through the raw material you’ve collected and condense it into a clear, actionable Life Brief.

In this section we’ll go over the two parts of a Life Brief: 1) five statements that describe your deepest, most genuine desires, and 2) a catchy hook to help those statements stick in your mind.

Summarize What You Want in Five Statements

Wan explains that the majority of your Life Brief should consist of five statements about what you want—she chose the number five because it strikes a balance between keeping your Brief concise and fully exploring your real life goals. These statements are bold commitments that you make to yourself, not just tentative hopes or vague wishes. For example, “I want to be happy” is too vague to be useful; “I want to laugh out loud every day of my life” is a much stronger and more concrete statement.

(Shortform note: A neurological reason why five statements might be effective for a Life Brief is that it’s close to the common estimate of how many pieces of information the average person can hold in their working memory at any one time. This means you’ll be able to remember at least the most relevant statements when you want to apply your Brief to a difficult decision. Modern research suggests that the average working memory capacity could be anywhere from two to four ideas, although it varies from person to person.)

The author also says each of your five statements should spark excitement, but also a sense of nervousness. That combination of emotions suggests you’ve come up with something that deeply resonates with you, and that will inspire you to keep growing as a person. Conversely, if something in your Life Brief feels comfortable and achievable, you probably haven’t pushed yourself far enough.

(Shortform note: In The 10X Rule, entrepreneur and sales coach Grant Cardone gives a couple of reasons why big, intimidating goals are more effective than goals that feel reasonable. For one thing, challenging goals will motivate you to work harder and push yourself beyond what you think you’re capable of. Another reason is that falling short of a 10X goal still means you’ve probably accomplished more than you would have by meeting a reasonable goal—for instance, if you only get halfway to a goal of making $10 million, you’ve done better than someone who achieves a goal of making $1 million.)

Finally, says Wan, note that your five statements can change over time. It’s therefore important to review and revise your Life Brief on a regular basis. Doing so will ensure that it continues to serve your deepest needs and doesn’t just become another rigid set of rules for you to follow.

Such changes might happen when you fulfill one of your needs and a new one takes its place, when you experience a major life change that alters what you want, or when you realize that you’ve grown as a person. For instance, a statement about career success might, over time, change to one about job satisfaction. In this case, you’ve recognized that you no longer feel a driving need for accomplishments or accolades—you just want to keep doing what you love.

(Shortform note: Wan says that your needs (and therefore your five statements) are likely to change over time, but how do you know when it’s time to revise your Life Brief? In The Desire Map, Danielle LaPorte writes that your feelings will tell you when something’s no longer right for you. Therefore, if one of your statements begins to bring up feelings of boredom, frustration, or dismay, it’s probably time for an update. LaPorte adds that connecting with your emotions should be an ongoing, everyday process, not just something you do when you need to review your life plans; she recommends that you constantly seek out new emotional experiences through books, music, art, and so on.)

Write a Catchy Hook

Along with your five statements, Wan says you’ll need to write a hook: a short, evocative phrase that reminds you of your core values and goals. When you have to quickly make a decision, or when you feel yourself drifting away from your goals, you can think of this phrase and instantly reconnect with what’s most important to you.

Note that the hook actually goes at the beginning of your Life Brief. However, it’s better to craft your statements first so you know exactly what ideas the hook will encapsulate.

(Shortform note: If the goals and values in your Life Brief matter so much, why would you need a reminder in the first place? In First Things First, educator and businessman Stephen R. Covey explains that urgency creates the illusion of importance—time-sensitive tasks feel very important, even if there won’t be any consequences for ignoring them. Therefore, an ongoing chain of urgent events can distract you from your true desires. For example, modern video games often exploit this principle by running limited-time events so people feel compelled to play more. In this example, you could remember your Life Brief’s hook and immediately realize you have better things to do than sacrifice time to a video game’s special event.)

Wan also gives some advice to help make your hook memorable and meaningful. One suggestion is to imagine your hook on a hoodie or a sticker—come up with something that you’d want to buy if you saw it in a store, just because it’s so perfect for you. This approach will ensure that your hook is simple and concise, but still emotionally powerful.

Another tip Wan gives is to intentionally write your hook with awkward phrasing or incorrect grammar. Unusual and unexpected wording will make the phrase memorable. For example, instead of “What brings me joy comes first; what others think I should do comes later,” you might just write “Joy first; ‘should’ later.”

Finally, your hook doesn’t have to be completely original. Feel free to draw from song lyrics, your favorite book or movie, a famous quote, or whatever else you want. All that matters is that it sticks in your mind and motivates you.

Your Personal Mission Statement

Wan uses marketing terminology here, but what she describes is essentially the same thing as a personal mission statement: a sentence or two that encapsulates your core values and life goals. Thinking about your Brief’s hook from this perspective can provide valuable insights, since other authors have already written about crafting effective mission statements.

For instance, in Find Your Why, Simon Sinek says a strong personal mission statement should have the following four characteristics, which closely echo Wan’s suggestions for your hook:

1. Your personal mission statement should be short and easy to understand.

2. It should highlight the positive impact you intend to have.

3. It should be meaningful to you.

4. It should be something you strive toward in everything you do.

At its most basic, such a statement could be a single sentence that just says what you want to accomplish, for whom, and why. For example, your mission statement might be to keep your family happy and healthy because they are the most important thing to you.

Step 3: Take Action

So far, we’ve discussed Wan’s methods for sifting through the chaos in your mind and coming up with a concise, actionable Life Brief. In this final section, we’ll show how to use your Brief effectively.

We’ll start by explaining your Life Brief’s dual purpose: guiding you toward the life you want and away from distractions that might hinder your progress. Next, we’ll discuss your Life Brief’s key limitation, which is that it only guides your personal decisions—there’s no guarantee that anyone else will do what you want them to. We’ll conclude with a word of caution from the author: You’ll face periods of fear and doubt as you live your Brief. It’s crucial not to give up during those hard times, but instead to push through and keep working toward the life you want.

How to Use Your Life Brief

Wan explains that your Life Brief serves two complementary purposes: It guides you toward decisions and opportunities that support your true values, and helps you avoid activities that don’t serve your goals.

One effective way to use your Brief in your daily life is to arrange your tasks into three categories, using your five statements as a guide. Plan your day around what’s most important to you, rather than devoting your limited time to unimportant distractions or other people’s demands.

Tasks that directly align with your Life Brief, or that you need to handle as soon as possible, are things you need to do. Tasks that indirectly support your goals or that you just enjoy doing are things you’d like to do. Finally, tasks that don’t align with any of your five statements, aren’t urgent, and aren’t particularly enjoyable are things you can do later.

(Shortform note: While categorizing your tasks, don’t overlook the importance of resting. Rest is a crucial activity that protects your well-being and supports your goals. Being well-rested makes you more creative, more efficient, and better able to solve problems, all of which helps you effectively live out your Life Brief. Furthermore, if you don’t regularly get enough rest, you risk burnout. While many people think burnout is just another word for exhaustion, it’s a serious condition that can leave you unable to work for weeks or even months at a time—and, therefore, unable to keep building the life you’ve outlined in your Brief.)

With that said, it’s impossible to plan out every moment of every day, and Wan doesn’t expect you to try. In fact, she says one of the Life Brief’s greatest benefits is that it helps you take advantage of unexpected opportunities. When life presents you with something you didn’t plan for—such as a job offer, a party invitation, or even just the chance to take a day off from work—think about how it aligns with your five statements. You can then accept or turn down that opportunity with confidence, because you’ll know you’ve made the decision that best serves you.

(Shortform note: Another way to help you recognize and take advantage of unexpected opportunities is to maintain an optimistic mindset. The connection between optimism and success is strong enough that many people believe optimists are naturally luckier than pessimists (or that naturally lucky people tend to become optimistic). However, at least one study has shown that it’s not about luck at all. In The Luck Factor, Richard Wiseman (the author of that study) says that optimists are simply more likely to pursue unexpected opportunities, whereas pessimists tend to ignore them on the assumption that they won’t pan out.)

Focus on Internal Agency, Not External Desires

While your Life Brief can guide you toward the kind of life you really want, Wan also reminds you that it only affects your decisions—you can’t control what other people do or how they treat you. Therefore, she urges you to shift your focus from external desires (what you want from other people and circumstances outside your control) to internal agency: how you want to act, what you want to prioritize, and what kind of impact you want to make on the world.

Because of your limited sphere of influence, major life changes must happen through a complex process of give-and-take with the world around you. When you change the way you live, you invite others to change how they respond to you. However, people may not always respond the way you hope, and you can’t “Brief” them into behaving differently. All you can do is trust in yourself and your Brief, and keep working toward the life you want to live.

For example, suppose you’re unhappy with your current job and have decided that a career change is right for you. In this situation, you can’t force anyone to give you the job you want (your external desire)—all you can do is prioritize your job search and strive to act like the kind of person a potential employer would want to hire.

Tip: Say “Let Them” and “Let Me”

In The Let Them Theory, self-help expert Mel Robbins presents a framework to help you focus on what you can do for yourself, rather than what you wish other people would do for you. Robbins says you can accomplish this by remembering two simple statements: “let them” and “let me.”

Let them: This statement reminds you that you can’t control the people around you. It also reassures you that you don’t need to control others—you can simply “let them” do what they’re doing, and free yourself from the feeling that their behaviors or decisions are problems you need to fix.

Let me: This statement reminds you that, just like you’re powerless to control others, they’re similarly powerless to control you. Once you accept that someone else isn’t going to do what you want, you can say “let me…” and complete the sentence with how you plan to proceed.

Taken together, these phrases shift your focus away from what you wish would happen to what you can make happen in your current circumstances.

Be Prepared for Doubt and Grief

No matter how well you write your Life Brief and how closely you follow it, your progress won’t be as fast or as steady as you might hope. In fact, Wan warns that you’ll face moments when you feel like you aren’t making progress at all: Your goals might seem unreachable, obstacles might look insurmountable, or you might wonder if you made terrible mistakes with what you chose to prioritize and discard.

However, the author says these periods of self-doubt and resistance are normal parts of the Life Brief process, and that such feelings often signal that you’re on the verge of a major breakthrough—you just need to work through the natural discomfort that comes with big changes (your life’s “growing pains”).

(Shortform note: Wan’s main concern here is that feeling stuck will prompt you to give up on your Life Brief, so she advises working through your doubts and internal resistance. However, in Anatomy of a Breakthrough, Adam Alter says the opposite might happen: Feeling stuck causes you to panic, so you try to force progress by working even harder and making hasty, poorly considered decisions. His advice, therefore, is not to keep working like you were before, but to deliberately slow down. Alter urges you to carefully take stock of your current situation and all available options, think carefully, and make a clear decision about how to proceed before you resume working.)

Alternatively, you may need to pause and mourn what you’re losing before you can fully embrace what comes next. Even things that aren’t really what you want can feel important, especially if they’ve been part of your life for a long time, and it’s normal to regret leaving those things behind. When feelings of resistance or grief arise, Wan says you should go back to the journaling exercise from Step 1: Identify the emotion, seek out the thoughts or ideas attached to it, and write them down as they come to you. Give yourself permission to fully and genuinely experience whatever you’re feeling for however long you need to. When it passes, you’ll be ready for the next step of your new life.

Work Through Negative Feelings by Accepting Them

As Wan says, feelings of doubt, fear, and grief are inevitable, and such feelings might tempt you to give up on your plans for a happier life. In Radical Acceptance, Tara Brach also acknowledges that negative feelings are a part of life. Then, drawing from Buddhist mindfulness practices, she teaches a method to accept those difficult emotions without letting them control your actions.

You can maintain control of yourself by accepting all of your moment-to-moment thoughts and emotions while also recognizing that you don’t need to act on what you think or feel. This practice has two key components: recognition, which means clearly understanding your inner experiences, and compassion, which means responding to those experiences with kindness and love rather than judgment and self-doubt. In this way, you can understand that negative thoughts and feelings are merely passing experiences, and not problems that must be immediately fixed.

One way to build these skills is to practice mindfulness meditation: Sit comfortably, breathe deeply, and pay close attention to what you think and feel. Do so without judgment. For instance, if you realize that you’re feeling angry about something, just accept that emotion for what it is instead of trying to make it go away. Practicing mindfulness meditation for a few minutes each day can help you develop the self-awareness and self-control to push through the difficult times that come with working your Life Brief.