PDF Summary:The Gifts of Imperfection, by Brené Brown

Released in 2010, The Gifts of Imperfection is a New York Times bestseller by researcher, speaker, and author Brené Brown. The book explores the theory and practices behind “Wholehearted living”: a concept Brown devised after years of research into shame, vulnerability, and self-worth. According to Brown, living Wholeheartedly will help you to cultivate worthiness: the conviction that you are good enough as you are and that you deserve to be loved.

In this guide, we’ll explore how Brown conceives worthiness and shame and how her approach to these topics compares to her contemporaries' work. Furthermore, we’ll discuss Brown’s 10 strategies for living Wholeheartedly and the research that underpins (and occasionally challenges) them.

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Creativity isn’t just beneficial to your sense of individuality: Research has shown that being creative can improve your mental and physical health in various other ways, too. For instance, a 2010 review of the existing literature on creativity and health found that being creative has beneficial effects like:

• Helping people to process trauma

• Reducing anxiety

• Enabling people to express difficult thoughts and emotions

• Reducing stress and compassion fatigue among carers

One study even found that being creative can increase the CD4+ lymphocyte count of HIV patients—in effect, strengthening their immune systems.

3) Use Intuition

According to Brown, to live Wholeheartedly, you must accept and trust your intuition: the powerful “gut feeling” that you—usually unconsciously and automatically—develop about situations. (Shortform note: Brown’s definition of intuition mirrors Malcolm Gladwell’s concept of unconscious thinking, as expressed in Blink. Both authors view this type of thinking as a powerful process that helps us make good decisions quickly, without realizing we’re doing it.)

Brown argues that many of us ignore intuition because we don’t trust it: We don’t feel certain that our gut feeling is right. Instinctively, humans hate uncertainty—and that hatred makes us reject the “uncertain” gut feeling. To overcome this fear of uncertainty (and, consequently, become comfortable with following our intuition), Brown suggests embracing faith: the belief that things will work out, even if you can’t be certain that they will.

(Shortform note: Brown doesn’t explore in detail the link between embracing faith and embracing intuition. However, having faith may help you to use intuition because you become willing to act on your gut feeling, despite the risk that it’s wrong, because you have faith that it might be right.)

Theme #2: Develop Inner Strength

Brown’s next three strategies for living Wholeheartedly all involve developing inner strength: the fortitude necessary to fight unhealthy emotional processes and adopt healthy ones instead.

4) Combat Perfectionism

Brown’s first strategy for developing inner strength is combating perfectionism. Brown argues that perfectionism is harmful because it’s founded on completely unrealistic expectations: You’re never going to be perfect (or even appear to be perfect). However, according to Brown, the perfectionist mindset won’t concede that it sets unrealistic standards. Instead, it tells you that you don’t appear perfect because you aren’t good enough, causing you to blame, shame, and judge yourself.

(Shortform note: As well as causing you to shame, blame, and judge yourself, perfectionism can have various other negative effects. Research has linked it to increased vulnerability to depression and eating disorders, as well as increased suicide risk.)

So, how can we fight perfectionism? According to Brown, showing yourself compassion can help you to embrace your imperfections, rather than punish yourself for them or hide them. One way to show self-compassion is to engage in positive self-talk—talk that’s encouraging and kind about yourself and your flaws, rather than critical and judgmental.

(Shortform note: Engaging in compassionate self-talk can do more than just help you fight perfectionism. According to Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves in their book Emotional Intelligence 2.0, positive self-talk can also help you to overcome challenging times and keep your mood positive day-to-day.)

5) Build Resilience

Brown’s next strategy for living Wholeheartedly is building resilience. While Brown presents various strategies for doing this, she argues that the most important one is embracing spirituality. She defines spirituality as recognizing the existence of a higher power that connects us all. (The “higher power” in this equation could be a religious power, such as a god, but it doesn’t have to be.) According to Brown, the feeling of connection to others and a higher power that spirituality brings makes overcoming tough times feel easier: Being resilient is less challenging if you feel you’re not alone.

(Shortform note: Embracing spirituality or religion may have more benefits to mental health than just increasing resilience: Research links spirituality to decreased levels of depression and anxiety. However, the picture isn’t clear-cut: Some forms of spirituality, such as strict religious observance, may trigger or worsen mental health issues.)

6) Practice Stillness and Calm

Brown’s final strategy for developing inner strength and living Wholeheartedly is fighting anxiety by practicing stillness and calm. According to Brown, practicing stillness means taking the time to be still and quiet. This might take the form of praying, meditating, or quietly reflecting. (Shortform note: Research confirms that various types of stillness—such as meditation, prayer, and mindfulness—can reduce symptoms of stress, anxiety, and depression.)

Meanwhile, in Brown’s view, calmness involves stopping yourself from acting on strong, reactionary negative emotions such as anger or fear: for instance, stopping yourself from reacting to bad news by lashing out at the messenger. To stop yourself from being harmfully reactionary, Brown suggests taking a moment to breathe before you react to things. This gives you the time to think before you act and analyze whether acting on your emotions is the right approach.

Other Ways to Keep Calm

Pausing before you react isn’t the only way to promote calmness. Daniel Goleman, the author of Emotional Intelligence, recommends challenging your anxious thoughts to promote calmness. For instance, if anxiety makes you think, “this situation is a disaster,” you might challenge the thought by asking, “is this situation really that bad? Will I even remember it in a week, a month, or a year?”

Approaching a loved one and asking for a hug may also help you to keep calm. In The Body Keeps the Score, Bessel van der Kolk argues that physical touch such as hugging has a soothing effect, helping even victims of trauma to feel protected and calm.

Theme #3: Foster Happiness and Joy

Brown’s final four strategies for Wholehearted living all promote happiness or joy. (Note that Brown conceives happiness and joy as two distinct emotions, as we’ll discuss when we explore practicing gratitude.)

7) Find Meaningful Work That Uses Your Gifts and Talents

One strategy for finding happiness and living Wholeheartedly is finding meaningful work that enables you to use your gifts and talents. This might be paid work: However, it doesn’t have to be. Meaningful work can be anything from parenting, to volunteering, to engaging in a hobby.

According to Brown, failing to find meaningful work that uses your gifts and talents can trigger numerous negative emotions, like shame and anger. In contrast, finding meaningful work can provide such benefits as increased happiness and an increased sense of purpose.

Meaningful Work and Worthiness

In this section, Brown doesn’t explicitly address how finding meaningful work that uses your gifts and talents (or not doing so) can impact your worthiness. However, she implies that not finding meaningful work affects your worthiness negatively. By not incorporating your talents into your daily life through such work, you may believe that you’re not contributing your full potential to the world, making you feel a sense of worthlessness.

Conversely, each time you engage in meaningful work, you’ll be reminded that you’re good at something: the gift or talent that this work uses. This will increase your sense of worthiness.

8) Embrace Rest and Play

Brown’s next strategy for living Wholeheartedly and finding happiness in the process is embracing rest and play. By “play,” Brown means doing things that you enjoy that have no real purpose. By “rest,” she means getting enough sleep to feel refreshed. She argues that rest is important because sleep deprivation can have serious health effects such as depression, diabetes, and heart disease.

(Shortform note: Other negative effects of sleep deprivation, as outlined by Matthew Walker in Why We Sleep, include inhibited emotional control, reduced fertility in both men and women, a weakened immune system, and, in teenagers, increased suicidal ideation.)

Brown notes that many of us eschew play and rest because they’re not productive activities—and society teaches us that we need to be productive at all times. However, she argues that you’re more likely to be productive, focus, and produce high-quality work if you’re feeling happy and refreshed thanks to rest and play.

(Shortform note: Research backs up Brown’s assertion that getting enough rest and play will aid your productivity, not harm it. Various brain functions, such as decision-making, focus, and problem-solving, are enhanced when you get lots of sleep—and these are all processes that will help you to perform at your best in the workplace. Likewise, studies have suggested that play enhances workplace productivity by encouraging creativity and innovative thinking.)

9) Practice Gratitude and Feel Joy

According to Brown, practicing gratitude involves frequently making time to recognize all of the things you’re grateful for. For instance, you could keep a gratitude journal or do a regular gratitude meditation. According to Brown, being grateful is beneficial because it breeds joy: a deep contentment with life that’s specifically brought on by practicing gratitude. (This makes joy distinct from happiness, which is brought on by specific and short-term circumstances—for example, getting a good appraisal at work.)

(Shortform note: Brown seems to be unique in defining joy as a positive emotion specifically linked to practicing gratitude. In fact, the Merriam-Webster dictionary definition of joy seems to fit closer with Brown’s definition of happiness. It describes joy as a positive feeling sparked by things like being fortunate or finding success: short-term circumstances that Brown links to happiness, not joy.)

The Other Benefits of Gratitude

Feeling joyful may not be the only benefit of practicing gratitude. Research suggests that gratitude has a wide range of benefits to mental and physical health. One study found that practicing gratitude improved participants’ overall mood and the quality of their sleep.

Another study noted that practicing gratitude reduces symptoms of anxiety and depression, possibly because it encourages a mindset of self-compassion rather than self-criticism: Presumably, practicing gratitude includes being grateful for yourself, too.

10) Laugh, Sing, and Dance

Brown’s final strategy for living Wholeheartedly and finding happiness is making the time to laugh, sing, and dance. According to Brown, these practices are beneficial because the sense of emotional connection they provide can help you to manage difficult feelings. For example, finding a song that matches your sad mood and singing or dancing along will remind you that you’re not the only person to have struggled. This sense of connection may give you the strength you need to work through your sadness. Furthermore, Brown notes that laughing, singing, and dancing with another person creates a shared emotional experience that strengthens your connection.

(Shortform note: The acts of laughing, singing, and dancing also have many benefits to mental and physical health. For instance, research has demonstrated that laughing reduces the number of stress hormones in our blood while also producing endorphins, which can boost mood and help us to fight depression. Meanwhile, singing has physical health benefits such as improving posture, increasing breathing capacity, and having increased control over breathing. Finally, dancing can improve everything from your bone strength, to the health of your lungs, to your balance.)