PDF Summary:Permission to Feel, by Marc Brackett

Most of us experience emotions every day, but we rarely stop to consider how they shape our thoughts, behaviors, and overall well-being. In Permission to Feel, Marc Brackett explains how understanding and managing your emotions can improve your life, from your physical health to your relationships and work performance.

Brackett introduces the RULER framework—a five-step approach to emotional intelligence that includes recognizing, understanding, labeling, expressing, and regulating emotions. He explains how emotions affect cognition and decision-making, and how developing emotional skills can benefit students, teachers, workplace leaders, and employees alike. This guide explores the science behind emotions and provides practical tools for building emotional intelligence in educational, professional, and social settings.

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This phenomenon also has a physical component. These negative emotions cause our brains to release the stress hormone cortisol. This hinders the prefrontal cortex's ability to process information effectively, which weakens our capacity to concentrate and absorb information. Moderate stress may improve our concentration, but when it becomes chronic, it's harmful and biologically inhibits learning.

(Shortform note: Neuroscientist Amy F. T. Arnsten explains that when cortisol levels are high for a prolonged period, the hormone binds to receptors on neurons in the prefrontal cortex. This changes the neurons’ internal chemistry, making their connections less stable and their firing patterns less consistent. This instability undermines the prefrontal cortex’s ability to maintain sustained, flexible focus—the kind of focus that learning requires.)

Consequences of Emotional Regulation Strategies

Brackett argues that emotional regulation strategies can have consequences that are either positive or negative. For example, some strategies, like avoidance, can be helpful in the short term but harmful over time. Avoidance can prevent you from facing problems that require your attention. Reframing might also be harmful if it leads you to deny or ignore issues that require attention. Additionally, distraction can be harmful if it prevents you from dealing with challenging emotions or situations.

Choosing the Right Strategy

If you’re unsure which strategy to use, consider the following research on emotion-regulation choice. Sheppes et al. argue that people choose emotion regulation strategies based on the intensity of their emotions and the degree of control they have over the situation. They suggest that strategies involving meaning-making and reinterpretation are more effective when emotional intensity is low to moderate and when you have some control over the situation. In contrast, strategies that shift attention away from emotional material are more effective when emotional intensity is high or when the situation is difficult to change.

The RULER Framework for Emotional Intelligence

Let's now explore RULER, its implementation, and its applications in educational, workplace, and community settings.

Defining the Approach to Emotional Skills Known as RULER

Brackett outlines the RULER skills, which are recognizing, understanding, labeling, expressing, and regulating feelings. Recognizing emotions means observing shifts in your mental state, energy levels, or physicality, or in another person's expressions, gestures, or tone. Understanding emotions means knowing their cause and perceiving their impact on our thinking and choices. Labeling emotions involves linking emotional experiences to specific descriptive terms.

Expressing emotions involves understanding the timing and method of revealing them, based on the environment, the individuals present, and the broader circumstances. Regulating emotions requires watching, moderating, and changing emotional responses beneficially to achieve individual and career objectives.

The initial trio of skills—recognizing, understanding, and labeling—assists us in accurately deciphering our own emotions as well as those of others. The final two abilities, expressing and regulating, guide us in handling emotions to accomplish our goals.

The Dark Side of Emotional Intelligence

One potential downside of the RULER skills is that they can be used to manipulate others. For example, researchers found that people who are skilled at recognizing, expressing, and regulating emotions are more likely to use these skills to manipulate others for personal gain. This is because they can use their understanding of emotions to influence others' behavior and decisions. For example, a person who is skilled at recognizing emotions may be able to identify when someone is feeling vulnerable and use this information to manipulate them into doing something they wouldn't normally do. Similarly, a person who is skilled at expressing emotions may be able to use their emotional expressions to elicit sympathy or support from others, even if they don't genuinely feel the emotions they are expressing.

Afterward, let's explore the core processes of emotional abilities and the social dimensions of conveying feelings.

Core Processes of Emotional Skill

Brackett explains that the RULER framework outlines five core emotional skills: recognizing, understanding, labeling, conveying, and controlling feelings. Recognizing involves noticing changes in your mind, physical state, or vitality, or in another person’s face, tone, or posture. Understanding means knowing what causes feelings and how they affect our thinking and choices.

Labeling involves connecting what you feel to precise terms that describe it. Expressing emotions requires understanding when to reveal them and the method for doing so, considering the circumstances, those present, and the broader context. Finally, regulating emotions involves tracking, moderating, and altering your responses to emotions constructively to achieve objectives in both your personal and professional life.

The Pitfalls of Constantly Conveying and Controlling Feelings

Brackett’s emphasis on conveying and controlling feelings to achieve personal and professional goals can be problematic. In The Managed Heart, Arlie Russell Hochschild introduces the concept of “emotional labor,” which refers to the process of managing emotions to meet the expectations of others, often in a professional context. Hochschild argues that this constant shaping of one’s emotional expressions to fit external demands can lead to emotional exhaustion and a sense of inauthenticity. When individuals feel compelled to display emotions they don’t genuinely feel, they may experience a disconnect between their inner experiences and outward expressions, leading to a sense of estrangement from their own feelings.

Social Dimensions of Emotional Expression

Brackett argues that how we convey our emotions is influenced by social and cultural factors. Cultures have different rules about which emotions are appropriate to convey and how to convey them. We interpret the emotions of individuals from the same culture as us more accurately. We're more inclined to express emotions that our culture values.

Additionally, people tend to notice anger more often in men and melancholy in women. In the U.S., people tend to perceive African Americans' emotional expressions as angry.

Research on Social and Cultural Factors and Emotional Expression

Research supports the idea that social and cultural factors influence how we express and interpret emotions. In one experiment, participants were shown images of people from different cultures expressing emotions. The participants were more accurate at identifying the emotions of people from their own culture. In another experiment, participants were shown images of people expressing emotions and asked to identify the emotions. The participants were more likely to identify anger in men and sadness in women. In a third experiment, participants were shown images of people of different races expressing emotions. The participants were more likely to identify anger in African Americans.

Implementing the RULER Model

RULER in Learning Settings

Brackett believes that RULER benefits both educators and students. Research shows that RULER enhances students' social problem-solving, work ethic, academic performance, and emotional awareness. It also improves the classroom climate, reducing aggression and teacher stress levels. Teachers who have cultivated emotional skills report reduced burnout and higher job satisfaction. Additionally, they have a greater number of uplifting feelings as they instruct and gain more backing from their principals. When emotional skills are present in school leaders, educators say they're more inspired and satisfied with their jobs, and feel less frustrated. Teacher-student relationships are friendlier, classrooms are more organized, and teachers implement additional methods that encourage creativity, choice, and autonomy.

(Shortform note: While RULER can benefit teachers, it could also backfire if it’s used to require teachers to manage their emotions without addressing other issues that contribute to teacher burnout, such as large class sizes and heavy workloads. In The Managed Heart, Arlie Russell Hochschild argues that when institutions require workers to manage and display prescribed emotions as part of their job, they transform feeling into a commodity. Over time, this commodification of emotional life can create psychological strain, foster a sense of inauthenticity, and lead workers to feel alienated from their own emotions, as if their very capacity to feel has been subordinated to organizational control and used up in the service of the job.)

When students develop stronger bonds with their teachers, they become more invested in and dedicated to school, adapt more effectively socially, and are inclined to embrace challenges and persevere through adversity. Additionally, they're less disruptive, concentrate more, and achieve greater academic success.

(Shortform note: While educational researchers agree that strong teacher-student bonds are beneficial, some research articles and academic papers suggest that the effects of these bonds on student behavior and academic success are less pronounced in secondary schools with large class sizes and limited teacher-student interaction.)

RULER in Professional and Societal Contexts

Brackett asserts that recognizing and comprehending emotions is crucial for workplace success. Leaders with emotional intelligence inspire a greater sense of positivity in their employees, leading to greater engagement and new ideas. They also inspire fewer negative emotions, reducing stress, unethical actions, and the fear of voicing opinions.

Employees who feel good in the workplace tend to stay at their jobs, while those who feel negative emotions often leave. High turnover poses a significant challenge for businesses, so leaders who have emotional awareness are essential for retaining employees. They’re also better at handling difficult conversations and delivering feedback that fosters employee growth. They understand how to soothe others when they're upset and recognize the impact their choices and actions have on people. This creates a positive work environment where employees are supported and valued.

Is Emotional Intelligence Always Essential for Employee Retention?

While Brackett argues that recognizing and comprehending emotions is crucial for workplace success, organizational behavior researchers suggest that this may not always be the case. In some industries, employees may feel compelled to stay in their jobs due to financial pressures and a lack of alternative employment options, even if their leaders don’t recognize or comprehend emotions. A research article on employee turnover highlights that in certain labor markets, workers may feel trapped in their current positions due to economic constraints, even if they experience negative emotions at work. This suggests that while emotional intelligence is important, other factors like job security and financial stability can sometimes outweigh the impact of workplace emotions on employee retention. The paper also notes that in some cases, employees may become accustomed to negative emotional climates and develop coping mechanisms that allow them to remain in their jobs despite a lack of emotional support from leadership. This challenges the idea that emotional intelligence is always the primary driver of employee retention.