PDF Summary:Managing Up, by Mary Abbajay

Your relationship with your boss significantly impacts your career success and daily work experience. Yet many people struggle to work effectively with their managers, especially when their boss has a difficult personality or a style that clashes with their own. In Managing Up, Mary Abbajay offers a practical framework for building productive working relationships with any type of supervisor.

Abbajay explains that managing up isn't about manipulation—it's about understanding your boss's preferences and adapting your approach accordingly. She walks you through a three-step process for assessing your manager's workstyle, evaluating your own tendencies, and taking strategic action to bridge the gap between you. You'll learn how to work with different boss archetypes, navigate challenging behaviors, and adjust your communication style to match your supervisor's needs—ultimately taking control of your work experience and advancing your career.

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Working Effectively With Different Boss Styles & Behaviors

Abbajay explains that different boss styles require different managing up strategies. For example, some bosses are more laissez-faire, which can be a good or bad thing depending on how much guidance you need. Some managers adopt a hands-off approach on purpose because they want to give you autonomy. Others take a hands-off approach because they’re too busy, apathetic, or not interested in managing people.

When your supervisor is hands-off, do your job and take initiative. Request time to meet with your supervisor and come ready. If you collaborate with others, support your team members and encourage building solid bonds.

(Shortform note: While taking initiative can be a good thing, it can also backfire. In an academic paper, researchers explain that laissez-faire leadership can be destructive because it can lead to role overload. This happens when employees take on extra responsibilities to compensate for their supervisor’s lack of involvement. This can lead to stress and burnout, especially if the extra work isn’t formally recognized or supported by the organization.)

Next, let’s explore the different boss archetypes and styles, and how to navigate them.

Boss Archetypes & Energy Styles

Communication by Energy Style

Abbajay notes that introverted and extroverted bosses differ in how they express themselves and direct their energy. Introverts are usually quiet, reserved, and reflective, while extroverts are outgoing, talkative, and action-oriented.

Introverted bosses give you space to work, avoid wasting time on small talk, consider their words carefully, and listen to you. However, they might struggle with conveying information, be unfriendly, and seem closed off. Extroverted bosses, by contrast, are usually friendly, communicative, and welcoming. They like connecting with their employees, passing along knowledge, and developing connections. They also have large networks and concentrate on being action-oriented. However, they may be too talkative, share information too soon, and act too hastily.

Strong Situations Limit Personality Expression

While Abbajay’s descriptions of introverted and extroverted bosses are generally accurate, organizational researchers note that they may not apply in all workplaces. In a literature review, researchers explain that in “strong situations,” where there are strict rules, norms, and scripts, people have little room to express their personalities. For example, in a highly regulated workplace, an introverted boss may not be able to give you space to work, and an extroverted boss may not be able to share information with you. In these situations, the differences between introverted and extroverted bosses may be less noticeable, and their behaviors may not align with the patterns Abbajay describes.

Accommodating Workstyle Archetypes

Abbajay stresses the importance of adjusting to your manager's workstyle to strengthen your working relationship. Workstyle character pertains to the behavior patterns individuals usually employ when engaging with colleagues. It's like an operating system that determines how we engage with and respond to the world around us.

People vary in their desires and requirements and in how they communicate those desires and requirements. It's crucial to comprehend the ways in which you and your supervisor are similar or different so you can modify your actions appropriately. You should engage with your boss in the manner they prefer, which might differ from your own preferences. It's focused on your boss rather than yourself.

The Downside of Adapting to Your Manager's Workstyle Character

While Abbajay emphasizes the importance of adapting to your manager's workstyle character, this approach can have significant downsides. If you constantly engage with your boss in the manner they prefer, you may be forced to engage in emotional labor, which can lead to burnout. Emotional labor refers to the effort required to manage your emotions and behavior to meet the expectations of others, often at the expense of your own well-being. When you consistently suppress your own workstyle character to accommodate your boss's preferences, you may experience increased stress, reduced job satisfaction, and a higher risk of burnout. Research shows that emotional labor can have serious consequences for employees. A journal article by researchers Céleste M. Brotheridge and Alicia A. Grandey found that employees who engage in high levels of emotional labor are more likely to experience emotional exhaustion, depersonalization, and reduced personal accomplishment.

Navigating the Challenges of a Tough Supervisor

Abbajay points out that challenging bosses often lack self-awareness or emotional intelligence. Most companies advance employees for their technical capabilities rather than their management abilities. This means you'll probably encounter bosses who are mediocre or difficult more often than great ones.

However, developing the ability to handle a challenging boss is a valuable skill. You must increase your efforts, self-reflect, and make deliberate decisions. You'll gain a deep understanding of your resilience, values, preferences, strengths, weaknesses, and adaptability. You'll also develop tactics to handle other challenging individuals in your life. Most importantly, you'll discover what type of leader you aspire to be when you get the opportunity. Almost all of the book's interviewees said their most effective leadership instructor was the manager they disliked most. While the situation might be awful, the insights can be invaluable.

(Shortform note: While learning to handle a challenging boss can be a valuable skill, there are situations where it’s not worth the effort. If your boss’s behavior crosses the line into chronic abuse or demeaning treatment, it’s not a growth opportunity—it’s a toxic environment. In these cases, trying to “manage up” can be harmful to your well-being and career. Instead, focus on protecting yourself and exploring other options. Remember, you deserve to work in an environment where you’re respected and valued. Don’t let a bad boss convince you otherwise.)

Next, we’ll look at how to strategically respond to challenging conduct from your manager.

Strategic Responses to Challenging Conduct by Your Boss

Abbajay suggests that you start by identifying the motivations behind your manager's impulsive behavior. Some bosses are impulsive because they’re creative and thrive on change. Others become bored easily, lack expertise, or have ADHD.

(Shortform note: In some workplaces, it may be inappropriate to attribute your manager’s impulsive behavior to ADHD. For example, if you work in a country with strong privacy and disability-discrimination laws, you may be expected to focus on your manager’s behavior rather than their diagnosis. Only a clinical evaluation can determine whether your manager’s impulsive behavior is related to ADHD.)

Then, you can use methods to address your manager's impulsive behavior. Abbajay notes that supervisors with impulsive tendencies frequently aim to create positive change. They could be inclined to undertake novel, unique, and innovative activities. Their expansive craving for transformation and new ideas might obscure their capacity to maintain any single transformation until it's completed. They might tire quickly and feel invigorated by taking a break from regular tasks, specifics, and procedures. They might be inexperienced in their position, and their impulsiveness might originate from wanting to demonstrate their capabilities. Or, they may have attention-deficit disorder (ADD), which can manifest as impulsivity in the workplace.

(Shortform note: While impulsivity is a symptom of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), it’s unlikely that your boss has this disorder. ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder that affects a person's ability to focus, control impulses, and regulate their energy levels. The term "ADD" is outdated and no longer used in clinical settings. The current diagnostic term is ADHD, which encompasses both inattentive and hyperactive-impulsive symptoms. While impulsivity can be a feature of ADHD, it’s just one aspect of a complex condition. Most impulsive bosses likely do not meet the full criteria for an ADHD diagnosis.)

To manage these behaviors, attempt to view your boss's actions as a beneficial force you need to transform into something advantageous. If your employer is impulsive like a tornado, hold on until it calms. Remain composed and avoid panicking. Try not to let frustration with your impulsive boss lead you to reject new ideas and innovation. Consider how frequently your manager's changes and caprices yield positive results. When your manager is enthusiastic about a fresh concept, try to share in their enthusiasm. Allow your supervisor to discuss and develop the idea further. Pose a few thought-provoking inquiries regarding the concept.

(Shortform note: In Leading with Questions, Michael J. Marquardt argues that leaders who respond to rapid change and uncertainty not by reacting or judging but by asking focused, reflective questions convert scattered ideas into shared insight, strengthen long-term strategic judgment, and create the conditions for wiser collective action. When you treat your boss’s tornado-like ideas as raw material and respond with incisive questions, you’re practicing the same skills Marquardt says sharpen long-term strategic judgment. You’re not just surviving the storm—you’re learning to see patterns in chaos, to find the signal in the noise. This approach doesn’t just help you manage your boss—it helps you develop the kind of strategic thinking that will serve you throughout your career.)

This will help center your boss and show you the idea's significance to them. It also makes you seem like an ally. If your manager is irritable and upset, be empathetic. Your standard approach should be to reflect their attitude. Next, you might use methods for grounding them in practical considerations. After hearing what your boss says, respond with solid facts. Share the data truthfully, keeping an open mind and trying to be as neutral as you can.

(Shortform note: The authors of Crucial Conversations disagree with Abbajay’s advice to reflect your boss’s attitude. They argue that in emotionally charged conversations, the only person you can control is yourself. When others become upset, angry, or defensive, you must not mirror their emotional state. Instead, you should deliberately choose your own story and your own behavior—staying calm, curious, and respectful, focusing on facts, listening carefully, and working to restore safety so that the dialogue can move forward productively rather than escalating the conflict.)

When you can, offer some choices that might fulfill your boss's impulse to some degree. Attempt to offer a straightforward path along with alternatives. If you believe you know the correct way forward, attempt to steer them in that direction. Impulsive bosses are best at changing direction, so they often lose focus on objectives, tasks, projects, and determinations. Make it your duty to summarize discussions, updates on initiatives, top priorities, tasks, and similar matters. Put these in writing. Reviewing is beneficial for maintaining focus, ensuring clarity, and offering confirmation.

(Shortform note: The advice to put discussions in writing and review them with your boss is supported by research on “cognitive offloading.” This is the process of using external tools or aids to reduce the mental effort required to perform a task. For example, one cognitive psychology paper found that people who wrote down their goals were more likely to achieve them than those who didn’t. This is because writing down goals helps to offload the mental effort required to remember them, freeing up cognitive resources for other tasks.)