PDF Summary:Lean In, by Sheryl Sandberg

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But as the years passed and Sandberg advanced in her career, her women peers diminished. Often she was the only woman in the room. She once asked where the women’s restroom was at a business meeting and no one knew -- no woman had ever been in that conference room before!

Sandberg realized the “revolution” in women’s equality had stalled. Women were fading out of the workforce before reaching top-level, leadership positions, stalled by internal and external barriers keeping them from advancing in their careers.

Externally, women face:

• Sexism in the workplace, both overt and subtle.
• Discrimination in the workplace.
• Sexual harassment.
• Workplaces unfriendly to the needs of parenting.
• A lack of professional mentors.
• Difficulties in getting promoted.

Internal barriers are perhaps more insidious; they’re not discussed as much and many women don’t realize these factors are holding them back. They include:

• Lack of self confidence.
• Reluctance to speak up.
• Pulling back when they should be leaning in.
• Internalizing gender-specific expectations of women.
• Lower expectations of themselves.
• Handling most of the home duties,...

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• Naivete turned to cynicism. The years that jobs demand maximum input for advancement are the same years women start families. The workplace didn’t evolve to create flexibility for women with children, and partners didn’t evolve enough to share child-rearing and home duties. Women discovered that balancing a family and career is full of sacrifices and hardships.
• Academic skills don’t translate to the workplace. Girls and women shine in the classroom, but academic success skills (compliance, raising hands) don’t translate to the workplace. Career success rewards taking risks and advocating for yourself. Girls are discouraged from these behaviors from an early age (more about this later).
• The “Leadership Ambition Gap.” Fewer women than men aspire to the senior level jobs. This bears a more in-depth look.

The “Leadership Ambition Gap”

Perhaps the biggest reason women don’t advance in the workforce is what Sandberg terms the “leadership ambition gap.” Data shows fewer women than men aspire to senior level jobs:

• A McKinsey survey showed 36 percent of male employees wanted to reach senior leadership positions, compared to 18 percent of women....

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• While men see their success as a result of talents and skills, women are more likely to cite hard work, luck, and the support of others.
• When a man fails, he is more likely to point to outside factors, like, “I didn’t study enough,” while a woman is more likely to attribute an inherent lack of ability.
• When a man receives negative feedback, he is less likely to internalize it -- accept it as his personal truth.
• In Sandberg’s experience, men bang down her door to be considered for the new opportunities, whereas women are reticent, more cautious about changing roles and being challenged.

A woman is more likely to internalize negative feedback, letting it lower her self-confidence.

Women are tough on themselves, but society mirrors this attitude. For example, Sandberg was the subject of an article that called her “lucky,” citing mentors and opportunities as reasons for her success. No one would ascribe a man’s success to these factors.

Shaking Impostor Syndrome

It’s hard to shake self-doubt, but knowing this feeling is a distortion of reality is the first step. Sandberg advises women to make an emotional and intellectual adjustment when...

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• Indira Gandhi was called “the old witch” by Nixon
• Angela Merkel is called “the iron frau”

Heidi violated our stereotypes; Howard lived up to our expectations. This bias is at the heart of why women are held back and why they hold themselves back.

Downplaying Success for Likeability

Little girls learn early on that being branded the smartest or most successful can work against them. For Sandberg, being the smartest girl in class made her a target of derision, so she muted her achievements from a young age to fit in and be liked.

This tendency to downplay success follows women from the classroom to the workplace, which creates a problem: striving for success requires women to be able to discuss their achievements, but doing so impedes their likeability -- and being liked is a critical component of leadership. When leaders are liked, they gain the support of others to get things done.

Men can claim credit for past accomplishments and be respected and liked, but women have to strike a balance between owning their success and being liked. For example, data shows that when a woman discusses previous successes in a job interview, she’s actually less...

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Eric Schmidt told her “not to be an idiot.” He said potential for growth should be the only criteria for job selection. “If you’re offered a seat on a rocket ship, you don’t ask what seat. You just get on.”

Sometimes women miss out on a great opportunity because they’re too focused on the level or title, fearing a career setback. But if the move means learning new skills, you’re actually moving forward. When Sandberg eventually left Google to become Facebook’s COO, she passed up offers from other companies willing to hire her as CEO. She took a lower position because she prioritized potential for growth and the company mission over levels and titles.

Women Are Risk-Averse

It’s often hard for women to take the necessary risks for professional growth. They are more likely to accommodate a partner’s career, and relocating may not be an option when relationships and families are the priority.

Being risk-averse also means women are reluctant to take on challenging tasks in their current job. While men look for “stretch” assignments, women tend to hang back doing what they do best, worrying if they have the skills for a new role. Since skills are acquired on the job,...

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If you’re fortunate enough to have someone interested in helping you, behave with tact and courtesy. Be mindful of your mentor’s time; don’t just get together to catch up. The best use of a mentor’s time? Give them a problem to solve. Successful leaders are good at that!

A mentor doesn’t always have to be a superstar senior exec. Career guidance can come from all around you. A subordinate can be incredibly helpful, and peers can mentor and sponsor one another.

While not widespread, there is a positive trend toward companies offering official mentoring programs that work alongside other kinds of leadership and development training. These types of programs take the pressure off women from desperately seeing a mentor.

The Male Mentor Issue

There aren’t enough women for every junior woman to be mentored by a senior-level woman. Men have to help. But this presents another mentorship hurdle for women: having a male mentor can be tricky because of the sexual context of male-female relationships. Men also fear the perception and are hesitant to have one-on-one meetings with women.

Sandberg asserts that this evasiveness must end. We all must not automatically assume a...

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LIstening is as important as speaking; hearing and understanding what the other person is saying is critical to authentic communication.

Be Prepared for Honest Feedback

As a leader, you need others to tell you when something is going wrong -- and when you’re wrong. Being aware of a problem is the first step to solving it. But getting honest feedback can hurt. To take feedback correctly, understand that it’s not an absolute truth -- it’s one person’s perception based on what was revealed to them.

It’s critical for leaders to solicit and accept feedback well, be open to hearing the truth, and take responsibility for their mistakes. Persuading people to share their honest views leads to improvement in yourself and the company.

Since no one wants to offend the boss, leaders can encourage authentic communication by speaking openly about their weaknesses. For example, Sandberg is impatient. She’s open about this with colleagues, giving them permission to bring it up, point it out, and joke about it, knowing they won’t offend her.

Another way to foster authentic communication is to publicly reward the honesty of others. For example, Sandberg had plans to open a...

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Stay in the Race and Give Yourself Options

The months and years leading up to having kids are the time to lean in, not lean back. All that time spent slowing down a career in preparation for family could be time spent building a woman’s career. Then, after she has children, she returns to a job she loves and is much less likely to leave the workforce. With senior position and pay, she has more options and flexibility as a parent to create a workable situation to balance family life

The time before having a child can even be a great time to take on a new job or opportunity. If you find a new role challenging and exciting, you’ll be more excited to return after giving birth.

It’s hard to leave your child. Only a compelling, rewarding job will make it a fair choice. And you can always change your mind later.

Don’t enter the workforce looking for the exit; accelerate until you have to decide. Then there will be a fair decision to be made. (Caveat: Sandberg acknowledges that there are many reasons to leave the workforce and circumstances are individual. How you want to parent is a personal decision to be respected.)

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If you want a mate to be a true partner, treat him as an equally capable partner. Ideally, each parent should have their own responsibilities so it doesn’t feel like dad’s doing everyone a favor instead of simply doing his part.

The Workplace and Society Aren’t Helping

It’s not easy in the workplace for fathers who want to be good parents and partners. Paternity leave is scant and reduced work hours for dads is frowned upon. Men who prioritize family face negative consequences at work, including teasing, lower ratings, and fewer advancement opportunities. There’s negative social pressure if a dad drops out of the workforce to care for family; he’ll likely face loneliness and feel unsupported.

Since men are expected to put career first, if a wife out-earns her husband, her success is viewed as threatening to the marriage. Sandberg has faced this issue with her husband, who was fortunately able to laugh it off. Women have enough problems getting ahead in the workforce; worrying about their husbands’ egos is the least of their problems.

To pave the way for men to help in the household, companies and societies should even the playing field. This includes giving equal...

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As Sandberg’s baby grew, she realized she had to set her own schedule, make priority changes, and stick to them. She set reasonable work hours in the office and became more efficient, maximizing every minute and cutting unnecessary meetings. She found ways to do more work at home after spending time with her kids.

This dilemma cropped up again when she moved to Facebook and needed to fit in with its “night owl” culture and the demands of a startup. She began missing more and more time with her kids but once again realized it was up to her to set limits. She began forcing herself to leave the office at 5:30 and regained her balance.

The Workplace Doesn’t Always Make Setting Limits Easy

Setting and keeping limits for yourself at work is hard; the workplace is more demanding than ever. Moms don’t want to be perceived as less dedicated to their jobs, so they overwork to overcompensate the perception.

Mothers and fathers alike are wary of taking advantage of flextime arrangements out of fear they’ll be penalized. “Face time” in the office is still seen as important. Data shows this to be true: employees who take advantage of flextime are seen as less dedicated and...

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When women help one another, we help ourselves. Acting as a coalition makes everyone stronger.

This coalition has to include men. Men need to take an active role in encouraging talented women in the workforce and advocate for their career advancement. Men also need to commit to changing the leadership ratios in organizations.

We are working toward a world where the old social norms don’t exist and both women and men have more choices based on their passions, talents and interests, not their gender.

Workplace change is our more immediate problem. There’s a lack of sick leave and vacation pay for working mothers. Maternity leave pay is not standard. Work standards are inflexible and unfair, penalizing working moms and dads. Families can go into debt or poverty as a consequence of these policies. These policies have to change.

Sandberg wrote Lean In to encourage women to dream big, power through obstacles, and reach their full potential. When more women lean in, we change the power structure of our world and expand opportunities for all. Having more women in power will lead to fairer treatment for all women.

In the future there won’t be female leaders and male leaders,...