PDF Summary:It. Goes. So. Fast., by Mary Louise Kelly

Juggling a demanding career and parenthood is no easy feat. In It. Goes. So. Fast., journalist Mary Louise Kelly offers a candid exploration into the challenges of striving for a harmonious balance between professional aspirations and familial responsibilities. Through personal anecdotes, Kelly delves into the emotional toll of missing significant childhood milestones, the need to redefine priorities, and the societal biases that impact working mothers.

Kelly's narrative extends beyond family dynamics, touching upon her evolving sense of self and identity as she navigates life's transitions, from embracing physical changes to challenging societal expectations. Her journey highlights the resilience required to overcome adversity and find fulfillment beyond traditional markers of success.

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• Experiment with a new hobby that aligns with your current stage of life to foster a sense of growth and adaptability. For instance, if you notice that you're no longer being carded for wine, consider joining a wine appreciation club where you can learn about different varietals and share experiences with others who have a similar interest in the sophistication of wine culture.
• Enhance your vocabulary by subscribing to a word-of-the-day service. Choose one that focuses on mature, sophisticated language, and make it a habit to use the new word in a sentence that day. This practice will gradually shift your language usage towards a more polished and universally appealing style.
• Create a vision board that celebrates your future goals and aspirations. Use images and words to represent what you want to achieve in the next year, five years, or decade. This visual representation can serve as a daily reminder that your value and potential are not tied to age or the attention you receive from others.

Embracing the changes in her physical appearance and self-confidence

Despite the societal pressure to defy aging, Kelly embraces the physical changes she observes, attributing them to a life well-lived. She welcomes the emergence of laugh lines and silver hair as emblems of her life's experiences. However, she openly yearns for the affirmation that male admiration once provided, recognizing a poignant yearning for a time when she felt more noticed and coveted.

Practical Tips

• Organize a monthly "Evolution Dinner" with friends or family where the theme is to discuss and celebrate one another's life changes, including physical ones. Each person can share a story about how they've grown or what their physical changes mean to them. This shared experience can create a supportive community that values the signs of a life well-lived, reinforcing the idea that these changes are not just personal but universally meaningful.
• Start a positivity journal where you document moments that make you smile or laugh each day, including the development of your laugh lines or any changes in your hair color. This practice encourages you to embrace these physical changes as markers of joy and experience. For example, if you notice a new laugh line, write about the moment or joke that may have contributed to it, framing it as a positive memory rather than a sign of aging.
• Create a personal affirmation jar where you'll deposit notes of self-recognition each day. Every time you feel proud of something you've done or when you recognize a positive attribute in yourself, write it down on a piece of paper and put it in the jar. On days when you're feeling low or in need of affirmation, pull out a note to remind yourself of your value. This can be a powerful tool for building a habit of self-validation.
• Engage in a new hobby or activity that involves a community aspect, such as joining a book club, taking a group fitness class, or participating in a local theater production. These settings can provide opportunities to meet new people, share your interests, and feel a sense of belonging and visibility within a group.

Women must steer through the biases and societal expectations placed upon them.

This subsection addresses Kelly’s observations on the societal pressures and biases she encounters as a working mother, illustrating how these external judgments impact her own sense of self.

Confronting the societal biases and scrutiny encountered by mothers with careers.

Kelly reflects on the unarticulated cultural expectations that assign the main role of child-rearing to mothers, irrespective of their career aspirations. During a conversation with a fellow reporter, Kelly sensed that Annie was evaluating her choice to prioritize her son's speech therapy sessions instead of capitalizing on a chance for an important interview. When a youngster becomes unwell, it is often the school's medical staff who first reach out to the mothers, as noted by Kelly. She confronts the unequal expectations by emphasizing the unfairness of the assumption that the primary responsibility for the upbringing and care of children falls predominantly on women.

Context

• Efforts to challenge these biases are part of broader gender equality movements that advocate for shared parenting responsibilities and the dismantling of traditional gender roles.
• Cultural norms and biases can shape how decisions made by working mothers are viewed, often leading to unfair assessments of their professional capabilities or commitment.
• Traditionally, women have been seen as the primary caregivers in families, a role that has been reinforced over generations. This historical context influences current practices, where mothers are often the first point of contact for anything related to child care.
• In some countries, legal systems have been slow to adapt to changing family dynamics, often not providing adequate support for shared parenting responsibilities.

Challenging the notion of the "perfect" woman and celebrating authenticity

Drawing on the experience of a Congresswoman who faced criticism for revealing her naturally graying hair, Kelly criticizes the unattainable standards imposed on women's looks in professional environments. She reflects on why advertising often portrays older women exclusively in contexts related to aging, thereby reinforcing the stereotype that suggests their reduced importance or invisibility in society. She advocates for redefining societal notions of female beauty and embracing authenticity across all life stages.

Context

• Media and advertising have long perpetuated idealized images of women, often using airbrushing and digital enhancements, which contribute to unrealistic beauty standards.
• Some countries have introduced regulations to promote diversity and prevent age discrimination in advertising, impacting how older women are portrayed.
• In professional settings, older women may face ageism, where their contributions are undervalued compared to younger colleagues, leading to fewer opportunities for advancement and leadership roles.
• This movement challenges traditional beauty standards by promoting acceptance and appreciation of all body types, encouraging individuals to embrace their natural appearance.
• Authenticity across life stages encourages younger generations to value self-acceptance and diversity, fostering a more inclusive society.

Redefining success and finding fulfillment beyond traditional measures

The text explores Kelly's evolving understanding of success, which shifts away from conventional benchmarks of career advancement and societal recognition.

Valuing the growth of personal connections and individual progress.

Kelly recognizes that a fulfilling life extends beyond merely attaining predefined career milestones. Instead, she emphasizes the significance of cultivating meaningful relationships and pursuing personal passions, regardless of external validation. Annie's transition from a demanding job in the media to a position mentoring emerging writers emphasizes Kelly's point on the significance of choosing a profession that aligns with one's personal values and aspirations.

Practical Tips

• Start a "Passion Project Hour" in your weekly schedule where you dedicate time to explore a new hobby or interest. This could be anything from learning a new instrument to experimenting with a type of cuisine you've never cooked before. The key is to commit to this hour every week, treating it as an important appointment with yourself to nurture your passions.
• Volunteer or shadow in various roles that pique your interest. By immersing yourself in different professional environments, you can get a hands-on feel for the work and culture. This experience can be invaluable in determining if a profession resonates with your personal values and aspirations before making a career transition.

Embracing new passions and interests as life circumstances change

The decision of the author to resign from her role was significantly shaped by the difficulty of balancing work duties with familial commitments, especially while reporting on the American defense secretary's visit to Baghdad. The author's decision to pivot to novel writing, driven by a desire to allocate more hours to her younger children, highlights her belief that success can be achieved through diverse career paths. Kelly’s experience demonstrates that life can offer unexpected opportunities for growth and fulfillment even if it requires a radical departure from the familiar.

Context

• The decision to resign from a high-profile position can reflect a prioritization of personal values, such as the importance of being present for family milestones and daily interactions.
• Writing novels can provide a different kind of creative fulfillment compared to journalism, allowing authors to explore personal themes and stories at their own pace.
• In today's dynamic job market, individuals often switch careers multiple times, leveraging transferable skills to succeed in different fields.
• Embracing new technologies can lead to unexpected career paths and opportunities for innovation, allowing individuals to stay relevant and engaged in their fields.

Overcoming adversity and traumatic experiences

This section dives into Kelly’s resilience and strength in dealing with significant life challenges. The story explores the initial medical struggles of her child, the loss of her paternal figure, and the end of her matrimonial union.

The writer chronicles the medical tribulations that her offspring endured.

The summary explores the author's journey through initial health challenges and the subsequent uncertainties her child encountered.

She confronted the challenging responsibility of managing her children's health issues.

Kelly narrates the harrowing experience of giving birth to her son Alexander, during which he needed to be resuscitated immediately after birth because he had no Apgar score. Furthermore, he suffered a small stroke shortly after birth, leading to a period of intensive care and extensive medical testing to diagnose the cause and extent of the damage.

Context

• Parents of children with health issues often need to make complex medical decisions, coordinate with healthcare providers, and advocate for their child's needs, which can be emotionally and physically demanding.
• Intensive care for newborns, often in a Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU), involves close monitoring and specialized medical care to support vital functions and address any immediate health concerns.
• Appearance (skin color), Pulse (heart rate), Grimace response (reflexes), Activity (muscle tone), and Respiration (breathing effort).
• Causes of neonatal strokes can include blood clots, birth trauma, or underlying health conditions in the mother or baby. Identifying the cause is crucial for treatment and prevention of future complications.
• After a stroke, a newborn may undergo various tests such as MRIs, CT scans, and ultrasounds to assess brain function and structure. These tests help determine the extent of the stroke and guide treatment plans.
• The Apgar score is a quick test performed on a newborn at 1 and 5 minutes after birth. The 1-minute score determines how well the baby tolerated the birthing process, and the 5-minute score tells the healthcare provider how well the baby is doing outside the mother's womb. A score of zero indicates severe distress.

The steadfastness and resolve needed to nurture her offspring.

Kelly remained steadfast in her encouragement of Alexander, especially as he faced challenges while honing his oratory skills. She chose to take an unpaid leave from the national radio station to focus entirely on his intensive speech therapy. The author’s experience demonstrates the unwavering commitment of a mother to her child's well-being, even when facing medical uncertainty and demanding professional responsibilities.

Practical Tips

• Develop a monthly "family well-being day" where you and your child engage in activities focused on health and happiness. This could include preparing a healthy meal together, going for a bike ride, or having a conversation about emotions and mental health. The key is to make it a consistent and enjoyable part of your routine that your child looks forward to.
• Utilize technology to stay involved in your child's development by using apps that encourage speech and language practice. Look for applications designed for children's language development and set aside time each day to engage with your child using these tools, turning screen time into an interactive learning session.
• Record yourself delivering speeches and analyze the playback to self-critique and improve. Watching yourself can reveal habits such as filler words, gestures, and pacing that you can work on. Aim to make incremental changes with each new recording to track your progress over time.
• Volunteer to share your nurturing experiences with new parents through a local community center or online forum. By offering insights and practical tips on child-rearing, you not only reinforce your own resolve but also support others in their journey. You might discuss how to create a positive bedtime routine or ways to encourage healthy eating habits without making it a struggle.
• Initiate a mini-peer mentorship by pairing up with someone who is also in a support role, to exchange insights and strategies on a bi-monthly basis.
• Create a visual balance board to map out and prioritize daily tasks, ensuring both professional responsibilities and child's needs are visible and accounted for. Start by dividing a whiteboard or poster into two sections, one for work and one for family. Use color-coded sticky notes or magnets to represent different tasks, adjusting their placement based on urgency and importance. This visual aid helps you quickly see if one area is outweighing the other and adjust accordingly.

Navigating the grief and loss of loved ones

This subsection delves into Kelly's journey through mourning after her father passed away.

Navigating the aftermath of her father's death and its impact on her family members.

The author expresses the deep emotional impact her father's prolonged illness and eventual demise had upon her. She expresses the emotional truth of confronting the mortality of someone dear to her as she describes a potentially final stroll with her father. Kelly shares her struggles with his absence, admitting to feeling lost and overwhelmed by sorrow.

Context

• The absence of a parent can create a sense of disorientation, as they often serve as a source of guidance and support throughout one's life.
• Walking together can symbolize a journey or transition, reflecting the movement from life to death and the emotional processing that accompanies it.
• Different cultures have varied rituals and practices for mourning, which can influence how individuals process the absence of a loved one.
• Access to support systems, such as friends, family, or professional counseling, can significantly affect how someone copes with grief and loss.

Seeking methods to cherish and safeguard the recollections of the departed.

Kelly discovers comfort and forms a bond with the legacy of her father through embracing his enthusiasm for endurance running. She honors her father's memory by completing the same marathon he ran for nearly forty years. She pays tribute to his memory by sharing tales of his life and bequeathing his cherished cocktail recipe to her sons.

Context

• Physical exercise, like running, is known to release endorphins, which can help alleviate grief and promote emotional healing.
• Endurance running often symbolizes perseverance and dedication, reflecting the qualities Kelly admired in her father.
• Many cultures emphasize oral storytelling as a means of preserving heritage and personal legacies.
• Recipes often come with stories or anecdotes, providing a narrative that can be shared and remembered, enriching family history.

Enduring the strain on personal relationships

This part of the book explores the challenges Kelly faces when her son approaches the end of his high school years and the effects this transition has on her marriage.

Exploring the challenges encountered by a relationship teetering on the edge.

In a candid and poignant revelation, Kelly discloses her husband's desire to separate after 25 years of marriage. She expresses shock and bewilderment, questioning how their relationship could have deteriorated to this point, particularly during this critical time of their sons' lives.

Context

• Such a decision can profoundly affect family dynamics, especially if children are involved, as it may alter their sense of stability and security.
• Such a revelation often indicates underlying issues or a breakdown in communication that may not have been fully addressed or acknowledged over time.
• Over the years, unmet expectations regarding personal goals, family dynamics, or lifestyle choices can create tension and dissatisfaction.
• The sons might be navigating complex social environments, where parental support and a stable home life can provide necessary reassurance and confidence.

Drawing on inner strength to persist through difficult times

Kelly embodies the steadfastness and resolve of her parent when confronted with this unforeseen personal obstacle. She adopts the motto "endure the most challenging periods" as her guiding principle throughout this emotionally strenuous stage. Kelly's journey illustrates that during periods of personal turmoil, one can foster resilience by emphasizing life's positive elements, such as commemorating significant life events alongside her offspring, and by finding fortitude and bravery within her immediate and extended family lineage.

Context

• Resilience is not just an inherent trait but can be developed over time through experiences and learned behaviors. It involves adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, or significant stress.
• The concept of enduring difficult times is a common theme in literature and psychology, often associated with personal growth and the development of inner strength.
• Many cultures emphasize the importance of celebrating milestones and achievements, which can provide a sense of continuity and stability amidst chaos.
• Focusing on joyful occasions can help shift attention away from difficulties, allowing individuals to appreciate the present moment and cultivate gratitude.
• Core family values, such as perseverance and courage, can guide individuals in making decisions and facing hardships.