PDF Summary:How We Live Is How We Die, by Pema Chödrön

Death is inevitable, yet most of us live in fear of it. In How We Live Is How We Die, Pema Chödrön explores Tibetan Buddhist teachings on death, dying, and the bardo—the transitional state between death and rebirth. She explains that by understanding impermanence and learning to work with difficult emotions in daily life, we can prepare ourselves for a peaceful death and navigate the bardo states with clarity and openness.

Chödrön covers core Buddhist concepts like the illusion of a permanent self, the cycle of reincarnation, and the role of emotions in shaping our experiences. She explains the stages of dying and the bardo, describing what happens after death according to Tibetan Buddhist tradition. Throughout, she offers practices for embracing groundlessness, accessing the wisdom within emotions, and approaching both life and death with curiosity rather than fear.

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To access the insight within your emotions, start by noticing your bodily feelings. Then consider your mental state, including your mood and emotions. Stay inquisitive and open instead of judging.

(Shortform note: For some people, focusing on the bodily sensations of kleshas can be destabilizing. For example, trauma survivors may experience flashbacks or dissociation when they focus on their bodily sensations. This can be a sign that you’re not ready to fully allow your kleshas. Instead of finding wisdom, you may find yourself overwhelmed by your emotions. If you’re concerned about this, consider working with a therapist or counselor who can help you process your emotions in a safe and supportive environment.)

Applying Concepts to Dying and the In-Between State

Chödrön explains that dying and the bardo can be understood through the lens of Tibetan Buddhist concepts like the three kayas and luminosity. The three kayas represent three levels of reality: 1. Dharmakaya, the basic ground out of which all form arises. 2. Sambhogakaya, the energetic part of our solidified everyday experiences. 3. Nirmanakaya, the tangible events that are perceptible via our typical senses. Luminosity refers to our mind's awareness. The child luminosity refers to experiencing our mind’s sky-like nature, which we can get used to through training. The motherly luminosity is reality's truest essence, and it aligns with our own essence.

(Shortform note: In Luminous Emptiness, Francesca Fremantle traces the historical development of the three kayas and the child and mother luminosity. She explains that the three kayas originated in Indian Mahayana Buddhism and were later elaborated in Tibetan Dzogchen teachings. The child and mother luminosity concepts were developed in Indian tantric Buddhism and further refined in Tibetan practices. Fremantle notes that these teachings were codified in the 14th-century “treasure” texts of Karma Lingpa, which were later translated as the Tibetan Book of the Dead. These texts synthesized Indian and Tibetan Buddhist ideas to create a comprehensive guide for navigating the bardo.)

The three kayas are always present, though they recur as phases in each moment. Within the expansive realm ripe with possibility, energy is always possible. These two aspects of reality—space and energy—always manifest in concrete forms.

(Shortform note: In Waking, Dreaming, Being, Evan Thompson describes the mind as an open field of awareness that’s empty of any fixed subject or object. This openness is a dimension of pure potential for experience. The lived situations and perceptions that seem solid to us are momentary crystallizations of this potential in the ongoing interplay of brain, body, and world.)

The three kayas are associated with the primary chances for awakening during the bardos. As we die, we have the opportunity to unite with the mother-like, open and empty luminosity, allowing us to integrate with the dharmakaya element of our own nature. During the dharmata bardo, you can unite with radiant lights and deities that have both benevolent and fierce aspects. These energetic visions express the sambhogakaya facet of our own nature. In the bardo of becoming, we encounter the dreamlike forms of the nirmanakaya aspect of our being. By this point, the opportunity for instant enlightenment is gone, but we can reach a pure realm. If we've lived well in this life, we'll have some influence over the location and form of our future incarnation.

The Three Kayas in Secular Buddhism

For secular Buddhists, the three kayas, bardos, pure realms, and future incarnations are poetic descriptions of our present-moment experience, not a literal sequence of events that will happen after we die. Stephen Batchelor, a prominent secular Buddhist, argues that the three kayas are not metaphysical realms but rather aspects of our lived experience. He explains that the dharmakaya represents the open, spacious quality of awareness; the sambhogakaya is the richness and vibrancy of our sensory experience; and the nirmanakaya is the concrete, embodied aspect of our lives. Batchelor suggests that by recognizing these qualities in our present experience, we can cultivate a more integrated and awakened way of being. This perspective challenges the traditional view that the kayas are literal realms to be attained after death, instead emphasizing their relevance to our current lives.

The States of Living, Dying, and Bardo

In this section, we’ll explore how to prepare for death and navigate the bardo states.

Ready for a Skillful Death

Chödrön explains that embracing impermanence and life's movement prepares us for death. Death is one part of the never-ending succession of bardos, the amazing cycle of life and death. To have complete intimacy with living, we must also fully embrace death. If we tune in to how birth and death happen in every moment, we'll realize we don't stand to lose anything.

(Shortform note: While embracing impermanence can help us prepare for death, it can also be dangerous for some people. In an academic paper, researchers found that some people who intensely focused on the idea that they “don’t stand to lose anything” experienced dissociation or a sense of hopelessness. This suggests that while embracing impermanence can be beneficial, it’s important to approach it with caution and self-awareness.)

Then we can live without fear and have immense compassion for everyone else on this earth who is struggling, worried, and scared. When we free our hearts and minds, we'll be better able to support others and be more impactful in those efforts. By accepting the temporary nature of life, managing our kleshas, recognizing our mind's sky-like nature, and increasingly opening up to life's experiences, we'll learn to live and to die. If we grow eager to understand the uncertain, inscrutable essence of the universe and our own thoughts, we can approach our passing with greater inquisitiveness instead of dread.

(Shortform note: Some trauma clinicians have observed that certain clients become more destabilized, not calmer, when invited into open-ended, inward-looking contemplative practices. This suggests that for some people, the practices described here may not lead to fearlessness, compassion, or a curious attitude toward death. Instead, they may find that opening up to life's experiences and exploring the inscrutable nature of their own thoughts actually increases their anxiety and distress.)

Navigating the Bardo States

Chödrön explains that the bardo states are transitional phases that link dying and rebirth. The bardo of dying begins when you realize you’re going to die and lasts until your final breath. Next is the dharmata bardo, translated as "the true essence of reality." Finally, the state of becoming takes place, and you transition to your next life. The bardo state of becoming is believed to be very volatile. You can instantly appear anywhere you envision. You can observe other bardo entities who passed away around the same period, though you can interact with them only briefly since everyone is constantly moving.

(Shortform note: In Waking, Dreaming, Being, philosopher Evan Thompson offers a different perspective on the bardo of dying, the dharmata bardo, and the bardo state of becoming. He argues that these states are best understood not as literal descriptions of an objective, metaphysical realm, but as culturally shaped, contemplative descriptions of how consciousness may be experienced, imagined, and trained across different phases of life, including sleeping, dreaming, meditation, and dying. Thompson suggests that the bardo teachings function as phenomenological and ethical “scripts” that guide attention, emotion, and conduct at the end of life. From a philosophical and scientific point of view, he explains, these accounts should be regarded as enacted patterns of experience and culturally mediated imaginaries of dying and rebirth, rather than empirically testable reports of a disembodied mind journeying through an independent intermediate world.)

It can feel like a menacing environment because the different elements usually seem hostile. While in this phase, you may experience an assessment and an evaluation. You witness everything you did throughout your lifetime—all deeds, whether correct or incorrect, significant or insignificant, favorable or unfavorable. Your conscience performs the judgment. You gain a vivid understanding of your deeds and the reasons for them, which can create significant discomfort. The bardo of dharmata is said to last for 12 days, but a "day" is defined by how long you can maintain undistracted, open awareness.

(Shortform note: In Consciousness Beyond Life, Pim van Lommel describes a similar phenomenon in which people who have had near-death experiences report a panoramic life review. In this state, they experience their entire life history at once, with a clarity that surpasses ordinary waking consciousness. They don’t feel judged by an external power but are confronted by their own expanded awareness of every action and its emotional impact on others. This process seems to occur outside normal time and space, allowing years of memories to be lived through in what is later described as a single, timeless moment of unified, continuous awareness.)

In this state, your mind is briefly free from the fog of biases, narratives, and habits. What manifests during the dharmata bardo are mind projections, but they appear just as real as anything you’re currently perceiving. The five Buddhas and other radiant visions aren't produced by our typical dualistic mindset, which is often clouded by confusion. They emerge from your essence, which can't be expressed linguistically, is impartial, and transcends duality. Every deity that appears during the dharmata bardo offers a unique path to complete awakening. The buddha lineage you resonate with most gives you your best opportunity, but each of these deities can serve as a potential gateway. Connecting with any of these deities will be akin to reconnecting with your inner wisdom in a manner that appears external but is integral to your deepest self.

The Nyingma Perspective on the Dharmata Bardo

Pema Chödrön’s perspective on the dharmata bardo is influenced by the Nyingma school of Tibetan Buddhism, which emphasizes the symbolic and experiential nature of the deities encountered in the bardo. In The Tibetan Book of the Dead: A Biography, Donald S. Lopez Jr. explains that Nyingma commentaries interpret the five Buddhas and other deities not as external divine beings but as manifestations of the enlightened dimension of the dying person’s own mind. This view aligns with the Nyingma understanding that the bardo experiences are a revelation of buddha-family patterns that have always structured the mindstream, rather than a journey through a realm populated by externally existing gods.

Chödrön explains that what we go through in the bardo states is influenced by our thoughts and actions. What we encounter in the bardo states is heavily shaped by our beliefs and cultural background. The bardo state of becoming is believed to be very unsteady. You can materialize wherever you think of and observe other souls in the bardo who passed away at a similar time. However, interactions are brief, since everyone is constantly moving. The sensation is generally one of disorientation and fatigue.

(Shortform note: Research on near-death experiences (NDEs) supports the idea that our beliefs and cultural background shape our experiences in transitional states. For example, a study by sociologist Allan Kellehear found that people from different cultures report seeing religious figures and symbols that align with their own beliefs during NDEs. This suggests that our minds use familiar symbols and narratives to make sense of unfamiliar experiences, even in altered states of consciousness.)

The dharmata bardo is a state of pure awareness, where your mind is briefly free from habitual patterns, preconceptions, and narratives. What we see during the dharmata bardo is created by our mind. The divine figures you envision in the dharmata bardo offer various paths to complete enlightenment. Chödrön highlights the influence of both optimistic and pessimistic thinking in the bardo teachings. The final thought we have before death holds great significance. It can direct our path, and its impact will continue influencing us throughout the transitional states.

(Shortform note: The idea that the dharmata bardo is mind-created and that the final thought before death determines what happens next can create performance anxiety and self-judgment. In Being with Dying, Joan Halifax notes that preoccupation with achieving a particular spiritual ideal or a “perfect” inner state at the time of dying can itself become an obstacle that tightens the mind and heart. She suggests that what most supports us in the dying process is not striving or self-improvement but the willingness to let go of goals, to meet our experience with kindness and curiosity, and to trust that simple, relaxed awareness and compassion are enough.)

We're more aware than normal, and a single encouraging idea could halt the flow of a distressing or frightening experience, taking you to a much nicer place. On the flip side, a single negative thought can quickly pull you into the depths of suffering. Releasing our attachment to the false self while we’re alive will make us less attached to it in that transitional state of becoming. If we recognize our current lives as being dreamlike, we'll be more likely to perceive the transitional state of becoming as equally dreamlike. When we realize we’re dreaming, we may be able to influence the dream’s direction. We can then leverage the lucidity of our bardo mind to choose wisely, moving toward a realm of purity or a beneficial rebirth where we might help others.

Lucid Dreaming Therapy

The idea that a single encouraging thought can redirect our experience in the bardo, and that realizing we’re dreaming can help us choose a more beneficial rebirth, may seem far-fetched. However, a clinical trial of lucid-dreaming therapy for chronic nightmares suggests that this is possible. In the study, patients with chronic nightmares learned to recognize when they were dreaming and to introduce a single new intention into the dream. For example, one patient who had recurring nightmares of being chased by a monster learned to realize, “This is a dream,” and then to imagine a protective barrier around herself. This simple shift in awareness and intention transformed her nightmares into dreams where she felt safe and in control. The study found that 80% of participants experienced significant reductions in nightmare frequency and intensity after learning to become aware within their dreams.

Now, let’s explore the stages of the bardo experience and how to skillfully navigate it.

The Stages of the Bardo Experience

Chödrön explains that the bardo experience includes six stages: the natural phase of our current existence, the dreaming phase, the meditation phase, the dying phase, the dharmata phase, and the becoming phase.

The bardo of dying begins when we realize we're going to die and lasts until our final breath. The next stage is dharmata bardo, which translates to "the true nature of phenomena." The final stage is the bardo of becoming, a phase where we shift to our subsequent existence.

The Historical Development of the Bardo Concept

In The Tibetan Book of the Dead: A Biography, Donald Lopez Jr. traces the historical development of the bardo concept, highlighting its evolution from early Indian Buddhist texts to its elaboration in Tibetan Buddhism. He notes that while Indian sources briefly mention an intermediate state between death and rebirth, Tibetan scholars expanded this idea into a detailed framework of six bardos, each representing a distinct phase of existence. This expansion, particularly evident in fourteenth-century Tibetan texts, reflects a shift from a simple description of postmortem experiences to a comprehensive system for spiritual training and interpretation.

Skillful Navigation and Help While Experiencing the Bardo State

Chödrön suggests that while we're experiencing the bardo, we should direct our thoughts and seek help to remain in the moment and open. Requesting assistance isn’t asking an outside god for help but a way to guide the mind and stimulate its innate wish to do good.

She also explains that if you haven’t wished in this life to be reincarnated in a pure realm, you’re probably not going to do so initially in the dreamlike state of transition. That's why, followers of various Buddhist traditions wish each day for rebirth in a pure realm, as it offers the greatest opportunity to improve in helping others.

Pure Land Buddhism

While Chödrön says that seeking help in the bardo is a way to guide your own mind, some Buddhists believe that wishing for rebirth in a pure realm is a way to rely on an outside being. For example, Pure Land Buddhists in East Asia believe that the Buddha Amitābha created a pure realm for his followers to be reborn in. In Japan, the Jōdo and Jōdo Shinshū schools of Pure Land Buddhism emphasize that you can’t rely on your own inner resources to achieve enlightenment. Instead, you must rely on the compassion of Amitābha to be reborn in his pure realm.