PDF Summary:Fast Girl, by Suzy Favor Hamilton

In the memoir Fast Girl, Suzy Favor Hamilton candidly shares her lifelong struggle with bipolar disorder and the profound impact it had on her personal and professional life. She recounts her journey to find effective treatment, from misdiagnosis to dangerous coping mechanisms like hypersexual behavior and escorting. Her battle sheds light on the stigma and complexities of mental illness.

From her Olympic dreams to her hidden double life, Favor Hamilton's narrative explores the extremes of manic episodes and depressive states, the toll on her marriage and family, and her ultimate path to recovery. Her transparency paints a vivid picture of bipolar disorder's intricacies with vulnerability and self-awareness.

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This part of the book explores how a one-time Olympic competitor descended into a secret life, eventually adopting an alter ego as a high-end companion, while partaking in risky behaviors in Las Vegas. The story explores the underlying factors that led to her dramatic change, depicting how her actions escalated, the emergence of her alter ego known as Kelly, and the negative impact this change had on her family ties and the steadiness of her marriage.

The writer's discontent with her existence in Wisconsin stemmed from a deep-seated desire for an exhilarating and independent life.

After her competitive career ended, Favor Hamilton struggled to adapt to a regular life in Wisconsin. Her once joyful athletic pursuits had become monotonous, leaving her feeling hollow and yearning for something more thrilling.

The writer felt confined and misunderstood in her domestic environment.

Favor Hamilton felt trapped by the repetitive routines that defined her life in Wisconsin. She yearned for independence and a break from the constant pressure to meet others' expectations, particularly those of her parents, who heightened her feelings of estrangement by criticizing her swimsuit calendar. She yearned to explore her wild side, away from the persistent observation that had been her companion for a lengthy duration.

The author felt an exhilarating freedom by participating in Las Vegas' escort activities.

During their 20th anniversary celebration in Las Vegas, Favor Hamilton discovered an atmosphere that provided the excitement and freedom she had been seeking. She partook in daring pursuits such as skydiving, which were once beyond her wildest considerations. They explored their physical connection through encounters with an escort, offering Favor Hamilton a chance to explore her sexuality and uncover aspects of herself previously unknown to her. This sparked a profound shift within her. In the vibrant city of Las Vegas, she found the freedom to assume the identity of "Kelly," shedding the constraints of her real-world existence and fully immersing herself in a new role.

The author's progressively dangerous behavior included substance misuse, engaging in multiple affairs, and lavish spending while employed as a companion.

Upon adopting her alter ego "Kelly," her actions intensified swiftly. Her unmanaged bipolar condition drove her to seek increasingly perilous and exhilarating escapades, which, in her view, liberated her while she maintained a secret alternate life.

The author's compartmentalization of her "Kelly" persona and her denial of the risks involved

Suzy Favor Hamilton diligently ensured that her personal identity remained separate from her "Kelly" persona. She justified her increasingly risky choices, dismissing her husband's concerns regarding potential consequences. Despite her true identity being discovered by several people, she continued to rely on the confidentiality of her clients. She also minimized the risks associated with drug use, engaging with numerous partners, and extravagant expenditures, her decision-making impaired by the intense craving for the euphoria these behaviors offered.

The author's growing obsession with her status and image within the elite escort community.

Suzy Favor Hamilton channeled her competitive drive into a career as an escort. She became fixated on climbing the ranks of a prominent adult website, actively seeking favorable feedback from her clientele to elevate her position. Her mental health deteriorated into a manic state, which was exacerbated by her involvement, leading her to prioritize her work in the companionship industry over her family responsibilities.

The author's disregard for her domestic duties and the resulting tension in her marital relationship.

Suzy Favor Hamilton's steadfast dedication to her clandestine career caused her to increasingly overlook her family responsibilities and work commitments in Wisconsin. The growing rift with her spouse, Mark, added further strain to their already fragile relationship.

The author's growing estrangement from her family deepened with her escalating commitment to her career in the companionship service sector.

As Suzy Favor Hamilton became more involved in her escort activities, her involvement and attendance in family events diminished. Her frequent trips to the gambling capital and her growing fixation on her alter ego "Kelly" deepened the rift with her spouse. During her manic episodes, forming a connection with her daughter Kylie was difficult, and she tried to compensate for her absence by lavishing her with expensive gifts.

The author rationalizes her actions and shows a reluctance to abandon her dual existence.

Suzy Favor Hamilton consistently rationalized her behavior by claiming that her pursuit of satisfaction never undermined her commitment to her family or her marriage. She dismissed concerns about potential risks, asserting her control over the circumstances, motivated by a strong resolve to maintain her clandestine double life. When confronted with the potentially devastating consequences of exposure, she refused to contemplate stopping her escorting career, clinging to the control and self-discovery it provided her.

Practical Tips

• Explore a new hobby that excites you to channel the thrill-seeking aspect of your personality in a positive way. For instance, if you've always been interested in painting but never took the time, sign up for an art class or set aside a few hours each week to learn and practice. This can provide a sense of adventure and personal growth without the risks associated with more extreme behaviors.
• Create a "freedom fund" to save for experiences that offer a sense of liberation without compromising your responsibilities. Start by setting aside a small amount of money each week into a dedicated savings account. Use this fund to plan a trip, take a day off for a personal retreat, or engage in an activity that makes you feel free and alive, like skydiving or a weekend road trip, ensuring that it fits within the boundaries of your personal and professional life.
• Develop a support network that understands your need for excitement and personal space. Reach out to friends or online communities with similar interests and discuss ways to integrate thrilling experiences into everyday life. For example, you could join a local adventure club, where you can meet people who also seek excitement in safe and structured environments, such as group hiking, rock climbing, or urban exploration.

The repercussions of revealing the author's hidden existence.

The narrative's final segment centers on the aftermath of a journalist from The Smoking Gun website exposing Suzy Favor Hamilton's clandestine activities as an escort. It tells the story of her initial hesitation, her attempts to deny the truth, the devastating impact on her familial and personal relationships, and the profound loneliness that pushed her to the edge of contemplating suicide.

The author's panic and fear when the Smoking Gun reporter confronted her with the evidence of her escort work

An encounter with William Bastone, a reporter associated with The Smoking Gun, sent Favor Hamilton into a state of turmoil, shattering her carefully constructed appearance of serenity and forcing her to confront the repercussions of her actions.

The author made efforts to minimize and dismiss the circumstances in an effort to safeguard her personal standing.

Despite the abundance of evidence, Favor Hamilton desperately attempted to deny her involvement in escorting. She concocted a tale involving a spiteful romantic partner, aiming to undermine the credibility of the evidence collected and safeguard her family and personal standing. She quickly realized the futility of her behavior and struggled to maintain her composure as her world crumbled around her.

The writer realized that her carefully constructed double life was on the verge of collapsing.

The revelations made by Bastone had an undeniable and profoundly negative effect on her existence in Wisconsin. The facade of balancing her two identities crumbled, instilling a profound sense of fear and hopelessness as she faced the potential destruction of her familial bonds, professional achievements, and social standing.

The author's relationships with her relatives and intimate acquaintances were profoundly impacted by the extensive public scrutiny.

The revelation that Favor Hamilton had been concealing her life as a paid companion caused considerable turmoil and distress within her family. The behavior of their beloved relative plunged her spouse and parents into a state of disbelief, struggling to comprehend what had happened.

Her marriage faced significant challenges as her husband struggled to come to terms with the disclosures.

Hamilton was deeply troubled upon learning of the clandestine life his wife led. He wrestled with his feelings, utterly perplexed upon learning the woman he held dear was also recognized as "Kelly." Their relationship was deeply shaken when he faced the risk of his family falling apart and a public scandal that threatened the well-being of their child.

The author's family, including her parents, felt profoundly disillusioned and carried a heavy burden of shame.

The uncovering of their daughter's secret lifestyle caused profound shame and dishonor for Suzy Favor Hamilton's parents, who lived in a close-knit Wisconsin community that had previously held her in high regard. They were disheartened and appeared certain that the real Suzy would not partake in such actions. The author recognizes the enduring effect this exposure exerted on the reputation and relationships of her family, especially among their close community members.

The author's initial suicidal thoughts and despair in the aftermath of the exposure

Suzy Favor Hamilton encountered a significant decline in her mental health after her private struggles became known. Overwhelmed by feelings of disgrace and remorse, and terrified of being alienated from her family, community, and her own identity, she was thrust into a profound abyss of desolation.

The writer sought to terminate her existence as a means of evading the repercussions of her deeds.

Suzy Favor Hamilton viewed death as the only escape from the pain and humiliation caused by the negative responses to her involvement in the world of escort services. She was inundated with malicious communications, and the weight of public scrutiny appeared to be insurmountable. Suzy Favor Hamilton's compulsion to take her own life intensified unrelentingly, fueled by the challenges of coping with a mental health condition characterized by extreme mood swings and a profound sense of hopelessness regarding her situation.

The author deeply appreciates her husband's decisive assistance and unwavering backing when she faced her most challenging times.

Mark played a vital role in maintaining Favor Hamilton's well-being during this time. He recognized the depth of her despair and, despite his own struggles with her choices, intervened to prevent her from acting on her suicidal thoughts. His unwavering love and determined pursuit of proper treatment formed the crucial foundation that assisted her in beginning her comprehensive path to recovery.

Practical Tips

• You can create a personal crisis management plan to prepare for unexpected public exposure of private matters by outlining steps to take, people to contact for support, and ways to maintain privacy. For example, draft a document detailing who in your circle should be informed first, which professional services (like a therapist or legal advisor) you might need, and how to manage social media privacy settings and public statements.
• Develop a support network by identifying and reaching out to individuals or groups who can offer emotional and practical support during personal crises. Start by making a list of friends, family members, or support groups that align with your values and initiate conversations to build trust and understanding before any crisis occurs.
• Practice self-compassion and mental health awareness by regularly engaging in activities that promote well-being and resilience, such as mindfulness meditation, journaling your thoughts and feelings, or participating in workshops on emotional resilience. This proactive approach can help you cope with feelings of despair or shame in challenging times.