PDF Summary:Falling Upward, by Richard Rohr

Most of us spend the first part of our lives building an identity—establishing careers, relationships, and social standing. But according to Richard Rohr in Falling Upward, this is only the beginning. The second half of life involves a deeper transformation: letting go of the ego and false self we've constructed, and discovering our authentic identity and purpose.

Rohr explains that this transition often comes through struggle and disorientation, requiring us to confront our shadow side and release old ways of thinking. He explores how myths and stories guide this journey, and how the Spirit works within us to reveal our true selves. You'll learn why suffering is often necessary for growth, how to distinguish between your false and authentic self, and what characterizes a life rooted in genuine identity rather than constructed image.

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Our societal structures and the expectations we have—including those of religious communities—are largely designed to promote, uphold, recognize, and affirm the endeavors of the initial phase of life. Rohr finds this disheartening and upsetting, yet he believes it is accurate. We're mostly focused on enduring than flourishing, more on managing day-to-day or trying to climb the ranks than discovering what actually lies above or was beneath all along.

(Shortform note: Anthropologists have long noted that some societies, especially small-scale egalitarian ones, have social structures and expectations that are not focused on enduring, managing day-to-day, or climbing the ranks. In The Dawn of Everything, David Graeber and David Wengrow describe how many human communities, including sizeable towns and regions, have quite deliberately organized social life so that enduring concentrations of power and wealth cannot take root: leadership roles are rotational or temporary, attempts to dominate are checked by ridicule or the option to walk away, surplus resources are dispersed through systems of sharing and public generosity, and collective rituals and assemblies are oriented toward sustaining a shared cosmos of meaning, rather than toward the pursuit of permanent ranks or personal accumulation.)

Thomas Merton, an American monk, noted that we could devote our entire lives to ascending the ladder of achievement, only to realize at the end that the ladder was up against the incorrect wall. Many people at the start of life think everything's not working properly—and we’re likely correct! We were instructed to create a solid foundation and basement for the home, but we didn't receive any blueprints or suggestions for constructing a "living" room upstairs, or a kitchen with nourishing food, or an intimate bedroom—and definitely not a personal chapel. The majority of us stick with initial survival, without ever reaching what Rohr calls the unifying life field. According to Bill Plotkin, a sage mentor, most people master their "dance of survival" without progressing to their true "sacred dance."

(Shortform note: In Nature and the Human Soul, Bill Plotkin explains that our “survival dance” is how we secure food, shelter, safety, and social acceptance for ourselves and those close to us. Our “sacred dance” is the soul-rooted way of life through which we offer our unique gifts in service to the larger community of humans and the more-than-human world, embodying the particular meaning and calling that belong to us alone. Plotkin argues that most people never move beyond their survival dance to discover and embody their sacred dance.)

Next, we'll look at life's first phase and how we construct its container. Then, we’ll explore how life's later phases involve a transformation that requires letting go of old ways of thinking and embracing new perspectives.

Building a Structure for Early Life

Rohr explains that the initial-phase container is built through traditions, authority, and boundaries. These structures provide the security, predictability, and control of impulses necessary to develop a strong sense of self. We need something to push against to make values our own and build a strong ego. Without this foundation, we cannot progress into life's second phase.

(Shortform note: Rohr’s concept of an “initial-phase container” draws on the work of James Fowler, a theologian and developmental psychologist who proposed a stage-based model of faith development. In his book Stages of Faith, Fowler outlines six stages of faith, each characterized by different ways of understanding and relating to the world.)

Next, we'll explore the positive activities that characterize early adulthood.

Constructive Tasks for Stage One

According to Rohr, the initial phase in a person's life is focused on establishing identity and boundaries. This period involves thinking in dualistic terms, which helps us form a clear sense of self. We also usually steer clear of the negative, uncertain, and problematic. While this helps develop a solid sense of self, it prevents us from growing and developing.

(Shortform note: Classical Stoic philosophers would disagree with Rohr's assertion that the initial phase of life should steer clear of the negative, uncertain, and problematic. In A Guide to the Good Life, William B. Irvine explains that the Stoics believed that the best way to develop a strong sense of self and boundaries was to confront these challenges head-on.)

Descent, Disorientation, and Change as You Get Older

Rohr explains that the latter portion of life involves a transformation that requires releasing old ways of thinking and embracing new perspectives. This can be difficult because it means releasing your ego and the security of familiar patterns. However, this stage involves a more profound feeling of meaning and happiness. It is a time of simplicity and coherence, where we can accept all parts of who we are and our experiences, even the painful ones. We can forgive ourselves and others for being imperfect. We can carry the darkness and suffering life brings without being as anxious. We can release the urge to judge or retaliate against others. We can see life as complete and create completeness wherever we go.

(Shortform note: Rohr’s description of the latter portion of life is supported by research in gerontology. For example, Laura L. Carstensen et al. found that older adults experience fewer negative emotions and recover from stress more quickly than younger adults. This suggests that as people age, they become better at managing their emotions and handling life’s challenges. This supports Rohr’s idea that the latter portion of life brings a deeper sense of meaning, forgiveness, and a calmer way of carrying suffering.)

The Quest to Discover Your Authentic Self

Next, we’ll explore the process of unveiling your authentic self and the characteristics of a life rooted in this genuine identity.

Process of Unveiling Your Genuine Self

Rohr explains that the path to discovering your authentic self involves shedding the inauthentic self. The fake self is the image you create for yourself, including your social identities and self-image. Your authentic self is how God sees you. The path to discovering your authentic self follows a spiral, not a linear route, and it involves suffering, which can feel like dying. The amount of suffering you experience is proportional to the extent of your desire to discover your real self. The journey also involves facing the part of you that you deny or hide, your shadow side.

(Shortform note: Rohr’s claim that the amount of suffering you experience is proportional to the extent of your desire to discover your real self is questionable. In The Power of Meaning, Emily Esfahani Smith argues that meaning in life is not determined by how much a person suffers but by how they respond to what happens to them. She explains that people can experience their lives as deeply meaningful even in the midst of great pain when they are rooted in relationships of belonging, guided by a purpose beyond themselves, able to weave their experiences into a coherent and redemptive story, and connected to moments of transcendence that lift them above their immediate circumstances.)

As you approach the light, you increasingly perceive your shadow. The hidden aspect of yourself appears positive, like justice or prudence, but in reality, it's fear, control, or manipulation. If you experience an emotional response that is disproportionate to the situation, your shadow side has been revealed. The gift of facing your shadow is that it greatly reduces its secret power. After facing your shadow, you'll be less anxious, since you no longer fear being exposed. You're liberated to authentically be yourself without hiding or being afraid.

(Shortform note: While Rohr says that facing your shadow will make you less anxious, it can also make you more unstable. In The Body Keeps the Score, Bessel van der Kolk explains that when you turn toward your shadow, you may become emotionally flooded. This is especially true if you turn toward your shadow without the support of a skilled therapist. He says that before you can face your shadow, you must first develop a sense of safety in your body and in your relationships.)

Rohr notes that facing your hidden self will inevitably bring some amount of sorrow, embarrassment, and letdown. The inauthentic self is the part of us that feels humbled and sorrowful, as its game has ended. The journey to the authentic self is about unlearning the illusions you have grown into. These illusions need to be dismantled to liberate you from the prison of your constructed self and take you back to your beginnings in God.

The Potential Dangers of Dismantling the Self

While Rohr encourages us to face our hidden self and dismantle the illusions of our constructed self, trauma research suggests that this process can be destabilizing for some people. When we dismantle the stories we tell ourselves about who we are, we can inadvertently reactivate traumatic stress. This is because our familiar self-narratives, even if limiting, provide a sense of safety and predictability. When these narratives are dismantled too quickly, it can leave us feeling unmoored and vulnerable, potentially triggering old wounds rather than healing them.

Rohr adds that discovering our authentic selves is a process of remembering our original identity. We all have an innate motivation to discover our authentic selves, whether or not we know it. The path takes a winding, rather than linear, course. We’re all experiencing memory loss. Life is about becoming fully and consciously our true selves, but we don't really know who that is. The aim of the journey is to fathom our own identity. We possess an inherent unease that drives us toward the dangers and potential of the second phase of life. We all have a divine emptiness within us that yearns to be filled. God generates a longing that only divine love and grace can fulfill.

(Shortform note: Rohr doesn’t explain how this divine emptiness and inherent unease drive us toward our original identity. Psychologically, this drive is similar to the drive for meaning. This drive is a fundamental human need that compels us to seek purpose and significance in our lives. When we lack meaning, we experience a sense of emptiness and dissatisfaction, which motivates us to find deeper fulfillment. This process is non-linear and involves a gradual reorganization of our identity and way of living. We’re driven to discover what is truly worth committing our lives to, and this search for meaning is an ongoing journey that shapes our understanding of ourselves and our place in the world.)

By delving deeply into any subject, we'll start to encounter something meaningful, authentic, and timeless. We’ll transition from belief to true inner understanding. This particularly applies if we’ve experienced profound love, supported a person in the enigma of death, or been authentically awed in a life-altering way by wonder, the passage of time, or aesthetics. When we encounter what's genuine, there's an internal urge for it to last eternally, if it's truly authentic.

(Shortform note: When you experience a moment of intense love, loss, or awe, take a few minutes to write a short story about it. Storytelling can help you crystallize the insight hidden in the experience. For example, if you’ve just witnessed a beautiful sunset, write a brief first-person account of what you saw and why it matters to you.)

Heaven, unity, and love now come from inside us rather than a system of belief or affiliation, which mostly exists outside the self. Someone who discovers their True Self understands how to exist within the broader context of extensive time and history. Jesus refers to this alteration in perspective and location as living in God's domain, and it's a significant shift in direction. This necessitates that we let go of our own tiny realms, which we normally do not care to do.

Living in God’s Domain

Richard Rohr’s ideas about living in God’s domain and leaving our own tiny realms are part of a long tradition of Christian thought. In Surprised by Hope, N. T. Wright argues that the kingdom of God is not about escaping earth for heaven, but about God’s reign renewing the world. He explains that Jesus’ teachings about God’s kingdom are about God’s rule being established on earth as it is in heaven. Wright’s view differs from Rohr’s in that he sees the kingdom as God’s work to restore creation, not primarily as heaven, unity, and love coming from inside us.

Next, we’ll look at the internal dynamics of unveiling the True Self and the external principles that guide this path.

Internal Dynamics of Unveiling

Rohr explains that the Holy Ghost steers us internally, guiding us toward our authentic selves. The Spirit maintains our connection with the flow of life. We don't produce or merit the Divine Spirit; we find it through connecting with our most profound inner world. The Spirit is constantly granted to us and is described as an "advocate" who will instruct us and refresh our memory about what we know. The Spirit is always on our side, advocating against judgmental and condemning negativity. This means we're not required to navigate life alone or do everything flawlessly.

(Shortform note: Rohr’s claim that the Holy Ghost is an inner advocate who helps us resist harsh self-judgment and the feeling of being alone is supported by research on attachment theory. In a 1990 study, Lee A. Kirkpatrick and Phillip R. Shaver found that people who internalize God as a loving, responsive, and reliably available attachment figure experience less shame, anxiety, and perceived isolation. This suggests that the Spirit functions as an inner advocate rather than a condemning voice. The study also found that people who view God as a secure attachment figure report a greater sense of safety, acceptance, and enduring connection, which supports Rohr’s assertion that we’re not required to navigate life alone.)

Our lives will unfold for us, and we will live them too. Each is valid. This is God's conspiracy, the "co-breathing" shared by the divine and our souls. Authentic spirituality is a profound partnership between the two. The two entities both contribute and take in to build a mutual truth and joy.

(Shortform note: Rohr’s use of the word “conspiracy” here is unusual. The word comes from the Latin conspirare, meaning “to breathe together.” In Science and Providence, John Polkinghorne argues that God’s action and our own are not in competition, but are mutually consistent levels of the one process by which the world’s history comes to be.)

External Principles Guiding the Journey

Rohr explains that myths and stories guide us through life’s journey. Myths are tales or visuals that aren't necessarily factually accurate in detail, but they capture a universal truth. They typically aren't historically accurate, but unfailingly reflect spiritual brilliance. Myths are important because they reconcile contradictions that can't be understood through reason alone. They transform muddled and vague feelings into brilliant clarity, changing lives. They maintain our well-being and completeness, fostering happiness even amid our pain. They provide profound significance, drawing us into a "deep time" that spans all eras—historical, future, geological, and cosmological—not merely our brief time or specific culture. They truly nourish our spirit.

The Power of Storytelling

Rohr’s discussion of myths and stories as guides for our lives fits into a broader conversation about the role of narrative in human culture and psychology. In The Storytelling Animal, Jonathan Gottschall explores how storytelling is a fundamental aspect of human nature, shaping our understanding of the world and ourselves. He explains that fiction and myth function for human beings like a cognitive flight simulator—a kind of ancient virtual-reality technology that runs on the mind—by letting us mentally rehearse possible situations and outcomes, especially complex social and moral problems, so that we can refine our emotions, expectations, and strategies for action before we have to face similar challenges in real life.

Attributes of a Life Rooted in the Authentic Self

Rohr explains that a life rooted in the authentic self embraces difference and union. Existence initially embraces variety, subsequently unifying that diversity at progressively greater levels. Expanding what we include increases the expansiveness of our heaven. Excluding others increasingly makes life a more lonely, hellish experience.

(Shortform note: While Rohr’s advice to include others is generally good, it’s important to remember that some people and situations are harmful to us. If we don’t set boundaries, we can get stuck in abusive relationships and quietly destroy our own psychological health.)