PDF Summary:Can't Even, by Anne Helen Petersen

Many factors contribute to the widespread burnout experienced by millennials today. In Can't Even, Anne Helen Petersen examines millennial childhoods filled with structured activities building "résumé virtues" instead of self-discovery—priming them to measure self-worth through performance.

Petersen explores how the rise of the gig economy and demands for passionate work have left millennials feeling disillusioned, unable to find the promised stability of the middle class. She also describes how technology and social media blur boundaries between work and life, creating unrelenting pressure. With shifting economic and cultural values, technology's unforeseen impacts, and parenting styles focused on achievement above all else, burnout becomes pervasive.

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Pursuing advanced studies, however, involves stepping into an environment ripe for exploitation. Securing a sought-after position typically requires prior experience, which frequently means engaging in internships and various forms of "hope labor" that may offer minimal or no financial compensation. Many millennials, unable to afford working without pay, often had to bear the burden of engaging in years of unpaid or inadequately compensated work in addition to managing the substantial expenses associated with tuition.

Other Perspectives

• Some internships may offer non-monetary benefits such as college credit, training, and mentorship that can be equally valuable to monetary compensation.
• Advanced studies can also be seen as an investment in one's future, with the potential for high returns in the form of better job prospects and higher salaries.
• Some educational institutions offer co-operative education programs that integrate paid work experience with academic studies, challenging the notion that gaining experience for sought-after positions must be unpaid.
• There are also paid internships available in various sectors, which can help manage tuition expenses while still providing the necessary work experience.

The prevalent belief that following one's personal interests will result in financial stability has resulted in significant exploitation.

Millennials have long been encouraged by the adage "Pursue your passion and work will never feel like a chore." However, Petersen argues that this belief is essentially a snare that leads to exhaustion. Employers cleverly concealed the true nature of labor and the exploitation of employees by portraying the job as a quest for intense enthusiasm.

Employers took advantage of workers' enthusiasm by presenting job opportunities that seemed attractive but provided little in terms of pay, resulting in intense competition for these positions.

When companies no longer prioritize financial incentives as the primary driver for employment, they can intensify their expectations, diminish perks, and via their digital platforms or in-house messaging, depict meager wages and poor work environments as indicative of employee commitment. After the financial crisis, many millennials often ended up in attractive roles that provided minimal pay and did not include benefits. Businesses started to use distinctive branding on their websites and creative titles for jobs to draw in a diverse pool of eager applicants.

Other Perspectives

• Some workers may prioritize job satisfaction or the mission of the company over high pay, and employers may be catering to these preferences.
• In certain industries, the nature of the work or the prestige associated with a company can create intense competition, regardless of the financial incentives offered.
• Some businesses may highlight that they offer equity or stock options in lieu of high immediate pay, which could potentially lead to greater long-term wealth for employees if the company performs well.
• Employers may argue that meager wages are a result of economic constraints rather than a reflection of employee commitment.
• It's possible that the roles with minimal pay and no benefits were stepping stones for millennials, leading to better opportunities as they gained experience and skills.
• Distinctive branding and creative job titles may not necessarily be a tactic to attract applicants but could reflect a company's genuine effort to differentiate itself in a crowded market.

Millennials frequently perceive a lack of passion in their work as a personal shortcoming.

The pursuit of employment that ensures financial security or is deemed trendy frequently results in sensations of worry, doubt, and embarrassment. Petersen argues that from a young age, millennials have been ingrained with the belief that their identity is deeply intertwined with their work, resulting in the belief that dissatisfaction in their job reflects negatively not just on their professional path but equally on their inherent value.

Practical Tips

• Volunteer in a field that intrigues you. Choose a cause or organization that aligns with your values or interests and commit to a regular volunteering schedule. This hands-on experience can provide insight into what work feels meaningful to you and may reveal a path towards a career that aligns more closely with your passions.
• Create a "decision tree" for career choices that factors in more than just financial gain or trendiness. Start with your desired lifestyle and work backward, considering the types of jobs that support that lifestyle while also fulfilling you on a personal level. This visual tool can help you make more informed decisions that are less likely to lead to regret or embarrassment.

The continuous progression of digital technology and the omnipresence of social media have merged the boundaries of work and private life, amplifying the exhaustion felt by the younger generation.

The section of the book examines how the fusion of technology and social media with a cultural focus on ceaseless labor intensifies the challenges we face in valuing and engaging in periods of relaxation and free time.

Millennials are facing growing challenges in disconnecting from their work responsibilities due to the constant intrusion of smartphones and social media into their private time.

Petersen's examination delves deeper than the usual assertions regarding our reliance on digital tools. She argues that the problem does not stem from technology itself but from a prevailing ideology that promotes relentless pursuit of work productivity, which is a notion that technology perpetuates and upholds.

The architecture of applications is intentionally developed to foster an irresistible allure, promoting persistent interaction within the online world.

Smartphones and app developers have perfected the technique of engaging users, often leading to situations where users find themselves using their devices for longer periods than intended, as part of a strategy to profit from their attention. Petersen argues that these platforms are designed to captivate users for longer periods, which in turn boosts their revenue through the sale of targeted advertising spaces.

Other Perspectives

• The notion of "irresistible allure" is subjective and varies greatly among individuals; what is captivating for one user may not be for another, suggesting that the architecture is not universally irresistible.
• Applications may also be designed with user value in mind, focusing on providing services, solving problems, or enhancing productivity, rather than solely promoting persistent interaction.
• There is a growing trend of "digital wellness" in the tech industry, with some developers and companies actively promoting less screen time and more mindful use of technology.
• Users have agency and control over their actions, and many are aware of the addictive nature of apps and take steps to mitigate excessive use, such as setting time limits or using apps that track or restrict their usage.
• Some platforms operate on a subscription model rather than relying on advertising revenue, which means their profit is not directly tied to the amount of time users spend on the app but rather on the quality and value of the service provided.
• Regulatory pressures and public scrutiny are leading some companies to design their platforms with more ethical considerations in mind, which can include mechanisms to prevent excessive use.
• Increased user engagement can sometimes lead to ad saturation, where users become desensitized to ads, potentially decreasing the click-through rates and the overall effectiveness of advertising campaigns.

Millennials find their daily routines heavily intertwined with platforms like Slack, blurring the lines between work responsibilities and personal time.

Petersen illustrates how platforms like Slack, while intended to reduce email volume and encourage immediate communication, in fact sustain a standard where an excess of work is consistently anticipated. They facilitate the encroachment of work responsibilities into employees' personal time, promoting a culture of instant communication and blurring the line between professional and personal life, thereby amplifying the propensity to prolong the duration of work and intensify attempts to boost individual value.

Context

• Economic factors, such as job insecurity and the gig economy, may compel millennials to remain perpetually connected to work to demonstrate commitment and reliability.
• The use of Slack on personal devices means that work messages can intrude into personal time, making it difficult to disconnect and leading to longer working hours.
• The concept of work-life balance refers to the equilibrium between professional duties and personal activities, which can be disrupted by constant connectivity.
• Features like status updates and active indicators can pressure users to appear available and responsive at all times.
• The constant connectivity and expectation of immediate responses can lead to stress and anxiety, as employees strive to maintain a presence and prove their indispensability.

The unyielding pressure to maintain and enhance a perfect online persona exacerbates feelings of exhaustion.

The amalgamation of digital technologies, social media, and the drive for excellence ingrained in our millennial upbringing implies that every moment has the potential to be maximized to its theoretical limit. Petersen depicts a cycle of unending fatigue that stems from our relentless attempts to manage how we present ourselves, behave professionally, and assess our own achievements.

Social media cultivates a sense of inadequacy in millennials by constantly showcasing the most enviable moments of other people's lives.

Digital platforms for social engagement have transformed from mere glimpses into our private lives into arenas where we meticulously curate and exhibit an idealized version of our lives, often resulting in a sense of inadequacy when comparing ourselves to the seemingly successful lives of others in their professional and personal realms.

Practical Tips

• Start a weekly digital detox day to disconnect from social media and reconnect with the non-idealized aspects of life. Use this time to engage in activities that ground you in reality, such as gardening, reading physical books, or having face-to-face conversations. The goal is to appreciate life as it is, without the constant comparison to the highlight reels of others.
• Create a "Reality Check" album on your social media where you post unfiltered, everyday moments. This can include pictures of your workspace clutter, a meal that didn't turn out as expected, or candid shots showing real-life scenarios. This encourages a more authentic online presence and reminds others that behind every curated post, there's a normal life with its ups and downs.
• Develop a weekly "Behind the Scenes" series where you share the process behind your successes. Use stories or live video features to give a real-time look at the work you're doing, the challenges you're overcoming, and the milestones you're reaching. This can humanize your successes and make your journey relatable to others, potentially inspiring them to share their own experiences.

The compulsion to chronicle and broadcast our private experiences contributes to a reduction in authentic downtime and personal reflection.

In hopes of proving to ourselves and others that we’ve somehow managed to reach that elusive work/life balance, our leisure time is often spent in the service of curating and maintaining our online brand, rather than genuine enjoyment. As a result, we often neglect our personal health and the benefits of participating in authentic leisure activities that are separate from our compulsion to share them on different social media networks.

Practical Tips

• Start a private reflection journal where you record your thoughts and experiences solely for personal growth, not for sharing. This could be a physical notebook or a digital app that is kept secure and private. The act of writing without the intention to share can enhance personal reflection and provide a clearer sense of self.
• Schedule a "digital sunset" where you turn off all electronic devices at least one hour before bedtime to prioritize sleep and relaxation. By doing this, you create a buffer zone between your online activities and your sleep, which can improve sleep quality and overall health. For example, use this time to read a physical book, meditate, or prepare for the next day.

The evolution of parenting styles and educational methods has given rise to a generation that mirrors the traits of young adults, as well as the unique difficulties encountered by parents of the millennial era.

This section of the study guide delves into the way worries over the instability of middle-class existence influenced the childhood of millennials and the personal histories of the generation that raised them.

The upbringing of numerous individuals who grew up during the era of millennials was characterized by a relentless timetable and fierce rivalry, stemming from a parenting strategy referred to as "concerted cultivation."

Petersen suggests that the prevalent sense of exhaustion stems from the heightened emphasis on developing the abilities of young ones, driven by worries about their future successes and the pressure to exhibit outstanding parental skills. The strategy did not improve the capabilities of the young nor did it prepare them for the intricate journey into adult life. The expectation that they would intensify their endeavors and start their projects sooner consistently shaped and drained their vigor in their roles as members of the workforce.

Millennials grew up with the mindset that their value was intimately connected to their achievements and productivity levels.

Children raised in an era where parenting was intentionally purposeful often saw their self-concepts as deeply connected to their parents', who were motivated by personal economic concerns to mold children who would succeed in their pursuits. The achievements of the children were frequently seen as a testament to their parents' successes, rather than acknowledging these youths as separate beings forging their unique paths and tastes through free-form and imaginative activities.

Context

• The advent of the internet and social media created platforms where achievements could be publicly displayed and compared, intensifying pressure to perform and succeed.
• This era followed the economic prosperity of the post-World War II period, where there was a strong belief in upward mobility through hard work and achievement, influencing parenting philosophies.
• Parents often viewed their children's achievements as extensions of their own social status and identity, using their children's successes to enhance their own reputations within their communities.
• The self-help movement of the 1980s and 1990s emphasized personal success and self-improvement, influencing parenting styles to focus on developing children’s potential to achieve economic and personal success.
• Schools increasingly emphasized standardized testing and measurable outcomes, which reinforced the idea that success was quantifiable and directly linked to academic and extracurricular achievements.
• The rise of technology and digital media provided new forms of entertainment and learning, which sometimes replaced traditional imaginative play with more passive consumption of content.

The reduction of free time without structure and the emphasis on resume-building activities have led to a generation that finds it challenging to handle time without specific engagements.

Children brought up with this perspective frequently encountered an excess of structured engagements and heightened sensory input. Petersen argues that the leisure moments of these individuals, much like their scheduled "work" time during educational periods, were carefully orchestrated and supervised, replete with activities such as music lessons, sports teams, or college preparatory programs, instead of granting them the liberty to cultivate their autonomy and confidence through unplanned exploration.

Practical Tips

• Use a habit-tracking app to set reminders for engaging in short, structured activities throughout the day. You could set reminders to practice a language for 15 minutes, meditate for 10 minutes, or write in a journal for 5 minutes. These scheduled prompts help you to fill small pockets of free time with meaningful activities, reducing the overwhelm of unstructured time.
• You can create a "value vs. time" journal to assess the real impact of your activities on your goals. Start by tracking how you spend your time for a week, noting down each activity and rating its value towards your personal and professional goals on a scale of 1-10. At the end of the week, review your journal to identify low-value activities that you can reduce or eliminate to make room for more meaningful engagements.
• Implement a quiet hour in the evening where the household engages in silent activities like drawing, writing, or meditating. This not only provides a break from the noise and busyness of the day but also helps develop self-reflection and mindfulness skills.
• Create a leisure accountability group with friends or family members to help each other stick to your orchestrated leisure plans. Each person in the group shares their planned leisure activities for the week and checks in regularly to discuss progress and challenges. This could be done through a simple group chat or a weekly virtual meeting. For instance, if you planned to read a book for an hour on Wednesday, your group will expect you to share what you've read and your thoughts on it.
• Integrate leisure elements into your study routine by using gamification apps that turn learning tasks into games, rewarding you with points or levels for completing study sessions or achieving goals. For example, you could use a language learning app that feels like playing a game but helps you build vocabulary and grammar skills.
• Implement a 'skill-swap' system within your community or network. Offer to teach someone a skill you possess (like baking, basic yoga, or simple car maintenance) in exchange for them teaching you something new. This barter system encourages learning and social interaction, and it can be done on a flexible schedule that fits into your existing free time.
• You can foster your autonomy by setting aside "exploration days" where you have no plans and allow your curiosity to guide you. Start by choosing one day a month where you clear your schedule. During this time, follow your instincts—whether it leads you to a new part of town, a book you've been meaning to read, or a hobby you've wanted to try. The key is to make no plans and let your interests spontaneously dictate your actions.

Millennial generation parents contend with immense pressure and standards that are impossible to meet, leading to fatigue, resentment, and an uneven distribution of domestic duties.

Child-rearing does not occur in isolation from the wider community. It exists in a world where many of the institutions that helped support previous generations of parents are in decline, or even nonexistent.

The exorbitant expenses associated with childcare and the absence of communal backing for parents have compelled numerous mothers to alter their career paths.

Economic pressures have compelled a shift to a framework in which the necessity for dual-income households is prevalent, yet society has failed to adjust to this change, a situation that Anne Petersen vividly illustrates. Working parents, particularly mothers, face a contradictory and impossible set of expectations: they must offer attentive and loving care, attain career accomplishments, maintain immaculate homes, participate in personal hobbies, enjoy leisure time, and manage the online representation of their family life in a way that earns esteem and approval from others. The challenge of juggling parental responsibilities grows when access to economical childcare or adaptable work schedules is unattainable, particularly when domestic tasks are unevenly shared.

Context

• Many countries lack comprehensive family support policies, such as paid parental leave and affordable childcare, which forces both parents to work to cover these gaps privately.
• The rising cost of living, including housing, education, and healthcare, has made it increasingly difficult for families to rely on a single income. This economic pressure has necessitated the move towards dual-income households to maintain a middle-class lifestyle.
• The pressure to meet these conflicting expectations can have significant mental health implications, leading to anxiety, depression, and burnout among working mothers.
• Platforms like Instagram and Facebook amplify pressure by showcasing curated images of perfect family lives, leading to unrealistic standards for parents to emulate.
• The cost of childcare has risen significantly over the past few decades, often outpacing inflation and wage growth, making it a substantial financial burden for many families.
• Traditionally, domestic tasks have been seen as the responsibility of women due to historical gender roles, which have persisted despite more women entering the workforce.

Fathers often do not take on a fair share of parenting responsibilities, perpetuating an imbalance within the household dynamic.

Petersen argues that although there is a growing recognition of women's crucial contributions to the labor force, our social framework still assumes the presence of a person committed exclusively to household chores, which is a scenario that has become increasingly rare in the current economic environment. Fathers are taking on more childcare responsibilities, but the imbalance in sharing domestic tasks frequently results in their partners feeling overburdened and developing feelings of resentment.

Practical Tips

• Develop a "Parenting Contribution Jar" where each parent adds a token for every parenting task they complete. This visual representation can help both parents see their contributions and encourage a more balanced approach. If one parent's tokens are outnumbering the other's, it's a clear sign to reassess the division of labor.
• Start a rotating chore schedule to ensure everyone participates in household management. Write down all the chores that need to be done weekly and assign them to household members on a rotating basis. This way, each person gains an appreciation for the full range of work required to maintain the home and prevents the burden from falling on one individual.
• Encourage equal participation in meetings by implementing a "pass the mic" rule where everyone, regardless of gender, is given the opportunity to speak and contribute ideas. Keep track of who is contributing in meetings and actively invite input from women who may be less vocal. This practice ensures diverse perspectives are heard and valued, fostering a more inclusive work culture.
• Develop a personal reward system for meeting your childcare goals to reinforce your commitment to being an active father. Set specific, measurable objectives for your involvement in your child's life, such as reading bedtime stories a certain number of nights per week or attending a set number of school events. Reward yourself with something meaningful when you hit these targets, like a special outing with your child or a personal treat, to keep yourself motivated.